Squirrel Friends
by your-street-serenade
Summary: Kurt and Santana are RuPaul's Drag Race super fans, and no one can convince me otherwise. Set during Season 2.
1. Chapter 1

**Hey Squirrel Friends!**

 **This is a thing that I had to write because I couldn't get the idea out of my head. Mostly because I'm obsessed with RPDR and no one can convince me that Kurt and Santana wouldn't be super fans of the show. Like, remember Season 4 when they bonded over The Facts of Life? Those nerds would totally be all about Drag Race.**

 **Also we all know Naya is a fan because she guest judged and I want to say I remember Heather posting an Insta story a long time ago about catching up on episodes and Chris is more than likely a fan because I follow a lot of queens on Insta and I always see Chris liking their pics before I do.**

 **Just a heads up though, I don't know how enjoyable this fic will be without having a certain knowledge of RPDR. There's lot of jokes and easter eggs that won't really make sense if you're not a part of the fandom. This is going to be a Kurt/Santana friendship fic but there will be Brittana too. ;)**

X

Junior year was supposed to be Santana's year. She had it all planned out.

She had led the Cheerios to a national title the previous year when Quinn had gotten preggo and had been promptly kicked off the squad. Still riding from that high Santana was certain that she could lead the squad to another title and with that in the bag, not to mention having Coach Sue doing her bidding, she would surely land a cheerleading scholarship and finally get a ticket out of that nowhere cowtown. Sure, slumming it in glee club didn't exactly do her any favors but it was worth it. Mostly.

She was a national championship winner, a proven leader, not to mention a totally hot piece of ass. She was going to rule Mckinley and make the school year her bitch.

That was the plan anyway.

But no.

On her first day as a junior the rug had been pulled out from under her and she was told she was being kicked down to the bottom of the pyramid thanks to Q, who had since squirted out her bastard baby and was suddenly intent on taking back her thrown.

Whatever.

That was definitely a setback but one she was certain she could work around. She knew Quinn was an ambitious little bitch which okay Santana actually respected, but she also knew for a fact that Quinn wasn't as hungry for it as she was. Santana was used to working to get what she wanted, but Quinn? That girl had been handed everything to her on a plate. She had no idea how to wage a real war and if that's what Quinn wanted, that's what Quinn was going to get Santana had decided.

At least she still had Brittany though. Brittany would always choose her.

Or well, so Santana thought anyway.

It was shortly after losing her spot at the top of the pyramid that Santana lost Brittany too.

To be completely honest she never saw that one coming and when it did it hurt like a motherfucker. It was like someone bitch slapped her heart and then proceeded to pee all over it or something.

She had treated Brittany like her personal squeaky toy one too many times and by the time Santana got her head out of her ass and realized why she was so scared of her own feelings, Brittany had went and found herself in a relationship with someone else.

Freaking Artie.

So that was a thing that happened.

Brittany had told her in not so many words that she wasn't going to be having sex with her anymore because she wanted to try the whole emotionally open and honest relationship thing. So. She and Brittany were in a a super strange place together now. A non naked place, and that was nowhere Santana Lopez wanted to be.

It sucked. And not in the way she usually enjoyed.

And so with no captain title and no Brittany, Santana spent the first several months of her junior year indulging in some of her other favorite activities and hobbies. The usual. General mayhem and chaos, occasional theft and damage to property, normal teenage girl things. In between all of that she also managed to wreak a little havoc within the glee club. Dropping bombs on Finn and Rachel, not to mention Sam and Quinn. But when it was all said and done she did find herself losing her appetite for destruction shortly after she s _ort of maybe kind of_ got her ass beat by Zizes. Literally. After that she had to take a really long and hard look at herself - as well as her fabulous yet slightly bruised butt - and figure out how to get her crap back together.

She started spending most of her nights in. She didn't have the squad anymore which in turn meant she didn't have a crazy diet regime or work out routine to worry about which resulted in a lot more sitting around time. Netflix and the Breadstix delivery person pretty much became her best friends. Her parents may or may have not found her crying into a bag of take out on one or two occasions and she may or may have not have sobbed and snotted all over herself on one specific evening when the delivery person accidentally gave her a serving of fettuccine with shrimp which of course only served to remind her of Brittany _because Brittany loved shrimp_. She also may or may have not eaten that serving of shrimp on her bedroom floor as some kind of testament to her hopeless and devoted longing for the blonde. Or whatever.

It was pretty pathetic and for the first time it really dawned on her. She had nothing and no one. Mostly thanks to her own petty ass behavior but like, _still_.

That's how it was for awhile. Netflix and Breadstix. Breadstix and Netflix. There was no _Netflix and chill_ , it was actually more like _Netflix and sob_. Until one life altering night when she just happened to be mindlessly scrolling through her menu looking for something, anything, that spoke to her _and it was then that the gay gods above looked down upon her and delivered her to salvation!_

She found Rupaul's Drag Race.

She wasn't sure what it was about the series or why it was but it somehow spoke to her. It came to her when she had needed something like that the most. Not only had it provided her a good distraction and a good laugh for that matter, it had in some ways given her a sort of hope, to see these larger than life personalities on TV being their true and authentic selves and being embraced for it.

She fell in love with the show and it's humor and message. Sure, maybe she didn't have any friends and maybe she didn't have Brittany, but at least she had this. This ''silly'' TV show that made her smile and made her forget, but most of all, made her realize there was a big giant world out there outside of Lima, Ohio just waiting for her to take a bite out of it.

It was a sort of comfort.

It was also, she quickly discovered, wildly popular. Through Tumblr and Reddit she discovered how wonderfully rabid the Drag Race fandom was. It was huge and ever growing and _young_. Sure there were adult fans but the majority of the people out there blogging, podcasting,making fanart and fanvids were people her age. It opened this incredible new door where everyone was gay or, like, gay-adjacent.

And the queens? She fell in love with the queens. What truly set this show apart from other reality tv was the fact that the show served as a launching pad for queens to begin their own empires. Each season had a winning queen that walked away with a cash prize but even defeated queens would walk off the show scoring record deals or modeling contracts, others would parlay their time on the show into TV hosting gigs or a successful Youtube series, and even the queens who didn't manage any of that still found themselves in demand, launching their very own worldwide tours. Now granted most of straight America wouldn't consider the queens to be household names but to the Drag Race fandom they were legit celebs. Latrice Royale! Raven! Raja! Also, she definitely found herself feeling a little Latin solidarity with Yara Sophia and Alexis Mateo, Puerto Rican pride and all that. Of course come season four she found herself feeling a strange almost cosmic connection to Willam who possessed a certain kind of bitch magic she had to admire.

But unlike most celebrities they didn't feel so far away, or rather, to Santana they didn't feel so different from her. In small but profound ways she felt connected to them as she binged her way through the seasons and then made her way through Untucked and from there found Raja and Raven's Fashion Photo Ruview series and then from there found herself going down the Youtube rabbit hole of Ru girl compilation videos. Drag Race was the gift that kept on giving. Even when the show wasn't in production you could still follow your favorite queens on social media, watch their videos of behind the scenes hijinks on the road or simply check out their Instagrams to see what they had for breakfast. Her favorites of course were the make up tutorials. She was woman enough to admit that she could learn a lot from a queen.

So, okay, it turned into a little bit of a hyper fixation but at least it was a relatively healthy harmless one she told herself. It was something to do and something to enjoy until she figured the rest of her life out, until she found a way to maybe mend a few friendships and maybe just maybe get Brittany back.

Drag Race was this special thing and she was pretty certain no one she knew had even heard of it.

That is until one eventful day in glee.

The club was gearing up for another completely unnecessary and overly elaborate performance when a heated debate took place between Kurt and Rachel about something or other. Santana hadn't really been paying attention to their conversation in the middle of the room. She was too busy filing her nails to really listen to what they were squawking about. All she knew was that when Kurt and Rachel went in on each other they sounded like angry gay seagulls. At least Kurt did anyway. She hadn't exactly known what their disagreement was over but it looked like it had seriously ruffled Kurt's feathers. Literally. Kurt walked into class that day wearing some kind of weird ass feathered hat.

Normally Santana would've thrown out some sly remark about how both of them were making her ears bleed but she was trying to turn a new leaf and be A Good Guy now so she sat there silently as she watched it all go down.

And that's when she heard it.

''You know what Rachel? _You'll never be glamour_.''

And Santana just about snorted.

Did he just-

'' _You. Are. Not. That. Kind. Of. Girl_ ,'' Kurt added pointedly and calmly with a hand on his hip.

''What does that even mean?'' Rachel asked, scrunching up her face in confusion.

'' _Everything I've had I've worked for and I've built myself and I need you to know that one hundred percent. Because I am what? Sickening._ _'_ ' Kurt added, his eyes smug, playful and yet also cryptic as he recited one of the most iconic monologues from Drag Race.

''Alright, alright, everyone settle down,'' Mr. Schue walked over and attempted to diffuse the bickering, waving both Rachel and Kurt off to take a seat on the steps. ''Now as for today's lesson…''

Rachel shrunk in her seat, folding her arms and looking properly admonished. Kurt however crossed his legs elegantly and preened, head held high for some unknown reason.

Beside him in her seat Santana had to smirk.

So maybe she wasn't the only closet Drag Race fan in this town but there was only one way to be sure.

'' _I was channeling Leigh Bowery today_ ,'' Santana said, sounding random as hell to everyone else except to Kurt.

Kurt slowly turned his head towards her with a look of delight and awe. He stared at her unblinking for several quiet moments as if reading something from her eyes and her smirk. It was then that she knew and it was then that he knew.

In each other they had found a fellow super fan.

They shared something.

'' _Girl, it was camp_ _,_ '' Kurt replied, finishing the iconic Drag Race exchange.

And the rest you could say was _herstory_.

X

This new realization that she and Kurt actually shared something didn't exactly magically make them best pals or anything but there was something there that shifted between them. A common understanding. A subtle nod.

They didn't really talk about it. Santana certainly didn't just walk up to him and announce herself as a fangirl. Santana played it cool and Kurt surprisingly did as well which she appreciated, not that she considered the show to be a guilty pleasure exactly. She wasn't embarrassed that she watched it. It was more the fact that Drag Race was her Special Thing and she kind of liked keeping it all to herself, but there was another part of her, a bigger part of her that desperately itched to have someone to talk to about it. Sure she followed and chatted with a bunch of fans online, even going so far as to create an account on Reddit (they had the best spoilers okay?) but still, she couldn't help but be intrigued with the idea of getting to share this with someone _she knew_.

Someone she, like, cared about.

Not that they were friends or whatever but she didn't hate him entirely. He was more than mildly annoying and eye roll worthy most of the time sure, but as far as her fellow glee clubbers went he was one of the few that she didn't feel the urge to throttle 24/7.

So as if testing out the water they started playing this unspoken game in glee club that lasted for several weeks. Each day one of them would slyly drop a famous Drag Race catchphrase into their conversations in the choir room. It would of course go over everyone's heads but it was amusing to share this inside joke together in this secret covert way.

One day Santana tells Sam to _''go back to Party City where you belong!''_ to the total and complete befuddlement of the entire glee club, but she catches Kurt laughing inwardly to himself, and it's worth it. The next day when Finn is arranging sheet music on top of the black shiny surface of the piano Kurt approaches him and asks _''may I call you Jiggly?''_. No one is witness to the exchange except Santana who grins in approval at his use of the iconic Season 4 line. A few days later when Mr. Schue gives them another one of his intense 'guys, we need to be a cohesive team or we stand no chance in our next competition!' speeches that's meant to silence and reprimand the entire club, Santana eventually breaks the silence by looking their teacher straight in the eye and calmly stating _''your tone seems very pointed right now.''_

No one has any idea of course about the significance of the phrases but each time they get away with it they shoot these really pleased expressions at each other from across the room. It kind of feels nice and a little bit like she's not alone. It goes on for some time until she figures one of them is going to have to do something to move this along already.

For months the internet and the fandom had been buzzing with anticipation over the season 5 premiere of Drag Race and her previous plans had been to stay in, order Breadstix and watch it alone, but then this thing with Kurt happened and well, that changed things. Sure she could watch and enjoy it by herself but if she was going to be watching and if Kurt was going to be watching then, well, why not watch it together, right? It's not like she was looking for friendship. She just thought it might be a little less pathetic if she had someone to watch the show with. But since she was Santana Lopez she couldn't exactly just be open and honest about what she wanted because, well, openness and honesty were still foreign concepts to her.

She was going to have to be tricky about this she concluded.

''Yo Hummel I need your notes today from Spanish,'' she announced that Monday evening when she found herself knocking on Kurt's door.

Kurt looked startled at first to see her at his house but that soon gave way to confusion. ''And you couldn't get them from someone else,'' he asked, clearly toying with her. ''Say Quinn for instance.''

Santana lifted a shoulder in nonchalance. ''Quinn's pissed at me at the moment so I'd really rather not go grovelling to her. She's still mad about that whole me giving her mono on purpose thing. Also I slept with like two of her boytoys this year. If I go anywhere near Fabray I risk a slap to the face and clearly I don't want to risk this work of art.'' She made a theatrical little wave to her facial features.

''And Brittany?''

''Brittany's busy,'' Santana said, lying. In truth she and Brittany weren't exactly speaking to each other anymore but she wasn't going to let that bit of information slide. Brittany had tried to of course but Santana's pride kept her from having any more weepy conversations about the state of their (non) relationship. Getting her ass rejected once was quite enough. '''Look are you gonna give them to me or not? I know you always take notes, especially in Spanish because you like to be all cultured and crap and I really need them, I'm failing that class.''

''But aren't you fluent in Spanish?''

 _Damn._ She hadn't thought this out at all. Why couldn't she have said she needed notes for English. Ugh to the ugh.

''But if you really need them I suppose,'' Kurt said, stepping aside to open his door further and grant her entrance. ''They're down in my bedroom though.''

She wrinkled up her nose and made some displeased face as if _he_ was the one inconveniencing _her._ ''Whatever.''

Still she silently followed him through the Hummel residence and down into his beautifully decorated basement bedroom. It was her first time seeing it in person, although she was already somewhat familiar with the space. In his infinite fabulousness Kurt had enlisted Tina and Brittany as his backup dancers, the three of them had once reenacted and recorded themselves doing the Single Ladies dance complete with identical costumes and everything. Santana had watched their fan made video more times than she could count because Brittany in a skin tight black leotard and heels? Yeah _that_ did it for her. Best believe she had that video bookmarked.

She watched Kurt sift through his satchel for several moments as she took in the rest of the place. He had a neat little sitting area with a couch and a coffee table where he had a couple of trays filled with fancy looking appetizers, there was also a giant flat screen on the opposite wall that was muted on the Logo network. He was definitely preparing to for his own private Drag Race watch party.

''So were you expecting somebody?'' she asked knowing full well he wasn't.

He paused what he was doing and studied her for a moment before shaking his head. ''No. I was just about to sit down and watch some TV.''

''TV huh…'' Santana said, still very much trying to play it casual and not give herself away.

''Yeah. My favorite show comes on tonight. New season.''

She made a small thoughtful noise. She knew that he knew what she was doing but like hell was she just going to admit that. ''Mm.''

He looked at her like she was a wild little alley cat who he was trying to offer a saucer of milk. He had that look in his eyes like he feared being clawed to death if he made the wrong move or said the wrong thing. ''You know...if you want you could join me.''

''Join you?'' she asked, forcing a snotty little laugh in his direction. An invitation is what she wanted but she couldn't be obvious about it. ''I have better things to do, Lady Hummel.''

''Must you with the Lady Hummel?''

''Madam Hummel?''

''If you're going to be obnoxious nevermind. I was trying to be kind but I should've known such gestures are wasted on you. I only asked because I accidentally made more hor d'oeuveres than I meant to so I have plenty. My dad's taste palette isn't as sophisticated as mine so god knows he won't finish them off. Plus I just bought a new case of my favorite bottled ginger ale. You'd love it, it's really quite crisp.''

''Do you ever get tired of being this white?''

''Like I said, _nevermind_.'' Kurt gave her a tight smile and held out a small folder towards her. His notes.

Even though she was secretly pleased with his offer she grumbled outwardly. She had to make a show of it after all. ''Ohmygod, fine whatever god, if you're gonna make a big freaking deal about it I'll hang out for awhile and watch your stupid show with you.''

She briskly swiped his notebook from his hand and then proceeded to march herself over to the couch where she quickly made herself comfortable, sinking into the cushions.

''So what are we watching?'' she asked as if she didn't already know.

''What are we watching?'' he repeated as he scampered over to take a seat at her side. ''Only the greatest television show to ever exist.''

He pressed a button to unmute his TV as the oh so familiar theme began to play.

 _Ru-Ru-Ru-Rupaul's Drag Race! Start your engines! Ru-Ru-Ru-Rupaul's Drag Race! May the best woman-best woman win!_

X

Their first episode together was a little awkward.

Santana made the point of trying _not_ to show too much excitement and every few moments she would sneak a peek over at Kurt to make sure he wasn't watching her. Thankfully he was way too engaged with the season premiere to pay her any mind so she was able to relax after a couple of commercial breaks.

''Didn't think you'd be into this show,'' she said during one break as she watched him stand and fetch them two cold bottles of ginger ale from a little mini fridge near his desk. He handed her one and sat himself back down, except this time he positioned himself at an angle in order to face her.

''Why do you say that?''

''I don't know, you got all uppity when Mr. Schue's suggested you play Frank N. Furter when we did Rocky Horror earlier this year. I just figured.''

''For the record I wasn't balking at the role itself, but Mr. Schue was under the false assumption - just like most straight people - that all gay men have some secret desire to dress up in women's clothes. I enjoy fashion but that doesn't mean I want to don a wig and heels. I personally don't want to perform drag however I can certainly appreciate it as an artform.''

She nodded in acceptance of that and felt a pang of guilt. She had kind of been an ass to him about that Frank N. Furter thing that day in the choir room. Then again she'd been an ass to him plenty of times before that.

''So how long have you been a fan?'' he asked.

She blinked unevenly. She took a breathe and stalled for a long moment. ''I don't know if I'd call myself a fan. Like sure I've seen all of the seasons and I follow all of the queens on Twitter and Glamazon is totally my ringtone and I lowkey think Phi Phi O'Hara is the kind of evil I could only wish to aspire to be but fan? Puh.'' She let out a strange false laugh that didn't do her any favors.

''Santana.''

''What?''

''Today in glee you told Tina she needed to _sashay away_ after she gave a rather pedestrian performance.''

''She did!''

''You told Rachel she was a _booger queen_ last week.''

''I stand by that statement.''

''The week before that I heard you tell Finn _I pity you for the face you have_.''

''What, his face makes him look like he's always taking a dump.''

''Half of your insults and burns are from Drag Race. You have more than just a cursory knowledge of the show which leads me to believe you're more than a casual viewer. You're invested.''

"Invested is a strong word. I wouldn't say I was invested,'' she scoffed. ''Why are you trying to make this a thing? So we like the same show. Don't get any ideas about us turning into besties over here. _This ain't Rupaul's Best Friend Race_."

"You just quoted the show again!" he hollered through laughter. He clearly wasn't buying her bull. ''It's okay you know, for us to share something I mean. I won't tell anyone you're a fangirl.''

She relaxed at that. ''You won't?''

He shook his head and gave her a half shrug. ''Who would believe me?''

Still slightly unsure of that she went silent. Instead of responding she opened up her beverage and took a quick sip, swallowing it down slowly. ''This is some fancy ass ginger ale by the way.''

''Thanks,'' he said, delighting at Santana's version of a compliment.

When the show came back on he unmuted the tv and together they silently resumed watching, except this time she stopped checking to make sure he wasn't watching her watch the show.

She had bigger secrets in her closet anyway.

''Can I just say, Lineysha Sparx really should've won the mini challenge AND the main challenge.'' Kurt held his hand up in the air and waved it around a little bit as if he were in a church service.

Santana squinted as if in great thought. ''I agree about the mini challenge but Roxxxy really brought it on her runway and deserved the main challenge win. If Roxxxy didn't win though it should've went to Alaska. I mean that trash bag gown!''

''Okay that was amazingly unique I will say that. That Serena Cha Cha needs to cha cha her ass out of there already though.''

''Right?!'' Santana almost shouted, so thankful to have one of them finally say it. ''Penny Tration's runway was a little sloppy and unpolished but at least Penny doesn't make me want to throw something at the tv like Serena!''

''But Serena's runway was just as sloppy and unpolished as Penny's, if not more so. At least Penny was trying. Serena's was just tragic and-''

''SHUT UP FOOL IT'S TIME FOR ELIMINATION!'' Santana forced a throw pillow onto Kurt's face which he promptly slapped away.

'' _The time has come for you to lip sync for your life,''_ RuPaul announces on the tv, addressing the two bottom queens for the week. _''Good luck...and don't fuck it up.''_

Santana and Kurt both hold their breath as Serena Cha Cha and Penny Tration take to the main stage for their lip sync face off. They watch as Penny starts off with promise but mid way through the song it becomes clear that she doesn't know all the words. Penny does that old drag queen trick of turning around to distract from the fact and that's when Serena turns her performance up and sort of delivers though not really. In the end Ru tells Penny to sashay away leaving Serena in the competition for one more week.

''That was some kind of bull,'' Santana grumbles.

''They probably want to keep Serena because she's entertaining. Annoying but entertaining.''

''It's why we keep you in the glee club.''

Kurt laughed at her joke and she couldn't help but join him.

It was new. It was different. It was...not entirely horrible spending time with him. She got to fill herself up on his weird food and fancy drinks and had a few laughs. Kurt it turned out really knew his Drag Race and was just as eager to engage. At the end of the evening when he's walking her back up to the front door they're still talking about the lip sync, totally engrossed about how it all went down between the queens during the Miley Cyrus song. She doesn't even realize it when it comes out of her mouth.

''You know Party In the USA is like Brittany's favorite karaoke jam,'' Santana sighed, smiling at nothing. ''It's like the most Brittany song ever. I keep telling her to do it in glee but...''

When she catches Kurt tilt his head in sympathy, that's when she knows she's probably said more than she should. She and Brittany didn't exactly have some big public break up or anything but a few of the more observant glee club members had definitely noticed the new and strange rift between the two of them. Kurt, Mercedes and Tina definitely knew, not to mention Artie.

Freaking Artie.

''I mean...whatever,'' she sputtered, trying to play it off.

Kurt nodded and tossed her a sad little look. ''You know you should come over next Monday. We can watch the next episode.''

Santana's cheek twitched. ''I don't need your pity you know. Just because Brittany and I aren't hanging out anymore doesn't mean I'm desperate for company or whatever, okay Hummel? So you can stop giving me that pathetic little head tilt. Don't feel sorry for me, alright. Feel sorry for your sallow complexion.''

Kurt didn't miss a beat. ''Next Monday it is then?''

She shrunk in place. ''Yeah.''

''See you tomorrow in glee club, Santana.''

He opened the door for her and made a gentlemanly wave towards it. She gave him a nod and walked out though not before turning around to face him one last time.

''Hey Kurt...thanks for….''

He raised his eyebrows in waiting. ''For?''

''For, you know….?''

''For letting you borrow my Spanish notes?'' he said, even though the Spanish notes were long forgotten downstairs in his bedroom.

''Yeah for letting me borrow your Spanish notes,'' she said, coughing slightly to avoid showing any emotions resembling vulnerability. She tended to think that emotions were for ugly people.

''You're welcome.''

He gave her a small tight smile before he closed the door.

By the time she got home that night her parents were both asleep and her house was quiet and for the first time in a long time she didn't automatically feel like crawling into her bed and cocooning herself in the blankets and drowning in her own tears.

Hanging out with Kurt was kind of fun.

Not as fun as Brittany but, who was.

Still it was something. Goofing around and laughing with him made her forget about what a mess she was, if only for a night. That was something. Maybe not friendship, but something. And that something made her feel like she wasn't alone. At least not entirely.

That night when she gets under the covers she feels like a tiny weight has been lifted off of her.

This could be a good thing she thinks as she grabs her phone from her bedside table and shoots off a text.

 _Santana: you should get on Reddit they give the best RPDR spoilers._

 _Kurt: bitch I've been on Reddit, where have you been? Have you read that thread about the Alyssa/Coco beef?_

 _Santana: yeah. I'm Team Alyssa by the way._

 _Kurt: Same!_

 _Santana: btw do not click on the thread about Jade Jolie doing nazi porn_

 _Kurt: why would I click on that thread?_

 _Kurt: also what is nazi porn?_

 _Kurt: nevermind I don't even want to know_

 _Santana: go the fuck to sleep lol_

X

 **More to come... :)**


	2. Chapter 2

**Okay I told myself I wasn't going to touch this fic until I had You Instead in the bag but then today someone messaged me through Tumblr and told me that Chris Colfer was going to be guest judging on Drag Race All Stars 3, and it made my heart happy.** **I mean to have two of my favorite shows, Glee and Drag Race collide like that just as I was starting this fic in which Kurt and Santana bond over being super fans, pretty awesome.** **Naya was on Season 9 and now Chris? It's official now. Chris and Naya really are squirrel friends. Which is awesome.**

 **Speaking of awesome I want to thank you readers. I was really surprised by the love and support I got for this story. I wasn't sure how enjoyable it would be to non RPDR fans but it means so much that people gave it a chance and got some laughs out of it anyway. So thank you, squirrel friends.**

 **Anyhow, to celebrate the announcement of CC being a guest judge I had to write up a quick new chapter.**

X

It took them a handful of episodes to find their groove but they somehow managed to figure it out.

Gradually it just became a given that on Drag Race night Santana would show up on Kurt's doorstep.

The first few times she still put up a front about needing to borrow sheet music or needing his answers on a homework assignment but eventually that falls away. She more or less acted as if she had somewhere else to be, playing it all cool and casual like as they made their way in the front entrance but the minute they both retreated down the steps into his bedroom basement it was almost like she was a lizard, shedding her tough scaly skin to become something new, something vibrant.

Kurt noticed that a part of her seemed to relax and slowly, slowly open up when it was just the two of them in that space. Santana still managed to throw out the occasional barbed zinger in his direction but the more time they spend together the more Kurt understood that it was Santana's way of deflecting from the fact that she was obviously enjoying his company. He quickly gathered that it wasn't that she didn't want him getting too comfortable with this new development between them, but rather she didn't want _herself_ getting too comfortable.

Either way, it was pointless because she did. Get comfortable that is.

It was amusing for him to see her get all heart clutchy when someone gave a really good lip sync or when someone she was rooting for was told to sashay away but what really impressed him was when she moved past making silly bitchy chit chat and started having playful but very passionate conversations with him.

Kurt had always fancied himself as a slightly more knowledgeable fan because he had done his homework about the history and culture of drag. Drag itself wasn't just a complex and fascinating artform and it wasn't just entertainment either, it was political. Drag was a statement, drag was protest. He'd watched enough and read enough to know that most of of the pioneers and activists that lead the way for LGBTQ rights were drag queens, along with trans women and men. Drag had always meant something. Drag was about freedom of expression, drag was about challenging the establishment. While Drag Race could make you laugh, certain parts of the show worked to highlight issues within the LGBTQ community simply by letting the contestants be themselves in front of the camera and talk about their lives and experiences.

Kurt loved Drag Race because it was seriously addictive reality TV, but he also loved it because of its message and significance.

At first when they started these little get togethers he had just assumed Santana enjoyed the show because she enjoyed the drama of the lip syncs and eliminations but it didn't take him long to figure out how real and genuine her fondness for the queens and the show went. Because what it meant to him, it also meant to her. It was during these intense conversations during the commercial breaks that he learned that she understood and appreciated drag on that same profound level.

Drag was about being fearless and he supposed that deep down that's something they both strived to be. Watching the queens confidentiality owning who they were on screen was something to aspire to. One could learn a lot from a good queen.

Santana was obviously connected to the show he realized, and since Kurt had always felt connected to it as well it almost began to feel like they were perhaps connected _to each other_.

It was surprising, but at the same time not.

As episodes rolled by they found their rhythm together.

Sometimes he gave in and instead of making their appetizers for their evening in he'd let her order them both take out from Breadstix, which Kurt could take or leave. It was the gesture that counted after all, although he learned very quickly to keep his hands off the breadsticks because she liked to hog them for herself.

Occasionally then too, she would take to snooping in his belongings, mostly his medicine cabinet, helping herself to his cosmetics. He was annoyed at first but relaxed a bit when she in turn began to bring over selections of facial scrubs and creams she herself had been accumulating. It appeared that both of them really loved trying different new beauty products. There were several Drag Race nights where they took to testing out facial masks, putting them on at the beginning of their evening. Sometimes depending on the brand they would get varying results. They'd done it enough times that they started taking to _Tooting or Booting_ the products in his bathroom mirror after the end of the show and at the end of the night.

There were even nights where instead of rushing off after the Drag Race episode she would hang out for a little while longer, gently sifting through his vintage Vogue magazines. She bitched when he insisted she wear gloves when she handled the really rare issues, but it was a harmless kind of bitching that he began to sort of enjoy because he got the feeling it came from a place of affection.

One of their favorite things to do of course was re-enact all of the great, classic Drag Race scenes. They could effortlessly recite Tyra and Tatianna's famous clash behind the scenes. Kurt really prided himself in his Tatianna impression. Of course they felt the one scene they were at their best at was the even more famous _Shangela vs Mimi Imfurst fight_. They didn't do it often, mostly because they could never agree on who got to play act Shangela and who had to play act Mimi. Neither of them ever wanted to be Mimi. Every time they tried to do it they would just end up bickering about who got to be who and in the end Santana would always just end up calling Kurt a _''Judy Jetson hooker''_ for the rest of the day.

And while he could usually construct and plan his outfits for the week on his own she had even allowed him to model a few new garments he wasn't entirely sure about. She rolled her eyes at about 75% of his clothing selections but it was still nice to have something like this with someone.

But whatever it was that was growing between them (she was still wary about calling it a friendship) as much as they were enjoying it, as much fun as they were having together, it didn't entirely translate to the choir room.

They didn't talk about Drag Race in glee or at their lockers or even at lunch.

In fact they never really had lunch together as Kurt usually sat with Tina, Mike and Mercedes. After he discovered their Drag Race connection he had floated an invitation, inviting Santana along to sit with them but she had declined it cooly. He knew her well enough at that point not to push her towards it. Being friends with him behind closed doors was one thing but out in the open Santana still had a reputation she was clasping onto, or trying to anyway. Strangely he wasn't really hurt by her distance when they were at school.

He got the feeling that she was working through something. He of all people could understand and appreciate that. While things were still far from perfect now that he had Blaine things were a lot easier.

It was clear to him that Santana didn't have support like that, or at least not anymore.

At least since she and Brittany seemed to be spending less and less time together he realized.

He really didn't understand what was going on until one night. It was another Drag Race evening of course and she had been over. The two of them had been having a friendly debate.

Kurt tended to root for queens with a flare for comedy and theatrics. He really liked a queen with quirks and a certain kind of wit. His queens couldn't just be pretty, he wanted them to be smart. He didn't mind if they were slightly unpolished as long as they brought a truly unique personality to the table. Santana however didn't necessarily mind comedy or theater queens but she tended to love fashion queens, queens who could serve serious and fierce looks. She was about the aesthetic, more so than performance. This of course meant their favorite queens were often pitted against each other on the show. It didn't necessarily cause any real tension between them but it did make for some interesting exchanges.

''I'm just saying,'' Santana started, speaking with a mouth full of popcorn as she and Kurt sat once again in his basement bedroom. ''I don't get Jinkx Monsoon. Is she entertaining? Yes. No denying that. But can she serve it on the runway? No freaking way.''

''I'm not saying her runways are flawless! She definitely has room to evolve in that regard. What I'm saying is that in terms of personality she's giving it in a way no other contestant has this season. She won Snatch Game for goodness sake!''

''But you know who else performed well in Snatch Game? Roxxxy! Roxxxy who has consistently delivered stunning looks! Do I even need to talk about her wig reveal?! I think not, Kurt, I think fucking not!''

''Agree to disagree.''

They gave each other a single nod as they turned their attention back to the TV screen. Things were about to get real in _Untucked_. _Untucked_ of course was Rupaul's Drag Race after show that aired right after the episode. It featured the queens talking smack and strategy backstage during filming and while the actual series was a competition, Untucked was full of the kind of ridiculous and juicy drama that one could sink their teeth into. It reminded Kurt of glee club to be honest.

'' _Backrolls!''_ onscreen Alyssa Edwards gasped in her talking head segment after another queen body-shamed her. _''Oh she really came that way? Awright, awright.''_

Together Kurt and Santana let out a long collective ''oooooooo'' because Alyssa was not having it.

'' _...Wrong queen mama, cause I am not the one,''_ Alyssa declared onscreen in her southern drawl.

Their shoulders shook in laughter together, and each time it happened Kurt found himself feeling just that much closer to her. Underneath her perfect sneer she wasn't so intimidating. He felt oddly touched that he got to see and experience this honest and earnest side of her.

''Okay pause it,'' Santana requested as she stood up and did a hoppy little dance. ''Bathroom break, too much soda. Do not press play until I get back or I'll flush your hippo broach down the toilet.''

Kurt waved her off, unmoved by her threat. ''Whatever but hurry your butt up because Honey Mahogany is about to get her ass handed to her in the Interior Illusions Lounge!''

Santana scrambled across the room and ran up the stairs to the main level of the house where the closest bathroom was located. Kurt grinned as he watched her go and gathered a handful of popcorn from her discarded snack bowl to shove into his own mouth. And that's when he heard it, a tiny soft little dinging notification went off on Santana's phone. He moved a pillow and found it placed face down but didn't dare pick it up. He was honestly going to leave it at that until another notification went off, followed by another, and another. A series of them rang out quickly and he looked over towards the stairs wondering how much longer Santana would take. When the noises wouldn't cease he figured it might be best to turn it to silent. After all he didn't want any distractions ruining their Drag Race night. But when he went to pick it up he couldn't figure out the buttons. And so he figured he'd just pull down the top menu and get to the volume controls that way but when his fingers flicked at the top of the screen he accidentally touched something else somehow and up popped her messages.

He knew it was wrong to read but, well. He couldn't deny his own curiosity especially when he saw Brittany's name attached.

 _Brittany: I miss you_

 _Brittany: Santana please_

 _Brittany: I know it's hurting you but it's hurting me too_

 _Brittany: I wish you would talk to me_

 _Brittany: you have to know that I love you_

 _Brittany: you know that right?_

 _Brittany: I'm sorry_

Kurt found himself blinking down at the phone.

He knew Brittany and Santana had always had a unique kind of relationship and that something had recently come between them but it wasn't until then that he felt that whatever it was, was more than just a silly tiff. Santana could be truly awful and even downright savage but never to Brittany. Santana had always treated Brittany with a softness and patience that had always baffled him.

Out of boredom Kurt had watched them from afar during glee club meetings their sophomore year and it was then that he realized that what Santana shared with Brittany was complex and complicated. It was during that time of observation that he came to the conclusion that they made sense in the most nonsensical way. Brittany was all rainbows and unicorns and Santana was all sneer and bite, but together? Well, he had to admit they were pretty adorable.

A small part of him was actually disappointed when it became clear something had happened between them that set Santana off on her own bitchy path while Brittany tried her hand at the relationship thing.

But whatever they had was over he concluded. It seemed that for the past several weeks Brittany had been trying to make contact only to get radio silence from Santana who never texted back.

He wasn't sure why he felt sad for them but he did, especially for Santana who he hadn't heard walk back downstairs. Of course while he didn't see her, he sure as hell felt her when his hand was slapped, whacking her phone right out of it.

''What the hell do you think you're doing?'' she asked sharply as she rushed over to stand before him.

''What! I! It kept going off! I was trying to turn it on silent!'' he said in his defense as he cradled his slightly stinging hand.

''Like hell you were.'' She grabbed her phone from the couch cushion it landed on and took a look at the screen. ''What'd you read?''

''Nothing,'' he said evenly, trying to calm her down. ''I saw nothing.''

''So you what, just thought it was perfectly okay to go through my personal messages because, what?''

''I told you, I didn't read anything.''

''That's right,'' she said in agreement. ''You read nothing, you saw nothing.''

He shook his head about and tried to process her shift in attitude. They were getting along ten minutes ago, everything was fine but now he sensed her walls going back up. Within the past few weeks she had been learning how to be real and authentic with him and he had inadvertently undid all of her hard work with one simple thoughtless act.

Santana was weirdly sensitive he was beginning to realize.

''I'm sorry,'' he insisted and stood up. He bowed his head apologetically. ''It was an accident.''

Santana's face transformed then. It had been previously relaxed and open but he watched as her features twitched into something stoney and far away. ''You know what, doesn't matter. I have to go.''

She didn't give him a chance to explain or ask questions. It took her only a matter of seconds to gather her things, say a quick brisk monotonous goodbye and walk up the steps to see herself out.

Kurt was left standing there feeling confused and guilty. If it were Tina, Mercedes or even Brittany he would've jogged up after them to properly talk things out and sooth the situation but somehow he knew following after Santana would only just make her walk faster.

He turned to the TV and clicked it off. Somehow, watching the rest of the show without her didn't seem all that appealing to him...if Santana wasn't there with him at his side cackling and shouting at the screen with him, what was the point.

He had to raise his eyebrow at himself, it was strange how dependant his enjoyment of the show was on her just being there at his side.

He had messed up by picking up her phone and while he regretted it, it gave him an idea. He wanted to believe he and Santana were working their way towards something like friendship and Kurt wanted all of his friends to be happy and he had a suspicion that the key to seeing Santana happy was getting her back with Brittany.

He was going to have to be clever about this.

X

He let the idea swim around in his head for a few days and while he didn't exactly have some master plan on how to make this reunion between the two cheerleaders happen he thought it best to get a feeling on where Brittany was on everything.

He found his opening some time later when he saw Brittany sitting alone at lunch, only half paying attention to the food in front of her as she scribbled answers to math problems in a nearby notebook. Kurt had been surprised to learn that during his brief absence from Mckinley Brittany had been recruited into the Brainiacs, the school's academic decathlon team. He wasn't quite sure what to make of it but according to Tina and Mike, Brittany really knew how to pull her weight and had really begun to take her school work more seriously.

All in all it was nice to see Brittany become a little more grounded in reality. He wasn't sure if that was Artie's influence or not but Kurt thought it was good for her.

''Hey Britt, mind if I sit with you?'' Kurt asked as he stood in front of her, tray in hand.

Brittany looked up and startled a bit. ''Huh? Oh...yeah sure.''

She moved her notebook and book bag to the side to make room for him. He smiled in thanks and took a seat. ''I was just thinking about how you and I haven't had a chance to catch up since I came back to Mckinley. I've kind of been busy.''

Brittany's eyes lit up with genuine looking excitement. ''With Blaine?''

Kurt nodded. It wasn't entirely untrue of course. He and Blaine were dating and things were going pretty well between them. It was exciting and comforting and everything he thought he would never get to experience.

''Yeah, things are going really great with Blaine,'' he said. ''We've been spending a lot of time together. That and getting back into the swing of things academically. I kind of feel like I'm being pulled in ten different directions. I'm actually ahead in most of my classes but to be honest there's a few that have me sweating in my Marc Jacob's jacket.''

Brittany laughed at his little joke. ''Like Spanish?''

''Hm?''

''You're struggling in Spanish right?''

''What uh makes you say that?'' he chuckled awkwardly.

Brittany shrugged. ''In glee sometimes I hear you and Santana talking about Spanish notes.''

 _Spanish notes_ of course had become a sort of code phrase between himself and Santana when they needed to communicate something Drag Race related to each other while in public. For instance when Kurt learned one of the episodes was going to be supersized he told Santana to _'come pick up those Spanish notes you needed an hour earlier'_ so she wouldn't miss the first half. Or when Kurt's father was having work done on the house one week he went up to Santana in the choir room and told her that this week they would have to go over their _Spanish notes_ together at her house since there was way too much noise and commotion going on at his.

It had worked for them without giving away their shared secret. They hadn't realized anyone would pick up on their little conversations here and there, but then, maybe Brittany had a reason to invested in any conversation Santana was in.

''So is she helping you with your Spanish?'' Brittany asked.

Kurt didn't want to lie but he didn't see a way out of it. He took a quick drink of his little box of apple juice. ''Yeah. Santana's helping me with my Spanish.''

Brittany blinked rapidly as if she were some kind of Disney character. ''Santana's really good at Spanish. She's good at a lot of things actually. She used to tutor me in Spanish too. Granted I wasn't even taking Spanish back then and most of our tutoring sessions ended up with us naked but you know what? Who am I to knock her teaching methods.''

Kurt blushed furiously. He forgot how loose Brittany's tongue could be, especially when it came to her and Santana and what happened behind closed doors. Brittany had always been a bragger in that regard. He had always found it strange how someone who looked so innocent could sometimes hint at the filthiest things.

''Yeah uh Santana's tutoring sessions with me aren't like that,'' he said.

''I know. But I'm glad she's helping you get caught up. You're like totally a good influence. I'm glad she has you. Santana doesn't really have a lot of people in her life.''

''She has you,'' Kurt countered.

Brittany waned. ''She and I are….we're...things…''

Kurt watched Brittany's face contort as she searched for the right words only to come up empty. It broke a piece of Kurt's heart to watch her shift uncomfortably in her seat, looking so sad and so lost.

Deciding he was tired of beating around the bush he came right out with it. ''She misses you, you know?''

''She's told you that?'' Brittany asks with a hopeful little glimmer.

''Well not with words.''

Sadly Brittany looked down and poked at her food with her fork. ''Santana's never been really good with words. She never wants to talk about her feelings.''

''Is that why the two of you aren't….?''

''It's complicated. What about the two of you? Are you guys friends now?''

''Sort of,'' he said with a weak smile. He felt like they were heading in that direction, even if Santana refused to say it out loud. ''I think so. Maybe?''

Brittany let that settle over her but her moment of reflection was cut short by a text message notification from her phone. She checked it real quick and then started scrambling up out of her seat, gathering her things. ''I'm so sorry, Kurt, I have to go. I totally forgot I planned to meet Tina to talk Brainiacs strategy. But like, do you think you could do me a favor?''

''I can certainly try.''

Brittany zipped up her book bag and slipped both arms into it before gripping the arms of it. ''Since you and Santana are spending time together, do you think you could maybe make sure she doesn't get too lonely?''

''...lonely?''

Brittany nodded. ''Santana likes to think she's some kind of badass but, deep down, she's like the most sensitive wittle cupcake ever. She's not like the rest of us you know?''

''How so?''

''She feels everything more.''

Kurt wasn't sure he knew what that meant but he got the jist of it. It was also abundantly clear to him that Brittany in her own ways was just as hopelessly miserable without Santana as Santana was without her.

''Just if she's helping you with your Spanish, maybe drag her to the Lima Bean once and awhile or make her eat dinner with you and your dad or something. She's totally gonna act like she hates it and that if anything she's the one doing you some kind of favor but trust me, it's not the case. Just make sure she's okay...for me. Please?''

Kurt blinked. How could he say no to that? ''You got it, Britt.''

And Kurt, well he was a man of his word. He was going to do it, even if it killed him.

And since it was Santana it probably would but if there was one thing Drag Race had taught him it was that you always had to be there for your sisters.

No squirrel friends left behind.

X

 **So fun trivia for any imaginary readers out there. I reference Shangela within this fic but the real life Shangela (Season 2, Season 3, and the upcoming All Stars 3) was actually on Glee. You can see her in Season 4's 'Let's Have A Kiki' performance. In her Hey Qween interview she talks about Sarah Jessica Parker taking her out to lunch and Chris Colfer and Lea Michele inviting themselves along, which tickled Shangela even more, because they were excited to have lunch with her too. I've actually had the pleasure of seeing Shangela perform live myself and even from my nosebleed seats she was so warm and energetic. I'm a Texas gal myself so I love that she represents ya know.**

 **What's interesting is CC has met and worked with Shangela on Glee but in All Stars 3 he's going to be on the panel judging her. So. Neat. For the record as far as AS3, I'm Team Shangela and Team Trixie, although I do like Aja, Milk and Kennedy too, oh and Bendela of course!**

 **And finally, everyone really should go Youtube Shangela vs Mimi Imfurst's fight because it is the most iconic scene from within the series and you know Kurt and Santana would play act it out like the nerd babies they are and for sure they would squabble about who got to be Shangela.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Well, All Stars 3 is over and I have to say, even though I love Trixie (like for my last b day my best friend got me a ton of Trixie merch, that's how much I love her) I will admit that I shed a tear or two because by the end of that journey I really wanted to see Shangela take the crown because it would be a really beautiful full circle moment for her. So congrats to Trixie of course but Shangie is the queen of my heart and I'll continue to support and buy content from both of them.**

 **For this chapter, I've taken bits from Pandora Boxx's comedy set, many of which you can find on Youtube. You also might want to cue up _Sissy That Walk_ by RuPaul. The thing about Drag Race is it's also a platform Ru uses to sell music, so queens are often tasked with creating music videos for Rupaul singles as part of challenges, plus only Ru songs are used during runways. So during the span of one season you will legit hear the same songs like 30 times and by the end of it, it'll just be ingrained in your brain but in _the best possible way_. _Sissy That Walk_ is pretty iconic tbh. My workout mix is really just a bunch of Ru songs at this point. Like if you're a Drag Race super fan, then you will know these songs like the back of your hand. And like, I totally believe they would be Kurt and Santana's jams. As I wrote in a previous chapter, _Glamazon_ would totally be Santana's ringtone, fight me.**

X

''Sometimes I want to punch Michelle Visage in the tits.''

''You and me both.''

So Santana's whole being angry with Kurt thing lasted all of like four days.

It wasn't like she could really afford to lose the one sort-of-kind-of-but-not-really friend she had she told herself.

Was she upset with him? Hells yeah. Did he poke his nose where it didn't belong? Absolutely. But _he had_ sent her several apology text messages that sounded all pathetically genuine which she guessed counted for something. He also slid a small note into her locker about her being the Raven to his Raja. Which yeah, she totally was the Raven to his Raja.

The truth was she had grown accustomed to watching the show with his company and the thought of going back to watching it alone in her dark and empty bedroom wasn't exactly an exciting prospect. She would never admit it to his face but she also enjoyed his constant annoying commentary during the episodes. Bitch knew his Drag Race.

And so, there was no big teary apology or scene between them. She wasn't going to let herself make a big deal out of it because that would only imply that she missed him. She simply showed up on his doorstep again and told him the next time he crossed the line she would set his pashmina collection on fire. She then proceeded to roast him over the fact that he even had a pashmina collection in the first place.

It was as simple as that. Thankfully Kurt didn't question it, he just stepped aside and allowed her entrance into the Hummel home.

''Let's not turn this into a thing, okay?'' she said. ''You did what you did and you're sorry-''

''So sorry,'' he stressed with emotion. ''Terribly sorry.''

''As long as it never happens again we can just you know…''

'' _Eche palante_?''

Santana smiled at Kurt's use of Yara Sofia's catchphrase which translated into 'move forward'. It was a simple but beautiful motivational mantra that Yara would say often during her time on Season 3. _Move forward._

''Yeah. _Eche palante_ ,'' she repeated.

If anything he looked relieved that she was willing to put their small dust up aside and move forward for the greater good. The greater good being Drag Race night of course. And so that's how they ended up back in his basement bedroom on the couch in front of the TV.

For the last several minutes Santana had waxed on about all the ways in which she would like to fight Michelle Visage, who was very much the Simon Cowell of Drag Race.

Visage was the overly harsh judge who always seemed to nitpick and make the queens squirm with her criticism. The latest episode found Michelle telling fan favorite Alaska that she had to get a sense of Alaska's heart or vulnerability, this then caused Alaska to spin into a brief bout of self doubt backstage during _Untucked_. Alaska was one of the few queens that both Santana and Kurt felt an affection for because she was kooky and weird enough for Kurt, and glamor and fashionable enough for Santana. They weren't huge fans of Visage beforehand but after she harshed on Alaska they weren't exactly having it with her.

''Here's what grinds my gears about Michelle Visage,'' Kurt started in a frustrated huff. ''She has a very narrow view of what she considers to be 'good drag' and if you don't fit in that box, if you're a little bit weird or left of center she tears your concept apart. I mean she hates the color green and therefore whenever a queen wears the color green she's dismissive of them and what they're trying to accomplish on that specific runway challenge. It's like _hellooooo_ I hate flannel with a burning intensity but when Finn, Sam or Puckerman wear it during a song I put my personal feelings aside in order to appreciate or at the very least respect their performance.''

''I can't stand Visage but I will say this, Drag Race as a whole needs her in order to sustain itself.''

''How? She's horrible,'' Kurt laugh-scoffed.

''She's totally horrible, and this is coming from me which is saying something,'' Santana admitted because while Santana herself was a bitch, Michelle was like a _bitch monster_. ''But that doesn't change the fact that the show needs her.''

''I fail to see how.''

''Let me break it down for you okay?'' Santana reached for the remote between them and paused the show so she could turn sideways and face him head on as she further explained. ''See if Ru is every queens fairy godmother then Michelle Visage's role on the show is to be the wicked witch, stirring the pot. Ru's role on the show is to be a guiding light and mentor figure, right? So Ru can't exactly talk back or get nasty with the queens on screen because that would sully Ru's perfectly cultivated public image. Ru can't be an outright bitch with anyone because that would turn viewers off, but on the other hand the show can't all just be rainbows and glitter either. It needs someone there to bring conflict and to balance out Ru's fairy godmother shtick. Without Michelle Visage stirring the shit the show would be boring as hell.''

Kurt squinted off in the distance as he digested this and shrugged as he seemed to make sense of it all in his head. ''I guess that makes sense.''

''It's like Reality TV 101. I know what I'm talking about, I watch _all_ of the Real Housewives reality shows.'' Santana beamed as if she were really proud of this fact. ''Every show needs a villain.''

''In other words Visage is to Drag Race what Sue is to the glee club.''

''What?''

''Like Visage, Sue is there to provoke and push us. If you think about it, like really think about it, glee club is like Drag Race,'' Kurt theorized. ''You put a dozen huge personalities in one room, what do they do? They clash and form cliques and alliances and backstab and betray each other for the spotlight but at the end of every show everyone can _somehow_ hug it out. Also there's at least two big musical numbers per episode.''

Santana cracked open one of Kurt's fancy ginger ale bottles. ''When you put it like that, it kind of is.''

''So who do you think I would be?''

''Huh?''

''If glee club is like Drag Race, who would you say I'm most similar to in terms of personality?''

''What, like one of the queens?'' she asked and Kurt nodded for clarification.

Santana took a drink and a moment to ponder this. This was a very serious question that required a serious answer after all. The queens _weren't_ interchangeable, no, each queen was amazing and unique in their own way, with their own personalities and brands of humor. She couldn't just say Kurt was a Jiggly Caliente or a Manilla or a Sharon Needles, because while those were all great entertaining queens their personalities didn't quite mesh well with who Kurt was as a person. This question required her to use her extensive Drag Race knowledge in order to give a precise and educated answer.

''I think I got it, you're Jinkx.''

Kurt raised his eyebrows in delight at the comparison.

Jinkx Monsoon had been an underdog for most of the season, flying just under the radar but had recently began to slay many of the acting and singing challenges, proving to her fellow queens that she was not one they should ever underestimate. Despite Visage's brutal critiques of her and despite being on the receiving end of really unpleasant bullying from some of the other queens Jinkx had found a way to rise above it all in a really courageous, inspiring way.

Jinkx was witty, Jinkx was left of center, Jinkx had a certain light and fearless, fabulous fire within her that really reminded Santana of Kurt.

''When you think about it, you're more Jinkx than Jinkx,'' Santana said, confident that her Kurt-Jinkx comparison was right on.

'' _Water off a duck's back_ ,'' Kurt proudly recited said queen's catchphrase. ''I didn't think you were a fan.''

''She's not my favorite but I respect what she's about. She's not just funny, she's funny in a really specific way. It's a really smart, sometimes dry intelligent brand of humor. I don't always get it, in the same way I don't always exactly get you. That and….'' Santana shrugged and tried to show as little emotion as possible as her words grew sincere. ''She's not easily defeated. Even when it looks like everything is stacked against her, even when the judges are telling her that her runway is weak and that she needs to change or conform, she holds her head up high and continues to march to the beat of her own charmingly unique drum. She never doubts her talent because she knows that's what's going to take her to the end. You're Jinkx and Jinkx is you.''

She might not get everything Jinkx was about but she respected her which in turn meant that she respected Kurt because she saw the same fire and wit and drive inside of him.

''Don't, like, hug me or anything,'' Santana warned when she thought she saw Kurt's eyes turn watery.

''That's really sweet of you, Santana.''

She held her palm out flat in between their bodies. ''It's not a big deal, I just don't want to catch your pink eye is all.''

''I have to hand it to you, that was pretty spot on.''

''Obviously.''

''But you know who you are, right?'' he asked.

''What?''

''In Drag Race world,'' he reminded her. ''If I'm so obviously a Jinkx, you're so obviously a Willam who is _the definition_ of problematic fav.''

Willam Belli, the Season 4 contestant, was rather infamous within the Drag Race fandom. When Willam wasn't slaying his season he spent the majority of his time annoying his fellow contestants with his smart ass mouth. Willam would start shit but most of the time he only did so to expose someone's hypocrisy or call out their questionable behavior. Willam was a bitch but he owned it and he expected everyone else to do the same, to own their shit and play the game fairly and the only time he took issue with people was when a queen pulled something underhanded. He was brilliant and strategic and even though he sometimes went too far, he was still well liked by the fandom. He was also considered a little bit of a legend as being the only contestant in Drag Race herstory to ever A) puke on the runway and B) be disqualified from the competition for ''behavior unbecoming of a drag queen'' after Ru confronted him about breaking rules.

There were many fan theories out there but to that day no one knew exactly what Willam had done to get kicked off the show but regardless, his being thrown off had cemented him as _a Drag Race legend_. He was a very beloved asshole one could say.

And he shared a lot of personality traits with Santana, at least according to Kurt.

''Willam huh?'' Santana asked as she rolled the suggestion over in her head. ''Why? Because he and I both puked on stage at one point in our lives?''

''No, I say you're a Willam because you're both pretty hilarious, that is when neither of you are being ridiculously obnoxious and/or offensive. Like you, Willam is rough around the edges but once you get what he's about you realize he's really quick and perceptive and he has a secret soft spot. A larger than life attitude with a larger than life heart.''

Santana was pleased with that. Willam was a pretty iconic rebel within the fandom and if she had to be compared to any contestant, he was definitely the one that was most complimentary to her personality in that he was a wickedly clever queen, much like herself.

''Also yes, there's the fact that you and he both _humiliated_ yourselves by puking on stage in front of your peers,'' Kurt cracked. ''Although I have to say I think Willam was probably more ladylike about it than you.''

''I hate you.''

They went on like that for a couple more weeks and things felt like they were falling back into place between them.

Whenever Santana found herself moping or brooding over everything that went down between her and Brittany she would find herself seeking out Kurt and his companionship. After awhile she stopped feeling like an intruder but rather a guest at the Hummel home.

It wasn't like she turned into some surrogate daughter for Burt and Carol but Santana became a familiar face around the Hummel house, a familiar face they began to take to when they saw how she and Kurt were hitting it off. Carol seemed to enjoy having another woman around, like when Santana spent a good hour in the bathroom mirror with her in order to teach the woman everything she knew about contouring. As for Burt, he was a bit more cautious around her in the beginning. It wasn't that he was cold or impolite, Santana got the sense that he was just really protective of Kurt and wanted to make sure that the people his kid was spending time with treated him well. Burt did eventual warm to her a bit, Santana got the sense that having Kurt back at Mckinley with someone like her in his corner put Burt at ease.

And so, it just happened over a period of time, Santana became a trusted staple at the Hummel home.

Well, semi trusted, because while Carol and Burt had gotten used to having Santana hanging around the house they weren't entirely certain they felt comfortable when Kurt and Santana approached them about taking a trip together, just the two of them, to go to a Sound of Music sing-a-long event in a neighboring town a few hours away. Santana had 'found out' about the event and not so subtly suggested to Kurt that they attend together. It took some convincing but with Kurt promising to be extra careful on the roads and Santana insisting they would be on their very best behavior Kurt's folks gave them the go ahead.

Of course Burt and Carol really couldn't have known any better. Kurt on the other hand should have been way wiser because a few days later, about an hour into their drive Santana made a sudden turn on the road, setting them off on a different path.

''Uh, what are you doing? This isn't our exit,'' Kurt said when he realized Santana was no longer following the GPS.

Santana turned to him and gave him a ridiculously evil looking smile. ''Yeaaaaahhh,'' she said, drawing out the word for effect. ''About that Sound of Music sing-a-long? Not gonna happen.''

''What do you mean not gonna happen?'' he squeaked.

'' _Listen Linda_ , did you really think I would agree to go to something as lame as a sing along? Who do you think I am? Berry? Pah.''

''Wait. You're the one who told me about it though! In fact you're the one who bought our tickets.'' He reached into the breast pocket of his jacket and pulled out an envelope which he then waved at the side of her face. ''See!''

''You should read the fine print on those,'' she suggested, not removing her eyes from the road.

Kurt squinted in confusion and then tore into the envelope, pulling the tickets out fully in order to read them more carefully. ''The Sound of Music Sing-A-Long. Section G, Row 13, Seat 3. 8pm. At Eat My Ass Theatre.''

Santana chuckled at her own brilliance. ''Eat My Ass Theatre. Classic.''

''I don't understand,'' he said, and even went so far as to check the second ticket to make sure they both said the same thing.

''Newsflash Hummel, there is no Sound of Music sing-a-long going on this weekend. I made it all up to get your parents to agree to this little trip of ours. We're not going to a musical, we're going to a club.''

''What?''

''A club!''

''Why?''

Santana exhaled with exaggeration. He really was going to make her spell this thing out for him. She had envisioned a much more grateful reaction. ''Because tonight me and you are going to see Pandora Boxx live.''

''How-why-what?!'' he shouted and playfully slapped her in the shoulder with the fake tickets. ''So all of this was planned? You made the whole thing up? Just so we could sneak into a club for a drag show?'' He looked back down at the tickets. ''But these look so real from a distance. There's even a barcode and a little reflecty thingy on it.''

She lifted a shoulder, taking a bit of pride in her handy work. ''I made a trip to Kinkos, no big deal.''

''This is really convincing cardstock too.''

''I'm still waiting for a _'thank you Santana'_.''

''Why didn't you tell me though? I get making something up to tell our parents, but why did you lie to me? I could've been in on this ruse from the beginning.''

''One, don't ever use the word ruse in my presence again, and two, yeah fucking right,'' she laugh-scoffed. ''Look there was no way you wouldn't have blown it for us somehow. You have no chill whatsoever. It was just easier to let you believe the lie until we got out on the road and far enough away that you couldn't blow our cover.''

Santana reached over, took the fake tickets from him, threw them on the floor of the car and told him to check the glove compartment. From there Kurt pulled out another envelope. This one of course containing a real pair of tickets, as well as two fake IDs, one for him and one for her.

''I can't believe you did this for us,'' he said in amazement when he finally let reality sink in.

Santana forced herself not to smile. She didn't want to turn this into a big weepy touching moment. ''Whatever, I didn't do this for _us_ , I did it because I wanted a night out and I saw that a Ru girl was doing a show nearby.''

''It _does_ sound like fun and _I do love_ Pandora Box but, Santana, are you sure? I mean what if we get caught? What if someone figures out we're underage? What then?'' Kurt did look excited at the prospect of going to his first ever club and seeing his first ever drag show but he couldn't help but begin to fret at all the ways which this could go wrong.

''Relax,'' Santana said smoothly, trying to settle him down. ''We'll be fine. Nothing is going to happen, okay? Don't you want to see a Ru girl perform live?''

''Of course I do. I mean it would be a dream come true.''

''Then stop worrying and start enjoying yourself. Look, we're just going to watch a show and maybe do a little dancing, that's all. There's nothing to overthink or be nervous about, okay?''

Kurt let his shoulders drop as he relaxed with her reassurances. ''Okay.''

''Okay?''

''Yeah okay.'' Kurt nodded a little more eagerly.

''Good.''

''...mind if I turn on the radio?''

She shrugged in nonchalance and so he leaned forward and started pressing buttons on the console until a familiar beat began that made them both start bobbing their heads. After a few verses they began to sing along, quietly at first and then as they neared the climax, at the top of their lungs.

'' _And if I fly or if I fall at least I can say I gave it all!''_ Santana belted her heart out.

'' _And if I fly or if I fall I'm on my way, I'm on my way!''_ Kurt came in.

'' _Fly, fly, fly, fly, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh!''_

'' _Fly, fly, fly, fly, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh!''_

And then together they sing-shouted _''now sissy that walk!''_

They were still bouncing their heads and jamming by the end of the Rupaul classic which was often featured on Drag Race episodes.

''Play this song at my funeral,'' Santana declared in all seriousness. ''You know what? At my funeral I want a catwalk/runway and I expect all of the bitches attending to strut to this song in my honor.''

''It is the gayest of all bops,'' he said with deep and profound appreciation.

X

After another hour on the road they arrived at their destination and just like Santana predicted it all went flawlessly. They got in without a hitch and found themselves walking into the building.

While it was a lively place the venue was a little cramped, yet that didn't seem to matter to the dozens upon dozens of patrons mingling about. While there was a small dance floor it didn't appear to be in use as everyone in the club were either congregating at the bar area, goofing around near the pool tables or sitting about in the corner of the club where tables and chairs were set up to face the main stage area.

Santana tugged on Kurt's shirt and nodded for him to follow her. They nudged their way forward until they found a table somewhere in the middle, from there they settled into their seats. It was then that they were approached by their server for the evening. She greeted Kurt with a simple polite smile and then turned to Santana who received a more thorough and appreciative once over.

Putting everything with Brittany aside, Santana herself wasn't blind. Their waitress was a cute blond college aged girl who was definitely giving her a seriously flirty stare that made Santana's mouth go a little dry. Thankfully she was spared from having to say anything because the waitress simply placed two drink menus in front of them, gently reminding them of the two drink minimum for the show and informed them that she'd be back in a few minutes after they had some time to look over their drink selection.

And with that the waitress toddled off. Santana watched her go as Kurt watched Santana.

''So is that your thing?'' he asked with a perfectly raised eyebrow.

Santana turned back to the table. ''What?''

''Your thing. Blondes.''

She wrinkled up her nose in thought. She had never really considered it. She never really put much thought into having a certain type beyond Brittany.

Recently, she had been too preoccupied drowning in her sorrow to even wonder about something like that but when she really thought about it, there was a small part of her that felt just a little bit of satisfaction with the knowledge that she could turn heads in a place like this. She'd always been aware that she could get attention from boys with a flick of her fingers but for obvious reasons it had never really mattered to her, it had never really meant anything. Their stares had never made her pause or shutter or excited, they mostly made her feel empty.

But this felt different, it felt nice and perhaps even a tiny bit thrilling to be able to turn a cute girl's head. But regardless of that, she told herself that wasn't why they were there.

''I don't know. Maybe. What's it to you? Get out of my _bidness_.'' She wasn't interested in this line of questioning and briskly changed the topic. ''Even if they were my thing, I'm not interested.''

''Right.''

''Anyway, what kind of drink are you getting?''

Kurt noted her unease and let the matter drop. ''I think I'm going to play it safe. I'll probably just have a couple of waters.''

''What, water?''

''Yes water, I'm not trying to go crazy tonight, Santana.''

''Who said anything about going crazy? One drink isn't going to hurt you.''

''I know that, _I'm just not interested_.'' He pointedly repeated her words.

''You have drank before though right? Like I know you were at Rachel's party so, you've totally had to have at least a wine cooler.''

''Not quite. I was still trying to impress Blaine and I was afraid I would get sloppy drunk like you if I had a drink.''

''I am not a sloppy drunk.''

''You spent half the night doing body shots off of Brittany and the other half of the night crying, at one point I saw you crying while performing a body shot on her.''

''Whatever. That was not my best night, I'll admit, but this is different. Look I'm not saying you should get drunk here and obviously I'm not going to force anything down your throat, but tonight is special, tonight is about fun. You owe yourself some fun, _we both do_. Look at us,'' she insisted and made a small wave to the table between them and their general surroundings. They were in a gay club that was real and alive with laughter and energy and light, so far away from all of those small people with small minds in Lima. ''While the rest of the mouth breathers in Lima are at home scratching themselves and sitting around in their boring little rooms, frustrated with their boring little lives me and you are here. Here. Me and you are living. Me and you are doing something with ourselves. We're letting ourselves out and I don't know about you, Kurt….'' she smiled slightly and shook her head about. ''But I'm celebrating that. I'm celebrating that with a drink. To us.''

Kurt dipped his head, appreciating her words and seeing the significance in them. They were both stepping out of their shells and it did feel like something worth commemorating in some way or fashion.

''Alright, one drink,'' he said firmly but with a grin.

That pleased Santana. ''One drink.''

After a few minutes of looking over their menus Kurt waved their waitress over. Without much thought Santana ordered a fairly simple cocktail but Kurt, Kurt had to be his peculiar finicky self and asked a million and one questions about which drinks had what in them and so on and such.

He talked it over for awhile with their waitress who was actually very knowledgeable about the establishment's drink menu. She seemed perfectly happy to stand there and have Kurt pick her brain while she occasionally glanced over and smiled bashfully at Santana. Every time Santana caught her eye she coughed and looked away, flattered but mostly nervous. The waitress wasn't doing anything strange or even overt and yet Santana felt her underboobs start to sweat.

''Hmmmm,'' Kurt hummed as he quietly contemplated his choices. ''I'm leaning towards the Blue Hawaiian but I have to admit I'm a little bit intrigued by this one.'' He tapped down onto the menu, indicating a picture of a pretty pink drink. ''What's a Pink Squirrel?''

''So Pink Squirrels are kind of an acquired taste,'' the waitress explained with a laugh. ''I'm going to be real with you, they were really popular in like the 70's and 80's but over time they sort of became known as a _'mom drink'_. They weren't very cool for awhile but now a lot of bars and clubs are really trying to be trendy by introducing retro fun drinks onto their menus. It's like, a thing now. A Pink Squirrel is really creamy, nutty and just a tiny bit chocolatey.''

''And really, really pink,'' Kurt noted.

''They are super pink and really pretty to look at, yes,'' the waitress agreed. ''The bartender is my friend and for him, it's an art form right down to the presentation and everything.''

''You know what? You've sold me. I'm suddenly feeling adventurous so put me down for one Pink Squirrel,'' Kurt said with a single, chippy clap of his hands. ''Thank you.''

The waitress wrote their order down on her pad and said she'd return shortly with their drinks. Santana and Kurt then sat there in silence for awhile as they observed all around them.

There were couples and groups of friends all around, smiling, laughing, munching on appetizers while they waited for the show to begin. A certain ease came over both of them. This wasn't a dark gross skeezy club, it was a _safe, welcoming_ place where people like her, people like him could gather and relax and simply enjoy themselves.

In a place like this, there was no need to look over their shoulders or watch what they said or hide any part of who they were.

''I believe this excursion of ours calls for a selfie,'' Kurt announced and moved his chair over closer to hers.

''Please god no,'' Santana groaned monotonously. ''Are you purposely trying to be lame?''

''We can't take one picture together?''

''And have physical evidence of us spending time together outside of glee? No thank you.''

He smiled at her snark. At this point he could see right through it. ''It's not like I'd be able to post it anywhere since no one is supposed to know we're here. It'd just be for us.''

Santana stared off for a moment as if contemplating. ''My hair is on point tonight,'' she said, because that in her eyes was definitely worth documenting.

''As are my eyebrows.''

''Very true.''

She gave in and for the next several minutes they light heartedly bickered over whose phone to use and what angles to take said picture in because even though this was just for them they were both adamant that each of their good sides was featured prominently. There was lots of familiar and friendly joshing around until it was decided and Santana held her phone up slightly as she leaned in towards Kurt to take a snap of them, angling it just so, so that they got the stage and a glimpse of the venue in the background.

''That's a good shot,'' Kurt noted as he looked at her screen.

Santana stared down at it as well.

And though she would never admit it, as she studied her own face she knew the smile in the picture wasn't false or forced. She was happy to be here with Kurt. _Her friend_.

''You look like a Keebler elf.''

''Yeah well you look like a bitch.''

''I try.''

Together they laughed and snickered over the photo until something popped up on Santana's phone that caused her to pause and go silent, all mirth disappearing from her face in an instant. Kurt moved to see what had rendered her that way, and that's when he saw what it was. While they had been looking at the photo of themselves Brittany's name had apparently blinked onto the screen. It seemed Santana's other half, or ex-other half was trying to call her.

With a gulp Santana placed her phone face down, ignoring the call.

''You can take that,'' he gently suggested. ''We still have a bit of time before the show starts.''

She shook her head. ''No, no,'' she tried to pffft casually. ''I'm here, we're here, no distractions. Besides it's…''

''It's what?'' Kurt looked genuinely concerned and ready to listen but Santana was far from ready to share.

''It's nothing,'' she said.

It was of course anything but nothing between her and Brittany. Santana didn't have time to dwell on it and Kurt didn't have time to question it because their waitress reappeared and placed their drinks down in front of them. She asked them if she could get anything else for them and when they answered no she reminded them that she was just a hand wave away, and then she left them, giving Santana a quietly smitten little smile as she went.

Santana didn't react to it at all. Still slightly reeling from seeing Brittany's name on her cell phone her only thought and urge was to numb the ache inside of her. This wasn't what she wanted at the start of the night. She wanted to go out, to have fun, to relax, to forget about and get away from all the hurt and longing for just one evening, but now she couldn't. Not with Brittany's name blinking inside of her head just as it had blinked onto her phone.

And since she had a drink in front of her already she decided the best way to dull the ache was to drown her sorrows.

''Whoaaaaa.'' Kurt's eyes went wide as she downed her drink a couple of long messy gulps and then from across the building motioned to their waitress, silently signalling for another. ''Why don't we uh, take it slow huh? The show hasn't even started.''

Santana licked her lips. Her eyes were already strange and watery looking. ''Mind if I try your Pink Squirrel?''

Kurt opened his mouth to answer but she took it upon herself to slide his bright pink drink over to her for a really long sip which almost left her gagging.

''Oh my gross,'' she yacked and pushed the drink back towards him. ''This is disgusting.''

Kurt leaned forward and took a sip and let it his taste buds soak it up. ''Really? I think it's yummy.''

''It tastes like unicorn ass if you ask me.''

''That's bizarrely graphic.''

Their chit chat was cut short when the host for the evening walked on stage and began to speak into the mic, doing a little bit of schtick before getting down to business and introducing the headliner for the evening, Pandora Boxx, from Season 2 of Drag Race.

Pandora sashayed onto the stage to wild applause and situated herself behind the mic and greeting the audience.

''...So there's gay guys here I assume right? Obviously,'' she asked from center stage as the spotlight rested on her.

Men in the audience wooted and clapped, including Kurt.

''How about lesbians?''

The women in the audience shouted and clapped, representing.

''I love lesbians,'' laughed Pandora. ''Now, are there any straight people here?''

A half dozen or so people sitting near the front of the stage made noise at that.

Pandora singled out that section of the crowd, observing them easily due to their proximity to her. ''Aw, everyone at your table is so pretty. So you're straight? You're all straight ladies?''

The table up front nodded and smiled in confirmation.

'' _Go to your own fuckin' events_ ,'' Pandora cracked wickedly which made everyone laugh, even the straight women she was ribbing who took the remark in jest. It was a comedy show after all. ''I'm kidding, I'm kidding. Alright then, so we have our gay boys, our lesbians and our token straights, now I have to ask the most important question of all, _where my sluts at_?''

The entire building whooped and hollered, creating a jubilant roar that went on for awhile until Pandora piped up again and continued on with her set. As she went on it became clear that her show was one part stand up comedy and one part lip sync performance, when Pandora didn't have people laughing she had them screaming their praise during her songs. She was an entertainer who knew how to command the stage and while Pandora gave Santana a few chuckles it was Kurt who was totally and completely starstruck from beginning to end. He clapped and shouted at every joke, whooping it up right along with the rest of the audience. He loved comedy, he loved Pandora and he was utterly delighted to be witnessing her live. He was enjoying himself, enjoying himself so much that Santana figured she could sneakily order a few more drinks without him noticing, or rather, without her having to subject herself to some pitiful look or lecture from him. He was too busy watching Pandora on stage to notice the glasses accumulating at their table.

Santana was searching for something with each sip, some kind of answer, some kind of distraction, but nothing, no resolution ever came. All it gave her was a really good and thorough buzz which she was able to hide for the most part until Kurt found her outside in the parking lot after the show had ended. He had offered to pick up their tab and she had wandered out.

''Just so you know being destructive isn't brave,'' Kurt said as he came to stand with her on the front curb. ''It isn't cute either.''

She looked up at the night sky, vast and empty and dark. ''I don't know what you're talking about.''

Between two fingertips Kurt held up the receipt for their bar tab. He hadn't realized just how much she had consumed when he had offered to take care of their bill. He had only had his Pink Squirrel and a water while Santana had apparently knocked back a couple of cocktails before moving onto some long island ice teas.

''I'll pay you back,'' she said.

He stuffed the slip of paper into his pocket and shook his head. ''I don't care about the money, Santana, I care about...'' he paused when the words got caught in his throat.

She laughed inwardly and continued to stare up, not wanting him to see her watery eyes. _Why did she have to be such a sloppy drunk?_ ''Whatever, let's just get home.''

Kurt was quick to confiscate the keys from her. He insisted that she lay in the backseat and try to rest as he slid in behind the wheel and started them off back onto the road towards Lima. It was a strange and silent drive back but they made it. When they pulled up to her place some time later Kurt insisted that he see her inside. With one of her arms around his neck he helped her walk into the front door. It was dark and silent in her house.

''Where are your parents?''

Santana just shrugged and burped in response. ''Business trip.''

She started crawling up the stairs, stumbling around as she went and Kurt moved to walk behind her, reaching out to steady her each time it looked like she might take a spill down. When they reached her bedroom on the upper level he followed her in and watched as she collapsed onto her bed. ''Do you think you'll be okay alone?''

''I'll be fine,'' she slurred. ''It's okay...I'm okay...alone is what I do best.''

Kurt didn't look convinced but he said a quiet goodnight to her anyway and made his exit. She heard him begin to walk down the hall and start for the stairs only to hear him circle back to just outside of her closed door where she overheard him make a phone call.

''Hey dad, it's me,'' Kurt chirped, and then waited for his father on the other end to reply. ''...Yeah The Sound of Music sing along was amazing. I was just calling to give you a heads up that we're back in Lima already. Uh huh. Oh we made great time. Yeah. So I was thinking it was a long drive and Santana and I are both just so beat and I wanted to ask if it would be okay if I just stayed the night at hers? It is Friday and it is late and _To Wong Foo Thanks For Everything Julie Nemar_ just came on TV and Santana said she's never seen it and I feel it's my duty to introduce her to it sooooo, can I? Please, please, please?'' Kurt finished off his request with a mirthful squeak.

Santana listened to Kurt's side of the conversation and was genuinely surprised at his acting skills. He could've easily ratted her out or spilled the beans but he didn't. He wasn't giving away her secrets. It could've been so easy for Kurt to tell his dad that she was alone and drunk off her ass and needed someone to help her. Surely Burt would've been disappointed but he was a good man who would insist that Kurt stay and do right by his friend. Kurt didn't have to pretend they were going to have some random impromptu sleepover after a long drive.

''Yes! Thank you,'' Kurt said to his father when Burt agreed that sleeping over would be fine. ''Okay...will do...goodnight. Love you too.''

And just like that, Kurt nudged her door open with his toe and came prancing back in.

''What do you think you're doing?'' she asked.

''I'm spending the night,'' he announced. He wasn't asking or fishing for an invitation, he was stating it to her.

''I don't need you to watch over me, Hummel,'' she insisted. ''I told you I'm fine so don't stay out of pity or obligation to me.''

It was in one ear and out the other with Kurt though as he began to undo the cuffs on his fancy button up shirt. ''I'll be back. I'm going to run down to your kitchen to get some water, and maybe a waste basket just in case you need it. Do you have a medicine cabinet? You'll probably need some aspirin soon.''

Santana tried to stare him down but there was no detering Kurt who stood unimpressed and completely unmoved by the sneer she was trying to force onto her face.

''Down the hall on the right,'' she said after a few moments of silence between them.

Kurt left her to go retrieve a few items that he thought she might need later. He came back, placed them all on her side table and then as she laid sideways on her bed, he took a seat on her floor at the foot of the mattress. It was there that he commandeered her remote control. To Wong Foo wasn't actually on TV like he had told his father but because he was doing Santana a solid Kurt thought she owed him one. Besides, he told himself it was classic gay cinema that she needed in her library anyway. He bought the movie on her account and hit play to watch.

And that was that. He occasionally paid attention to her reflection on the screen until they both drifted off to sleep. Santana, safe in bed, Kurt, nodding off on the floor, not leaving her side. All the while the movie played and ended in the background.

'' _Vita! I don't think of you as a man and I don't think of you as a woman...I think of you as an angel.''_

'' _I think that's healthy!''_

X

The next morning Santana staggered out of bed and down the stairs to find Kurt in her kitchen making breakfast.

''Good morning,'' Kurt greeted her, a spatula in hand.

Santana grunted like a cave woman. ''Mmmrhhpphh.''

Kurt smiled and shook his head. ''Have a seat. Breakfast is ready. I used google to figure out what the best foods are for hangovers.''

''Why are you still here?'' she groaned as she fell into a chair and then went to rub her face with her hands over and over again. ''Also are you wearing one of my blouses?''

Kurt looked down at the small button up he had pulled from her wardrobe and wrapped around himself. ''Well I wasn't about to get food splatter on one of my own shirts. Besides this is last season, you shouldn't be wearing it in public anyway. Would you like some juice?''

Santana nodded and Kurt went about serving them, filling two plates with food and then placing them down on the table before her. He took a seat across from her and while he dug in, she struggled with the effort to make any kind of movement, let alone feed herself.

''So. Last night was interesting,'' he spoke after dabbing the sides of his mouth with a cloth napkin. Which, Santana didn't even know they had cloth napkins. She assumed Kurt was the kind of person who maybe carried his own around.

''I….I don't even know what to say.''

''I don't either.''

Santana stared down at her eggs. ''I'm sorry if I made a fool out of myself, or you.''

''You didn't make a fool of me...you on the other hand, well…''

''Well what?''

Kurt pulled his cell from his pocket, poked at the screen and then slid it towards her with a nod. ''Last night when I was here I made a trip to the bathroom and I guess you were still a little out of it and…''

''And what?''

Kurt grimaced. ''And you might have attempted to drunk dial Brittany while I was out of the room.''

''I what?!''

Santana clawed for the phone and saw Kurt had pulled up a sound file for her. She pressed play and listened to herself go on a strange, slow meandering speech.

 _''Heeeeyyyy Britt Britt,''_ drunk Santana slurred. _''I hope - hic! - I hope you're having the time of your life having adventures with wheels but just fors your informations I'm having the time of my life without yous. Yeah. Cause you know what I did tonight? I went out and I had fun and I saw a drag queen and I tasted a squirrel so you don't have to worry about me anymore okay? I'm perfectly happy without you. There was even - hic! - there was even a super cute waitress who totally wanted all ups on mes...yeah...yeah...and you know what else? I prolly could've had her if I wanted to. She was giving me the eyes and the hair and doing some flirty little lip bite. She wanted me and I could've you know... I so could've. But I didn't. I didn't. I didn't cause, cause of you. Cause I still love you. I love you and I miss you and you could've been there. You should've been there. We could've tasted squirrels together...we could've tasted squirrels together, Brittany!''_

At the kitchen table Santana and Kurt listened then as drunk!Santana made pathetic sobby sounds into the mic before eventually hanging up.

'' _Aw jesus…gross_ ,'' Santana sighed in humiliation.

''Don't worry,'' Kurt said, pulling his phone back to his side of the table and turning it upside down. ''You didn't actually manage to call Brittany.''

''I didn't?''

''I'm assuming you tried to but what with you still being a little buzzed you accidentally hit Blaine's name instead of Brittany's. He got this call at like 2am. He was confused so he called me and sent me the message. I didn't tell him everything but I think he got the picture. You don't have to worry. He won't say anything or do anything.''

''I was really a mess last night.''

''You were,'' he agreed.

''Listen, Kurt,'' she said, softening before him. ''I know I can be a dick some of the time, actually, a lot of the time,'' she corrected herself. ''And I'm sorry if I was ever an asshole to you last night.''

''You have been one in the past but I don't need your apology, Santana. I don't know where any of that came from, and maybe it's not for me to know, all I know is that when everything went down with Karofsky you were the only person at that school who did anything to try to bring me back. Even if there were other motives behind your actions, _you_ helped bring me back. That, to me, says more about your character than any asshole thing you've ever said or done...and you've said and done a lot of asshole things. I wouldn't be spending all this time with you and sharing Drag Race with you if I didn't think you cared.''

''You're probably the only person who thinks that.''

''Who thinks what?'' he asked.

''That there's a part of me inside that's capable of caring, about anything or anyone. I'm pretty sure everyone else has given up on me.''

''That's not true. I can think of one other person who hasn't given up on you.''

''That...she...Brittany doesn't want me anymore, Kurt.''

Kurt went silent for several minutes as he started to dig back into his food. Chewing through several mouthfuls until he finally swallowed and began to speak again. ''Me and you, this,'' he made a small hand motion between them. ''We've had some fun times and some good laughs together and there's no one I'd rather be sharing Drag Race with but from the very beginning I knew what this was for you, Santana.''

''What?''

''Other people don't see it, or maybe they don't want to see it, but I do. I know how hard it's been on you...not having Brittany I mean. Every time you get lonely or sad it's my doorstep that you end up on and we have a great bitchy time together and I hope that doesn't end any time soon but, you can't tell me you haven't been using me as a placeholder this whole time. That's what I've been to you, that's what Drag Race has been to you, a distraction. And you know what? There's nothing wrong with that. It's good that you've been filling up your time with other people and things. But maybe it's time you deal with this thing between you and Brittany.''

''There's nothing between me and Brittany,'' she said firmly. ''Don't you get it? I lost it all. Everything, Kurt. I lost my captain title, I lost my popularity, I lost my power, I lost Brittany. I mean why would she want me now when I have nothing, nothing to give, nothing to offer.''

''Did you know that sophomore year I used to sit with Brittany in math. I learned a few things about her that way.''

''Like?''

''Like she thinks the square root of four is rainbows,'' Kurt chuckled. ''And that she likes to draw all over her notebooks. It's mostly little Garfield like cartoons of Lord Tubbington but she also had this habit of scribbling _Brittany Lopez_ all over the inside of her binder.''

''...she did that?''

''There were glitter pens involved.''

Santana smiled. Brittany did love a good glitter pen.

''Yeah well this isn't sophomore year anymore is it,'' Santana tried to reason. ''Look whatever Brittany and I were doing...whatever that was, whatever we had, it's over. She's dating Artie now.''

''Yeah well she may be dating Artie right now but just so you know I _still_ sit next to her in math and she _still_ scribbles _Brittany Lopez_ over all of her stuff. She's not over you.''

X

 **Okay, so in terms of personality, Kurt is so a Jinkx, you should go Youtube Jinkx's Drag Race scenes and talking head segments, because it's so Kurt's personality and humor.**

 **As for Willam, who I think has almost the same kind of bitch magic that Santana possesses, I'll just say go Youtube 'Willam Belli quotes collection' or if you really want to see how he, like Santana, is a problematic fav, go watch the Beatdown, which is Willam's web show on Youtube. Just as a warning though his humor is a little nasty, a little edgy, a lot Santana.**

 **On a semi related note, Willam actually has some Glee ties. On his season Amber Riley was one of the judges and I sometimes see her in his Insta comments believe it or not. Years ago there was talk of him making an appearance on Glee as well, but it never panned out (or if it did it was uncredited somewhere but I could never find him). He was in a movie with Kevin McHale and they've shown up in each other's Instagrams too. Willam has also said in an interview that he wasn't ashamed to say some of his favorite workout music was Glee songs. Then two years back he apparently had an unpleasant run in with Becca Tobin at an airport which he spilled about on Twitter. Also, I own Willam's book and he actually mentions Glee at least two or three times in it.**

 **But even beyond Shangela and Willam there's still quite a few more queens with little Glee connections like that which I kind of find fascinating, so it's weird and kind of fun to write this fic knowing of all of them.**

 **Finally, if you're reading this and you're enjoying it even just a little it would mean so, so much to me if you could leave me a review to let me know. I've been having a stressful few weeks at work and I've been dragging, so your encouragement would mean a lot to me. Thank you.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Just want to say thank you so much to everyone reviewing! You have no idea how motivating it is. As always my goal is to entertain, I love writing comedy, it makes my heart all fluttery when people tell me something made them laugh or smile. That's what it's all about. :)**

X

So Kurt tossed that little piece of information in her lap and proceeded to shovel even more food onto her plate because he insisted that since he made her a proper hangover breakfast the least she could do was eat it. And so, she did. As she digested the food she also digested the fact that - at least according to Kurt - Brittany still had feelings for her.

Real feelings. Love feelings. Feelings feelings.

''I think I'm going to throw up,'' Santana whimpered with a mouthful of eggs.

''My food isn't that bad.''

''No, I just-''

Santana stumbled out of her seat and staggered over to the tall kitchen trash bin where she unloaded her stomach contents before walking back and taking a seat as if nothing had happened, as if she hadn't just tossed her cookies in front of him.

''Well, there goes my appetite,'' he said, wrinkling up his nose and pushing his plate away from himself.

Santana's head was spinning, and not just because of the hangover. ''What do you mean Brittany's not over me?''

''What do you think I mean?'' Kurt responded. ''You obviously have feelings for Brittany, otherwise you wouldn't have acted out like you did last night, and Brittany obviously has feelings for you otherwise she wouldn't still be doodling _Brittany Lopez_ on the inside of her binder. Do I even need to mention all the sad longing stares she sends your way during glee?''

''She stares at me?''

Kurt fluttered his lashes rapidly as if he were annoyed with her inability to grasp what was right in front of her. ''Of course she stares at you but you're usually too busy sulking off in the corner to notice. How do you not know this?''

Santana shrugged.

''And her constant calls and texts never gave you any indication that she might possibly still hold a flame for you?''

Santana shook her head in the negative.

Flustered with how blind she was to the obvious, he briefly closed his eyes and ran both of his index fingers over his eyebrows as if combing them down and soothing himself. ''Okay,'' he said after a moment. ''So now I'm telling you and now you know which means now you can do something about it.''

''Do something about it? Why?''

''So you can be together of course,'' Kurt answered simply. ''It's like all of those silly paperback romance novels you see on the rack at the grocery store. The dark and dreamy anti hero of the story has to make amends and change their wicked wicked ways before they can live happily ever after with the princess.''

Santana's face was deadpan and emotionless. She was no hero, Brittany wasn't her princess and this was no fairytale and she was in no mood to play make believe. She had long since passed anger and moved on to a sad acceptance.

''Just so you know I already did something about it and guess what? Brittany made a choice and that choice wasn't me. So even if what you're telling me now is true, it doesn't matter because I'm done with putting myself out there, I'm done with feelings and I'm done with all of that because Brittany's done with me.''

''That's what I'm trying to tell you though,'' he stressed. ''She's not done with you.''

''What is this to you, Kurt?'' she asked weakly. She didn't understand why her love life or general happiness meant anything to him. ''Why are you so gung ho about playing cupid here? Why do you care?''

''I care because I care about my friends.''

Even though she had admitted it to herself, it was an entirely different matter to admit it to his face. ''Since when are we friends,'' she said under her breath.

Kurt calmly stood up, emptied off his uneaten food into the bin and placed his plate into the sink. There was no exasperation though, because as frustrating as she was being he was clearly able to see right through all of her protests. ''You didn't have to invite me along last night, you didn't have to do any of that, you didn't have to buy my ticket or get me a fake ID or drag me along but _you did_. You took me to my first gay bar, to my first drag show, you helped me have fun and relax. You helped me step out of the ordinary for what feels like the first time in my life, Santana. Being in that club, being with those people, laughing with those people... _our people_...it made me feel not alone... _you_ made me feel not alone. That's what friends do. They remind each other that they're not alone. I know I've done that for you and last night you did it for me.''

Santana didn't really have an argument against that.

''You may not be able to say it but we _are_ friends,'' he continued. ''And as for your friend I'm telling you trying to self destruct isn't the answer.''

''Yeah well, what I do and how I handle myself is none of your business.''

''Uh it is when I'm the one driving you home and taking care of you. And you know what, I didn't even mind doing any of that,'' he said, laughing airly. ''I'd do it all over again if I had to. Friends remind each other that they're not alone but friends also tell each other the truth. The truth is drinking yourself silly isn't going to fix your problem or make anything better. Me and Drag Race...I know we mean something to you but we can only do so much. We can only fill up so much room in your heart, and that's because the rest of your heart is reserved for her. Brittany.''

Kurt sighed and started for the kitchen door, taking off her breakfast splattered blouse to reveal he still had his dress shirt on underneath. He didn't quite give her a smile but rather a look of compassion. He wasn't hurt, he wasn't angry, he - if anything - looked understanding.

''I'm going to tell you the same thing RuPaul tells the queens when they need to get their ass in gear and show the world what they're made of: _step your pussy up Santana_.''

''Step _my what_ up?!''

''You heard me,'' he said.

And with that he left her sitting alone at her kitchen table.

She couldn't believe it. Kurt of all people telling her she needed to _step her pussy up_.

 _Screw that_ , she thought as she pressed her face down onto the cool surface of the table and rested it there, letting her melancholy overcome her until she felt warm tears streaming down her cheeks.

This was the last thing she wanted to feel. Hope.

She had already given up, she had already resigned herself to the fact that she and Brittany had missed their moment. Brittany's rejection, however gentle it had been, had shattered Santana into a million pieces, scattering her everywhere. It was silly she knew but finding Drag Race and having Kurt around had in their own ways helped her begin to reassemble all of those pieces back together.

Drag Race made her laugh again, it allowed her to see parts of herself within the queens who not only survived but thrived, and Kurt, having him in the picture over the last several weeks had given her a kind of companionship she'd never had before. For the longest time it had felt like it was her against the world, but with him at her side on that basement couch, screaming and singing along to their favorite show, it started to feel like it was _the two of them_ against the world.

And maybe she still had a long ways to go before she was truly okay and complete, but there was no way she was going to take his advice and risk all of that work, all of that progress just because Kurt _thought_ Brittany still had feelings for her. There was no way she was going to lay her heart on the line again only to have it bitch slapped into oblivion. She knew what Kurt was trying to do, in his own hella annoying way he thought he was trying to help. He saw romance in black and white, but what he didn't understand is that she and Brittany had begun to exist in the gray of things. What had happened between them wasn't simple or small, it was painful and profound and she wasn't interested in inflecting that on herself by even allowing herself to entertain the idea that Brittany still carried a torch for her.

Kurt was right about one thing however.

She did need to _step her pussy up_ , Santana thought as she gathered herself up and trudged her way to her bathroom where she wrestled herself out of her clothes from the previous night and stepped under the hot spray of water, trying to rinse all of her hurt and confusion away.

As the water poured down her face and body she realized she needed to level up. Not by talking to Brittany, not by hooking up with rando waitresses, not by get getting drunk, but by realizing that if she was ever going to move forward, she had to let go. She had to let go of all of it, the shame and the fear and the pain, not for Brittany and not for Kurt but for herself. She had to do this, to know herself, accept herself and embrace herself _for herself_. Not for a friendship or a relationship, it had to be for her. And maybe that was selfish, and maybe that was proud, but maybe just maybe that's what one had to do to get to the other side of it.

Later on when she stepped out of the stall and wrapped a towel around herself she moved to stand in front of the large bathroom mirror. Staring at her own reflection Santana exhaled and in that moment, she recalled the words Ru used to sign off at the end of each and every episode.

She kind of always thought those words were cheesy as hell, like something someone would say in glee club, but looking at herself, at her swollen eyes, her red nose, her slightly gaunt features she realized the truth and wisdom in RuPaul's words.

' _If you can't love yourself how in the hell are you gonna love somebody else_.'

She needed to take care of herself, she needed to love herself, for herself.

X

For the next several days Kurt watched Santana from afar, waiting to see some kind of progress. He had hoped his firm but encouraging words to her would push her to confront her feelings and talk things out with Brittany, but alas, Santana was still being a total oblivious bitch he concluded.

Sure, it actually started to look like she was trying. Santana had a new and weirdly calm composure about her after that conversation at the breakfast table, but she was still steering clear of Brittany.

That's when he started to think he was maybe going about this all wrong. Urging Santana to make the first romantic gesture was fruitless because of course it would be. She was Santana who he had learned was so very sensitive underneath her perfect sneer. He thought perhaps he could facilitate this reconciliation by tackling it from the Brittany angle. And, as luck would have it Mr. Schue was having them do another duets project in glee. Kurt immediately asked Brittany to be his partner for the week. She had accepted and he had eagerly suggested she pop over to his house that evening to brainstorm song ideas.

Downstairs in his basement bedroom they poured over both of their music collections, tossing out suggestions and talking them out yet never settling on anything specific. Kurt hadn't thought it would be this difficult to agree upon a song but it was actually pretty hard to pin one down that felt uniquely Brittany and uniquely him at the same time. After awhile they decided to take a break and enjoy some snacks he had prepared for her visit.

''Thank you,'' she said as she dipped a speared strawberry into his mini chocolate fountain which was flowing on his coffee table.

''My pleasure,'' he sang, delighted. ''I love entertaining and I knew you were the kind of girl who could appreciate a good chocolate fountain.''

''Oh the fountain is totally awesome but I meant thank you for asking me to be your partner this week.''

''To be honest I'm actually surprised you were still available. I figured you and Artie would've partnered up.''

Brittany bit into her fruit and spoke between very careful chews. ''No. He and I are kind of on a break right now.''

Kurt raised an eyebrow, intrigued. ''A break?''

''Well, a break up. For like the last three weeks.''

Kurt wrinkled his nose up in sympathy. Or, well, a sort of sympathy. He didn't want anyone to get hurt but this news was going to make Operation: Bring Brittana Back Together a little less complicated. ''I'm sorry. I had no idea.''

Brittany lifted a shoulder and went back in for more chocolate. She didn't seem to distraught over the fact as she continued to explain. ''It was pretty mutual.''

''Why didn't you tell anybody?''

''We didn't think we needed to announce it, we just thought everyone would figure it out eventually. I half think nobody has noticed because no one really cares, so.''

''So does this mean you're out of Brainiacs?''

''Why would you think that?''

Kurt shrugged. In truth he had just sort of assumed her joining the club and taking her classes more seriously had something to do with Artie. She had never seemed to care about her grades much before and so it was the only thing that made sense to him.

Brittany chuckled inwardly. ''I didn't get into Brainiacs for Artie.''

''You didn't?''

''I joined it for myself. Mostly.''

''Mostly?''

''Can I tell you a secret?''

''Absolutely.''

''It's like a super top secret though.''

Kurt made a motion with his hands as if he were zipping his mouth shut.

''A part of me did it for myself,'' Brittany continued. ''Like I wanted to push myself to try harder but another part of me wanted to also do it for Santana.''

''Santana huh?''

Brittany sighed all wistful like as she abandoned her chocolate covered strawberry on a plate and became suddenly transfixed by the fabric of Kurt's white couch, examining it as she spoke. ''I wanted to show her I could be smart. I wanted to show her that I was working on myself too. Like if she saw me doing better in my classes and doing Brainiacs and reporting for the Muckraker...then maybe she wouldn't give up on me, you know? I just didn't want her to give up on me.''

Brittany exhaled, letting out a sad whimper along with it. She looked way more troubled over all the distance between herself and Santana than she was with her breaking up with Artie Kurt noticed.

''Is that why the two of you broke up?'' he asked gently. ''Santana?''

''Yes and no.'' Brittany admitted, her eyes still downcast. ''I think Artie and I were going to break up no matter what. I just needed to let that run its course on its own, for my own reasons. I think I also needed to realize that relationships should be more than just content, you know? They should be passionate and there was just...no passion there.''

''Like there was with Santana?''

This question caused Brittany to look up finally and nod. ''With Santana, it's like that's all there was. Passion. The big sweeping kind that takes your breath away.''

''You should tell her that.''

''What?''

Kurt grinned and waved his hands about in front of her. ''That you're single, that you want her, that you're waiting for her, that she's the only person who ever made you feel passion? I mean, _you do_ want her right?''

''She's Santana. I'm always going to want her. And I've been trying to tell her all of this since like, weeks ago.''

''That's why you've been calling and texting her all the time?''

''Yeah, only she never answers, and every time I've tried to talk to her in person she finds an excuse to run in the other direction. She's not interested in anything I have to say and at this point I don't blame her. I blew it."

''How?'' Kurt asked.

''I made a choice. It wasn't the right choice but it was the one I thought was best at the time. But now I think it's too late.''

''You know in all of these weeks I've gotten to know Santana, Britt, and I don't think she's as over you as you think.''

''Why do you say that?''

Kurt tilted his head in thought and took a moment or two to take a bite out of a strawberry himself. On one hand he did want Brittany to know there was still hope but on the other hand, he knew Santana wouldn't appreciate him relaying how truly pathetic she was without Brittany at her side.

''You just have to trust me,'' he said eventually. ''She still wants you. She's pushing you away because she thinks you don't want her."

That seemed to stump Brittany. "What, why?"

"Because she's not Santana Lopez head cheerleader anymore,'' Kurt explained softly. ''She doesn't have the squad, she doesn't have her popularity, she doesn't exactly have any confidence. She doesn't think you want her now that she's a loser.''

''That's ridiculous."

"Have you met Santana? Ridiculous is her middle name.''

''How could she think that though? Like, I was never with her because she had those things or was those things. It was never about that for me.''

Kurt lifted his hands up and shrugged because he didn't have that answer. Santana was a tough nut to crack.

''You're going to have to be the one to do it, you know.''

''Do what?''

''Make the next move,'' he encouraged. ''She loves you, I know it, she just needs you to say it first.''

Brittany bit her lip before a hopeful looking half smile appeared on her face. ''You think so?''

''I know so. It's just like you told me, she's not like everyone else, she feels everything more. She doesn't want to put herself out there because she's afraid of the risk. She thinks that if she gets hurt again, there'll be no coming back from that. You have to take the risk first in order to show her that with you _there is no risk_. If you want her to be vulnerable, you have to be vulnerable first.''

''You really think she still wants me?''

Kurt fought himself to not roll his eyes. _These girls._ Instead though he took a deep breath and moved to pull a book off of a nearby end table, he held it up and out in front of his chest so Brittany could make out the front cover. ''I swear she does, I swear on my copy of _Workin' It: RuPaul's Guide to Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Style_ ,'' he said wholeheartedly. ''Talk to her.''

Brittany looked a little perplexed at his choice of reading material but went with it anyway, suddenly inhaling with a new life and determination.

X

It was a few days since her hangover had passed and Santana found herself holding things together pretty well.

She had been avoiding Kurt a little bit. Not because they had left things in a bad place or anything but he had for whatever reason decided to partner up with Brittany for the week in glee and so Santana in turn kept her visits to his basement to a minimum. She figured it'd reduce the risk of her accidentally running or bumping into Brittany.

On her end Santana had been saddled with Tina for a partner which she hadn't minded all that much. Considering the rest of her club, Tina was actually sort of okay in Santana's books. They had already collaborated before with Trouty Mouth and had forged a cordial working relationship from that experience. One thing Santana learned and appreciated about the other girl was her musical taste, Tina could jam out to all of your standard pop anthems but she also had a taste for the eclectic too, the left of center. Tina had talked her into doing 'I Am Not A Robot' by Marina & The Diamonds for their song, with Tina on the piano and vocals but with Santana taking a little bit more of the lead. Their arrangement of it actually sounded pretty good if you asked her, although Santana had to admit to herself that the lyrics hit a little too close for home. Painfully so almost. Still, they did a damn good job she thought.

After the performance she and the rest of the glee girls had found themselves congregating in the girls bathroom. They had all been straggling about and giving she and Tina props for their song as they waited for the period to end. Eventually one by one they made their exit, rushing off to their respective classes until it was just Santana there alone primping in the mirror. She had woken up that day and decided to try something different with her eyes and used an interesting technique she had picked up from watching a makeup tutorial with Detox..

''You sounded really pretty today.''

Santana flinched slightly, almost poking her right eye out when she saw Brittany in the mirror. It seemed the others had all scampered away leaving Brittany behind in one of the stalls.

A week ago Santana's response to finding herself alone with Brittany would've been to just make up some dumb excuse and walk away before Brittany could say or do anything, but here and now as Brittany walked over to join her at the row of sinks Santana knew that if she was really going to _step her pussy up_ then she had to stop running away.

''Thank you,'' Santana said to Brittany's reflection.

Brittany washed and dried her hands and then turned, pressing and leaning against the counter in order for her to be face to face with Santana. ''I didn't realize how much I've missed your voice until today,'' she said.

Santana blinked.

''I miss more than your voice, you know,'' Brittany continued, lingering just to linger.

Knowing that those blue eyes were focused on her made her all frustrated and flustered but Santana swallowed and attempted to carry on, fixing her eyes, touching up her lips, adding a layer of powder on with a makeup brush, all while she tried to avoid Brittany's gaze. _Keep it together, keep it together, don't break._

''I was thinking, well, hoping that after school today we could get together? Like we could go somewhere and talk?'' Brittany suggested. ''Breadstix? Or the Lima Bean? Whatever you want, on me of course.''

Again Santana remained silent.

''It's just that, I miss you,'' Brittany admitted in a heartfelt little whisper. ''I miss you so, so much and I've had a lot of time to think and figure things out and I feel like if we could just sit down and talk, you'd understand.''

And then it was strange, because right there as Santana looked at herself in the mirror she could've sworn she saw two little pink puffs of air appear near her head to reveal a little angel and a little devil - except it wasn't just two nameless faceless entities that landed on each of her shoulders and began whispering in her ears. No, there in front of her she had a tiny orange Phi Phi O'Hara and a tiny sequined gowned Latrice Royale on her shoulders and while glowing lovely angel!Latrice whispered words about forgiveness and love and patience the tiny devil!Phi Phi just screamed ' _bitch go off!'_ in her ear.

If she were a smarter person she would've taken angel!Latrice's words to heart and risen above her own petty thoughts and tried to hear Brittany out, but because she was Santana Lopez devil!Phi Phi's advice just made a lot more sense to her.

'' _Understand what?''_ Santana snapped. ''That you feel guilty about the choice you made that day in the hallway and now, let me guess, you want us to sit down and have a nice little chat so you can feel better about it?''

''No, I just wanted to tell you that-''

With devil!Phi Phi urging her to rant on Santana interrupted Brittany with a huff. '' _That what, you still love me? That this is hurting you? That you still want us to be friends?_ Well I'm sorry but I can't do that.'' She started throwing all of her products haphazardly into her makeup bag, shoving them in with unnecessary force. ''Because guess what Brittany, I can't just turn my feelings on and off okay, I'm not like you.''

''Is that what you think of me?'' Brittany asked. ''That I just turn my feelings on and off?''

''It's the truth isn't it? One minute you love me, another minute you love someone else, it's easy for you.''

''Easy for me?''

''Meanwhile I'm just your squeaky toy you go to when you get bored...or when your boyfriend can't give you what you need when you need it, right,'' Santana smarted.

Brittany shook, her emotions spilling out at that accusation. ''That's not what you are to me and, you think any of this?'' she motioned between their bodies for emphasis. ''Has been easy for me? I don't turn my feelings on and off and as for anyone feeling like a toy, do you know how many _years_ I've spent feeling like _your_ squeaky toy? God. Do you even know what it's like?''

''What?''

''To be with you, to feel all of you, everywhere, to be underneath you and feel like, like I'm the center of your universe in that moment - only to hear you tell me how 'this doesn't mean anything' or 'you're only here because you need a warm body'. Do you know what that feels like? Do you even know how many times you made me feel like I was your toy? One minute you would want me, the next minute you couldn't wait to get dressed and leave. Don't tell me I turn my feelings on and off when that's you.''

''Oh yeah?'' Santana asked, inching closer to Brittany. ''If that's so, if that's how it was, if that's how _I_ was, why did you even bother to stick around?''

''Because.''

Santana moved closer even still. ''Because what?''

''Because I loved you. Because I wanted you, even if all I got were scraps and moments and pieces. Being in your bed, being the center of your universe for even a minute...I told myself it was better than nothing. And it was. It wasn't just better than nothing, it was better than everything.''

''Then why leave? If being with me was better than everything and everyone?''

Brittany sighed with a shake of her head. She looked a little shaken to have Santana there in her personal space but there was a calmness and firmness about her as she stood her ground. ''I needed to stand on my own two feet for once, Santana. Once upon a time I always let you dictate everything, what we were, what we could be, and we couldn't keep going in circles like that. It wasn't good for you and it wasn't good for me. I needed to make a choice for myself for once.''

Santana nodded. ''Well you made it and now you have to live with it.''

''I have been living with it.''

''And so have I and I know it might not seem like it to you but _I'm respecting it.''_

''Respecting what?''

''Your choice.''

''By avoiding me?''

Santana's silence was her confirmation. By avoiding Brittany she was, yes, protecting her own heart but on another level she really was in her own way respecting Brittany's choice, honoring it. But now that they were in the same room standing so temptingly close together she couldn't deny herself just a little fix as she reached forward and brought Brittany's body directly up against hers.

Santana then moved a hand up to cradle the side of Brittany's face. Her thumb gently and soothingly running across a pale cheek. They were so near they were practically breathing each other in.

''I'm not hiding from myself anymore,'' Santana said, her nose bumping against Brittany's.

Brittany tried to smile and looked slightly hopeful as she closed the last bit of space between them. For a second it even looked like she might lean in and touch her, kiss her, embrace her. Hold her. Until-

''But I can't keep doing this with you Brittany,'' Santana admitted. That hint of a smile on Brittany's face disappeared, and any hope she had vanished from her expression. ''Not while I'm trying to work on my own junk. I'm sorting out who I am and for the first time in my life, I'm starting to accept it...I'm starting to accept me...I'm starting to like who I am.'' Santana let out a laugh of relief because it was the truth. ''And who I am is like, hella gay, Britt. I'm getting it now in a way I never have before. But I can't work on myself and then pause everything when you want to come around and talk about your feelings, because I have feelings too and they're big and they're complicated and messy.''

''I know.''

''I'm trying to figure things out. That's all I can do, try, but trying is hard with you texting me or calling me all the time when…''

''When what?'' Brittany asked through tears.

''When you're still with someone else.'' Santana said, still crushed over all of it. ''I get that you miss me, cause I miss you. I miss you more than I can even stand...more than you'll ever possibly know. But you missing me and me missing you doesn't change anything.''

It took everything inside of Santana to remain composed and pull herself away from that intense orbit, to remove her body from up against Brittany's.

For weeks and months she had been so starved for her touch and Santana had allowed herself a brief moment to bask in it one last time. But that was it she told herself. That was all she was going to give herself. That's all she could take.

''Why don't you go toddle off and find your boyfriend,'' Santana suggested quietly.

''He's not my boyfriend anymore,'' Brittany said in a rush, desperate to get the words out before Santana had her hand on the door knob.

Santana's heart thumped as she came to a halt, her limbs suddenly frozen.

''We broke up,'' Brittany continued, her voice full of emotion. ''It's over. It's so totally over.''

Santana turned to look back at her. ''When?''

''Weeks ago. Probably even before then if I'm being honest.''

''Why didn't you-''

''Tell you?'' Brittany finished Santana's thought. ''It's sorta hard to tell you anything when you've been refusing to talk to me. Then again...I get why you couldn't now and that's okay. This isn't exactly how I wanted to do it but I need you to know it. I want you to know that I'm here now. For you.''

Santana felt like crying, she felt like dancing, she felt like fainting, she felt like shouting a _'hallelu!'_ up into the air ala Shangela. Santana felt a million different things at once.

It was over. Not just over but 'so totally over'. Over over.

Santana bit the inside of her lip as mini angel!Latrice and devil!Phi Phi reappeared on her shoulders again. Angel!Latrice hollered at her _''Mama, don't you remember the 5 G's?_ _G_ _ood_ _g_ _od_ _g_ _et a_ _g_ _rip_ _g_ _irl! Ain't this what you been waiting for?! Go to your honey and kiss her!''_ meanwhile devil!Phi Phi just shouted _"at least I am a showgirl, bitch!"_ for some completely unknown and totally useless reason.

Santana blinked unevenly, like some small confused injured squirrel, one eyelid closing a millisecond before the other. She wiggled her head slightly, her personal angel and devil disappeared with a couple of poofs of air as she came back to reality.

And it was a reality Santana didn't know how to respond to.

Now Santana may have been on a mission to step her pussy up but the truth was, she had yet to step her heart up. As relieved as she felt now, now that she knew there was no one else holding Brittany's hand, she was even more terrified than ever before. Because now there was real possibility and with real possibility came the real risk. And risk, that was something she had never been good at, especially when it came to matters of the heart.

''I can't,'' she said, lamely trying to hide her sniffles. ''I just can't, Brittany.''

She felt something inside of her breaking as she said the words. The second they were out of her mouth she scrambled and made her exit through the door. She knew if she took one look at Brittany's face and saw the hurt and devastation there was no way she wouldn't crumble and fall into her arms.

Santana just couldn't go there again. Couldn't make that choice, couldn't take that risk. As much as she wanted to be she realized in that moment as she felt her own tears come hard and fast, maybe she wasn't as brave and fearless as all of her favorite queens.

She wasn't there yet.

X

A couple of days later it was Drag Race night once again and even with everything weighing on her Santana still found herself making her way over to Kurt's.

Mostly because she didn't want to be alone, but also because she knew he would have food. Fuck _Chicken Soup for the Soul_ , she was going to write a new book she decided. _Breadstix for Bitch Ass Broken Hearts_. That had a certain ring to it she thought as she and Kurt plonked themselves down in their usual spots on the couch and began to dig in.

Even with the tsunami of emotions stirring around inside of her, she knew it was for the best that she make an effort, that she not shut herself away from the world. And anyway she told herself it wasn't as if she could miss tonight's episode even if she wanted to. It was the season finale, and yeah maybe her love life was in total ruins or whatever but she still really needed to know which queen took the Season 5 crown home.

It was what she and Kurt had been waiting for, for all these weeks, months really. The crowning of America's Next Drag Superstar. But it was hard for her to muster up much enthusiasm for Drag Race or Breadstix, which Kurt seemed to notice after awhile.

''Are you okay?'' Kurt asked during a commercial break.

''What?'' she asked, shaking herself out of a slight daze.

He muted the TV and nodded down to their food. ''It's just that usually at this point of the night you would have already stolen my serving of breadsticks.''

''Maybe I'm trying to cut back on carbs.''

He held up his pointer finger. ''Also, there's a ton of drama happening between Roxxxy, Alaska and Jinkx in this episode. You usually _live_ for workroom drama but right now it's like you're barely here. What's going on?''

She shook her head and waited several minute before she finally decided to just tell him. ''I talked to Brittany.''

Kurt comically slurped up a bit of pasta. ''Oh?''

''Actually it was more like she cornered me into a conversation.'' Santana squinted off into the distance. ''And then I may or may have not have imagined a mini Latrice and Phi Phi giving me life advice.''

''What?''

''I don't know, it was weird.''

''So wait, Brittany came to you then?'' Kurt questioned with an intrigued little glimmer.

Santana nodded.

''And?''

''And nothing,'' Santana grumbled, tossing her take out meal onto the coffee table and abandoning it, carelessly tossing a used napkin onto the serving.

''What did you say?''

''Why does it matter?'' Santana stood up and went to raid his mini fridge. She poked around until she found what she was looking for. ''I'm stealing your last soda.''

''There's an extra case upstairs in the kitchen,'' he said with a dismissive wave of his hand. He didn't care if he was out of soda, he wanted details. ''I take it whatever your conversation entailed it must not have ended very well otherwise you wouldn't be in this delightful little mood of yours. Will you just spill?''

Santana sipped on her drink as she made a lazy stroll around his room. ''She told me she broke up with Artie and that she wanted me to know that she was ready. She put herself out there and I...I walked away.''

''Correct me if I'm wrong but your gay ass has been pining over her for months.''

''I have not been _pining_ over Brittany,'' she scoffed. ''I've been brooding over her, there's a difference. Pining is pathetic, brooding on the other hand is sexy.''

''Whatever, my point is you've clearly been miserable being apart from each other. You've spent months moping around without her and when she finally decides to do something about it and puts herself on the line, _you_ reject _her_?''

''I wasn't rejecting her,'' Santana said, taking issue with that phrasing. ''I was doing what's best for her, and me. She'll get over it, she'll get over me.''

''I don't get you sometimes,'' Kurt sighed in disappointment.

''Yeah well neither do I.''

''I don't understand why you can't be vulnerable with her.''

''Because the last time I was vulnerable my heart got trampled on,'' Santana replied briskly. ''Since then I've been working my ass off trying to get to the other side of all of this. I know I still have a long way to go but I'm getting there, I'm putting in the time and doing the work on myself and for myself and what, I'm supposed to drop all of that and run into her arms because _she's_ ready? Yeah no.''

''I highly doubt you're just some consolation prize to her, Santana.''

''And how do you know that?''

Kurt gave her a shrug and a flap of his hands, he was very obviously trying to brush off her question with a blase response. But Santana, Santana could see something in his sneaky little squirrely face.

She set her drink down on his desk and took a long moment to study him. ''You didn't tell her to talk to me, did you?''

Kurt let out a nervous sounding chuckle. ''Why would I do that?''

''Oh I don't know, I just think it's funny how just a few days ago you were all telling me to 'step my pussy up' and go sweep Brittany off her feet? And then when I don't, you go and purposely team up with her and talk about who knows what together, and then after spending time with you she just comes at me with all of her feelings. I just think it's interesting how she finally makes a move when you've been over here trying to play cupid between the two of us.''

He held up the remote control as if to unmute the TV and resume their program. ''Can we please save this conversation for later? The show's coming back on.''

Santana approached him and then with only slight force lightly swatted the remote out of his hand, sending it skidding across the floor.

Kurt squeaked in outrage. ''What the hell did you do that for?''

''No, you know what, we're not watching this finale until you tell me what you told Brittany.'' She folded her arms in an attempt to show him she meant business.

''I didn't tell her anything. Well, hardly anything.''

''What does that mean?''

Kurt didn't answer, he just stood up and went to retrieve the remote, picking it up and trying to take his spot back in front of the TV. Only before he could do so Santana yanked it out of his hands once again. He tried to reach for it but she simply held it up and out of his grasp.

''You're not getting this until you give me a straight answer.'' She spun in place, holding the remote away from him as he tried to make a grab for it at different angles.

''Stop playing Santana,'' he warned. ''They're about to do the final runway!''

''Fuck the final runway!''

''How dare you!''

''You _'shut your no drag knowledge mouth'_!''

''Don't you quote Alyssa Edwards at me at a time like this!''

''' _I'm not joking bitch!'_ '' she shouted in her best Coco Montrese impression.

And with that, they both tumbled to the floor as they began a childish wrestling match for the remote. There was no real anger or force in this tussle though, if anything, as they twisted and turned and rolled all over the floor together, squeaking and shouting at each other, they seemed more like a couple of siblings squabbling over a toy they both wanted to play with.

It went on for several completely ridiculous minutes until they heard someone clear their throat loudly as if to get their attention.

Santana and Kurt went statue still when they saw they had a visitor standing just a few feet away.

''Brittany,'' Kurt greeted brightly from underneath Santana who had been winning their silly tussle. ''How lovely of you to drop in.''

Brittany took a few seconds to digest the scene before pulling something out of her backpack and holding it out to Kurt. ''Sorry to interrupt whatever this is, I just came over to give you back your iPod shuffle,'' she said, holding up the gadget as she inched her way towards them. The shuffle was placed in a small ziplock bag for some odd reason. ''You let me borrow it when we were brainstorming duets a few nights ago. My mom told me to bring it back to you and get it out of the house because Lord Tubbington ate it, then puked it up, then ate it again, then puked it up. Kind of went on like that for awhile.''

Kurt winced as he picked himself up and rubbed his side where Santana had elbowed him a few moments ago. He took her offering by his fingertips and flinged it into a nearby trash bin. ''Gee, thanks.''

''What were you guys doing?'' Brittany asked.

Kurt waited a moment to see if Santana would join in on their conversation and answer. When she didn't Kurt stepped up and lamely offered her an explanation. ''Spanish tutoring.''

Santana meanwhile stood up and dusted herself off and casually drifted to the other side of the room, putting several feet of space between herself and Brittany.

''Right,'' Brittany said, as if that made sense.

Kurt looked over to Santana, then to Brittany, then to Santana again.

''Would you like a ginger ale?'' he asked Brittany, acting like a perfectly accommodating host.

Brittany gave him a nod. ''I could go for something to drink.''

Kurt turned then as if to grab one from his mini fridge and then stopped dramatically. '' _Oh would you look at that?_ I am all at of refreshments down here! No worry though,'' he said with a weirdly wicked smile that was almost Santana-esque. ''I have plenty upstairs in the kitchen. I'll just go pop up there to grab a few. Brittany, why don't you wait here with Santana while I go fetch some drinks?''

''I'll go get them,'' Santana offered eagerly, looking for an out.

Kurt flapped a hand at her, he wasn't about to let her wiggle her way out of this. ''Nonsense, I'm your host. It's my duty.''

Kurt sent Santana a smirk as he started on up the stairs, leaving her there in his basement bedroom alone with Brittany.

When he was out of sight Santana did her best to busy herself, walking over to Kurt's desk on the other side of the room to retrieve her own discarded drink. She knocked a couple of sips back and then started to poke and prod around as if she found his fabric swatches and sketchbooks utterly fascinating.

She was hoping Brittany would take the painfully uncomfortable silence as a hint that she wasn't interested in trying to hash anything out. But she had no such luck she realized when Brittany broke the ice and the quietness.

''I didn't know you were here,'' Brittany said to her back.

''Yeah well, Kurt sucks at conjugation so.''

''But I'm glad you are.''

Santana blinked long and hard and gripped the edge of furniture. ''I meant what I said to you,'' she said, practically trembling. ''I can't do this, I can't be with you right now, Brittany.''

''I know and I'm not here to convince you to be.''

Santana flinched. She hadn't expected those words or how much they would hurt.

''I've been thinking a lot about what you said a few days ago. I realized something. A few things actually.''

''Like?'' Santana finally mustered up enough nerve to turn around so they could face each other.

''You said that even though it didn't look like it, you were respecting the choice I had made.'' Brittany's eyes held a certain kind of calm resolution. ''I didn't get that at first, how you respecting it meant you having to avoid me. But when I really thought about it, I figured it out. You weren't just avoiding me to hurt me...you were giving me space. You were giving me space so I could figure out how to stand on my own two feet. You were giving me what I needed without me even seeing it. You were giving me what I needed and now, I just want you to know...I'm ready to give you what you need.''

''And what is that exactly?'' Santana asked, her breath becoming heavy.

''The same thing. Space.'' Brittany smiled sadly. ''You made a choice and just like you respected mine I'm going to respect yours.''

''And how are you going to do that?''

It looked like it pained Brittany as she worried her bottom lip and said, ''you don't have to worry about me constantly calling or texting you anymore. I'm not saying I won't slip up or break because I know it's going to be there, this itch to hear you or talk to you, but if I do just….just block me. If respecting your choice means giving you space and time...then that's what I'll do. It's like I said, I needed to stand on my own two feet for awhile and I did. Now, now I think maybe it's your turn. Maybe that means you figuring out how to be alone, maybe that means you dating other girls, I don't know. I just know that I'll be here _when you're ready_ , when you find your own two feet. I don't want to push you anymore or try to force your hand because that…this...it can't be about me or what I want or when I'm ready. It's about you. I want to be the person who gives you what you need, even if what you need is to be without me for awhile while you figure yourself out.''

Santana felt the sting of tears. ''And if I never do?''

Brittany made a cute squinty little thinky face. ''I'll still be here.''

''And what if when I do figure everything out and get to a place where I am ready to be with you, what if I'm not the same person?''

''That doesn't matter. I mean it does and it doesn't,'' Brittany amended quickly. ''If you find out new and different things about yourself I'll still want you.''

''Even if I'm never cheer captain again?''

''Even if you're never cheer captain again.''

''Even if I'm just another loser at Mckinley with no power, no popularity?''

''Even then,'' Brittany giggled through the seriousness, because of course she would. ''I don't care about those things. You could come back ready with all the answers or with no answers at all and I'll still want you. I never hung off your arm because you had those things.''

''Why did you?'' Santana asked, not out of confrontation but a genuine curiosity.

''You know how I told you that when I was with you I felt like I was the center of your universe?''

Santana nodded.

''What I didn't get a chance to say was that, you were mine too. You were...are...always will be the center of my universe, Santana. That has never changed. No matter who you are or what you are or where you are, I'll be here.''

''You will?''

''I will. I'll wait. Whether that's one day or a thousand of them,'' Brittany vowed.

Santana swallowed as she let all of this wash over her. Brittany wasn't putting any pressure or rush or urgency on this, she was opening the door and letting Santana know it was there whenever she felt she was ready to walk through it. On her terms and in her own time.

''Until then…'' Brittany continued, ''I won't be far but I'm going to do my best to give you the space you need.''

Brittany looked like she was about to turn and start on up the stairs but then, decided differently as she slowly walked and made her way over to stand in front of Santana.

''I just need this one last thing,'' Brittany said as she gently pulled Santana in for a hug, burying her face into Santana's neck and inhaling deeply. Savoring the moment and the embrace.

It took her a few moments but Santana felt herself relaxing against her. Her own arms went to wrap around Brittany, holding her to her.

In this moment Santana felt herself feeling safe, secure, soothed. Soothed in a way only Brittany could ever make her feel. Brittany who could always see past everything, who would reach past the barbed wire around Santana's heart to make it beat again when Santana felt like she was too far gone.

Brittany was going to wait for her.

Brittany was going to be there on the other side of whatever this was, whatever this turned out to be.

Slowly Brittany began to pull away from their hug. Giving Santana one last sad but certain smile as she went only to be tugged back as Santana reached out, found Brittany's hand and twirled her back into her arms and into a deep and passionate kiss.

It had been too long, too long since Santana had felt this softness, this tenderness that only Brittany's kiss could give her. And Santana wasn't coming up for air either. She wanted to drown in it, in the depths of this embrace. What started off as slow and languid though turned heated and intense and hungry. Brittany was kissing back just as hotly and fervantly as Santana.

So entwined with each other they accidentally bumped into Kurt's desk with a bit of force, causing several items on top of it to shake or fall over but they didn't stop or slow down. They were so lost in the kiss they didn't seem to notice or care, especially when Santana's hands started to wander over Brittany, exploring a body that she was already so familiar with and had so missed. And especially not when Brittany pumped forward, pushing Santana against the edge of said desk, each of them letting out needy, desperate little whimpers.

''No, no, wait, wait,'' Brittany said, shaking her head as if trying to think more clearly.

Santana tensed. ''No?''

''No _I mean yes_ , but like,'' Brittany panted and tossed a nod in the direction of the white couch.

Without having to think twice Santana pushed her rear away from the desk and kissed Brittany again, lightly nudging her in the direction of the piece of furniture until the back of Brittany's knees hit the armrest and she toppled back, taking Santana down with her.

With a grin Santana hovered above her and went back in, capturing those perfect pink lips with her own.

''I missed you so much,'' Brittany said in a soft airy voice that made Santana's brain go haywire with lust. ''I missed this so much.''

''Britt,'' Santana moaned, on the brink of a frenzy. Her eyes clenching shut, overcome by the sensations. ''God.''

Brittany went to work between their bodies, accepting Santana's hurried, passionate kisses as her hands worked to tug at shirts, pop open buttons and inching down articles of clothing. Neither of them could get them off fast enough and yet, when they did, when skin met skin it was like everything slowed down all of a sudden.

And then, as lips met over and over again, as their bodies slide against the other, as they whispered each other's names Santana realized that maybe this passion, this fire, this connection, this kind of intimacy was worth risking her heart for.

If Brittany was open and willing and determined to be patient and wait, then maybe, maybe Santana could step her heart up.

Nothing about this would be easy or perfect but maybe it would all be worth it Santana thought as Santana watched Brittany stare up at her with wonder as they moved together, perfectly in sync even after all this time.

Maybe Santana wasn't as brave and fearless as her favorite queens, but one day she hoped to be and in order to get there, in order to be just as brave, just as fearless she had to be willing and ready to take a risk. Because you sure as hell didn't become a queen by wallowing in pity or doubt or shutting down when faced with adversity, you became one by facing it, by embracing it, by opening your heart up and taking it all in, the failure and the pain and the triumph and _making it beautiful_.

And this here with Brittany was the most beautiful thing she had ever known.

''I love you,'' Santana whispered.

Brittany smiled back with watery eyes. ''I love you too.''

And it was and they were. Beautiful.

Although Kurt didn't quite think so as he came onto the scene.

''My couch!'' he shouted, the tray of beverages he had assembled and brought down dropping to the floor causing the drinks to spill and the snacks to scatter about everywhere.

 _They were screwing on his couch_.

Santana and Brittany scrambled, both of them managed to cover themselves with a couple of large throw pillows.

Brittany looked stunned but overall seemed quite tickled at being caught, finding it amusing more than anything else. Santana half smiled, half winced in Kurt's direction.

''Hey _you_ told me to 'step my pussy up' '' she said and made a wave to her and Brittany's naked bodies hidden behind their pillows.

''This is not what I meant!'' he huffed and made a silly appalled face. Kurt looked like he was malfunctioning but soon he broke out into laughter. ''Look I don't know what this means for the two of you, I'm guessing you both came to some kind of resolution which is wonderful and should be celebrated but for the love of Ru will the two of you please get dressed and let me watch the Drag Race finale. Also Santana I swear to god if there's a wet spot on my vintage couch I will murder you.''

Santana made an airy scoffy noise, clearly she didn't take his threat seriously. Still she and Brittany began the process of wiggling back into their clothes and doing so covertly from behind the throw pillows as Kurt meanwhile went down to start cleaning up everything he had dropped when he found them banging in his bedroom.

Brittany worked her head back into her shirt. ''What's Drag Race?''

Santana looked at Kurt. Kurt looked at Santana. Santana and Kurt then both turned and smiled at Brittany.

And so two squirrel friends became three.

X

 **So gimmie all of your feelings and leave me a review!**

 **To the folks reading who are RPDR fans, how are you guys enjoying Season 10 so far? I'm really feeling Monique Heart, Monet X Change, Asia O'Hara and Miz Cracker. I also enjoyed how The Vixen is taking no shit this season omg. That was SUCH a Santana move calling Aquaria out like that in ep2. ''No too vague! This is what happened!'' I cackled. But then in ep3 of Untucked The Vixen just articulated the race problem in the fandom so well, like I've watched that scene 10x. She was bringing the truth and like I'm sorry, it's time someone said what she said.**

 **Also! Now every time I see a sponge I'm just like ''nice Drag Race reference'' lol. And it's been weeks but I'm still amazed at how this fandom has reacted to ''Miss...Vanjie...Miss...Vanjie''. You know how Glee is hard to explain to non-Glee fans, I feel like the same goes for Drag Race. It's like speaking a different language but I love it.**

 **I've actually received several messages and DMs from people telling me they started watching Drag Race because of this fic. If you have hit me up on tumblr, I want to hear your thoughts, tell me what season you're watching, what queens are your favorites so far. Do you agree about Santana being a Willam and Kurt being a Jinkx? Yes, no, maybe so? Also, who would Brittany be? I say Brittany is such a Katya. Talk to me!**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: have The Beginning by RuPaul cued up for this chapter. That was Season 5's anthem and I feel like it's important to this chapter. It was used at the end of every episode of Season 5 and then at the reunion when Jinkx takes her crown.**

 **Also I want to give a special shoutout to oldrazzle and maythejulianaaa who have all listened to me and my crazy Squirrel Friends ideas. Writing is often a very solitary thing so to have people who can say 'yes do that!' or 'that would work better' is really really helpful and encouraging to me. Also shellygirl for turning into one of the greatest squirrel friends I've ever had :)**

 **This chapter was the most frustrating and challenging to write. I saw it in my head so clearly but I'm not sure I was able to translate it well for you readers. I hope you see what I see in this.**

X

After Kurt had found them on his couch Santana and Brittany had gotten dressed and then as if sensing that they still had a few things to say to each other and sort out between them, he politely shoo'd them out of his basement bedroom. He insisted that if they stayed they would only distract him and that he really needed to watch the finale in private to truly appreciate it.

Santana gave Kurt a thankful nod as she and Brittany made their way out.

Once outside under the evening sky Santana offered to walk Brittany home. And so they started a very slow stroll through the neighborhood. Things had gotten real between them in Kurt's bedroom. Real emotional and real naked and yet as they walked together it almost felt like they were two strangers on a nice but somewhat awkward first date. Both of them were a bit nervous about getting to the serious heart of the matter about what they had just done and since Brittany had asked ''what's Drag Race'' only moments ago Santana tried to fill in all of the silence by explaining what she and Kurt had really been doing during all of those Spanish tutoring sessions.

Brittany listened intently as Santana rambled on with a very passionate yet childlike excitement over the show.

''So it's a reality show about drag queens?''

''Yes but, it's not just a reality show. Like on the surface it's easy to lump it in with all of the trashy disposable shows on TV but Drag Race is so much more than that. There's nothing else like it. It's a competition with singing challenges and dancing challenges and acting challenges and we get to watch the queens work through them, facing down their weaknesses and pushing themselves to be the best artists they can possibly be. That's really what they are, the queens are artists. But it's an artform that the mainstream has refused to acknowledge for so long because it was considered weird or deviant or whatever. The show helps people at home see that drag is just another form of entertainment that's just as valid as everything else. What's also really cool is there's a queen for everybody. They all have their different styles, aesthetics and personalities, you just have to find the queen that speaks to you, like okay Kurt really has a thing for comedy and theater queens which are fine and all I guess but you know what? Give me a really fabulous fashion queen and I'm happy. I need full on glamazon. But you know who you would like? The dance queens. You would so love a good dance queen. You would probably like a good death drop too.''

''What's a death drop?''

''What's a death drop? _What's a death drop?_ That's it, it's settled, you're watching season six with us next year.''

Brittany looked at Santana as if she were the most precious thing in the world. ''You must really like this show.''

''You don't think it's lame?'' Santana asked with an airy chuckle. She knew how foolish and fangirly she must've sounded going on and on.

''What, no, I don't think it's lame at all,'' Brittany assured. ''It sounds like fun.''

''Then why are you looking at me like that?''

''Like what?''

''Like I'm some kind of puppy in a handbasket or something.''

Brittany tilted her head in thought. ''I guess I've just never seen you excited over something like this before. The only thing you ever used to get excited about was Breadstix, and sex. I like this though, I like seeing you excited about something.''

''I know it looks silly from the outside or whatever but it means something to a lot of people. The queens are these total rock stars. Totally gay rock stars who are like so unapologetic and so proud and…''

Santana went quiet but Brittany's sweet smile said she knew exactly what she was trying to convey. Unapologetic and proud is what Santana wanted to be and seeing the queens on her TV screen every week made her feel a little less lonely and a little more fierce. A little more brave. A little more hopeful. They gave her comfort when she had needed it the most. When she was alone.

''I get it,'' Brittany said appreciatively. ''And I think it's really cool that you found something like that. I'm also glad you had Kurt to enjoy it with.''

Santana tried to play it off lightly. ''He's okay.''

''I'm sorry if me dropping in ruined your watch party or whatever.''

''You didn't ruin anything.''

''Are you sure? It sounded like I crashed the finale?''

''Sort of but not really,'' Santana explained with a dismissive wave. ''Tonight's the finale with the last challenge and last runway with our top three queens but next Monday is the reunion special and official crowning of season's five's winning queen. That's when we really find out who wins.''

''So are you rooting for anyone?'' Brittany asked.

Santana smiled and shook her head about. She got the sense Brittany wasn't asking because she was all that interested but rather because she wanted to be encouraging of something that had come to mean so much to her. ''Nah, not really. I liked most of the queens this season but I never had a stand out favorite. Roxxxy is a really polished queen. She's also sort of a bitch which kind of appeals to me to be honest, but I'm not super invested in her taking the crown. Detox has been serving some serious looks. Alaska's pretty cool too. Kurt though, Kurt is really into this queen called Jinkx Monsoon this season which makes sense because I told Kurt he basically is Jinkx in spirit. He's really hoping she takes the crown.''

''It's a big deal then? The crowning?''

''Kurt mailed me a personalized golden embossed invitation for it even though I'm the only one he ever bothers to ask over. He legit made me RSVP for the ceremony.''

Brittany obviously didn't quite comprehend everything Santana was saying or know who any of the people being referenced were but she enjoyed listening to Santana speak. ''You know if you were serious about it I really would watch it with you guys.''

''Really?''

''Of course. I don't know how fun I'll be because I don't know much about the show but if it means something to you then it means something to me. If it makes you happy I want to know what it's about. Besides maybe I'll learn some new dance moves from these queens.''

Santana brightened at the idea of getting to share and experience the show with Brittany who genuinely seemed to want to support her interest. ''So then...would this be like...a date?'' Santana asked with a playful twinkle in her eye.

Brittany gave her a cute little grin as they came to a halt at the mailbox at the end of the Pierce driveway. She stepped forward to gently press herself against Santana, wrapping her arms around her neck in a loose embrace. ''However fast or slow you want to take this, I'm here no matter what just like I said but _I would love for it to be a date_.''

Santana moved to soothe Brittany's hair, playing with it and running a hand over it. ''Then it's a date.''

''I can't wait.''

''For your first Drag Race episode?''

''No...I mean I can't wait to do this with you. This. Date.'' Brittany pressed her forehead against Santana's. ''Me and you.''

''It doesn't bother you that it won't be out in public?''

''No. I can't wait for us to begin. At whatever pace, in whatever way, I just want to be with you more than anything.''

''I want to be with you too.''

With the pressure removed from the equation Santana felt a little more confident in taking this step forward. She didn't have to have it all figured out at that very moment and that was okay because Brittany was letting her set her own speed.

They both agreed then that they were just going to proceed slow and steady. What they had was theirs and nobody else's, there didn't have to be a timetable for how they moved forward. Junior year was already winding down and then they would have the entire summer to themselves to take it easy, to enjoy each other and find their footing as girlfriend and girlfriend. No more going in circles or repeating past mistakes, from here on out it was going to be a fresh start, a clean slate they both promised. All of this was sealed with a gentle kiss which Santana happily sank into. Unlike everything that had went down in Kurt's bedroom there was no rush or urgency behind it, it was slow and soft and full of promise and possibility.

After several moments they pulled away and gave each other soft smiles. Santana looked up at the lights leading to the Pierce's front door and then looked back to Brittany. ''So I guess this is goodnight?''

''Mmm, it can be, or you can sneak up to my bedroom with me and we can finish what we started on Kurt's couch,'' Brittany suggested slyly.

Santana groaned. Brittany's offer was ten kinds of tempting and a part of her really did want to commemorate their getting together with a couple of celebratory orgasms. She had enjoyed their quick and passionate romp but they didn't exactly get to take their time or even finish. Still as much as she was aching to be close to Brittany in that way again there was also something else there tugging at her heart.

''I think I'll have to take a rain check,'' Santana said apologetically.

''You don't want to come up?''

''No I totally totally do, it's just Kurt's room was kind of a mess when we left it and I've been gone long enough. If this was the me from like six months ago I wouldn't really care but-''

''-but now your friends,'' Brittany gently interjected.

''I wouldn't go as far as to say that. I'm just trying to turn a new leaf is all. And I mean we did screw on his couch which if you ask me is cause enough to declare it a national monument but I don't think Kurt was too happy it. I really should get back to help him clean everything.''

Brittany gave her a pout but accepted it with ease. ''You really care about him don't you?'' she asked, tickled but also pleased that just as she had hoped Kurt really had stepped up and been a real shoulder for Santana to lean on.

''Pah,'' Santana made a funny airy dismissive sound.

''Yeah well, if you ask me, he's lucky to have you.''

With that Brittany pressed another kiss onto her and whispered her goodnight before she started off towards her house. Santana stood in place and watched her go. She was still smiling long after Brittany gave her a tiny wave and disappeared through her front door.

Standing there under the stars Santana exhaled and for once felt like maybe the universe was on her side. She felt a peacefulness come over her as she began her short walk back to the Hummel house. She was floating on a high as she quietly let herself back in, bypassing Burt and Carole who were curled up watching TV in the living room and proceeding back to Kurt's bedroom. The TV was off and the room was silent as she made her way down the stairs.

''Wasn't expecting you back,'' Kurt said, not looking up from his vantage point.

He had swept up the snacks that had been spilled earlier and was on his knees in front of his couch. He had yellow rubber gloves on and appeared to be intensely focused on spraying and wiping at the fabric of the furniture, rubbing the cleaning solution into it furiously and with focus.

''I'm sorry I ruined your couch.''

''No you're not.''

''No I'm not.''

With a defeated sigh he stopped what he was doing and sat back onto the heels of his feet. ''I think I'm going to need some kind of special upholstery vac to clean this wet spot.''

Santana walked over and nudged him back a few inches and then proceeded to pull the cushion out. She flipped it over to the clean side and then placed it back down, tucking it back in place. ''Done,'' she declared.

Kurt let the matter go with a shake of his head as he picked himself up, peeled his gloves off and tossed them aside. ''Whatever. I trust you made sure Brittany made it home safely and I take it the two of you had a chance to talk matters out?''

''We talked.'' Santana busied herself and made a show of gathering their bits of trash from their abandoned Breadstix meal boxes from earlier in the evening. She stacked everything and stuffed it all into a garbage bin nearby.

''And?'' he urged her to go on, eager for details.

''And, she and I decided to give it a shot and see where things go between us.''

''Did you now?''

''We're going to take it slow,'' Santana continued, purposely making an effort not to appear too eager or too joyous as she lightly dusted her hands off and sat back down on his couch. ''We still have a lot of stuff to figure out for ourselves as people and for us a couple or whatever but...yeah, we're gonna give it a shot.''

Kurt beamed with delight. ''I'm really happy for you, Santana.''

''Why?''

''Because we're friends,'' he groaned with amusement, knowing full well he would only get a lame denial in response.

''What have I told you about calling us that?''

He gave her a long and meaningful look but in the end said nothing. He simply moved to join her there, comfortably taking a seat at her side on that white couch of his now that the matter of ''the spot'' was taken care of.

''So next week I invited Brittany to watch the crowning with us,'' she said, changing the subject quickly.

''Oh?''

''That's not going to be a problem is it?''

''Of course not. It'll be fun to introduce her to the show. Plus I feel like she would definitely be a more appreciative guest. Unlike you she enjoys my hosting efforts.''

Santana made a production of rolling her eyes. ''Whatever I just wanted to make sure you were good with it. Not that I like care or anything cause I don't.''

''Sure,'' Kurt humored her.

''And don't expect a thank you for butting your nose into my and Brittany's business okay? Cause it's not gonna happen.''

''Uh huh.''

''Cause we would've so totally gotten back together even if you hadn't gone meddling.''

''Right.''

Sorting things out and talking about her feelings with Brittany was one thing, but when it came to expressing herself to Kurt, there was still some resistance there that she had a hard time getting over. Because to share herself that way with him would just imply to him that she valued his company and she just wasn't there yet. For her own strange, petty and small reasons she couldn't say it out loud and put it out into the universe that she, Santana Lopez, appreciated Kurt Hummel as her friend.

And yet while she couldn't say any of this outwardly she did inwardly concede that there sitting on his couch this time around, something felt different. Like some silent shift had taken place during their evening. She still thought emotions were for ugly people and so instead of saying this she simply grabbed the remote - the same one they had tussled over earlier - and handed it over to him.

''Want to rewatch tonight's episode?'' she asked.

Kurt's face lit up. Without a word he answered by clicking his TV on and bringing up his DVR menu where he found and played the latest episode so they could enjoy it together. She couldn't express her friendship or her appreciation for him out loud but maybe this, sitting with each other and enjoying each other's silent company, was enough for the time being.

Santana smiled at the screen ahead as the theme song began.

 _Ru-Ru-Ru-Rupaul's Drag Race! Start your engines! Ru-Ru-Ru-Rupaul's Drag Race! May the best woman-best woman win!_

X

After that night she and Brittany spent the rest of the week together.

Every day after school they would meet. Sometimes at the Lima Bean, sometimes on the bleachers, sometimes at a secluded nook of Brittany's favorite park, sometimes Santana would drive Brittany home and take the extra long way to the Pierce residence so they could doddle and have conversation, and together wherever it was they would talk their feelings out.

Brittany got a little bit of a kick out of hearing how Santana and Kurt had snuck into a gay club to see one of their favorite Drag Race queens perform. She was especially intrigued with finding out for herself if a Pink Squirrel did indeed taste like unicorn ass.

''Why?'' Santana questioned one day. They had picked up a couple of coffees and went to a nearby park where they took refuge on a bench and watched ducks gather around a small pond.

''I don't know, I'm not gonna lie, unicorn ass sounds kinda tasty.''

''Gross.''

Brittany stuck out her tongue and made a funny face in mock defiance. ''Don't shame me.''

It was in these small moments that they learned how to laugh together again. It was the most natural thing in the world Santana found as they snickered and giggled over complete nonsense. It felt like they were them again, sitting in the back row in glee whispering silly things in the other's ears.

It was just like old times. Except not.

Because this time around they were both aware that there were very real things at stake. As much as some things were just like it used to be, they were both aware that there were other habits they simply couldn't go back to and begin to repeat. In order to move forward they had to confront and address their mistakes and missteps from the past.

They had both done and said things that they couldn't take back, but what they could do they realized was acknowledge each of their actions and figure out how to forgive and move forward. On Brittany's end she apologized for pushing Santana towards decisions when Santana hadn't been ready to make them. And Santana had promised to work on her communication more because she was no longer interested in shutting her feelings away from Brittany. It took several conversations over the course of those days to get there but they came to the understanding that they both had some work to do on themselves and that was okay. There was no reason why they couldn't work on themselves while they were together. It was going to be a process and a journey, why not embark on it hand in hand they both thought.

Plus, like, orgasms you know. Those were nice to have together again too.

It was the very next Monday that they found themselves in Brittany's bedroom under the sheets making up for all of that lost time, or rather lost orgasms. Brittany's parents and younger sister were visiting family in a neighboring town over the week which meant she and Brittany had the house to themselves and while it was Drag Race night they still had a few hours before they were due to show up at Kurt's for the viewing. Naturally they made the most of their free time by falling into bed together.

Afterwards as they finally came to rest and catch their breath they both plopped down onto the bed pillows utterly exhausted and spent, sated in the best possible way.

Brittany lightly panted and stared above at the ceiling. ''Oh my god.''

''Sorry,'' Santana said with a grin as she came to rest at Brittany's side and propped her head up to watch as Brittany blinked herself back down to reality. ''I don't know where that came from.''

''When did you turn into the Energizer bunny?''

Santana couldn't help but get a little carried away as she poured herself into every kiss, every touch, every movement of her body as she tried to wordlessly communicate to Brittany just how much she felt for her and how much she was ready to give all of herself this time around. Her heart beat wildly when she realized Brittany was giving back just as much passion and seeing and feeling that desire of course only urged Santana on even more.

The first few rounds had been eager and impatient, much like it had been on Kurt's couch, but once they got the initial excitement of being together like this again out of the way they started again, slower and sweeter. Beneath her Brittany squeaked out a few sexy happy whimpers as she finished and then Santana let out a low little moan and then they both went completely still as they let the sensation of feeling and having each other in the most primal yet profound way roll through them.

''I didn't, I guess I just really really missed you,'' Santana answered eventually.

Looking slightly less dizzy Brittany turned onto her side as well so they were face to face. ''Trust me I could tell,'' she laughed. ''I really really missed you too just so you know.''

''You did?''

''Mmhm,'' Brittany hummed and ran her free hand over Santana's hip, tracing shapes on her tan skin, making her fingers dance up her side and onto her upper arm. ''I missed your hands and your lips and this, this little freckle right here on your shoulder.''

''You missed my freckle?'' Santana questioned with a squint.

''What? It's totally cute.''

''Nothing, I just thought maybe you would've missed some of my uh other features a bit more.'' Santana wiggled her brows. She surely thought that after all of that time apart Brittany would be interested in admiring other more delightfully dirty parts of her.

''Oh I totally do,'' Brittany assured her and took a sly peek down at Santana's bare chest. Santana beamed with a certain pride when Brittany even leaned down a tad to place a kiss against the swell of her breasts. ''I missed all of you. All of this. You know you're the hottest person in the universe to me. I love your body and I missed your body but...all that time we were apart, I didn't stay up nights thinking about your super cute butt or how awesome your boobs are.''

''So then what did you stay up at night to think about?'' Santana asked gently.

''The little things. It was the little things that I missed that kept me up. I thought about that freckle on your shoulder,'' Brittany laughed. ''I thought about how sometimes when you blink one eyelid closes just a tiny second before the other in the most mega adorable way, it makes you look like a chipmunk or squirrel.''

Santana howled at that, laughing as Brittany went on to describe the strangest and most random parts of her.

''Or how when you'd wake up in the morning, nine times out out ten you would have drool crusties on your face-''

Santana scoffed. ''I do not get drool crusties on my face!''

''Oh my god, you totally get drool crusties on your face, don't even act like you don't.''

''I don't, I'm not a baby, I don't drool in my sleep!''

Brittany carried on. ''You so do and when we would wake up together I would try to softly scratch them off and you would always get all grumbly even though I know you liked it. I missed that. I missed how when you would sing to me you would do this thing with your hand where you would place it in front of your body like you're reaching somewhere inside of your soul. Late at night I'd stay up sometimes just to think about your dimples too.''

''My dimples?''

''And how they only show when you're really happy, and how...how I would give anything to be able to kiss them every morning and every night for the rest of my life.''

''Really?''

''Really.''

Santana smiled so hard and wide that she felt her ears move.

''There they are,'' Brittany chuckled happily as she pressed her lips to each of the tiny indentations and made funny smacky sounds against the skin, laying silly, sloppy kisses into said dimples.

Santana vibrated with laughter as she toppled onto her back while Brittany moved to straddle her and place pecks all over her cheeks. It was a beautiful, sweet kind of surrender as she relaxed within the bedding and simply let Brittany worship her with her mouth. Santana moaned as Brittany's kisses started to become a little less playful and a little more hungry and passionate. Santana wasn't the only one who wanted to make up for lost time and lost orgasms.

And they were on their way to doing so until Santana's phone went off on a side table. The ringtone sang…

 _She's so wild, so animal, she gonna work that sexy body so sexual, she's like a female phenomenon, she's a glamazon. Female phenomenon, glama-zon-on-on-on-on._

Brittany pulled her mouth away from Santana with a pop and looked down beneath her questioningly. ''What is that ringtone?'' she giggled.

''Uhhhh it is the theme song to my life thank you very much. Do not make fun of a Rupaul classic okay.''

Brittany shook with laughter and Santana playfully swatted at her butt, silently instructing her to move off of her so she could sit up and check her phone. Santana squirmed to the edge of the bed and picked up her device.

''It's Hummel.''

''What's he want?'' Brittany asked and draped herself across Santana's back to view the screen as well.

''He told us to stop screwing around and not to be late,'' Santana scoffed, tossed her cell back onto the table and tried to curl back up with Brittany. She was hoping they could resume what they had been doing and maybe possibly squeeze another round or two in. ''Chhwhatever. We still have two hours until the show starts, he's just being his usual pushy self.''

''Mmmm,'' Brittany hummed as Santana pressed her body against her. ''You know I have been thinking.''

''Always a dangerous sign.''

''Maybe we should pause this,'' Brittany nodded down, indicating their bodies and the bed. ''And get up.''

Santana's brain was foggy with lust. In confusion she pulled her face out of Brittany's chest. ''Huh?''

''Well think about it, we'll always have time to to make up for lost time together, but from what I've gathered tonight is a special night for you guys. You said the crowning was important, right? Plus in his own little way I think Kurt maybe tried to help get us here together you know? Maybe we should do something for him?''

Santana pouted. ''But, sex.''

''I have an idea,'' Brittany hopped out of their embrace as well as the bed.

Santana was left to groan in frustration at the sight of Brittany's naked ass which in that moment seemed so very far away on the other side of the room. ''So do I and it involves your legs over my shoulders.''

Santana eventually decided to follow Brittany's lead and crawl out of bed. Mostly because Brittany bribed her with the invitation to shower together. It was while under the spray of warm water that Brittany shared her idea on how to possibly show Kurt their thanks for everything. It was also under the spray of water that Santana zoned out just slightly as she took to making sure Brittany's breasts were nice and soapy.

After they were properly cleaned up they got dressed and Santana found herself making a pit stop on their way to Kurt's at Brittany's request. Brittany really did want to do something special for Kurt to show their appreciation and Santana was just so happy with how everything worked out for them she went along with it. Brittany's idea was pretty sweet. After their pit stop they started off towards the Hummel residence with a small white box in tow.

''I thought you said you were going to be here though...I know...of course...yes...I understand. No, it's fine, it's fine.'' Kurt set his cell aside with a frown just as they arrived at the bottom of the staircase into his room.

Santana was a little tickled when she saw that unlike their regular Drag Race evenings Kurt had went all out. He had set up a clothed table where beverages were set up along with a bucket of ice as well as bowls of snacks. Not only that he had also apparently decorated his entire living space. He had placed several shiny gold accents around his white room for effect. Gold paper cups and plates, gold balloons, gold twinkling lights and streamers.

He had put a lot of thought and effort into the festivities she thought. It was all very tastefully muted.

Brittany looked around in wonder. ''Your room looks so pretty like this,'' she gushed.

''Yeah Kurt you really out gayed yourself,'' Santana chimed in with equal admiration. ''And I mean that as a compliment.''

''Taken as a compliment.'' Kurt made a tiny show of bowing his head and accepting their praise.

''Anyway what was that about?'' Santana threw a nod in the direction of his phone. His phone conversation seemed to have sucked the excitement out of him she noticed.

''Blaine's not coming,'' Kurt sighed with a quiet kind of disappointment. ''Apparently he has some obligation at Dalton he can't get away from. So.''

Brittany took the opportunity to swoop in with their gift. ''Welllll,'' she sang brightly. ''Maybe this will cheer you up. Santana and I got you a little something.''

She held out the white box and he took it with a nervous smile. ''What is it? It's not gross is it?''

Santana raised an eyebrow. ''Why would it be gross?''

''Because it's coming from you.''

''Just open the damn box will ya.'' Santana laughed and rolled her eyes while Brittany bounced on her heels at her side and clapped her hands like a baby seal.

And so Kurt did. He popped the lid open to see what they had presented him with. There within the white box were a dozen beautifully decorated cupcakes. They were covered in bright pink frosting with tiny gold paper crowns topping each of them off. A handful of them were crownless though and simply said Team Jinkx, Team Roxxxy or Team Alaska with sprinkles all over their names.

''Oh my god, these are perfect!'' he hollered in delight. ''Thank you!''

''It was Santana's idea,'' Brittany beamed proudly.

''No it wasn't.''

Brittany shrugged and poked Santana in her side. ''Well, the cupcakes were my idea, but Santana was the one who really came up with the designs. It's nothing huge but we wanted to do something nice for you, you know, because you've been so helpful and because you're hosting us tonight.''

''Well thank you Brittany.''

''You're welcome.''

''And thank you Santana,'' Kurt said.

''Whatever,'' Santana brushed off his gratitude and went to grab a Team Alaska cupcake only for her hand to get slapped away. ''Ah! What the hell?!'' She flinched at Kurt's swat.

''Not until the show,'' Kurt snickered, closed the box and placed it onto his coffee table.

''Fuh-ine,'' Santana whined half heartedly and went to collapse into the middle of the couch. Brittany toddled on after her, sinking into her side, and she was then followed by Kurt who took the opposite end.

''So is there anything I need to be ready for to prepare myself for this?'' Brittany asked the two of them.

Santana and Kurt shared a glance before Kurt shrugged and piped up. ''Just be prepared for a lot of singing.''

''And dancing,'' Santana added.

''And buffoonery,'' Kurt continued.

Brittany squinted. ''So, it's like glee club?''

''Pretty much,'' Kurt and Santana answered in unison.

After a bit of chatting and snacking and goofing the broadcast started. Santana was buzzing with certain kind of delight. The reunion and crowning was the culmination of everything. Together they had a handful of ups and downs and bouts of bitching and moaning but she and Kurt had survived the season together. When she first discovered Drag Race she would've never thought that within a span of weeks she would find herself feeling so grounded and comfortable around him.

Not only that, she never would've thought that by the end of this crazy season she and Kurt had experienced together she would be sitting here at the very end of it with Brittany at her side. Without Brittany she had needed to learn how to stand on her own two feet and walk her own path for a bit and Drag Race in its own way had helped her to do that, by giving her joy and laughter and showing her that there was power in owning and embracing her queerness.

She had found tiny bits of inspiration, whether it was watching Alyssa Edwards break down in Untucked about her struggle for her father's acceptance, or Monica Beverly Hillz deciding to tell the other queens as well as the world that she was in fact a trans woman or in watching Alaska tell the camera that the best revenge one can ever possibly achieve is to do better than those who are trying to tear you down.

It was funny how this silly and wonderfully ridiculous show had set in motion a series of events that had led her here. If she hadn't found Drag Race she would've never started spending time with Kurt, if she hadn't spent time with Kurt he would've never stuck his dainty nose in her business and urged her to confront her feelings which in turn meant finally having a face to face conversation with Brittany where they could both vent their emotions out.

Maybe she would've gotten there on her own. Maybe it would've just taken her a little bit longer. Those were possibilities but a part of her liked to think that Drag Race was the thing that tipped something in motion for her.

She wanted to believe that anyway but she didn't have much time to dwell on it though because the show had begun.

She watched as the season 5 queens walked the catwalk and were introduced one by one to the live audience which consisted of thousands. Kurt oooo'd and ahhhh'd over the fashion, and Brittany even chimed in on the theatricality of it all, everything and everyone was so bright and colorful she immediately took notice. Then once introductions were over and the music came to a halt, the stage went dark except for the slight illumination around the silhouette of Rupaul at the top of a staircase. As the mother of all queens descended Ru's ballad _Can I Get An Amen?_ began to play, leading the queens as well as the live audience to begin swaying to the slow beat of the gospel themed song.

Santana felt Brittany and Kurt swaying against each of her sides and smiled.

''This really is totally like glee,'' Brittany noted all of the queens on stage swaying in the performance. ''Except the queens have way better style sense than most of the club.''

For the next hour the three of them watched as Ru spoke to the queens, recapping their most memorable moments on the show and catching up with what they were up to post-season. As the reunion progressed the three of them started to make their way through the snack bowls and special finger foods Kurt had prepared for the gathering. Between them they also definitely made a dent in the cupcakes, blindly scarfing them down and wearing mustaches made out of pink frosting. Brittany got especially excited about the weird song-break in the middle of the reunion that had dancers storm the stage and begin dancing to _Peanut Butter_ by Rupaul. It was basically a song about ass. Kurt doubled over in laughter when Brittany got up and began to back her own ass up by doing some weird booty dance into Santana who wasn't exactly complaining about the view. Eventually though they watched Rupaul finally move things along to interview the final three queens.

The closer they got to the crowning the more anxious Santana became. She wasn't sure why though, she enjoyed all of the queens over the course of the season but wasn't really rooting for anyone specific this time around. It wasn't a paralysing tortured kind of anxiety though, there was nothing painful about it, instead it was the kind that made Santana's heart speed up and her tummy fill with nervous butterflies. She was ready to applaud whoever won the season, it didn't matter if her fav queen was a part of it or not.

Not when she had Brittany laughing and curling into her side. And not when she had Kurt cackling and swatting her shoulder when something funny happened on screen.

Someone would be crowned on TV tonight but in her own way Santana felt like she had won herself too, no matter the outcome.

 _''As always I have consulted with the judges and the fans but the final decision is mine to make…''_ Rupaul stated to the camera as music began to swell in the background.

This was the moment.

On the couch Kurt reached over to take Santana's hand, Santana reached over to take Brittany's hand, and all three of them leaned forward.

 _''The winner of Rupaul's Drag Race, America's next drag superstar is…''_ Rupaul took a dramatic pause. _''Jinkx Monsoon!''_

And with that everyone screamed. Well Santana and Kurt did while Brittany clapped appreciatively. Kurt jumped up from his seat, spilling the bowl of popcorn from his lap onto the floor. In the excitement of the moment Santana herself stood up as did Brittany who went to flank Kurt's other side. He hopped in place a few times and used both hands to cover his mouth as his fanboy emotions overcame him. He beamed at the TV with pride as Jinkx came forward and took a bow to proudly accept her crown.

 _''Now prance my queen,''_ Rupaul directed Jinkx to walk the catwalk and receive the wild applause that had erupted within the theater.

And as Jinkx walked forward taking the first steps of her reign the season five anthem began to play. The soundtrack to Jinkx's triumph, _The Beginning._

 _Breaking up, fading out, holding on until tomorrow, shake it off, turn around, it won't be long till it's a brand new day. This is the beginning, the beginning, this is the beginning of the rest of your life!_

The music quieted slightly as Jinkx returned to Ru's side. _''Do you have anything you'd like to say?''_ Rupaul asked Jinkx, waving to the camera and audience in front of them.

Jinkx who had overcome so much doubt, pain and bullying over the course of the season looked straight into the camera and smiled. _''Get ready bitches, it's Monsoon season!''_ Jinkx declared with a shout.

 _''Thank you so much,''_ Ru said as she started her signature sign off. _''Remember America if you can't love yourself how in the hell are you gonna love somebody else, can I get an amen in here?''_

 _''Amen!''_ the live audience shouted back.

The live audience went wild as the music came back up and Jinkx's fellow season five queens came to surround her, laughing and dancing on each of her sides.

 _This is the beginning, the beginning, this is the beginning of the rest of your life! This is the beginning, the beginning, this is the beginning of the rest of your life!_

It was strange then when Santana looked over to see that Kurt's sniffles had somehow without her even noticing turning into a full blown sob.

Brittany noticed as well. ''Why are you crying? I thought that was your favorite queen,'' she said.

''She is. I'm just...so proud of her,'' Kurt continued to blubber, lettings tears of joy, happiness and shock roll out of him. ''She worked so hard for this. No one believed in Jinkx.''

Kurt continued to ugly cry and for a brief second Santana contemplated pulling out her phone to capture the weird and intense faces he was pulling. The only thing that stopped her from laughing was looking over at Brittany who smiled softly back at her and gave her a sweet, pointed look as if to say _let him lean on you_. Although Santana read it more like _let him lean on you and I'll let you do whatever you want in bed later_.

Which yeah, that was an offer she couldn't exactly pass up.

''Hey,'' Santana said, bumping into Kurt's side supportively. ''So what if no one believed in Jinkx, because Jinkx believed in Jinkx and that's all that mattered.'' She pulled him into her with an awkward side hug. ''Now you need to stop with the tears, alright? One, because you're making me uncomfortable, and two, because you know where ever that goofy bitch Jinkx is right now she's celebrating.''

''Yeah,'' Brittany chimed in supportively.

Kurt wiped at his eyes. ''Yeah?''

''Totally. And you should be too.'' Brittany touched his shoulder affectionately.

''You're right,'' Kurt said with a nod as he gathered himself and began to let laughter overtake him. His favorite queen, the left of center Jinkx Monsoon, had beat out all of the fashion and pageant queens and won Ru as well as the viewing audiences hearts.

That surely was worth celebrating.

And so they did and as the music played Brittany began to dance with Kurt, doing some cute little encouraging jig to lighten him up before twirling him around a few times until he was spinning around on his own, and then she was grabbing ahold of Santana and pulling her over to join them. They played the song again, and again, and again, and again as they turned the volume up and started moving about Kurt's bedroom, bouncing and hopping around on his couch and coffee table.

Santana couldn't help but feel a little drunk on joy as she watched Kurt and Brittany begin to do their very own elaborate dancy lip sync performance as they slid around his floor in their socks and mimed the words, using her as their audience. She couldn't help but laugh when Kurt pulled out his famous hip wiggle and finger pointing moves, or when Brittany started doing some weird but slick disco robot dance.

She lost track of how many times they pressed repeat on _The Beginning_ , because this here, Santana thought, as they laughed and danced and celebrated it felt they were at the precipice of something new, for all of them.

 _This is the beginning, the beginning, this is the beginning of the rest of your life!_

X

And so with Season 5 having came to a conclusion, and with her and Brittany finding their way back to each other and meeting in the middle, Santana began to put her focus back into other things.

Her school work for one since she really had to think about taking it more seriously what with senior year just around the corner, not to mention giving more of herself in glee since Nationals were quickly approaching of course.

Then there was prom which was even more imminent.

And yet, instead of feeling some burning urgent desire to run and take the prom queen crown for herself all she found within her was a certain kind of calm about the whole event. Months ago, weeks ago she would have been hellbent on getting a nomination and win, but not anymore. It had always been a part of the plan, to gain as much power as possible to make herself invincible for the rest of high school. She was still very much interested in becoming invincible but now she just didn't think she needed other people's validation to achieve that.

She felt more like herself, more calm and confident when she was sitting on Kurt's couch watching drag queens read each other for filth than she knew she would feel parading herself around and pandering to all of the basic bitches in that school. She just didn't see the point of it anymore, she had Brittany and she was learning how to love and know herself in this brand new way Santana really didn't see how a plastic crown could factor into that growth. There was nothing to be gained by letting other people tell her her own worth. Not even the members of the glee club.

''You know if you did run I would totally support you, even if that just meant me being quiet and stepping aside,'' Brittany told her evening when they were out together at Breadstix.

Santana paused mid-chew. ''That's the last thing I would ever ask of you. I don't ever want you to hide for me. The last couple of months for me have been about figuring out how to go forward.''

''And I'm really, really proud of you for doing it on your own.''

''Me too which is why going backwards just seems like a waste of everything I've been working towards. Besides if for whatever reason I were to run for prom queen...I'd want it to be with you at my side.''

A goofy, toothy smile spread across Brittany's face. ''You mean like, campaign together?''

''Yeah. I mean why not. If I were ever going to do it then I'd have to do it in a way where I could be 100% me. But right now I'm just sorta meh about it, not because I'm ashamed and not because I want to hide you but because I'm done trying to look for answers in all the wrong things.''

''You are?''

''Totally. Would I look mega hot with a crown? Hells yeah. And part of me does feel badly that I would deny the world my beauty in that way,'' she said in complete seriousness with pasta sauce on her right cheek.

Brittany reached over and wiped her face with her thumb. ''You are...the cutest.''

''Puh, cute. To quote Alyssa Edwards _I don't get cute, I get drop dead gorgeous_.''

''I don't know who that is, but yeah, you do, you are...and even though I know you would look beautiful with a crown on your head I'm happy that you know you don't need one to prove anything, to anyone.''

Unconcerned with prom or with playing the popularity game that came with it, Santana opted to spend most of her free time planning and organizing an epic rewatch with Kurt of previous Drag Race seasons. They were both eager to get Brittany ready and familiarized with the show early on so that when the next season rolled around she would understand it fully.

It soon became abundantly clear that when exposed to the show Brittany really did enjoy it and find it entertaining but her zeal for it didn't quite reach Kurt and Santana's levels.

Santana and Kurt weren't just Drag Race fans, they were super fans. The kind of super fans who watched the show, plus Untucked, plus Fashion Photo Ruview, plus The Pit Stop, plus all of the behind the scenes clips Logo posted online that didn't make it to air, not to mention they had both recently began listening to Squirrel Friends Cocktail Hour which was an episode by episode recap podcast. They both felt that in order to fully appreciate and understand each episode of Drag Race you really had to watch and listen to all of the other Drag Race related content that went along with it. Brittany however couldn't grasp why they felt compelled to spend several hours a week digging into the inner workings of everything. Kurt and Santana literally devoted over six hours of their time each week to watching and listening to Drag Race media. Brittany admired their passion but didn't share in it to that extent.

Still she always supported Santana and always asked questions and lett Santana ramble on even though Brittany would sometimes get lost half in her Drag Race fueled spiels.

That was what being a couple meant Santana came to learn, encouraging the others interests and hobbies. Sometimes that meant Santana going on a wild goose chase to six different stores in search of fondue so Brittany would have some for her next web show, or sometimes it meant helping Brittany administer a suppository to Lord Tubbington which yeah, totally scarred Santana for life, but it also meant that Brittany was just as willing and happy to sit and support her love for the show and for the queens just because she knew it would make Santana happy.

Still, as their twosome became a trio it became obvious that the dynamics had gotten a little screwy in the process of Brittany becoming an official squirrel friend.

Kurt was the first one to notice it of course.

For so long it had just been Santana and Kurt on that couch, laughing and goofing and bitching, and they had settled into a very comfortable, familiar place with each other. For instance Kurt knew not to speak or bother Santana when workroom drama between the queens was going down because Santana lived for messy scenes, Santana knew not to poke or speak over the runway segment because Kurt liked to focus intently, absorbing each queens look in peace. Through all of those months spent together they had worked out most of the kinks and by now just knew how the other operated, they had a certain kind of shorthand with each other.

But Brittany, well, with her in the mix things began to shift a little bit.

Unlike Santana or Kurt, Brittany could look at the show with a much more objective point of view. She liked the show but she hadn't reached fangirl or fanboy levels of obsession like either of them which meant she was able to be more critical of things.

Brittany especially had a tendency to critique the dance rehearsal and performance segments, narrating to Santana and Kurt on what she would've done and how they could've been better. When Brittany finally learned who Alyssa Edwards was, Kurt and Santana both let out a loud offended gasp when Brittany stated she wasn't overly impressed with her dance skills.

''But that's what Alyssa does,'' Kurt insisted firmly, he looked like Brittany had just slapped him in the face in his own house. ''She's a dance teacher, she runs her own dance school! She's amazing!''

''I'm not saying she's untalented or that she's not an amazing queen, I'm just saying her dancing doesn't impress me.'' Brittany gave him a bored shrug. ''I'm just calling it how I see it. I see a lot of pointing and hair whipping, what I don't see is a lot of choreo.''

Kurt made some comical sputtery, scoffy noise and then looked to Santana as if seeking her say and support. ''You. Tell your girlfriend she's wrong.''

Sitting between the two of them Santana tilted her head and gave them both an expression that was half smile, half wince. ''I meaaaaannnn-''

''WHAT?! No, no, no!'' Kurt hollered. ''You love Alyssa Edwards! When she and Coco were feuding we were both on Team Alyssa!''

''I still like her!'' Santana shouted in her defense. ''But what Brittany is saying makes sense now that we're rewatching things. She moves her body with fluidity and she's obviously familiar with dance but, Brittany's right. We did way more intense choreo when we were Cheerios. In comparison Alyssa's moves are kinda basic.''

Kurt gave her an appalled look. ''You're just saying that because you want to side with your girlfriend.''

''Maybe my girlfriend is right?'' said Santana who was rewarded with a wink from Brittany that promised of more later.

''Maybe you're just whipped?'' Kurt sassed back.

''Maybe I should throw my drink in your little squirrely face?''

Kurt threw a hand up in front of Santana. ''Calm down Shangela.''

Then again there were some nights where it was the other way around and Brittany felt like the odd one out.

Like one evening when they were rewatching a Season 3 episode and Kurt and Santana started a hushed but very intense conversation about their mutual love and respect for one Mariah Balenciaga.

''But you know what, Mariah Balenciaga is like my style icon,'' Santana gushed with admiration. ''Everything she wore on the Drag Race runway, I would wear that. Did I tell you about last week?''

''What happened last week?''

''Oh my god you didn't see.'' Santana pulled out her phone, tapped on the screen a few times and then shoved it in Kurt's face. ''I made a comment on her Instagram and she LIKED IT and I DIED, that's what happened last week.''

Kurt made a strange dolphin noise in excitement. ''I hate you, you do know that right,'' he said with a laugh. ''My life would be complete if one of my favorite queens acknowledged me that way.''

''Is it weird that I screencapped it and sometimes go back just to stare at it?'' she asked.

''Uh no.''

From her side of the couch Brittany simply watched the two of them go back and forth in their exchange. Kurt was so intrigued and in awe of Mariah's involvement in ball culture because he thought the community was so diverse and beautiful. Santana had admitted that she wasn't particularly familiar with the ball community or even how the house system worked but she knew that it played a significant role within the history of drag, not to mention black culture. It was an important part of LGBTQ+ history and they both agreed they owed it to themselves to watch Paris Is Burning the next time they met up.

It wasn't that they were purposely trying to leave Brittany out, it was just that they were so far deep into the drag rabbit hole with each other and Brittany simply wasn't as invested in it as them. She sometimes just had to sit out the conversation and watch Kurt and Santana ping pong off of each other.

Of course after awhile Brittany found there were other ways to get Santana's attention. Like when an entirely different night found the three of them on the couch in front of the TV. They had been watching another episode together when Kurt began to hear the sound of kissing coming from their side of the sofa.

Out of the corner of his eye he could just make out Brittany working on Santana's neck while Santana who was practically vibrating in her seat struggled to focus on the show.

''Baby, uh, hey,'' Santana said, somewhere between a groan and a whimper. ''What are you doing?''

An obviously horny Brittany whispered, ''I want you.''

Santana quietly chuckled and whispered back. ''After the show.''

''But you've already seen this one,'' Brittany tried to reason.

''I know, but we were rewatching it for you. I thought you wanted to understand it better.''

''I do, and I am but please.'' Brittany spoke, quietly pleading and blinking with puppy dog eyes. ''I can't focus on it right now with you sitting here in that skirt you know I love.''

''Yeah?'' Santana smirked.

''We can do it quick,'' Brittany begged and attached her mouth back onto Santana's skin.

A peeved Kurt fluttered his eyelashes rapidly. ''You both know I can totally hear you right? Stop being gross.''

''Gross? Why? Because we're two girls?'' Santana asked with a huff.

''No, not because you're girls but because you guys are being one of those overly affectionate couples who get handsy in front of people. It's a little…'' Kurt made a face and tossed a wave in their direction.

Santana narrowed her gaze. ''You're just jealous because your boyfriend isn't here getting his cuddle on with you. You know what, why is Blaine never here?''

Kurt stared ahead sullenly at the TV screen. ''He thinks Drag Race is too campy.''

''Yeah well your face is too campy and he still likes you so, he should get over it,'' snarked Santana.

Kurt spent the rest of that evening listening to them make those uncomfortable lippy smacky noises together until they eventually excused themselves to his bathroom where they were gone for a good half hour before coming back down. Santana of course wore a very pleased, smug expression on her return.

It probably wouldn't have even been an issue had it - their wandering off for large chunks of time to canoodle with each other - not began to occur more and more often. Because yes, Santana Lopez loved Drag Race, but she loved orgasms even more, more specifically she loved Brittany induced orgasms. There were many nights where Santana and Kurt were deep in Drag Race related discussion only for Brittany to distract her with kisses and touches until they made a trip to the bathroom or a nearby closet to take care of each other, leaving Kurt alone on the couch.

He probably would've shrugged it off had it only been one or two or five instances, but it slowly became something that happened at nearly every single Drag Race night gathering.

He was happy that the two of them were together of course, but he was a little frustrated that what was once special and sacred - Drag Race night - had just turned into an opportunity for them to make out or fool around. He had hoped that bringing Brittany into the fold would make the entire experience even more wonderful and rich but it had just turned all awkward when most nights the three of them hung out he spent the majority of the evening listening to them have sex through a neighboring wall.

And that? That wasn't what Kurt had signed up for.

It got to the point where he just needed a break from it. One night Kurt decided to call and cancel their planned get together, claiming illness. He settled in front of his TV by himself with snack bowls at the ready and queued up an old episode. He was taken by surprise when half way in Santana showed up, sans Brittany, holding a bag from their local drugstore.

On screen Willam Belli had just cattily asked Milan _''is the carpet comfortable?''_

Santana reached into the plastic bag in her hand, pulled out a box of tissues and hurled it at his head. It hit Kurt - who was the picture of health - with a tiny thud and he yelped in response. ''Oww! What the hell Santana? What was that for?!''

''What was that for? Uh the way you made it out over the phone I was expecting to find you propped up in bed, oozing snot out from every orifice but no! You're not sick!''

''I am too!'' he comically fake coughed.

Not buying it, Santana looked utterly betrayed. ''You lied to me...not only did you lie to me, you're rewatching Season 4 without me?''

''It's not what it looks like, I just...I just thought I could use a Drag Race night alone is all.''

''Why didn't you just say that though?''

He sighed and gave up on making any kind of excuse. Squirrel friends didn't lie to each other. ''I don't know. I didn't think it mattered. And anyway I figured you and Brittany would find something else to do together. Don't get me wrong, I love having you guys over and everything but...I just...it gets weird sometimes.''

''Weird how?''

''Sharing you.''

''Ew.''

''I just mean it was always the two of us, and since you and Brittany got together we had to make room for someone else on this couch. I'm glad you're together you know that but...it's just different and I guess, I guess I'm still getting used to it. It's not the most comfortable thing to have the two of you dry hump six inches away from where I'm sitting.''

Santana nodded in understanding and went to sit on the coffee table in front of him.

''I know it's no one's intention but some nights I feel left out,'' he continued with a sad shrug. ''Then again I know there are other times where I look over at Brittany and I can tell she feels like she's being shuffled off to the side and I don't want her to feel like that either. I don't want anyone to feel left out so I thought maybe we could all use a break from this…'' he made a wave to his sitting area in his bedroom. ''That's why I said I was sick. I thought you two would probably have some other couply thing to do and I... I'm okay with rewatching alone you know.''

Santana rubbed the back of her neck as she heard him out. ''So do you like, not want us to come over anymore?''

''What?'' he squeak-laughed. ''Of course I want you two to come over. I love having you over. I just thought maybe we needed a night off from each other. It doesn't mean I don't love having you and Britt here most of the time because most of the time it's actually pretty awesome. Like, having her around now is great. It's true we don't always agree on all things Drag Race but she challenges the both of us and that's refreshing. Plus she's a great guest, she always says please and thank you and she's always bringing me little host gifts. She says they're from you so you can look good but I know they're all from her. I know how much having her be a part of this means for you too.''

''I guess Brittany and I have been in our own little bubble lately.''

''And that's okay,'' Kurt added with a smile. ''You two just got together, it's new and it's exciting and I get it. You should be enjoying your time together...but if the two of you are in an amorous mood or just want some one on one time with each other, maybe tell me that you owe me a raincheck for another night instead of coming over and violating my couch right in front of me.''

''So...you're not pissed?''

Kurt pffted. The last thing he was, was mad.

''I guess now that there are three of us we probably should figure out how to move forward,'' Santana said. ''I know it's easy for me to get caught up in Brittany sometimes...a lot of the time...but, you do know I'm not doing it on purpose to be an asshole.''

''I know. And hey, I know I have some adjusting to do here too. Brittany's your girlfriend, she's a part of you, a part of this, and we'll figure out a balance.''

Santana looked down and felt some kind of responsibility for all of this. She hadn't thought about the shift in dynamics that would occur with Brittany taking part in their Drag Race nights. Kurt didn't seem majorly bothered though and he insisted all would work itself out, they just had to weather it through. Santana was only half certain about that though, even after he told her he was good to be on his own for the rest of the evening and that she should go and get some quality time in with her girlfriend.

''So, me and you, we're good?'' she asked as she got up and prepared to leave.

''We're good,'' he assured her.

''Not that it matters to me if we're not,'' she added in a rush, quick to re-establish the idea that she wasn't as invested in this relationship as he was. ''Or whatever.''

He gave her a soft humoring smile. It was kind of laughable that she was still trying to play it like this considering that when she thought he was sick she still showed up with tissues and medicine in hand as any good friend would do. And yet, she still refused to call them that.

But like Kurt had seen with her and Brittany, sometimes you just had to wait Santana Lopez out.

X

Later that night after Santana had departed Kurt's she went home and collapsed in her bed.

She texted Brittany an invitation to come over and then spent the next fifteen minutes waiting by scrolling through the 'RPDR' tag on Tumblr, looking for any reliable spoilers in the hopes of learning the names of next seasons queens because she read somewhere that filming for Season 6 had already began in secret. When Tumblr proved fruitless she moved her search over to the Drag Race Reddit and it was there she hit the treasure trove as she found spoilers galore.

She couldn't help her fangirl impulses and opened the thread and soon found herself checking out and following all of the queens who were rumored to be a part of the season 6 cast on her social media. Trinity K. Bonet. Joslyn Foxx. Adore Delano. Gia Gunn. Some clown named Bianca Del Rio that she could just already tell that Kurt was so going to stan. She followed them all.

''Who's that blond girl?''

Santana startled slightly when Brittany appeared out of nowhere and leapt onto the bed and came to rest beside her. Brittany immediately raised an eyebrow at the photo of the glamorous blond on Santana's screen. Santana had just found Courtney Act's Instagram and even she had to admit Courtney Act was serving up realness. She was blond and gorgeous and really convincing, so much so that surfing through her Instagram gallery kind of made Santana feel some time of way.

Courtney was hard to clock.

''Courtney Act,'' Santana answered rather sheepishly.

''Is she like a singer or a model?'' Brittany asked. She was obviously curious about any potential hot blonds Santana might be following on Instagram.

''She's both actually, she's also going to be on next season of Drag Race.''

Brittany did a double take, taking Santana's phone from her so she could scroll down herself. ''You mean she's…''

''A drag queen? Yeah.''

''Wow.''

''Right.''

Brittany nodded knowingly and handed her back her phone. ''I can already tell you're going to be Team Courtney next season.''

''Why is that?''

''Because obviously you have a thing for super gorgeous, super leggy blonds,'' Brittany answered.

''Oh yeah? You have a problem with that?'' Santana asked with a wiggle of her brows.

''No...not as long as I'm your number one.''

''You'll always be my number one.''

Brittany planted a kiss on her lips as reward and they moved closer towards each other on the bed to cuddle up. Santana relaxed when she felt Brittany's arm slide across her mid section and on her part she let her fingers sink into blonde hair, pushing it back and to the side, smoothing it over and over.

''So why aren't with hanging with Kurt tonight? You said he came down with something earlier,'' Brittany said as they got comfortable together.

''Yeah, about that...I just think he needed a night to himself is all.''

''Is everything okay?''

Santana winced. ''Can we talk about something?''

''Of course.''

''Do you only watch Drag Race with us because you just want to make me happy, or do you watch it with us because you actually like it?''

''I actually like it,'' Brittany said with ease. ''Not like you and Kurt like it, but it's funny and some of the queens can really move on stage and that's always cool to watch. Why?''

''I don't know. I was just thinking…''

''Talk to me,'' Brittany gently urged, poking her nose into Santana's cheek.

''So like okay.'' Santana began with a heavy exhale. ''I'm obviously not mad about it or anything but like I have sort of noticed that lately when we go over to Kurt's to watch the show like mid way through the night you start to get all kissy and groupy with me which - again - I love, but I guess I'm wondering if that mostly happens because you get bored with the show or with me and Kurt and you just want something to do. Something to do being me.''

Brittany blinked several times as it looked like she was seriously pondering her response. It took her a few moments of silence to finally speak. ''Well...if we're being honest which we've both promised to do in this relationship...I guess a part of me does maybe sort of kind of act out just a little bit sometimes when the three of us are together on Drag Race night.''

''Why?''

Brittany gave her a silly awkward looking smile. ''Okay I'm going to say what I'm going to say but you can't get mad at me.''

''What?''

''Just promise.''

Santana laughed nervously. ''Okay, I promise, what?''

''So like I do love watching the show,'' Brittany again asserted. ''But you and Kurt can get really intense about it which is really cute to watch...most of the time.''

''Most of the time?''

''But sometimes…'' Brittany looked adorable hesitant as she carried on. ''Sometimes when you and Kurt are watching Drag Race it's like watching my dad and my uncle when a football game is on TV. You're like super fanatical about it, yelling at the TV or getting upset at a judges critique like it was a referee making a bad call. Last week you and Kurt even wore matching tee shirts one night that said _'I'm a Heather'_ which I don't even know what that means but it's probably Drag Race related and like there's just so much to this show...and he understands all of it. And I...I don't.'' Brittany went quiet and she reached out to find Santana's free hand which she took inside of her own and squeezed. ''Sometimes I do feel left out just a little bit. I know you guys don't mean for it to happen, you just get caught up in it and...sometimes, sometimes I just want you to remember that I'm there and so I know that the easiest and best way to do that is by touching you and having you touch me and sometimes yeah I do get carried away.''

Santana softened. ''Baby, I'm sorry.''

''What?''

Santana sat up, inadvertently removing their limbs from each other. She began to shake her head as she walked about her room. ''I'm sorry. I had no idea.''

''No idea, what? And why are you apologizing? If anything I should be apologizing to you,'' Brittany insisted.

''I never wanted you to feel left out, hell I never wanted Kurt to feel left out either but both of you have and I hadn't even realized it until now.''

''It's no one's fault, you didn't do it on purpose and I'm sorry if it felt like I was purposely trying to take away from your special thing with Kurt because I wasn't,'' Brittany hurriedly added, shaking off the notion that Santana had anything to feel badly about.

''For some reason I thought the three of us could...I don't know...I just wanted to share with you what I share with Kurt but I sucked at making that work.''

''You don't suck! Well I mean you do suck and super well if you know what I mean but not at this,'' Brittany laughed and crawled out of the bed to go to Santana. She wrapped her arms around her neck, showering her with affection. ''Watching Drag Race with you and Kurt is one of the best parts of my week.''

''Really?''

''Really-really. I like when you get all excited and you reach over and take my hand and give me that smile...you know the one where you get all cute and dimpley. But even beyond you I really do think the show is awesome. The lip syncs are epic and I really like how there's a Snatch Game every season and I know I don't 'get' everything but what I do get about it I really love. I'm glad you and Kurt really love it too. We all just have to work on making sure no one gets lost or left out now that there's three of us on that couch.''

The two of them spent the rest of the night talking it out and they decided that maybe the best way to find that balance was to make sure that they had a proper one on one date night together each week aside from Drag Race night. They couldn't just rely on Drag Race night to be their date night because Drag Race night was about more than them. And by making sure they took the time to go on dates and have that special time together they knew that rolling into Kurt's basement together they wouldn't be clinging to each other as much because they would have already devoted time to just the two of them, meaning Drag Race night could then be about the three of them.

It had to be more than just holing up with each other in their bedrooms they decided. They did plenty of that already. Date nights had to be just a little bit special it was agreed. Going forward they decided that each Friday night would be their special night for just the two of them. On the other end of it Santana said she and Kurt would both work on making sure that they never got too intense to the point of forgetting that Brittany was in the room with them.

It took them a few more weeks but the three of them managed to work it all out much to Santana's relief. Soon the the three of them were back in that basement, laughing and shouting. Brittany finally figured out what being a Heather meant, though she told Kurt and Santana that she identified with the Boogers more on an emotional level. Kurt later surprised her with her own personalized tee shirt that said _'I'm a Booger'_. It offended Santana because Santana wanted Brittany to be a Heather with them but Brittany loved her Booger shirt and wore it with pride much to Kurt's pleasure.

By the time prom rolled around all of their growing pains were water under the bridge for them. Kurt even had a hand in helping each of them pick out their dresses for the event. Santana had picked out a severe and sultry red number while Brittany had opted for something more playful in lime green. And as for Kurt, well they were both there for him as he worked to put the finishing touches on his kilt. He had explained to them how he had unveiled it to both his father and Blaine and how they had urged him to tone it down more or less.

''Surprisingly Finn was the only one who gave me any kind of support,'' Kurt sighed one night in his bedroom.

Santana and Brittany were sitting about on his couch while he fiddled with fixing a hem at his work desk. ''Wow,'' Santana said in sympathy.

''But you know what?'' Brittany started. ''Who cares if Blaine and your dad don't get it, it's not for them to get. As long as you love it then so what. Like the kilt is a traditional piece of clothing worn by men but like even if it wasn't, so what. There's no such thing as mens or womens clothing when you stop giving a poop about the rules of what's socially acceptable. Like ask yourself, who made that rule? Someone who was probably white and probably straight.''

Santana shrugged. ''I don't know about any of that but I do say you should wear what you want to wear. Is it loud? Yes. Is it attention grabbing? Totally. But so is Puckerman's white jacket that he plans to wear, so is Sam's ugly ass bolo tie he's been showing everybody for some reason, so is Brittany's green dress. We're all dressing up to get attention and if this is what you want to wear I'm for it. And honestly? I've seen you wear more ridiculous things. This…'' she made a wave to him and his prom outfit. ''...for you is toned down to be honest.''

Kurt grinned at that. ''Thank you.''

''Sure,'' Santana said nonchalantly as if it was nothing. ''You worked hard on it you said, so take it to the runway. You're serving traditional tartan realness up in here.''

X

Several days later they doubled to prom with Blaine joining them as Kurt's date of course.

Santana still hadn't figured out Blaine's thing yet, all she knew was that he was sorta bland but seemed nice enough she guessed. She only knew he was supposed to be some amazing voice and star but from what she had seen of him, he was just adequate in that regard. Barely. But overall she felt no need to tear him down because at the very least he didn't talk as much as Rachel. Plus he seemed to get along fairly well with Brittany and it meant something in Santana's books that Blaine didn't automatically dismiss Brittany as some airhead. Now she wasn't sure if he was worthy enough to be in her orbit just yet but she planned to figure that out if he stuck around long enough.

For the time being though she was just glad to see Kurt had someone.

When she walked into the Mckinley gym that night with Brittany on her arm she knew she was announcing in her own way that she had someone too, and that someone was Brittany.

They had talked it over countless times and in the end Santana knew that she had reached the point of no return. She was done denying herself or her feelings, she wanted to hold Brittany's hand, she wanted to slow dance with Brittany, she wanted to take really cheesy prom pictures with Brittany, and like hell was she going to let anyone else's ideas or opinions dictate her actions.

She wanted to be as brave and as fearless and as fierce as all of her favorite queens and in Santana's eyes she felt like she had taken enough time to get there, to be ready, to be brave, to be fearless, to be fierce.

Brittany had assured her that it wasn't necessary, but in turn Santana had assured her that she was ready. It was about more than being ready though, it was about wanting to experience her prom night with the girl she was in love with.

And so she did, as she and Brittany moved to that ridiculously stupid Friday song she felt a sudden sense of liberty. It was ten kinds of dumb but as they danced the night away she felt foolishly, blissfully free in a way she hadn't before. She didn't care about the people spinning around them on the floor, all she cared about, all she saw was Brittany in her arms beneath the spinning mirror-ball.

Santana hadn't been expecting what came next, neither had Brittany and certainly not Kurt who up until that point had been enjoying himself.

With Santana opting out of the prom queen race she had just assumed that Quinn would be a shoe in. In fact, a part of Santana had even hoped for Quinn to take the crown because she thought maybe possibly Quinn would calm the hell down. But what she hadn't expected, what no one had expected was for Kurt's name to be called when they announced the prom queen.

Like statues the entire student body stood for what felt like a tiny eternity there.

The only part of herself that Santana could feel was her heart which jumped inside of her chest as she realized what had just happened.

And then it was all a blur as Kurt ran out, and she and Blaine both began to jog after him with Brittany trailing behind.

Santana wasn't sure how she was keeping up especially in her heels, but the only thing she could think of, the only thing she could think to do was to reach Kurt. Something burned inside of her, pushing her to keep going even as she skidded against the floor in chase. Eventually she rounded a corner and saw him come to a halt against a row of lockers at the far end of the hall. She paused for a moment and turned around and made eye contact with Blaine briefly and then gave him a gentle touch to his chest.

 _Let me_ , she tried to say wordlessly. _Please_.

And while it looked like he wanted to push forward too he gave her a single nod in understanding. Brittany came up behind them and touched Blaine supportively as he stood in place and as Santana walked over to Kurt.

He was in tears.

''I can't believe I was so stupid,'' he said, shaking. ''Here I was thinking...thinking that maybe somehow some kind of progress had been made. I thought we could have this, you and me and Brittany. I was so stupid for thinking we could all just have one night where we could be just like everyone else, but we can't.''

''You're right...we can't,'' Santana started with a frog in her throat. ''We can't ever have that Kurt. Do you know why?''

''Because they're full of hate and ignorance?''

''That. That and, we can't have one night where we're like everyone else because me, you and Brittany...we're not like everyone else.''

''What does that mean?''

''It means that for us, for you and me and her, this is only the beginning. And for them?'' she made a vague wave back to the direction of the dance. ''This is it, this is the end of the road for them.''

Kurt said nothing, instead he just slid down against the lockers until he came to sit upon the floor where he crumbled within himself. Nevertheless Santana kept on as she stood before him.

No squirrel friend left behind.

''Maybe they did this out of ignorance or hate, who the fuck cares,'' she said passionately. ''In five years, in ten years, when we're out of this town, when we've made something out of ourselves...they'll still be here, in this small town living their small lives wishing they were us, wishing they were you. I know it, Kurt. I know it more than I've ever known anything.''

''Why are you saying all of this? Why are you here?'' he asked, almost angrily as tears continued to pour out of him.

''Because...because you're my friend Kurt.''

''I thought you had a problem with calling us that?''

''I did, for some stupid petty ass reason I did, but none of that matters to me anymore. This matters to me. You matter to me. And like hell am I gonna just stand by and have you think those basic ass bitches won over you...over us.''

He shook his head, not wanting to hear her words or encouragement. ''It's not that simple Santana!''

''Yes it fucking is, Kurt. Listen to me, let them say what they want because guess what?''

''What?''

Santana blinked through tears as she searched for the words, the perfect words. _''It's water off a duck's back.''_

Kurt went still at her use of Jinkx Monsoon's famous, inspiring catchphrase.

''What did you just say?'' he asked.

''You heard what I just said. _Water off a duck's back,_ Kurt. It's all it is, it's all it is. I'm not gonna stand here and tell you it doesn't suck right now, because it does. I know it isn't fucking fair or right. None of this is. You just have to remember that this...this night, this school, this town, it's all they're ever gonna know, but me, but you, we're gonna take over the fucking world one day and those people who voted for you, they're not gonna know what hit 'em.''

''They're not?''

''I think you deserve a crown, Kurt, but not for any of the reasons they think. You deserve a crown because _you have more charisma, uniqueness, nerve and talent_ than any of those people back there.''

''You're just saying that.''

''The fuck I am. I'm telling you this because you need to know it and you need to believe it. It doesn't matter if I believe in you or they believe in you or your dad believes in you, it matters that you believe in you Kurt. Like Jinkx believed in Jinkx. Maybe...maybe this is the universe's really fucked up way of telling you that you're meant for something greater than this.''

''So what do you think I should do?'' he wiped at his face.

''I can't tell you what to do but I'd tell you what I'd do.''

''And what would that be?''

''I'd march back in that room, take my damn crown and start my motherfucking reign is what I'd do.''

Kurt smiled a shaky, watery smile. _''Water off a duck's back?''_

 _''Water off a duck's back,''_ Santana repeated with reverence.

She reached out to offer her hand and he took it, allowing himself to be pulled up. He immediately wrapped her up into a hug that she didn't have it in her to fight off, she accepted it, letting him sink against her for several long silent moments.

''If you get snot on my dress you're dead,'' she warned after a few minutes.

Kurt somehow laughed through his tears and pulled away slightly to look at her directly. ''I can't believe you finally said it.''

''Said what?''

''That we're friends.''

''Yeah well-''

From down the hall Blaine cleared his throat and looked to them, giving a nod at Santana as he started to approach. He was obviously done waiting and wanted to have his own word with Kurt.

''I-'' Kurt began to say to Blaine only for Santana to cut him off.

''It's fine,'' Santana said as she looked between the two of them. Blaine was Kurt's boyfriend afterall. ''I'll just be with Brittany.'' She tilted her head in Brittany's direction, she was still standing a bit aways away.

When she reached her Brittany pulled her close and gave her a very sad smile as if to say, I hate that this happened but I'm so proud of you for being there for a friend.

''Are you okay?'' Brittany asked her.

''I'm fine. It didn't happen to me.''

''Still, baby.''

''I'll be alright.''

Brittany looked down the hall at Kurt who was now in conversation with Blaine who also looked like he was trying to comfort him. ''What about Kurt? Will he be okay?''

Santana exhaled and nodded. Kurt was stronger. Stronger than anyone gave him credit for. ''He's going to be more than okay. I mean tonight might blow but...he's strong. He'll make it. He will. We all will.''

Brittany placed a long and comforting peck on her lips. They waited close and in each others embrace as they waited for Kurt and Blaine to finish speaking. When they finally came around to joining them Kurt told them what he was going to do. He was going to go back in, get his crown, begin his reign and never look back.

Together, hand in hand in hand in hand, they started off and marched back into the gym. Blaine was on the one side of Kurt with their arms linked while Santana was at his other side. She felt him squeezing her hand. She squeezed back.

''Are you sure about this?'' Blaine asked him.

''Yeah, yeah I am.'' Kurt spoke with certainty.

It took everyone by surprise and there was a lot of awkwardness as Kurt approached the stage. Figgins looked almost wooden as he announced Kurt.

''Ladies and gentlemen, your prom queen Kurt Hummel,'' the older man spoke into the mic and then proceeded to hand him a scepter and place a crown upon his head.

The room was still suffocatingly silent.

''Do you have anything you'd like to say?'' asked the principal.

Kurt hesitated for a long moment until his eyes searched the crowd and he found Santana watching him.

He took a deep breath and declared with a jubilant shout. _''Get ready bitches, it's Monsoon season!''_

No one understood what that meant of course, but it didn't matter to him, because Santana did. He knew that she knew and in that moment that was all that mattered.

Jinkx believed in Jinkx and Kurt believed in Kurt.

And everything else was water off a duck's back.


	6. Chapter 6

**AN: songs used in this chapter are _If I Dream_ by Rupaul and _Boy is a Bottom_ by Willam Belli which is actually a parody of Girl on Fire by Alicia Keys. You might want to Youtube them for reference, though just a warning there are raunchy sections of Willam's parody.**

X

Instead of letting it hurt or devastate him Kurt had - thanks to Santana's words of encouragement - decided to accept and wear his crown with pride for the rest of the night.

If they wanted to give him a crown he decided he was going to own it with everything he was. Shuffling off to cry in a corner and crumble into himself, that was exactly what they wanted Santana had said. Knowing this to be true Kurt thought that the best revenge, the best screw you was to stand tall and proud and shante his ass in front of the entire student body.

Everyone who had voted for him had all thought that to be a queen was somehow disgusting or demeaning but Kurt knew better. As did Santana.

To be a queen you had to be brave, you had to be strong, you had to be a star, anointed by the universe, destined for greatness. And one day he was going to show all of them, all of those small minds, just what a queen could do and accomplish. This, he knew as he found Santana's face out in the crowd of people, was only the beginning.

Just like the song said.

And so with a new resolve, determination and fire Kurt had danced the rest of the night away with Blaine and Brittany as well as the rest of the glee club members who had shown their own support after the fact. Many of the glee clubbers had come up to make sure that he knew that they had his back in all of this as he took this negative and reclaimed it for himself as a positive. Reclaiming it meant rejoicing, celebrating and dancing in the spotlight with Blaine until their feet were sore and their faces hurt from laughter.

When the evening winded down he found himself waiting outside with Santana for Blaine and Brittany to drive around with their respective vehicles. It was there on the sidewalk just outside of Mckinley under the stars that Santana inspected and admired the crown as it sparkled on top of his head.

''To quote the Ru song _you wear it well,_ '' Santana laughed.

''I do, don't I?'' Kurt replied to her, preening a bit in front of her. He was in a much better state of mind than he had been earlier.

''Who would've thought,'' she sighed in wonderment. ''Out of everyone, out of all the infinite possibilities, you and Jinkx were both crowned queens this year.''

Kurt let out an airy chuckle. It was strange and unexpected and completely ridiculous and perhaps if this had happened before, before Santana became his friend, before they bonded over Drag Race, before any of it, it might have been able to break his spirit and shatter him completely. But it hadn't. Once he decided he wasn't going to let it dictate or control him he felt a sense of empowerment.

Scattered among episodes there were messages there in the show that he had tucked away in his heart, about how to navigate friendships, life, love and the world at large. The most important message it had imprinted on him was that as a young gay man sometimes the family one was born into wouldn't always be there or if they were they wouldn't always understand but that there was refuge and comfort in going out into the world and finding your own family within your own community.

 _We get to choose our family_ Rupaul told a queen in season five who had been abandoned by her mother.

When Santana had found him in the hallway and with tears in her eyes had quoted Jinkx Monsoon, he knew then that whether he liked it or not, whether she liked it or not, Santana Lopez would always be family to him.

And that, that more than anything gave him that extra bit of strength he needed in order to take her hand and pull himself back up. Knowing that made it just a little bit easier to walk back into that room and demand to be crowned in front of all to see because queens didn't cower and cry, they ruled with dignity and poise.

In that moment he had been so hurt and humiliated that he had forgotten that important lesson. It took Santana's words to make him remember that.

Jinkx never gave up on herself in her season on her journey to win the crown, and Kurt wasn't about to let down his most favorite queen. And he didn't.

''I don't think anybody in that room is ever going to forget the name Kurt Hummel,'' he said proudly back on the sidewalk.

Santana smiled. ''Good.''

''Do you and Brittany have any plans after this?''

''Brittany and I were invited to a couple of parties a few days ago but they all sounded kind of lame. My parents are conveniently out of town again though so we were just going to stay in at my place.''

Kurt hummed pleasantly. ''That's sweet.''

''That was the plan anyways…'' Santana paused and gave him a devilish grin. ''But then we got to talking tonight and Brittany had a pretty genius idea.''

''What?'' Kurt asked with a wince, he was both intrigued and terrified. Santana's ideas were often wild, he had to imagine Brittany's ideas were probably Tammie Brown level strange.

''She said that since we have my house to ourselves we should do something big to like celebrate your coronation or whatever.''

''My coronation?''

''That's what Brittany said.''

''What kind of celebration are we talking about here?''

''House party at mine, are you in or what?'' she cut to the chase.

''A party?''

''I talked to some people. Glee club is in, the jazz band is in, some Cheerios who said you helped them shape their eyebrows when you were on the squad last year said they were in, a bunch of randoms got word too so who knows who else will show up. What do you say? Cause I already sent Puck and Finn on a beer run, plus Tina, Mike and Mercedes volunteered to go on a snack run.''

Kurt was stunned and moved. He shook his head as he tried to find the words. Laughter spilled out of him when he finally did. ''A party...a party in my honor? Are you sure about this?''

''Was Raven robbed of the Season 2 crown? Hells yes. I'm sure about this.''

''I appreciate the gesture of course but it's not necessary. I don't want you to feel obligated to do anything for me tonight, you've already done plenty. I'm sure you were planning on having some _romantic time_ with Brittany tonight.''

Santana laughed inwardly at his phrasing and tone. ''Hummel you aints gots to worry, alright, I'm still getting laid regardless. I mean I just got laid in the girls bathroom like twenty minutes ago and let's be real I'm probably gonna get laid again sometime later tonight, I'm cool, Brittany is cool.''

''Really?''

''Hey it's not every day one of our friends becomes royalty.''

For someone who claimed to be cold and unfeeling Santana was really one of the most thoughtful people he had ever known. Bitch still refused to use a coaster on his coffee table during their viewing nights when he asked her to but, when it came to the big things he was beginning to see she would always be in his corner.

How could he refuse a party where he was guest of honor?

When Blaine and Brittany arrived a few minutes later they talked it out. Santana told Kurt and Blaine to give her, Brittany and the rest of the glee clubbers a half hour to prepare her house for the festivities. It was no kind of proper celebration if he didn't have a grand entrance and in order to do that, they needed him to wait a little while until they had a few things in order. With that Brittany and Santana buckled themselves up and drove off, leaving Kurt to doddle along with Blaine.

The two of them opted to take a slow meandering drive around town while they killed time. Eventually as the half hour mark approached Kurt guided Blaine to the Lopez residence. When they arrived there were already dozens of vehicles parked in front of it so Blaine parked his car several houses down. There wasn't any music playing and no huge commotion but through the windows they both observed a good deal of movement from within the house. They sat for several minutes.

''I live five blocks from here,'' Blaine noted casually as he glanced around the neighborhood.

''Yeah,'' said Kurt with a nod.

Blaine made a small strange noise with his mouth.

''What?''

''I guess I always just assumed she was…''

Kurt raised his eyebrows questioningly. ''Was…?''

''How can I phrase this delicately,'' Blaine continued in a gentle tone. ''I assumed she was from an area with a generally lower income bracket.''

''You mean you thought she was poor?''

''I didn't say that.'' Blaine shifted in his seat uncomfortably. ''But judging from the way she often acts and speaks…'' he went quiet and made a wave with his hands. ''I suppose I wasn't expecting her to be one of my neighbors.''

Kurt tried to hide the flinch on his face. He knew Blaine wasn't trying to be judgemental at heart but his boyfriend did have an air of privilege about him on occasion. ''The one thing I've learned from spending time with Santana is that you can never assume anything about her. I know she can come off as rather abrasive but...she's become one of my best friends this year. One of my best squirrel friends.''

Unfamiliar with the phrase or the endearment behind it Blaine wrinkled up his face. ''Squirrel what?''

''Nothing.'' Kurt sighed at his boyfriend's inability to get the joke.

''Sorry,'' Blaine softened and shook his head at his own words. ''I didn't mean to insult her. I actually really like Santana and Brittany for that matter. They make a really cute couple.''

''That I agree with, although it's a little less cute when one of them is groping the other on my couch but, _they really are good together_.''

Blaine reached over to take Kurt's hand and give it a squeeze. ''I'm glad you have them to watch your little show with too.''

Hearing Blaine dismiss Drag Race as his ''little show'' made Kurt's heart sink slightly with disappointment.

Early on it had taken Kurt a few months into their relationship to share his Drag Race obsession with Blaine. Part of him had hoped that his boyfriend would embrace the show along with him but realistically he knew it wasn't everyone's cup of tea so when Blaine showed no real interest in sharing it Kurt took it on the chin.

Lots of couples had different hobbies and interests and there was nothing wrong with that he told himself. After all his own father was an avid football fan while Carole was really into something called fairy gardening (Santana giggled every time it was mentioned in his household) and neither of them ever displayed any interest in learning about the other's passions. Then again his father and Carole did seem to at the very least respect the other's hobby. Even though Carole never once sat down to watch a football game with Burt and even though Burt never once sank his hands into soil to garden along with Carole they made the effort to support these things in other ways. Burt would sometimes come home with an interesting little piece of decor for Carole's fairy garden just because he had been in a home improvement store and saw it in the lawn ornament section. Carole would occasionally bring home a trinket she saw in a gas station or in the grocery store simply because it had the logo of Burt's favorite football team printed on it. Kurt knew it was perfectly healthy for couples to have their own separate interests in life.

He just really wished that Blaine would show the slightest bit of respect for his.

Blaine himself had never bothered to watch the show. When he first revealed the show to his boyfriend Kurt had shown him a promo video or two and Blaine had smiled but expressed disinterest. He had said it looked ''silly'' and ''campy''. Kurt had tried to reason that while yes parts of it were silly and campy there were other more impactful and powerful components of the show, and that even if there wasn't there was still nothing wrong with being silly or campy. Those weren't bad things. Still Blaine insisted that Drag Race simply wasn't for him. He had never bothered to give the show a chance and while he didn't quite mock the series when it still came up in conversation Kurt always sensed a certain dismissiveness in his tone. Blaine often referred to the show as ''cute'' or ''goofy''.

Sometimes when it came up in conversation Kurt would get a little excited and carried away talking about it and Blaine would give him this look, as if Kurt were some silly child Blaine was required to indulge.

It always made Kurt feel small and more than a little foolish. It was also perhaps part of the reason why it was a little hard to watch Brittany come to be a part of their little Drag Race family. He was happy that she and Santana were happy of course but there had been one or two occasions where it was hard to watch Brittany sit there on the other side of the couch cuddling with Santana and simply supporting her girlfriend by being there.

It made him a little sad that he couldn't share this thing that he was really and truly passionate about with the person he was closest too.

Still aside from that things were generally good between he and Blaine. They did have a very minor tiff when Blaine actually said he would attend the reunion special and crowning ceremony at the end of season five because it was a special event for Kurt only to bail and claim he had Warblers duties he couldn't get away from. He had apologized profusely and Kurt had accepted it and moved on because in the grand scheme of things it wasn't such a big deal he told himself. He had a sweet and handsome boyfriend who was proud to hold his hand, why bother stressing or sulking about anything else he convinced himself.

''It means a lot that you came tonight,'' Kurt said as they continued to sit in the car. ''I know you were hesitant for your own reasons and I want you to know how much it means to me.''

Blaine smiled and blinked. ''Of course.''

''So...are you sure you're up for this?''

''I'm here with you. No matter what.'' Blaine leaned over the console as if to offer a kiss but paused when Kurt's phone went off and his ringtone began sounding off to the tune of Alicia Keys hit song _Girl on Fire_. Kurt automatically recognized the voice of Willam Belli.

 _This boy is a bottooooom, this boy is a bottooooom, bottom, bottom, bottom, this boy is a bottooooom, this boy is a bottom, bottom, bottom._

Blaine squinted in confusion. Kurt closed his eyes and half laughed, half grumbled. ''Damn it Santana is always changing my ringtone to Willam's stupid songs.''

''Who's Willam?''

Kurt didn't respond to Blaine, instead he simply answered the call. ''What have I told you about changing my ringtone? Also while that Willam song is funny it is not entirely accurate and for the record Santana, you don't exactly have any room to be making fun of bottoms considering that from everything I've unfortunately had to witness you're the biggest bottom I've ever known.''

''You shut your mouth,'' Santana sassed with affection.

''Excuse me! Is that any way to speak to your reigning prom queen?'' he sassed right back.

''Whatever. Are you here?''

Kurt glanced at Blaine as he replied. ''Yeah, we're just sitting in the car down the street.''

''Well we're set up now so whenever your highness feels like gracing us with his presence you can mosey your royal ass on over.''

Kurt quickly ended the call and he and Blaine exited their vehicle and started for Santana's house which was still oddly quiet considering it was most likely filled with a few dozen teenagers judging from all the cars out front.

''You ready?'' Blaine asked as he touched the doorknob.

Kurt touched the crown on his head, moving it just so it sat on top of him perfectly before giving him a confident nod. ''I'm ready.''

Blaine twisted the knob and pushed the door open and in the next second they were both bombarded with bombs of confetti and ear piercingly loud music. _The Beginning_ , Jinkx's crowning song, blasted forth as everyone in the room hooted, hollered and applauded as Kurt stepped inside. Tina and Mercedes were the first to approach him, greeting him with a couple of hugs, high fives and pats on the shoulder.

''What is going on?'' Kurt asked loudly and through laughter.

None of his fellow glee clubbers answered him and instead insisted that all would be revealed once they completed their duty to see that he made his way in to his throne.

''Throne?'' he questioned as he was gently nudged forward further into the house through the crowds of people.

Before he knew it he was being helped up onto a high backed cushioned chair that was placed onto wide sturdy wood coffee table. His throne looked like it was a fancy dining chair decorated with a red tablecloth but he grinned at the thought of it all. Standing below were several dozen classmates who he had always been on good terms with as well as a bunch of Cheerios he had been friendly with during his brief time on the squad but scattered amongst them there was also Sam and Mike and Lauren and Artie, Quinn, Finn, Puck and Rachel. Blaine was only a few feet away as well, clapping proudly along with the others.

''Alright, alright, alright, will you bitches be quiet already,'' Santana shouted into a mic as she pushed her way through people to Kurt's throne. She had changed out of her prom outfit into one of her trademark body contouring mini dresses. She stepped onto the coffee table in order to be seen properly as she addressed the room thanks to the nearby karaoke machine and speakers. It took a few moments for everyone to eventually hush and that's when she began again. ''We are gathered here tonight to honor our new reigning queen, Mr. Kurt effing Hummel. And I just want to make it clear if you're one of those people who think being a queen is disgusting or deviant or whatever you can just march your basic ass out of here cause we ain't having that here, okay? Tonight we're here to dance and laugh and get our drink on and celebrate. I don't want to see any disrespect up in my house tonight and if there is I've given Lauren and Puck the authority to boot you so best know that. Now that I've made that clear, drinks are in the kitchen, food is in the dining room help y'alls broke ass selves. Friendly reminder that by the end of the night each and every one of you are required to come and curtsy in front of our new queen. Also, if anyone breaks any of my shit I will key your fucking car. Now let's party!''

Despite the fact that Santana's speech was sprinkled with a small threat or two the room applauded and everyone began to disburse. Some made their way to the drink station in the kitchen while others opted to grab some snacks from the dining room, many others remained on the floor of the living area which was operating as the dance floor for the evening.

''Santana, are you out of your mind?'' Kurt asked, motioning out to everything. ''I don't know how but there has to be close to a hundred people here. I can't believe you.''

''Right, I'm amazing,'' she said as if greatly impressed by her efforts.

Brittany suddenly appeared, moving towards them with a tray. Like Santana she too looked like she had changed into something a little more easier to move and dance in. ''Shots for your majesty,'' she said in offering, doing a sort of bow before picking up a shot glass and handing one to Kurt, and then a couple more to Blaine and Santana before taking one for herself.

''Wait, I want to make a toast,'' Santana announced to them, raising her tiny glass up. '' _To our charisma, uniqueness, nerve and talent_.''

Brittany and Kurt immediately got the reference and clinked their glasses in approval. Blaine meanwhile just smiled cluelessly and knocked his shot back.

For the first hour or so as people danced all around, Kurt sat up on his throne as his classmates and friends took turns coming up to chat with he and Blaine, sometimes they even brought drinks and snacks in offering. It was kind of relieving and satisfying to talk to classmates he knew of but had never quite properly met until tonight. It meant a lot to him to see that not everyone in Mckinley had that kind of hate or poison in their heart. There was a girl on the cheer squad who said she was going to break up with her snot of a boyfriend for voting for Kurt. Even Jacob Ben Israel had discreetly approached him and offered to look into who - if anyone specific - was behind the write in prom queen debacle. Kurt however told him to not waste his time, that what was done was done and he wasn't going to waste another second on the people behind all of that nastiness.

Kurt had more pressing matters to worry about. Especially when Santana said that his crown came with responsibilities such as judging the impromptu Lipsync for Your Life battle that started out of nowhere when without even being told to Sam and Puck started dancing and lip syncing to a Maroon 5 song. They had somehow commanded the entire dance floor as the rest of the party goers moved aside to watch and shout them on, encouraging each of them to outdo the other in terms of dance moves and overall presence. They took turns trying to show each other up, doing jumps and body rolls and in a desperate attempt to get more cheers for himself Sam lifted his shirt briefly to show off his abs. In the end, Puck just couldn't keep up energy wise and fizzled out.

Santana nudged Kurt to declare a winner. It was only right and obvious that he gave the win to Sam who lifted up his hands in glory as the room clapped for his performance. Sam's moment of triumph was short lived however when Santana said they were going to make it a real competition.

''This is called _Lipsync For Your Life!_ The rules to this game are simple,'' Santana explained to the crowd. ''You lip sync against an opponent and at the end of the song Kurt will tell one person 'shante you stay' and the other will have to 'sashay away'. The person who shantes will face a new lip syncer with a new song.''

''Also in the case of a double shante,'' Kurt spoke up, ''in which I can't decide a clear winner I'll ask the two lip syncers to perform another song together.''

''Yes!'' Santana shouted, delighted that Kurt was getting into the spirit of things. ''On top of that Kurt also has the authority to declare a double sashay.''

Out in the crowd Rachel raised her hand. ''What's a double sashay?''

''That means I think both lip syncers performed poorly and I can send both of them away and two new players will take their place,'' Kurt answered matter of factly.

''At the end of the night someone will be named _the ultimate lip sync assassin_ ,'' Santana told the room. ''Last person standing wins bragging rights...and a bottle of their choosing out of my dad's liquor cabinet. Who's ready?''

And so the game began, with a majority of the glee club eager to take part. Even if it wasn't actual singing it was a type of performance. Sam had won the first round against Puck, but after that Tina had stepped up to battle him. Using his phone via bluetooth Kurt controlled the song selection through the sound system. To make it fair for them both he decided upon _Promiscuous_ by Nelly Furtado and Timbaland which allowed them to amp it up and play towards the crowd as well as each other in a funny flirtatious way. But this time around no amount of abs or body rolls could save Sam, Tina triumphed and Sam had to sashay away. From there Tina also managed to knock Quinn out during a rendition of _I Wanna Go_ by Britney Spears. Tina probably would've went further had the next song not been a Celine Dion standard and had Rachel not been her next competitor. Rachel beamed when they were both told they would be lip syncing to _My Heart Will Go On_ , and even informed the audience that she was fairly certain she was conceived to that specific song.

''Gross!'' Brittany hollered from the side of Kurt's throne.

Tina was an adequate lip syncer but Rachel however was just more skilled in the art of giving trademark obnoxious overly dramatic Celine Dion faces the singer was known for during performances. Rachel shante'd and Tina sashayed away. Mercedes stepped up to be the next contender. Sadly for Rachel their song was _It's Not Right But It's Okay_ by Whitney Houston. Needless to say Mercedes was able to bring more passion and soul to her lip sync as she evoked the spirit of Whitney in her performance. After that and without much effort Mercedes knocked out Artie and Finn. And that's when Santana stepped in to challenge.

Kurt thought he would make it interesting and give them a truly challenging and iconic song and so Santana found herself battling Mercedes to Gloria Gaynor's _I Will Survive_. It was intense and lively as they each poured everything they had into it, dancing and mouthing the words with fire and conviction. They strutted around the dance space performing for Kurt who watched them closely, paying attention to their every move and breath. When it was all said and done and the music faded Mercedes and Santana were panting slightly from exertion. Mercedes fanned her face while Santana soothed her own locks back into place. The crowd remained silent in anticipation of Kurt's decision. Kurt meanwhile studied them in an intense silence, channeling Rupaul during Drag Race eliminations.

''Santana Lopez...shante you stay,'' Kurt announced.

''Yes! In your face!'' Santana playfully stuck her tongue out at Mercedes who only rolled her eyes in response.

Kurt held up a hand making it known he wasn't quite done speaking. ''Mercedes Jones...shante you also stay!''

''WHAT?!'' Santana comically huffed. ''You're gonna double shante us?! That is some bullsh-''

''The time has come for you to _LIPSYNC FOR YOUR LIIIIFEEE_ ….again,'' Kurt instructed them to go for another round against each other.

Kurt was generous enough to give them a few moments to recover before he pulled up the next song for them. Again, because he thought they were both incredibly talented he wanted to give them a classic. He chose Natalie Cole's _This Will Be (An Everlasting Love)_ to which Santana openly scoffed. ''Ah hell, she's gonna Dida Ritz my ass,'' Santana sighed to herself.

And she was right. Mercedes totally Dida Ritz'd her ass good.

And so Mercedes was declared the ultimate lip sync assassin of the glee club. Kurt even made a big production of her winning moment, taking her by the hand and raising it up in victory as the rest of party goers cheered. Brittany even presented her with a sash that consisted of paper towels and a large piece of cardboard where she had taken a sharpie and drew on it to make it look like a giant check for ''one hundred thousand duhlahs''. Mercedes didn't quite get that joke but she basked in the attention and the applause all the same.

Kurt also announced that as the winner Mercedes got a little quality time on his throne and left her to it because after watching the others get down he really wanted to get in a dance or two. With a smile he hopped down and together with Blaine took to the dance floor to join the rest of the party goers.

Santana, meanwhile, had since made her way to a corner where she began to lick her wounds. She was drowning her sorrows by knocking back drink after drink. ''That shouldn't have been a double shante, I won that first round fair and square,'' Santana said weepily in Brittany's arms.

''Well,'' Brittany began quietly and soothingly as she petted Santana's hair. ''Maybe Kurt will want to do an _All Stars_ version of the game and bring you back.''

Santana sobbed again. ''Oh god, Brittany, I hate Drag Race All Stars Season 1, why would you remind me of that?'' if anything that made the tears rush out harder and faster. Rivers of tears streamed down her face making her look adorably ridiculous. After all the first rule of Drag Race was you do not talk about All Stars Season 1. ''It was such a disappointment, there was no Shangela and no Willam. Who was there instead? _Mimi Imfirst, Mimi Imfirst was number three in the voting I could not believe it_!''

Brittany just hugged her girlfriend and rubbed her back calmly. ''There there, there there.''

Santana eventually stopped crying when Brittany started letting her do body shots off of her. It was really hard for Santana to be upset when her tongue was tracing the tiny indentations of Brittany's abs. Of course body shots turned into making out and making out turned into some light grinding and light grinding turned into them sneaking out the back and into the Lopez pool house and making use of the nice firm couch. They had a couple of playful rounds and eventually fell asleep curled up with each other as the music from the main house thumped in the background.

Maybe it was the sex or maybe it was the quick nap but when Santana woke up nearly an hour later she felt a little more clear headed. Her buzz had dissipated for the most part and she felt suddenly wide awake. Brittany however was snoozing hard at her side. Santana smiled, leaned down and placed a tender kiss on her forehead before she started to pick herself up. Leaving Brittany behind was the last thing she felt like doing but she had a wicked case of cotton mouth and needed some water. She went about putting her clothes back on but decided to forgo her heels. She quietly exited the pool house barefooted and gently closed the door behind her, careful that she didn't wake Brittany.

She turned towards the house and noticed a figure sitting out and relaxing on a chaise lounge chair near the pool. The closer she got she realized it was Kurt. He was laying under the stars, staring up at the moon with one of his hands over his stomach while the other rested beneath his head. He looked...serene.

''What are you doing out here?'' she asked as she approached him and went to take a seat on the chaise at his side. ''Shouldn't you be inside enjoying your party?''

He smiled at her. ''I have been.''

''Is everything okay?''

He nodded. ''Yeah actually. I'm just taking a little break from the noise for a few minutes. I'd ask you what you've been doing out here but I already know. I think the entire house knows, we all heard some strange noises coming from your pool house a little while ago.''

''Shut up.''

Kurt's shoulders shook in silent laughter. ''Sounded like two squirrels squeaking at each other.''

She threw a chair cushion at his side which he was quick to swat away. ''Anyway, why did you need a break?''

Kurt's chuckles faded as he answered seriously. His gaze went back to focus on the sky above. ''I don't know, inside everyone is laughing and dancing and I love it but being in the middle of it, it's kind of a blur. I guess I just wanted a quiet moment tonight to let everything sink in. I wanted to appreciate every second of this so that whatever happens...whatever comes next...I won't ever forget it.''

Santana moved her own hands behind her head and relaxed back along with him. She two found herself staring up into the night, so perfect and clear and vast. In that moment they were both staring the universe in the face.

''I'll never forget what you did for me tonight either,'' he continued, still staring straight ahead, not bothering to face her. He didn't need to look at her to mean it or for her to hear it wholly and completely. ''And I'm not just talking about the party. I mean everything else. Walking after me, picking me up.''

Santana blinked up, her eyes still looking above. ''Yeah well...what are squirrel friends for.''

''Did you really mean it?''

''Mean what?''

''What you said earlier in that hallway,'' he said. ''About you and me getting out of this town one day and ruling the world?''

''I guess so. I mean, it's like I said this is a small town filled with mostly small people and...and I sure as hell know that's not me. There's nothing for me here. Lima isn't a total pit but I can't imagine myself staying here and being fulfilled in any way shape or form. I'd suffocate. All I know and all I'm sure of is I'm gonna be something. Something big, something different, something no one has ever seen before.''

''You're bigger than Lima, Santana, we both are.'' He finally turned and found her eyes with his before continuing on sincerely. ''We can do this. I'm in if you're in. We can make it out together.''

''Together huh?''

''Yeah together,'' he laughed with lightness, with hope. ''You can be the Michelle Visage to my Rupaul.''

Santana waved her hands around dramatically and let out a loud puff of air in offense. ''Whoa, whoa, whoa, let's get one thing straight here, you're the Michelle, I'm the Ru.''

''Uhhhh I don't think so,'' Kurt snickered. ''You're the Michelle!''

''No, you're the Michelle!''

''You know what?'' Kurt held up one of his hands and reached for his phone with the other. ''It doesn't matter. The point is me and you...a deal's a deal, Lopez. We're getting out of here one day if it's the last thing we do.''

Santana nodded silently at that and then watched as he smiled down at his phone. It was still very much connected to the sound system inside via bluetooth, the music throughout the house had been from his own playlists. He swiped around a few times until he found the song he was looking for and then he pressed play. The sound was loud and crisp enough that they could clearly hear it from their spot at the pool as she they stared at the stars. They fell into a comfortable silence as they listened to the lyrics of a familiar tune from their favorite show.

 _...night after night I close my eyes, I wonder when the sun will rise, day by day I live my life, I try my best to do what's right. A moment of hope is all I need to keep me moving on, through the dark till I see what's left to be revealed to me. If I dream everything I wanna be, if I dream all the possibilities, if you just believe in your wildest dreams, they will come true, they will come true…_

Kurt chanced another glance at Santana and knew then on some level that going forward it would be the two of them against the world.

X

And like that the days began to fly by.

Nationals came and went. Finn had made a fool of himself as well as the rest of them when he had acted rashly and planted a kiss on Rachel on stage during the competition. It was unprofessional and hadn't impressed the judges one bit. Then again it wasn't like they deserved to place. Mr. Schue hadn't thoroughly prepared them and even had them writing their original song on the fly the day before. Any hope of bringing home a national title were dashed then and there.

Kurt was quietly devastated of course, as was Brittany who didn't care so much about winning as she was with seeing the others happy. Santana however turned into Snix, aiming most of her blind rage at Finn and Rachel for once again making everything about them. There was even a point where Quinn, Sam and Mike had to hold her back because she was going to go all Lima Heights on Finchel's asses. Eventually Kurt and Brittany intervened and managed to diffuse the situation by escorting Santana out of the room.

They all had a quick change into their casual clothes and after grabbing a few necessities they were off and onto the streets of New York in the hopes that some fresh air would calm Santana's dramatic ass down. Santana was still a little grumbly about everything but the further they got from the hotel and the more distractions they came across the less bothered she seemed to feel.

They meandered for a long while, content to stroll with no real destination in place as they observed several buildings and landmarks or street performers doing their thing. They tossed some money at some buskers and a dance troupe they came across at Bryant Park. It was only when their tummies started to grumble in hunger that they paused and decided they needed a game plan. Kurt was insistent on them grabbing a bite to eat at a fancy eatery he had read about on some restaurant review site, according to him it was a very exclusive trendy restaurant. Santana and Brittany had no qualms about grabbing something from a street food vendor but Kurt wouldn't hear of it. If the three of them were in New York they were going to do it up big he insisted. They followed the GPS directions for a good half hour but either this restaurant had disappeared or his cell phone had lead them astray. Either way the three of them found themselves hungry and at a loss in Time Square in the middle of the afternoon.

''This is stupid, let's just find a fast food joint and get something, I'm starving over here,'' Santana whined.

Brittany was in agreement. ''I'm with Santana, Kurt. Come on please.''

Kurt was studying the map on his phone and shaking his head at them. ''Absolutely not. We did not come all this way from Lima to New York to eat at a Burger King, ladies, okay! We're going to eat fine cuisine.''

''Ughhhhhh,'' Santana groaned in annoyance. ''Whatever, if you're so hung up on us eating at some fancy-shmancy place you need to put your phone down and ask someone for some real directions.''

''Fine,'' Kurt sighed and began looking around.

He wrinkled his nose up at several people who also appeared to be tourists, they probably wouldn't be any more knowledgeable than he was he figured. What he needed to find was a real New Yorker who knew the streets like the back of their hand. They didn't exactly have a lot of options although there was one group of people standing about nearby on a piece of pavement chatting amongst themselves. They looked like the were perhaps a part of some kind of demonstration but were taking a break, their signs were placed near their shoes anyway. Kurt figured he had nothing to lose by asking and so he started for them with Brittany and Santana at his side.

''Pardon moi,'' Kurt said, making himself known to the group of demonstrators with a smile and a wave. ''Me and my friends here are trying to find a restaurant and we were wondering if you'd be kind enough to point us in the right direction.''

Several of the demonstrators turned around to face them and that's when Kurt noticed that a few of said demonstrators were actually drag queens.

A tall statuesque black queen stepped forward. ''Sure, kid. What joint are you looking for?'' the queen asked.

Kurt eagerly handed his phone over so the queen could take a look at the map and the address. The queen immediately pulled a silly, gaggy face.

''Ah hell nah, the food at that restaurant blows. Trust me I used to work there,'' the statuesque queen laughed. ''It's a bunch of overpriced garbage, nobody eats there but dumbass white hipsters.''

Santana and Brittany cracked up at the queen's nonchalant dry tone, and at the fact that she had totally made fun of Kurt's stuffy taste.

''But if you want some good ass food, my buddy runs the best place like five blocks that way.'' The queen then pointed off in the distance and then with a shrug offered. ''We were actually just talking about grabbing a bite ourselves if you want us to show you the way.''

Kurt looked over to Santana and Brittany who made no response. There was an awkward moment of silence that passed. This queen and her group seemed harmless but they were total strangers.

''What am I thinking, allow me to introduce myself, I'm Bob,'' the queen said.

Santana laughed. ''Bob? What the hell kind of name is Bob for a drag queen?''

Bob made a funny face, ready to have some fun and throw it right back. ''Well what's your name miss thing?''

''Santana,'' she answered.

''Well what the hell kind of name is Santana for a teenage girl,'' Bob smarted in a playful, lighthearted way. Kurt and Brittany laughed in response. Santana even chuckled too. It was hard not to smile at Bob who had a certain charm. ''What about you two?'' Bob then tossed a nod at Brittany and Kurt. ''You two Muppet Babies got names?''

''I'm Brittany,'' Brittany said through giggles.

''Kurt. Kurt Hummel.''

''Well, Brittany, Kurt, Santana, take a flyer.'' Bob motioned to another queen to come and join the conversation. The second queen that came over was smaller and white. ''This is my friend Miz Cracker.''

''Actually, it's Brianna Cracker, Miz Cracker if you're nasty,'' Cracker informed them gleefully as she handed them each a flyer for their cause.

''What is this?'' Brittany asked as she looked it over.

''It's for our group,'' Miz Cracker answered. ''Drag Queen Weddings For Equality. We do mock weddings here every Saturday from noon to four.''

Bob nodded along. ''And we won't stop until there's marriage for all.''

''That's so cool,'' Brittany exclaimed as she continued to read over their info.

''I don't know how old you guys are but it's never too early to start standing up for what you believe in,'' said Bob who dropped the jokester attitude for a moment to get serious. ''Whether you're LGBTQ or allies, change begins with your generation and the world needs you in it.''

''Wait,'' Santana started. ''You all really stand out here in the middle of all of this and perform weddings?''

''Yeah,'' replied Bob. ''But that isn't all we do. Listen I'll be glad to talk all about it but uh, we gotta talk and walk. These heels are making my feet howl, not to mention I's fucking hungry.''

The three of them laughed at that and then without anyone really saying anything or verbally coming to any kind of consensus they all just started walking in the same direction as Bob, Cracker and their group in search for food. As they strolled Bob spoke to them, explaining what their groups mission was which was to be proudly queer, proudly visible while trying to inform the public about issues of inequality. Their group, Bob explained, didn't just talk about marriage equality, but they also out about the right to adopt, the high suicide rate for LGBTQ kids, and the desire to simply exist without fear or persecution. Bob said they did some pretty radical stuff and that more than a few of them had gotten arrested but that was simply the price for progress.

''They hauled my ass off to jail in full drag,'' Bob reminisced.

''Oh my god, were you scared?'' asked Santana.

''Was I scared? Shitless,'' Bob said honestly. ''But was it worth it? Yes. Would I do it all over again? Absolutely, because I believe in what I was fighting for.''

''That's amazing,'' Kurt said with admiration and wonder in his eyes later on when Bob escorted them into a nearby hole in the wall restaurant.

They all found a large empty table in a corner to sit and situate themselves at since it seemed they were going to be dining with their new New York acquaintances. Bob and her friends were kind enough to let them tag along and talk to them, they really didn't have a reason to say no. And anyway there was something special about Bob who was a total hysterical wiseass that made them want to listen to her shoot the bitchy breeze for as long as possible.

''So what about you three?'' Miz Cracker asked. ''What's your deal? What are you about?''

''What do you mean exactly?'' asked Brittany as she cracked open her menu.

''Well, you're obviously tourists,'' Bob said. ''No offense. What brought you all to New York?''

''Oh,'' Brittany chirped. ''Well we're in glee club.''

''Yeah, we just competed in a show choir competition,'' said Kurt.

''And bombed tremendously,'' said Santana.

Bob grinned. ''Wow. Show choir huh, that's the gayest thing I've ever heard of, and that's coming from a man in a wig.''

Miz Cracker gave Bob a friendly swat to the shoulder. ''Be nice to the children.''

''But I am gay,'' Kurt said.

''I'm totally bi,'' Brittany chimed in.

''I'm a lesbian,'' Santana said with surprising ease.

It was the first time she had said it out loud and in front of other people, but if she couldn't be honest now in front of Brittany and Kurt, in front of Bob and Miz Cracker, who could she be honest in front of. There wasn't an ounce of judgement at the table as she claimed the word for herself.

''Oh my god I love lesbians,'' Bob exclaimed. ''I swear to fucking god the world would be a much better place if lesbians ran it and that's the truth.''

''Ain't gonna argue with that,'' Santana replied, holding her hand up in agreement. ''So what's good in this joint?''

It wasn't quite what any of them had been expecting but they all found themselves relaxing and enjoying this unexpected turn of events as they dined with drag queens.

It gave them all a sense that this, this is what life could be like for them in a big city. One could go out and meet someone new and unique and find common ground from belonging to the same community. New York was a big, open vibrant place where you could walk out of the door and find yourself somewhere completely unexpected, living an adventure. It was so far away from Lima and its stifling oppressive air.

By no means was New York some magical place where everything was perfect, after all Bob and Cracker had even mentioned that they encountered occasional assholes while they were demonstrating, but to them, to Kurt and Santana and Brittany, it felt like in a city like this, like New York they at least had a fighting chance to be themselves.

Kurt told them about being crowned prom queen. Bob and Miz Cracker both paused and listened intently, because ''that was real fucked up'' said Bob who was stunned and pissed off at the story. Kurt assured them though that he took that moment and turned it into something powerful and beautiful for himself, thanks to Santana. Miz Cracker and Bob said they were sorry that happened but that at the very least they were glad they had each other to lean on in moments like those.

''We're nothing without our family,'' Bob said. ''Like one of my besties is my friend Monet, she's brilliant and I get to call her my sister.''

''Bob is actually my drag mother,'' Miz Cracker confessed. ''Even though she's a year older than me.''

''Yeah but white people age faster than black folks do,'' Bob tried to reason. ''But it's true. Family is important, the one you're born into sure-''

''But also the one you make for yourself,'' Cracker continued seamlessly.

Bob and Cracker told them all about the drag scene and the gay scene in the city, entertaining them with wild stories about wild nights. ''It's the best place to be if you want to be an artist,'' Bob told them when they all said they were interested in pursuing careers on stage. ''It's not always been sunshine and rainbows. To make it in New York you have to learn how to hustle and make things happen for yourself, but if you can make it here...you can make it anywhere.''

Time flew by there at that table as they shouted and laughed and filled their bellies and tossed back drinks (Bob was very much about sober living and was not about to watch any of them drink while under age; ''nuh-uh, your toddler ass is drinking soda'' said Bob when Santana attempted to whip out her fake ID.) It was a night they wouldn't forget any time soon for many reasons, least of all because they had made two new friends and if New York had even just a few more people as inspiring and proud and political and passionate as Bob and Cracker, maybe this city could be their escape one day out of Lima.

As their time together came to a close they paid their tab and filtered out onto the sidewalk chatting amongst themselves. Well, Kurt, Santana and Bob did, Miz Cracker and Brittany for whatever reason began to play patty cake with each other, giggling between themselves.

''Guys, Mr. Schue is telling us to get back to the hotel,'' Kurt looked to the girls as well as their new friends as he checked the messages on his phone. ''I'm afraid we have to scram, I'm sorry. I was hoping we could get to go back and see one of your weddings in action.''

Bob smiled, unbothered and unoffended. ''Maybe some other time. If you ever find yourself in the city again always be there every Saturday until there's marriage equality.''

Bob then waved down a cab for them, insisting that they shouldn't go walking about on their own and to instead take a cab so they could get to where they needed to be. Cracker bent down to hand the driver a handful of bills and instructed him to ''make sure they get to their hotel.'' Brittany, Kurt and Santana said their thanks and said their goodbyes before piling into the backseat of the cab. Santana closed the door behind her and Bob stood just beside her window.

''Here's some advice for you all and I don't want you to ever forget it,'' Bob began wisely. ''Whatever you do, wherever you go... _take whatever you love about yourself and walk into the world purse first_.''

Santana tilted her head in confusion but then before she had a chance to ask what that meant exactly their car was pulling away from the curb and driving away leaving Bob and Miz Cracker behind in their rear window.

It would take them a couple of years to fully grasp what 'walking into the world purse first' meant, but even then, even in the backseat as they looked amongst each other and smiled something felt real and profound about the exchange.

They drifted off into a comfortable silence as they were driven back to the hotel. With Kurt sitting in the middle, Santana and Brittany both leaned against him just slightly and laid back, watching as they passed buildings and people and places.

''Thanks for dragging me away earlier before I went all Phi Phi O'Hara on Finn and Rachel's asses,'' Santana said to Kurt. ''I needed this.''

''Me too,'' yawned Brittany.

''I think we all did.'' Kurt sighed dreamily.

They arrived back at the hotel and with the rest of the glee club began to pack and get ready for their flight.

They didn't return to Lima with a trophy or a national title but what the three of them came back with was a little bit of hope. If New York was big enough for Bob and Miz Cracker, it was also big enough for Kurt Hummel and Santana Lopez and Brittany S. Pierce.

All they had to do now was make it through senior year.

X

X

X

 **Sooooo, was Bob and Cracker's cameo a hit or miss?**

 **For those who don't know, Bob The Drag Queen is a Season 8 RPDR queen and Miz Cracker is from Season 10. Before they got on Drag Race they used to do demonstrative weddings for equality in Time Square back in 2011/2012. That was a real group that Bob and Cracker were a part of. If you Youtube their group you can actually see footage of them performing these mock weddings in Times Square. One of my favorite things about them both is that these two have taken the success and used it to not just further themselves but to also give back and make a difference. Seeing them walk that walk makes me realize I need to light a fire under my own ass to do more.**

 **Anyhow. I thought wouldn't it be a hoot if Kurt, Santana and Brittany ran into them during this time period. Kurt and Santana won't know it until much later but they're going to see Bob and Cracker again, only next time on their favorite show.**

 **I'm actually a big fan of the two of them so I've seen and read dozens and dozens of interviews, I listen to Bob and Monet's podcast, I've had the pleasure of seeing Bob perform live (IT WAS AMAZING!). So everything I have them say here is a variation of things Bob and Miz Cracker have said in real life, almost verbatim. I tried to be true to who they are, like the fact that Bob doesn't drink. I DON'T feel comfortable writing fanfiction about real people at all, however I kind of think of this as an episode of Glee where Bob and Miz Cracker make guest appearances as themselves. I hope the way I used Bob and Miz Cracker was in a very respectful way too.**

 **If you haven't seen Season 8, please for the love of god go watch it now because Bob OWNS THAT SEASON SO HARD. As for Miz Cracker's season, I started S10 like ''omg this is the best season ever'' but I gotta be honest with y'all now I'm like ''why has god forsaken me'' lol. I was really all about Monique, Monet and Miz Cracker but...yeah. :( For reals if you're watching Season 10, I need you to tell me all of your feelings.**


	7. Chapter 7

There wasn't much fanfare when they all returned to Lima. The glee club walked back into Mckinley just as they had left, as show choir losers, and yet as they finished out the rest of the school year there was a lightness and excitement in the air. Or at least there was for Santana.

Summer was officially upon them and that meant even more time to squirrel around.

If they weren't all at Kurt's place then there were Santana's and if they weren't at Santana's they were at Brittany's. Days and nights began to blur together as they pleasantly wasted them away in the comfort of the A/C. They would sprawl themselves out in someone's living room or bedroom and snack their way through the day.

They still had Drag Race nights of course but in the interest of keeping things fresh they would sometimes opt to watch a movie or documentary instead. Kurt found some random internet list about the fifty most powerful pieces of queer cinema and insisted they make their way through it.

Together the three of them made their way through the dragtastic _To Wong Foo Thanks for Everything Julie Newmar_ of course in all of its campy glory, not to mention its Australian inspiration _Priscilla Queen of The Desert_. Brittany and Santana both enjoyed enjoyed _D.E.B.S_ and _But I'm A Cheerleader_ too because how could they not. _The Birdcage_ was also on the list but Kurt simply refused to acknowledge the American remake and insisted that they instead watched the original French version, _La Cage aux Folles_ , from the 70's which he deemed far superior. Santana bitched for a good half hour about having to read subtitles but eventually got into the story enough to admit the movie was more artful and unique - even if it did force her to read when she didn't have to.

They also totally binge-watched the U.S. version of _Queer as Folk_ which had recently been added to Netflix's streaming library. It was sexy and soapy and of course not without its flaws but it gave them a reason to stay comfortably cool inside on those long blistering summer days.

''You know who I like?'' Santana announced one evening as they watched an episode of the old Showtime series in her bedroom on her wall mounted flat screen. Santana and Brittany were laying back, curled against each other near the headboard while Kurt lounged around nearby in her lush desk chair. ''That Brian Kinney character. He's great, I love him,'' she chuckled to herself.

It was true. Out of all of the characters she felt oddly connected to that specific one for a reason she couldn't quite put her finger on.

''But he's an asshole,'' Kurt squeak-shouted. ''He's just so awful and offensive.''

''Is he really though? Or does he just speak the truth? Brian Kinney's hilarious and he keeps it real.''

''So you like him because _you are him_ you mean?'' Kurt asked.

''I don't know if I'd say that. Let's be real I'm like way hotter than he is,'' Santana said with a smug little smile.

''Way hotter,'' Brittany said in agreement.

Kurt narrowed his gaze as he studied Santana with a critical eye. ''I suppose you are somewhat similar to Brian Kinney. Dark, smoldering, occasionally emotionally unavailable, high maintenance, secretly and deeply insecure-''

''Hey!''

''But with a profound loyalty to your friends, even the ones you can't stand,'' Kurt carried on his comparison with delight. ''I see it now yes. You're totally a Brian Kinney. Right down to the cute blond always hanging off of your arm.''

Brittany perked up at the mention of yet another Queer as Folk character, the cute as a button Justin Taylor, the human embodiment of sunshine who just happened to be the love of Brian's life. She wiggled in place at Santana's side on the bed. ''That makes sense because I do feel a spiritual connection to Justin! If we existed inside the Queer as Folk universe Santana you would be the Brian and I would be your Justin! Ohmygod you know what I just thought of? If we were Queer as Folk characters _our sex scenes would be so epic_ , babe.''

''They really would be,'' Santana hummed at that pleasant thought.

Brittany and Santana traded loaded glances and a couple of playful smooches through laughter. It was undeniable, they would be so much hotter together than Brian and Justin. They were snickering and getting a little bit lost in the moment though so Kurt had to clear his throat to remind them that he was still in the room. Santana pulled herself away from Brittany with a reluctant whine.

''Right. Well. I don't know about you ladies but I think I've binged enough TV for today,'' Kurt said and clicked the TV off. He stood up and started to meander about her room. ''What say we move this gathering elsewhere?''

'' _What say_ you stop talking like Dame Judy Dench?'' Santana sassed.

Brittany gave her a playful but chastising nudge in her shoulder before addressing Kurt. ''What did you have in mind?''

Kurt made his way over to the dark, heavy drapes in Santana's room. He pushed one to the side and a beam of sunlight snuck through, making its way across the room to Santana's bed, hitting both she and Brittany full on.

''Well, you do have a pool,'' he suggested brightly and made a small wave to her massive backyard. ''Don't you ever use it?''

''Of course she does,'' Brittany answered. ''We have a ton of night sex in there.''

''I mean don't you ever use the pool to entertain company?'' Kurt specified. ''It's summer after all. Shouldn't we be out and about and enjoying ourselves? All of this sitting around inside we've been doing has made me all stir-crazy. Aren't you two tired of being cooped up?''

''Well, sorta,'' Brittany said as she sat up and gave Santana a sweet, pleading look. ''Our summer movie/tv marathon has been fun but it would be nice to get some fresh air. Maybe chase down an ice cream truck or two in the name of physical activity.''

Santana lifted a perfectly shaped brow as she considered it. She really had been enjoying herself wasting her days away in temperature controlled environments. She had her girl, Netflix and Breadstix, life was good. She had been pretty content with the idea of her, Brittany and Kurt having a nice lazy summer together but if the two of them were getting bored or going stir crazy from staying inside for days on end then she wasn't necessarily opposed to going out. It's not like she could say no to Brittany's cute, kissable pout or Kurt's weird freaky watery eyes that made him look like a lapdog about to piddle on the carpet.

''Well I guess I have been meaning to work on my tan…'' Santana sighed eventually to them.

''So does this mean what I think it means?'' Kurt asked as he did baby seal claps. ''Pool party?''

''Ahhh no,'' Santana announced, throwing a defiant hand up into the air. ''We can use the pool but this isn't going to be a party. I don't want any randoms or glee club kids in my house anymore after that prom after party. I had to hear it from my mom when my parents saw the mess that was left behind. Some idiot had sex on the glass coffee table in the pool house and broke it.''

''That was you,'' Kurt noted.

''Whatever,'' Santana pfft'ed at him. ''Look you can invite one person over and it can't be Berry.''

''Really?'' Kurt lit up.

''Why not?''

There wasn't much conversation as Kurt announced that he wanted to invite Blaine over to join them for an afternoon in the sun. It took a short phone call to sort it out with his boyfriend. The plan was for Kurt to make a quick trip back to his house to retrieve his swimwear but return in a half hour with Blaine at his side. And like that Kurt had left them, skipping along as he made his exit.

Once he was gone Brittany tugged Santana out of bed and towards her dresser. Luckily Brittany had her own drawer of things and because they really would often take dips in the pool at night she had a bikini on hand. Santana however had a slew of swimwear to choose from. She picked her most favorite pieces out and then stroked her chin thoughtfully.

''What do you think?'' she asked Brittany for her opinion.

''While I personally really appreciate the floral thong bikini ensemble I don't know if Kurt and Blaine will,'' Brittany advised with a smirk and then picked up her favorite of the bunch. A simple but sexy black bikini top and bottom. She made the items dance in her hands until Santana took them and began to strip. Brittany enjoyed the show, although she enjoyed helping Santana into the bikini even more, smiling goofily as she tied the strings carefully, her fingertips occasionally dancing across tan hips.

''I'm really glad Blaine's coming over,'' Brittany sighed at their reflection in the mirror and pressed her front against Santana's back, wrapping her up in a loose hug from behind.

''You are?''

''I've been thinking the four of us should do something like this for awhile. Me and you definitely should really try to get to know Blaine.''

''Why?''

''He's Kurt's boyfriend, and Kurt's our friend.'' Brittany shrugged and gave her an affectionate squeeze. ''He's always been cool about making sure I always felt included when we all hang. We should do the same for his boyfriend right?''

''I guess.''

''What?'' Brittany laughed as she placed her chin on Santana's shoulder and found her girlfriend's eyes in the mirror. ''Do you not like Blaine or something?''

''It's not that I don't like him, I just think he's a doily.''

Brittany laughed. ''A doily?''

''Yeah.''

''Like those things your grandma makes?''

''Yeah, Blaine's a total doily.''

''And how is that?''

''He's white and boring.''

''Maybe he's just a doily on the surface though,'' Brittany said with a diplomatic tone. ''What if he has much more going on for him underneath.''

''Puh.'' Santana made a scoffy noise.

''Hey now. We can't just not give him a chance. It's like people who only see you as some 'bad girl' type when you're so much more than that. You're sweet and romantic and you have tender gooey insides too. You never know, once we get to know him Blaine could be really cool.''

''I doubt it.''

''How come you sound so sure?''

Santana turned around to find herself comfortably and pleasantly trapped between Brittany and the dresser. She snaked her hands around her neck affectionately. ''I just get a vibe from him that's all. I'm not saying he isn't nice or that he hasn't been good to Kurt...I just...I don't know. My psychic Mexican third eye is trying to tell me something with that one I think.''

''Well not that I don't believe in your psychic Mexican third eye but I think it's only fair that we try to be friends with him before making any conclusions.''

Santana grumbled but relented. ''I guess.''

''So you'll be good?''

''That depends.''

''Oh what?''

Santana squinted and gave Brittany a sly little smirk as she dropped her hands and placed them around the button of Brittany's jeans. ''On if you let me help you into _your_ bikini?''

They spent the next half hour goofing and leisurely making out with each other as they readied themselves. Santana knew they didn't have time to really get up to anything but that wasn't the point of it all. They just wanted to get in a few private kisses and cuddles before they had to go out and entertain. By the time Kurt and Blaine arrived they had already donned their sunglasses and were in the process of applying sunscreen to each other. Brittany had insisted on going first. Santana was laying on a long pool chair face down as Brittany rubbed a generous dollop of some coconutty protectant on her back when Kurt announced their return. He and Blaine walked into the backyard in swimwear.

''Hi guys,'' Blaine greeted them brightly, tipping the trilby hat he was sporting at them with a charming smile.

''We made a little pit stop on the way here,'' Kurt said, motioning down at the bags he placed on a nearby table. ''I needed some new shades and while we were at the store we picked up some snacks.''

''We also couldn't pass these babies up when we saw them.'' Blaine pulled out two plastic packages and held them up in display. He and Kurt had apparently bought a couple of pool floats. One was in the shape of a giant green popsicle and the other an enormous pink flamingo.

''Ah sweet, I call the flamingo!'' Brittany shouted, abandoning Santana and the sunscreen to rush over and claim the floaty she wanted.

Santana shook her head and gave Brittany a playful swat on the butt in passing. ''Woman! You weren't finished!'' she hollered through laughter.

''But I wanna float on a flamingo!'' Brittany playfully pleaded.

Santana's only response was to smile then as she watched Brittany tear open the package and immediately begin to blow the float up with her mouth. Before Brittany could tire herself out huffing and puffing Blaine thankfully stepped in to help her, pulling out an air pump from a bag and doing the honor for her until it was filled to the brim.

Blaine might have been a doily in her eyes but Santana did appreciate his kindness to Brittany whenever the four of them were together. That did feel like it should count for something she thought. And as it turned out Blaine was actually a pretty polite guest. Sometimes he even came off a little too polite for Santana's liking but she really didn't see the point in bitching about it. Kurt and Brittany were having fun and that's all that mattered as the four of them swam and floated and splashed about for the next couple of hours.

All of the heat and the activity did eventually wear them out though and by mid afternoon Kurt and Brittany had taken to snoozing in the poolhouse. Blaine meanwhile had quietly declared he was going to make them all a semi-proper meal. He had commandeered the kitchen in the main house and enlisted her as his assistant as he started pulling out items he'd need in order to cook up some burgers. Of course Santana didn't assist so much as she did watch.

''Do me a favor and shape these patties into discs will you?'' Blaine asked.

Santana leaned against a kitchen counter and smirked at him. ''Yeah I don't know if you've heard but I'm dating Brittany now which means I don't touch meat anymore.''

Blaine smiled and rolled his eyes in that friendly 'oh you' way of his. ''Right. How about getting the fixings together then?''

''Alright that I can help you with.''

Now she usually wasn't very open to taking instruction from others but if he was cooking she figured it was the least she could do. He was her guest and he was going out of his way to do something nice, she could handle chopping up some lettuce and tomatoes. And anyway she figured with Kurt and Brittany napping away in the pool house this could be her chance to get a better feel for who Blaine was and what he was about. Maybe after getting a sense of him she wouldn't think he was such a doily.

She didn't like to think she was wrong very often but if Kurt and Brittany obviously saw something Good in Blaine then maybe getting to know him was really worth a shot.

''Thank you for inviting me over by the way,'' Blaine began as he started getting his hands dirty with preparing the food. ''Kurt's always on about you and Brittany. It feels nice to be a part of it. Especially after prom. That was a very sweet thing you did for Kurt.''

''Yeah well,'' Santana shrugged it off. ''It was nothing. And as for today, Brittany really wanted the four of us to spend more time together.''

''I'm glad.''

''You know you always have an invitation to Drag Race night too. Why don't you ever join us?''

''I suppose I just don't want to intrude.''

''You wouldn't be.'' Santana went to open her fridge and started digging through the compartments marked crisper and vegetables. She tossed a head of lettuce onto the kitchen island as well as a couple of fresh tomatoes and a jar of pickles. She then began a search for an adequately sized knife. ''It's just us watching a TV show and eating a bunch of junk food together with occasional breaks for random dance parties.''

Blaine gave her a scrunchy, smiley face. ''While that sounds like a lot of fun, I have to admit the whole thing seems a little…''

''A little what?''

''A little...well...childish,'' Blaine said softly. ''Drag Race I mean.''

Santana pulled a giant shiney knife from a cutlery drawer. Blaine's eyes flashed with comical alarm. ''Calm down I'm not gonna stab you,'' she laughed. ''Look I'm not offended. If it's not your thing then it's not your thing.''

Blaine chuckled with relief and dusted his hands free of food bits and turned to her fully. ''I'm glad you think that. If I'm being honest, and don't tell Kurt this, I just find Drag Race as a whole to be pedestrian.''

''Oh?'' Santana wanted him to go on. She was aware that Drag Race wasn't for everybody but she liked to think that anyone with a creative or artistic bone in their body would find something valuable or notable about the show or the artform in general.

''There's no one who respects the art of performance as much as me,'' Blaine carried on in his stuffy manner. ''I'm a performance artist, Kurt's a performance artist, you're a performance artist...I don't see what drag queens do as performance art.''

Santana stared at him dumbfounded. What he was saying was so beyond laughable to her. ''Uh what drag queens do _is_ performance art.''

''What drag queens do is entertaining, but I don't particularly consider it an art. Art moves people, art changes lives, art says something about the world.''

''So does drag and Drag Race,'' Santana said. She wasn't going full Snix of course but she did feel the need to defend the show or at the very least the queens. ''Drag queens are like the patron saints of our community.''

''Perhaps,'' Blaine said as if trying to be fair. ''I just see that form of entertainment as being all about self-glorification. The 'hey look at me over here!' mentality you know?''

''Didn't you dance on tables at a Gap store once?''

Blaine laughed and nodded at that. He could at least chuckle at himself which was sort of relieving to her. Blaine may have not been her idea of fun but he seemed to be able to keep up and take her barbs on the chin. ''...okay yes, you do have me there. Listen I know the show means a lot to you and Kurt and that's great but it just isn't my cup of tea. But what I can say is that I'm really glad he has you to share it with. Brittany too.''

Santana accepted that. Sort of.

It didn't really matter to her if he liked Drag Race or not, but it did sort of matter to her if he respected it which to be honest she wasn't sure he did. She didn't know what to make of the smile he gave her then. It was all teeth and cheeks and eyebrows but there was something about it that felt empty.

Santana knew how to keep people at a distance, to show them what they wanted to see, to show them what she wanted them to see, she knew all about how to put on a show. And that's kind of what she always sensed with Blaine, that he was putting on a show. What kind of show, and to what means, she wasn't sure. All she knew was that between her, Kurt and Brittany, she seemed to be the only one who could see it.

Everything about Blaine was a little too perfect, a little too put together, a little too neat. She didn't think anyone was really built that way. Except for that one sloppy moment where he had made out with Berry in front of everyone, Santana had never seen him get messy or silly or act like a normal ass teenager. Everything with him felt like a show, and a really boring one at that.

But because all she had was a gut feeling she couldn't very well say anything or do anything. Not when Blaine clearly meant so much to Kurt. After all she finally understood and felt happiness with Brittany, and knowing and experiencing that kind of emotional intimacy meant the world to her. Kurt deserved to be happy too, especially when they were all trapped in this town for another year. They all needed each other. And if Blaine was enough for Kurt, then that was enough for Santana. At least until she had something more than just a gut feeling to go on.

''What smells so good?'' Brittany asked through a yawn as she walked into the kitchen from the back entrance of the house.

Santana relaxed when she felt Brittany press a peck into one of her dimples. ''Blaine, he's uh cooking for us.''

''Is he now?'' Kurt sang as he entered the room as well and went to his boyfriend.

''Yeah,'' Blaine answered, his voice going up along with his eyebrows. ''Santana was giving me a hand too. I hope you and Brittany feel like burgers.''

''That sounds perfect.'' Brittany started assisting Santana in her chopping. Which, she really hadn't done much of or any at all. Santana had really only gotten as far as stabbing a head of lettuce with a knife and leaving it there. Brittany pulled the sharp utensil out and started getting to work in cutting it up, then after that diving into the tomatoes, every once and awhile feeding Santana a stray scrap.

''Don't I have the most amazing boyfriend?'' Kurt said adoringly as he beamed at Blaine with pride. He looked around then as if to take in the scene. Of Blaine preparing their food, of Brittany slicing away, of Santana pretending she was being helpful by nibbling on a piece of cheese. Kurt wrapped one of his arms around Blaine while the other pulled Santana into an awkward side hug. ''I love this. All of us together.''

''We're like the gay Avengers or the Golden Girls,'' Brittany said.

''Exactly.'' Kurt was bubbling with content at seeing his friends spending time with and embracing his boyfriend. ''We need to do this more often.''

''For sure,'' Brittany agreed.

''Then let's,'' Blaine chirped.

Santana however could only muster a half smile-half wince at the idea. ''Yeah...let's.''

And so it went on like that, the summer after junior year was filled with double dates to the mall, dinner dates at Breadstix and the movies. It was like they were all suddenly attached at the hip. Every time they got together Blaine was always polite and sporting a smile. He was the perfect guest, the perfect host, the perfect dinner companion, the perfect everything it seemed on the surface, but it never felt authentic to Santana. It was hard for her to bite her tongue but she didn't see a reason to piss all over the party when Kurt and Brittany were clearly happy with bringing Blaine into the fold. Brittany enjoyed the opportunity to be out and social with other people and Kurt loved the idea of the four of them being super pals or something.

Something about it all, something about Blaine just made Santana itch.

Blaine Anderson was a perfectly pleasant person but Santana thought it was just a part of a perfect illusion.

As days turned to weeks and weeks turned to months she was no closer to getting a sense of who he really was as a person other than a bow-tied robot. A bow-tied robot who was soon to become the newest member of New Directions seeing as how Kurt had somehow talked Blaine into leaving Warbler Academy or where ever he came from to come to McKinley to join their glee club.

Kurt broke the news to her that Blaine would be attending McKinley their senior year when they were at the mall. It was a rare occasion where they were Blaine free and she wanted to do some quality shopping and bitching with him. Brittany was along for the ride of course but had left them to go pick up a little something for herself a few storefronts down. Kurt and Santana were left to their own devices in their local Hot Topic. It really wasn't a store Santana frequented very often or at all really, however it was the one place she and Kurt had discovered carried tons of Drag Race and drag queen merch and as super fans they both felt they were required to represent.

Drag Race was like gay sports. You had to wear your teams gear and support them.

''So are you excited?'' Kurt asked as he opened up a Manila Luzon t-shirt and held it to his front, modeling it for himself in a nearby mirror.

''For senior year? Absolutely. I'm excited to get it the hell over with. Should I get the official Willam Belli hairbrush or the official Alaska hairbrush?'' Santana asked as she held up both items up for consideration. There was simply too much merch out there to decide on. The life of a Drag Race super fan was hard.

Kurt examined the graphic designs adorning each brush. ''The Willam brush since he's your favorite queen. Besides you're already getting the Alaska 'Your Makeup is Terrible!' makeup bag too so you should get something Willam.''

''True,'' Santana said as she added Willam's piece of merch to her pile of items. She put the Alaska brush back on its peg.

''But anyways back to what I was saying…'' Kurt carried on, wadding up the Manila t-shirt and tossing it in his own pile of merch he planned to buy and moving on to the poster display and clicking through them until he came across one of Jinkx who was posed in a gown and crown with her signature 'water off a duck's back' catchphrase printed clearly across her figure. ''Oh I'm so getting this.''

Santana smiled at his excitement. ''You were saying?''

Kurt pulled out the poster tube and tapped her on the shoulder with it before once again tossing it into his 'yes' pile. ''We have less than a year before we're out of Lima. We really need to figure out a plan.''

''I thought we already figured that out. The plan is New York isn't it? You, me and Brittany.''

''Well that goes without saying but we should probably figure out what we're going to do before we get there which really we should've been preparing for a while ago. I read about this performing arts school there, actually it's THE performing arts school. NYADA.''

''Never heard of it.''

''Well it's number one in the nation, everyone who is the best of the best go there.''

''And you think we should?''

Kurt gave her a hopeful smile. ''I printed out a lot of info about it and I really want you and Brittany to look at it later. I think it's where I need to be and who knows, maybe it isn't for you and her and that's fine, but you should at least look into it. If it's not something that's going to work for you then, well, I can help you find what will.''

Santana blinked. ''You...would...help me?''

''Of course I would. That was the deal we made. We're going to the city together, right? We're all going to need a plan so we all have to make sure the others have what they need to get there. If I have to I probably could manage it on my own but...I don't want to go to New York without you, or her.''

''You know I heard Rachel plans to go there too.'' Santana wandered a few feet away and distracted herself with a display of keychains.

''I know.'' Kurt nodded and found a balled up blue shirt on a shelf. He held it up and let it unfurl only to see that it was a Willam design. It was the famous one with Willam's cartoonized face printed on the front complete with wind-blown hair and hoop earrings. Kurt beamed at it. ''But she's not apart of what we're doing.''

''It would...be okay though you know...if it was. If you decided you wanted to go to New York with her instead of me.''

Kurt dropped the shirt to his side to face her straight on. ''Why do you say that?''

''I dunno.'' Santana let out a puff of air and dumbly began to busy herself with random knick knacks around, unable to look at him. ''I just don't want you to feel like you're stuck with me. I want to go to New York and I want you to go to New York but if you feel like you'd be better off making these kinds of plans with her-''

''I don't want to go to New York with Rachel though,'' he said hurriedly as he went to stand with her, nudging her slightly in encouragement. ''I want to go with you, Santana. I want to take it on with you, and Brittany, and hopefully Blaine later on too. Don't get me wrong if New York is where Rachel wants to be I hope she gets there too...but I didn't make a pact with her. I made it with you and I plan to stand by it. Now, do you think this Willam shirt works with my complexion?''

Santana swallowed her emotions and smiled as she looked up. ''It brings out the blue in your eyes.''

''Sold,'' he said, tossing the article of clothing onto his shoulder.

''I didn't think you were that much of a Willam fan.''

''Willam's pretty fabulous,'' Kurt explained with a lift of a shoulder. ''And honest. And loyal. Like you.''

''You think I'm honest and loyal?''

''Yeah...yeah I do,'' Kurt said warmly before breaking his sincere tone with a snicker. ''You also both were really slutty clothes, so there's that also.''

''Shut up,'' she said, grinning with affection at him. It meant a lot to her to hear him say all of that, that he wanted to take New York on together with her.

Kurt stared at her long and hard in silence for several minutes. ''You know what's funny?''

''What?''

''Your favorite queen and my favorite queen are so, so different. Like their style and senses of humor are so contrasting. Could you imagine Willam and Jinkx doing a song or collab together? What would that even look or sound like?''

''It would look like me and you trying to do a collab or song together.''

Kurt moved closer to give her a sort of side hug as he turned them towards a mirror so they could examine their reflections together. ''The charming, theatrical one with the loudmouth who likes to talk out of her ass.''

Santana hummed as she pondered aloud. ''I wonder if they're friends.''

''Willam and Jinkx?'' Kurt bobbed his head around in thought. ''Considering all of the tours the Ru girls go on together it's not out of the realm of possibility that Jinkx and Willam could be friends.'' He let out a light airy chuckle. ''I'd like to think they are.''

''I'd like to think they are too,'' Santana said to Kurt's reflection.

They took a moment to smile at each other before shaking themselves out of their moment and going back to the task at hand. The task at hand being their search for merch.

''You know I think we got some good stuff here,'' Kurt said as he started sorting his stuff neatly, going through each item he had selected for purchase. ''Although I will say I am grossly disappointed in the lack of Stacy Layne Matthews merch.''

''That red outfit was couture,'' Santana said offhandedly.

Their conversation came to a halt when Brittany pranced into the store and onto the scene with a a shopping bag in hand. She went to Santana and wiggled her brows in greeting at her. ''Hey good lookin'.''

Kurt noticed her bags with interest. ''Find yourself a new outfit, Britt?''

Brittany lifted her bag up to her chest. ''Sorta-kinda.''

Kurt squinted his eyes and gently took Brittany's bag in hand to sneak a peek. He blushed at what he found, handed it back to Brittany and turned to Santana. ''You're a very lucky lady, Santana.''

Santana swallowed at the implication that Brittany had bought a little something special to wear in the bedroom. ''I am,'' she beamed at Brittany.

''What about you guys?'' Brittany slinked in closer towards them, taking stock of everything they had accumulated on the store counter.

''We found a few things,'' Santana answered.

''Just the essentials,'' Kurt elaborated.

Brittany started to poke around. It was definitely more than just the essentials but it couldn't be helped. Santana just loved so many queens and since it wasn't like she had the ability to go to all of their shows she felt it was her duty to at the very least support them by purchasing their official merch.

''Look, it's up to the two of you because it's your own money but…'' Brittany began carefully. ''If we're making plans for New York we should all think about saving up for the move. I know I have. I monetized all of my Fondue for Two episodes so I'm getting a tiny bit of ad money now, plus on the weekends me and Lord Tubbington have been pool hustling and raking it in. I'm not saying you shouldn't treat yourself to a little something, but maybe whittle it down to two or three things instead of twenty.''

''But, I need all of this,'' Santana said dramatically as she gestured to her mountain of merch. ''For my life.''

''Do you?'' Brittany asked with a smirk.

''Uh yeah.''

Brittany then made a show of going through the items one by one. ''You need a new make up bag?''

''It's not just a make up bag, Brittany,'' Santana said in a comically defensive tone. ''It's the official Alaska Thunderfuck make up bag. It says 'your make up is terrible' which is one of her catchphrases!''

''Okay, what about this? Do you really need a Raja iPhone case?''

''Yes.''

''You have an Android!''

''That's besides the point!''

Brittany picked up yet another item. ''And what is this?''

''A Shangela fan,'' Santana answered smartly.

Kurt took it from Brittany's hand and did an elaborate THWORP with it and then began to fan himself in demonstration.

Brittany smiled at her ridiculous girlfriend. ''Babe, I love you and I want you to have everything you want but maybe like, cut it in half?''

Santana exhaled with exaggeration. ''Fine, you're probably right. I could trim the fat. I don't need the phone case and maybe I can settle for two t-shirts instead of ten but I'm getting the Alaska make up bag AND the Willam hairbrush AND the Shangela fan.''

''I could probably do without a few of these things myself,'' Kurt said as he took stock of his own stuff.

Brittany was being the voice of reason and logic. They really did have only so much time to prepare for New York, but what was life without a little joy every now and then. Santana and Kurt ended up walking out of the store with only a handful of items for each of them. While it was a lot less than what they had wanted, they were still pleased about everything they did purchase. While Kurt had thinned out his pile of merch he was sure that one of the items he did walk out with was the Willam shirt which he insisted on changing into before they left to hit up the food court.

He wore the shirt for the rest of the day under his neat blazer. Santana kind of thought he was doing it to make a point to her. As if he was trying to say something by simply sporting the apparel of her favorite queen. It was almost like he wanted Santana to know that she had his support and his friendship and love but knew enough that she wasn't always comfortable with hearing it or accepting it, so he did the next best thing by donning the merch of her favorite queen, the queen she felt the closest to, the queen she felt most connected to. Kurt wore his Willam shirt proudly.

And even though she didn't say, Santana appreciated the gesture and the sentiment behind it.

And so the rest of summer slinked away and before they knew it they were sashaying into senior year. But they were doing so with a new kind of confidence though. New York was the goal. They still had a few obstacles and things to sort out in the meantime but there was something there unspoken between them, they would all do their part to make sure no one was left behind, that everyone had or was working towards some kind of plan.

Come senior year Santana and Kurt were the very first to arrive for the glee club's inaugural meeting and decided to pass the time by Tooting or Booting their fellow glee clubbers as they trickled into the choir room. They were in essence doing their own glee club version of one of their favorite web shows, Fashion Photo Review, hosted by Drag Race alums Raven and Raja.

''...you know I like the studded little glovelets, I really feel like it ties up her look,'' Kurt said as they sat in the back row and examined Tina's outfit from afar as she walked in with a bookbag on her shoulder. ''All together it's a very sort of subtle gothy-rocky ensemble. I sense she's paying homage to lady rockers of the 80's. I get it, I get the reference. Pat Benatar chic. So it's going to be a Toot for me.''

''It's a Boot for me,'' Santana said, unimpressed as she too studied Tina's clothing. ''I get her aesthetic and I respect a good homage but I cannot and will not stand for a chunky shoe. Uh-uh. Boot.''

In walked Rachel wearing some ugly ass patterned one piece with a ridiculous bow on the front. Rachel stood at the front of the room and looked to be having a chat with Artie.

Kurt placed a hand onto Santana's as if to calm her. ''Okay before you say anything hear me out. I'm going to be a little more forgiving. I like to think that Rachel's wardrobe is perhaps inspired by fashions from the 1950's. Very neat, very vintage.''

Santana scrunched up her face. ''Very Jan Brady.''

''Mayhaps.''

''She gets a Boot from me.''

Kurt nodded but tried to remain neutral. ''I think you're too harsh with your Boots.''

''I think you're too generous with your Toots.''

The next glee clubber to skip into the choir room was Brittany.

''She's a Toot,'' Santana declared without much thought.

''You're only giving her a Toot because you're in love with her.''

''Uh excuse you, no I'm not. For your information I'm giving her a Toot because I find her style refreshing. She's wearing a tank top with a kitty cat pirate on it - that's cutting edge fashion right there, Hummel.''

Brittany climbed up the steps to join them in the last row. She smiled at Kurt and greeted Santana by giving her a cute nudge in her side when she took a seat. She joined them just in time as in walked Mr. Schue who was donning one of his trademark sweater vests.

''Boot!'' Santana and Kurt both exclaimed to no one but themselves.

Their first glee club meeting came and went, without Blaine who insisted that he make his grand entrance and and introduce himself to McKinley with a huge musical number in the courtyard. Santana helped him put it together even though she didn't get why he couldn't just show up in the choir room like every other student who wanted into glee. Their new recruits included some potato named Rory, a super mellow Joe and some chick named Sugar Motta who could not for the life of her carry a tune but was somehow entertaining to watch. They weren't exactly the best of singers or performers but Santana thought they all had a bit of humility which is something she hadn't seen much of in Blaine.

Still, with the addition of new members things were looking a little more promising for the glee club. Mr. Schue promised that this year his focus wouldn't stray from their goal. He would get them to nationals and he would help them take it he vowed. Santana just hoped he wouldn't let them down this time around. She, Kurt and Brittany really wanted the title under their belts. It would mean something on their transcripts.

Within the first few days of class they had put their plans in motion. With NYADA in his sights Kurt thought he needed more extracurriculars to make himself stand out. He was intent on nabbing a lead role for Mckinley's musical as well as dipping his toes into political waters by running for student body president. Santana and Brittany had also decided to approach Sue about rejoining Cheerios. The truth of the matter was the squad was nothing without her and Brittany and now Sue knew that. They had several conditions Sue had to agree to before they decided to rejoin. Sue was eager to regain her glory and would do anything to have her former stars return. No cannons, no blackmail, no verbal harassment. They made it known if Sue were to ever backtrack and go back on her word, they would walk just as they had junior year.

Santana was sure that if they could manage two national championship titles to their names they would look more appealing to the schools in New York, especially if they got Sue to put in a good word for them what with her many connections.

They spent many nights and weeks planning and strategizing, organizing and putting things in motion. They had to kick senior year in the ass in the biggest and best way possible. It was going to take them a lot of work, a lot of dedication and a lot of late night slushies to power through it.

Fortunately when Drag Race Season 6 premiered it almost acted as a sort stress relief. One hour of their week where they didn't have to fret about a test score or about nationals or about which school to apply to. One hour a week where they could just sit and relax and goof and enjoy each other's company. When premiere night rolled around they were all in need of a good laugh and a good time.

'' _Come on Season 6! Let's get sickening!'' Laganja Estranja sang as she made her work room entrance and then proceeded to do a wicked death drop._

''Ten bucks says she's gonna be the annoying one this season,'' Santana waged as she stuffed a handful of popcorn in her mouth.

Kurt and Brittany gave her playful shoves on each side of her as they all occupied the white couch in Kurt's bedroom. They all stopped their munching and muted the TV when a commercial break came on a few moments later.

''I have to say the show is way more exciting when watching it in real time,'' said Brittany. It was the first season she was watching air live on TV instead of binge watching online.

Santana beamed with pride. It was a little bit thrilling getting to experience the new season for the first time along with Brittany. ''Yeah?''

Brittany nodded eagerly and wiggled her form up to sit on the arm of Kurt's couch and angling herself to face them. ''Totally. There's something about meeting the queens and being on the edge of your seat for an entire week to see who goes next, it's like I have butterflies in my stomach and need to barf, but like in a really fun way.''

''Gross,'' Kurt laughed. ''But I get what you mean.''

''Yeah,'' said Santana. ''It's a little nerve wrecking watching the episodes as they air because any one of your favorite could be the one to go.''

Brittany clapped and smiled at both of them in turn. ''Just so you guys know...and just in case I haven't said it before...thank you guys.''

''For what?'' asked Kurt.

''For letting me be a part of this,'' said Brittany. ''I know it's only the first episode of Season 6, but like, I think it's going to be an amazing season. For them and for us. It means a lot that I get to experience it with the two of you.''

Kurt turned his face into a soft smile. ''Aw, Britt.''

Santana however just pulled her tugged down from her seat on the arm and pulled her into her side. She gave Brittany a peck. ''There's no one we'd rather be watching this with, babe,'' Santana said.

''Yeah...there's no one else I'd...rather be watching this with either, Britt.'' Kurt swallowed and sighed. A certain kind of sadness came over his delicate features, slowly erasing the smile from his face.

Santana was too busy hugging on Brittany to notice this in the moment.

Brittany however had a clear and perfect view of Kurt's dejected expression. She hugged Santana back and thought that maybe it was time for her to go have a little one on one with a certain warbler.

X

It was less than a week later and Brittany had taken it upon herself to arrange a friend date with Blaine. She had reasoned to him that they hadn't had very many chances to hang out with each other outside of Santana and Kurt and that it would do them so good to spend quality time together.

Blaine didn't have it in him to say no to her and he certainly never turned down a free coffee at the Lima Bean. So when Brittany offered to treat him to a cup and a scone and suggested they have a day together he was more than happy to join her. He and Brittany might not have been the closest of friends but from all of their double dates they had both sussed out the fact that they had a few things in common. Santana and Kurt could have wicked tongues when they wanted too, Santana more so than Kurt of course, but still, Kurt was known for his dry sometimes snarky remarks. Brittany and Blaine however had felt a commonality in that they were softer, a little more gentle with their words than their partners were.

There was a certain ease there between them Brittany had always felt and as it turned out their friend date was actually pretty enjoyable, especially when they took their coffees to go and decided to get in a little shopping of their own at the mall.

Brittany helped Blaine pick out a new bow tie for himself as well as a snazzy neckerchief he wanted to gift to Kurt. Then it was Brittany's turn to ask for advice. She wanted to get a little something for Santana and while she didn't need a second opinion she sort of wanted one.

''What do you think of this?'' Brittany asked.

They had wandered into a store selling intimates and Brittany had found a short black silk robe. It was sexy but very tasteful.

''It's verrrryyyyy...her,'' said Blaine as he looked over the article. ''It's very Santana.''

''You think?''

''Absolutely. It's dark, alluring and severe.''

''You think that Santana's severe?'' Brittany asked with a smile.

Blaine raised a bushy brow. ''You're telling me she isn't?'' he laughed goodnaturedly. ''I don't mean it negatively of course. She's just a very strong personality, it isn't a bad thing. It took me a little getting used to but I get it now. Surely you had to take some time to figure her out early on, right?''

Brittany lifted a shoulder and ran a hand over the smooth fabric of the robe. ''Not really. We met when we were younger so I guess I got in before she learned how to build her walls up. I dunno, she's never been 'severe' to me though, not really. She definitely likes to play it up like she is but…''

''But what?'' Blaine asked.

''Santana Lopez has the most tender heart of anyone you will ever meet,'' Brittany said warmly.

Blaine smiled at that. ''You must really love her.''

''I do. I know everyone thinks she's a certain way and like I said, she plays into that but there's so much more to who she is. She's gentle and sweet and if people stopped judging her for two seconds they would see that.''

''For what it's worth I can totally tell, she loves you just as much.''

''Yeah well Kurt's pretty crazy about you.''

''Is he?''

''For sure…'' Brittany went to playfully bump into Blaine's shoulder. ''Which is why I think you should totally consider joining us for Drag Race night next week.''

Blaine squinted and shrugged. ''Drag Race huh?''

''I'm not saying you should force yourself to come every week but yeah. You should definitely come hang with us when we watch an episode.''

''Don't misunderstand me,'' Blaine said. ''I think Kurt's obsession with Drag Race is adorable but I just don't personally find the show that intellectually stimulating.''

Brittany stiffened at his wording. ''So you're saying only dumb people watch it?''

''What? Of course not,'' he said, throwing a dazzling and disarming smile her way. ''I'm just not very fond of reality shows in general. I'm sure all the singing and dancing they do on the show is fun to watch but…'' he wrinkled his nose up and shook his head.

Brittany accepted that. ''I get that it might not be your cup of tea but think about what it would mean to Kurt if you showed up every once and awhile. When we get together it isn't just about the show...it's about...I don't know. It's about all of us sharing something. I think it would mean a lot to Kurt if he could share it with you, at least once.''

Blaine nodded and looked like he was actually taking her words to heart.

Brittany reached forward, took the robe off of the display table and brought it to the front counter where a shop girl rang up her purchase and then began to wrap it up carefully in a nice elegant little box for her. Brittany and Blaine stood and waited.

''Other than me, Drag Race is Santana's favorite thing in the entire world,'' Brittany continued to him. ''When I watch it with her...it's like...I can't even describe it. It's like I can feel the excitement vibrating off of her when a new episode is on. Sometimes it's so hard to focus on the show because I'm so busy watching her. Watching her watch the show is like the most beautiful thing in the world to me because I see so much joy in her eyes. I mean...don't you want to experience that with Kurt?

Blaine opened his mouth as if to respond but then nothing came out.

''I'm just saying think about it,'' Brittany encouraged.

''I'll think about it,'' Blaine said with a tiny bow of his head.

''Good.''

Once Brittany's purchase was boxed and bagged up they were off. They linked arms as they exited the shop.

''Now since you and I have a shared love of suspenders,'' Brittany started, ''what do you say we go pick out a little something for ourselves? I saw some really cute ones with ducks on them like three stores down.''

Blaine laughed. ''Sounds like a plan.''

X

 **A/N: okay so I know I'm barely dipping my toes into RPDR Season 6 but, I kind of want to stretch it out over several chapters along with their senior year. That said, I'm taking my time easing into it. I hope no one's frustrated by that.**

 **I'm also setting some stuff up for klaine. Just a warning: if you're a klaine fan...klaine probably won't get a happy ending in this story. I plan to explore/examine that relationship from Santana's point of view. I think she'll be able to see the red flags before anyone else.**

 **I also still really enjoy the idea that both Kurt and Santana have that one special queen they really relate and identify with personality wise. We've established that for Kurt it's Jinkx and for Santana it's Willam Belli. Those two queens are both immensely talented but they're also very, very different, much like Santana and Kurt. I feel like any time they speak positively about each other's favorite queen, Kurt and Santana are talking in code and saying something about each other too. The way I view it, I think Kurt wearing Willam's famous blue t-shirt was a very coded way of telling her 'I love you and I'm gonna support you no matter what'.**

 **Did anyone connect the dots on the QaF reference? I sort of made a nod to my own Glee/QaF crossover fic where Brittany and Santana land on Liberty Avenue and meet Brian, Justin as well as the rest of the QaF characters.**

 **And one more thing, in this chapter I have Santana name drop Laganja but an amusing thing about that is a few months ago Laganja and Naya were tweeting at each other and it was mega cute and my fangirl heart exploded.**


	8. Chapter 8

'' _My name's Gia Gunn. I don't jump guns, I am the boom boom gun, honey,'' Gia sassed in the work room._

 _There was a collection of ''ooooo's!'' from the rest of the queens as Bianca Del Rio spoke up in annoyance. ''Oh is that it? You can handle it but don't worry, some other bitches in here know how to throw it, kk?''_

Santana, Kurt and Brittany were once again in his basement bedroom for Drag Race night.

They were watching as Gia and Bianca ruffled each other's feathers. Dramatic operatic music began to play in the background. They were rapt and at the edge of their seats watching it all go down. Thankfully a few minutes later they were able to relax when the show cut to commercial and they could all exhale when they put the TV on mute.

''So can we all agree that Bianca Del Rio is what would happen if you and Kurt mixed your gay DNA together and had a giant gay baby, Santana?'' Brittany asked.

Santana twisted her face up in repulsion. ''First of all gross. Second of all…yeah I can see that.''

''You would be lucky to have my gay baby, Lopez,'' Kurt said with a playful nudge to her arm as he sat in the middle of the couch this time around.

''Bianca reminds me of the two of you,'' Brittany added lightheartedly. ''She's charming but in a super mega bitchy way. Also she has your dimples.'' She reached over to poke at Santana's cheek.

''I do like Bianca though,'' Santana expanded, because how could she not identify with Bianca's viper tongue and attitude. ''I didn't expect to root for the one that looks like a clown but I feel like she might be my fav of the season.''

''I like her too but I also think Courtney Act is lovely,'' Kurt chimed in.

''Oh yeah,'' Santana hummed deeply. ''I _really_ like Courtney.''

''That's because you have a crush on Courtney,'' Brittany laughed.

''I do not have a crush on Courtney Act!'' Santana shouted in embarrassment and began to eat the popcorn in her lap with a weird almost comical kind of intensity, shoving it into her mouth like an angry toddler.

'' _Lies. Liza Minelli, lies,''_ Kurt countered in his best Vivacious impersonation.

''Do you want me to slap you in your squirrel face?'' Santana threatened.

''Baby, you kind of do,'' Brittany chuckled at Santana in a soothing, calming way. ''Remember I called this when I caught you drooling on her Instagram. Courtney's a leggy blue eyed blond bombshell, clearly you have a type. There's no shame in having a crush.''

Santana lifted a shoulder and hesitantly nodded. ''Right. Okay. Yeah,'' Santana relaxed. ''Maybe I do have a little crush. Courtney in drag _is_ a really beautiful woman.''

''Personally I'm kind of crushing on Josyln,'' Brittany admitted with an easy nod. '' _Joslyn Fox is one foxy lady_. _Wonk-wonk!_ '' Brittany did Joslyn's signature boob wonk on herself and snickered. ''But you know who I think will be the underdog of the season? Adore.''

''Ohh I love Adore too,'' Kurt beamed.

''Me too,'' Santana thirded their sentiments. ''She's like that slightly annoying kid sister type who tags along with you and your friends to the movies and embarrases you because she has a booger on her face the whole time or something. I love her.''

''Honestly, everyone's so great,'' Kurt said, gushing. ''I can see a few of them taking the crown. Season six is going to be a hard one to call.''

''I am so lost,'' Blaine said through a chuckle, finally speaking up in the conversation for the first time as he sat in a chair off to the side.

So this was a thing that happened recently.

Blaine had finally decided to join them for Drag Race night.

It was a shock to Santana but Brittany had confided to her that she may have taken Blaine aside and gently encouraged him to show some interest in one of Kurt's hobbies. Brittany was under the impression that she had gotten through to him. Santana however thought that Blaine finally joining them for Drag Race had less to do with Brittany's pep talk and more to do with his feeling guilty about recently taking the Tony role in West Side Story.

Kurt had set his eyes and heart set on the lead role of Mckinley's West Side Story. Blaine had told him he was going to step aside only to later agree to read for Tony. Kurt had dimmed a little at first sure but after a tiny bit of moping he shook it off and made the choice to be happy for his boyfriend. The day the cast list went up Kurt and Brittany had even snuck off school grounds to buy a couple of bouquets of flowers to surprise Blaine and Santana with.

Uneasy feelings about him aside Santana couldn't really begrudge Blaine for taking a role that was offered to him. She more than anyone understood that you had to take every opportunity as a performer, she just thought it was a sucky ass thing for Blaine to give Kurt his word on something and then turn around and go back on it. In her eyes it would've been way simpler and less complicated, not to mention more honest, if Blaine had just been up front and told Kurt it was something he wanted to try for too. Why give your word if your word meant nothing, Santana thought.

Maybe she would've been more receptive to having him join their Drag Race night if she thought he was genuinely trying to share something with them but she got the feeling that Blaine's coming around was more about soothing things over with Kurt than anything else.

Still she tried to do her part as she, Kurt and Brittany each took turns explaining the show to Blaine. There was nearly always a mini challenge at the beginning of the episode to determine team captains and then once teams were picked the queens would proceed to the main challenge which was usually an acting, dance or comedy challenge or some variation involving all three. The preparation period was always the part of the show that was most entertaining. Watching the queens write, rehearse and interact with each other around the workroom was the best way for a viewer to get a sense of everyone's personality. Each season there was always a mix of introverts and extroverts, seasoned queens and baby queens, congenial queens and drama queens. And when put in a room together it always made for something compelling, a perfect balance of silly and sincere.

Kurt, Santana and Brittany were cracking up as the queens worked to construct and film their very own wacky horror movie skits. Blaine however just smiled and looked slightly confused as he silently watched their shoulders bounce with laughter through it all. But when it came time for the lip sync portion of the show he did have a few questions, the primary one being ''why couldn't they just sing?''. He didn't outright criticize the performances, he did however question the importance and significance of lip syncing. Santana and Kurt tried to explain that lip syncing was in actuality a drag queens bread and butter and generally a staple in most every drag queen's repertoire. Blaine didn't protest or challenge that but he did furrow his bushy brows, almost as if he was attempting to do some complex math equation in his head in order to understand the humor and the heart of it.

Brittany tossed a small throw pillow at Blaine's gelled head. ''I think you just need to loosen up and stop over analyzing,'' she said just as the show went to commercial break and they put the television on mute. ''And I know the perfect way to do it.''

''What?'' Blaine asked with a comically fearful expression.

''Dance party,'' Brittany declared and with that she lifted up the remote to Kurt's sound system and queued up a track that immediately began to fill up the room. It was Rupaul's _Dance with U_ which was fitting as it was the theme song of the season.

Without word Brittany jumped up and onto her feet and starting shimmering around the room. Santana really didn't need any encouragement to start moving along with her girlfriend, after all it was tradition that they have at least two random mini dance party breaks per Drag Race night. Kurt laughed and looked to Blaine as Santana and Brittany started hopping around them, dancing on couches and coffee tables.

Despite his stiffness and confusion Blaine exhaled and with a small smile took Kurt's hand when it was offered to him. He was pulled into the mix and finally lit up as Kurt started dancing in circles around him. Blaine eventually started to take part and move along to the beat. He might not understand Drag Race but this was something he looked more comfortable taking part in, this he could definitely have fun with.

It was then that Santana had to admit to herself that Blaine was clearly trying. Maybe he was trying for all the wrong reasons, but she guessed trying was trying regardless. And anyway she supposed it really didn't matter either way, at least not to Kurt who looked over the moon at finally getting to share something special to him with his boyfriend.

After it was all said and done they watched as Vivacious sashayed away. After the show and after Untucked they helped pick up until Kurt shoo'd them away, insisting that he and Blaine had clean up duty under control.

''Admit it, you just want us gone so you and Blaine can get all up on each other,'' Santana teased as she and Brittany stood at the bottom of the stairs.

''What Blaine and I may or may not get up to is none of your business,'' Kurt replied in an amused and scandalized tone. ''Unlike you and Brittany we keep our private life private.''

''Uhhhhhh Brittany and I are plenty private,'' Santana sassed back.

Kurt remained straight faced, completely unconconvinced. ''What are you talking about? You two did it on my couch! In the middle of Drag Race night! In front of me and Rupaul almighty!''

''Yeah but we didn't _finish_ so it doesn't count,'' Santana reasoned.

''Stop pestering Kurt,'' Brittany said, buttoning up her jacket. ''If he and Blaine want to _warble_ each other we should leave them to it.''

Santana lifted a shoulder and slid herself into her own thin, tight coat and zipped herself. ''Alright, alright. You two love birds enjoy the rest of your evening.''

Once they were out of the Hummel home and on the sidewalk she and Brittany began strolling in the direction of Pierce house.

Brittany's folks were pretty laid back and didn't object to Santana sleeping over on occasion as long as it didn't interfere with school. If it had been up to Brittany Santana would've been sleeping over every other night, but Santana was a little more hesitant. She didn't want the Pierce parents to think she was taking advantage of their hospitality so she tried to limit their sleepovers to only a couple of nights a week. And even though they had permission to sleep in the same room, Santana wasn't exactly comfortable having sex while the parental units were under the same roof which meant their sleepovers were usually PG-13, a fact which didn't exactly please Brittany.

''I just think you're being a little overly cautious,'' Brittany said from within her bathroom. ''It's not like we've never done it with them around before.''

''Britt, we've been over this.'' Santana was already changed into pajamas and laying on her side of the bed as she leafed through a book. ''That was different.''

''Different how?''

''That was before when we _had_ to sneak around and didn't have a choice. We're together now though.''

''I don't see how that changes things.''

''I'll make it up to you this weekend, we'll have some alone time at my place when my parents are out, okay?''

''You promise?''

''I promise.''

Santana looked up from what she was reading just in time to see Brittany walk out of the bathroom. There her girlfriend stood in nothing but a t-shirt and panties and Santana had to bite down on her bottom lip because _legs_. The mischievous twinkle in Brittany's eyes led Santana to believe that girl knew exactly what she was doing.

Santana put down her book and sat up, alert. ''Where are your pajama bottoms?''

''They're dirty.''

''All of them?''

''Yeah. I'm super behind on laundry,'' Brittany said as she walked her way over to her side of the bed and took her spot. But instead of slipping under the covers Brittany instead pulled a bottle of lotion out from her side table and began to apply it to her legs, giving them a shiny, smooth sheen that had Santana aching to reach out and touch.

''That uh...that smells good,'' Santana managed to croak out. Her eyes remained glued to those legs however. Brittany's were so long and toned and perfect.

''Mmhm,'' Brittany hummed innocently.

Santana inhaled. ''Coconutty.''

''Yeah, I got it because you said you loved that scent.'' Brittany applied even more lotion to the palm of her hand, this time though she rubbed it onto her thighs, slowly making her way upwards. ''Want some?''

''You have no idea,'' Santana sighed inwardly.

''I can put it on you if you'd like.''

Santana flared at that and in a swift little maneuver pulled Brittany up and onto her lap causing Brittany to squeak out. Santana hiked one of those long legs up and over her own hip so she could stroke that smooth pale skin and marvel at it. Just because they weren't having sex tonight didn't mean she couldn't at least cop a feel she reasoned.

''I know what you're doing,'' Santana said.

''What am I doing?''

''You're not playing fair.''

''What if we were really quick?''

Santana groaned again. ''Don't tempt me.''

Brittany pressed a kiss onto her jaw. ''But it's so fun.''

''Britt, it's not that I don't want to, you know this.''

''Then why not? If I want it and you want it…'' Brittany began to let one of her own hands slink down and under the waist of Santana's shorty shorts.

Santana stilled her hand, pulling Brittany's away from her underwear and up to her mouth. She laid a single soothing kiss into her palm. ''Trust me, I want it. But I also don't want to be disrespectful to your parents.''

''You wouldn't be though. My mom and dad love you and obviously trust you.''

''Exactly, and I don't want to betray that. We're lucky that they're cool with me staying over so often. I don't want to give them any reason to change their minds.''

''I'm pretty sure my parents already know what we get up to.''

''Probably, but that's beside the point. Listen if it was just the two of us here it'd be a totally different story but your parents are like two rooms down. Plus your kid sister. I just want to respect your family and you.''

Brittany seemed to accept that with a nod. ''I still think you're being silly but...it means a lot that you care enough about my family to even consider what they might think and feel.''

''If you and I were just fooling around like we used to it wouldn't matter, but you and me, we're real now aren't we?''

''We are, we're really real.''

''And because we're real I don't want to do anything to screw it up or make anyone upset. I want your folks to know I'm serious about you, about us. More than that I want you to know I'm serious about us.''

''Sometimes you are impossibly sweet.'' Brittany continued to kiss her, moving her mouth across Santana's features slowly in worship. She spoke between soft tender pecks. ''You know what's funny?'' she asked, snuggling closer towards her.

''Hmm?''

''No one would ever suspect.''

''Suspect what?''

''This, here, right now. No one would ever suspect _you_ would be this sweet and old fashioned.''

Santana laugh-scoffed. ''I'm not old fashioned.''

''You are though about certain things. About heart things anyway. Maybe old fashioned is the wrong word. Honorable. That's a better word for it. No one would ever suspect you of being this honorable. I love that it's a part of you that I get to see. This tender, patient, thoughtful side. You're like a total gentlewoman you know?''

''Only for you. And believe me the next time we're alone I'll give you everything you want.''

''I know you will, but in the meantime I'd be happy for some quality cuddles.''

Santana opened her arms and wrapped them around Brittany. That was very much something she could do. ''Well I mean the only thing I'm better at than orgasms is cuddles. I'm like _a total beast_ at cuddling, babe.''

''A beast huh?''

''Oh yeah. I'm a total cuddle fiend. _Live fast, die cuddling_ ; that's my motto.''

''So since we're not getting up to anything tonight, I do want to talk to you about something. It's sort of serious though.'' The usual playful lilt of Brittany's voice was gone, replaced with something more heavy and inquisitive.

''Whatever it is you can tell me. I'm here.''

Brittany let herself down from Santana's lap and fell into the space at her side. Their legs tangled and rubbed together as she continued. ''It's not bad or anything but I've been thinking. We've all been taking care of things to get ready for New York. I know I've been taking my school work a lot more seriously and well I was thinking maybe I needed to do something big this year to set myself apart too.''

''Uh huh.'' Santana encouraged her on and listened intently. ''Like what?''

''Well, I was helping Kurt put up his campaign posters for senior class president the other day and we were talking about how he wants to change things. It made me think... _I want to change things too_.''

''Okkkkaaaay.''

''And you know I love Kurt and I totally think he has a great message but like, his posters were all fancy and grey and boring. I tried to talk him into adding some color but he was mega insistent on doing it his way which like, is his choice. But I don't know if it's enough to get people's attention and if he can't get people's attention how is he going to change things. So then I thought...what if I tried?''

''What if you tried what?'' Santana had an idea about where Brittany was going with this but she wanted to be sure.

''What if I were to run for class president too?''

''Is that something you want to do?''

''I want to help people realize that it's okay to step out of the ordinary. Just because we live in a small town doesn't mean we have to have small minds you know? I want to show people, teach people that and like what better platform would there be than the student body president.'' Brittany sat up, extracting herself from Santana as her words flowed out of her, each one brimming with excitement, with possibility. ''Like I'm super hot and super popular, people are going to pay attention to me and maybe it'll be for those reasons in the beginning but what if I could use my hotness and popularity to like teach people without them even realizing?''

''That...that wouldn't be half bad idea.'' Santana tilted her head in thought. ''Actually that'd be kinda brilliant.''

''Right? I could totally run a wild and colorful campaign and make people think I'm all about root beer water fountains and pixy sticks but once I got their eyes on me, once I get their votes then I start changing things and educating people.''

''You could totally do that.''

''You think so?''

''You can do anything, Brittany. You're a genius. I think if people were as open and accepting and magical as you the world would be a much better place.''

Brittany beamed. ''I think so too, or I hope so at least. I have some ideas but if I go through with it that means I'd be running against Kurt.''

''Well….'' Santana had to take a few moments to find her words. She was ready and game to support her girlfriend but at the same time she didn't and couldn't dismiss Kurt. They were both important to her and she wanted to be there for them both. ''If you ask me you should totally talk to him and tell him what's what before you make any announcements but as long as you both run a clean campaign I don't see why there would be any issues.''

''I don't want him to hate me though.''

''It's Kurt, he would never hate you. And anyway there's nothing wrong with a little healthy competition.''

''You don't think things will get weird?''

''Why would it be weird? Both of you want to change Mckinley for the better, you just have two different visions. I would think he'd be happy that someone like-minded was trying to get into the mix.''

''No I mean, weird between me and you?''

''How would it affect us?''

''I'm your girlfriend and Kurt's your friend, if I go for it I don't want you to feel like you have to choose between us or like you have to support one over the other.''

''Brittany, I don't ever want to be the reason you don't go after something you want. I'm your girlfriend no matter what. You make your decision, talk to Kurt and whatever you decide on, I'll be there.''

Brittany nodded and plopped herself back down into Santana's arms. ''See, just like I said you're totally a gentlewoman.'' Santana squeezed her butt and gave it a playful swat. ''Okay maybe not entirely,'' Brittany yelped, enjoying the attention to that part of her body. ''Do that again but like harder this time.''

Santana shook the bed with laughter. ''Oh my god, go to sleep.''

X

As the next few days passed Santana didn't press Brittany for details on what her plan was. Instead she just reminded her that she'd be by her side either way and that she believed Brittany could accomplish whatever she put her genius brain to. She was confident that her girlfriend could make her own choices.

In the meantime Santana began to focus on West Side Story rehearsals. Things were really going forward and it felt like they were all really creating something.

For the most part Santana found herself working long hours alongside Rachel. It was a surprise to both of them when they found that they had chemistry while playing off of each other. Berry could be annoying as hell to sit next to in the choir room but Santana had to admit being on stage with her pushed Santana to step up even more, to show not just the imaginary audience but Rachel herself, that they were equals.

If there was one thing they both cared about it was about doing their roles justice. They saw a dedication in each other and from that dedication sprung a sort of appreciation and from that appreciation something that almost felt like a friendship began to form.

''To think you and I could've been doing this the whole time,'' Rachel started as the two of them sat down on the edge of the auditorium stage. They were in the middle of taking a break to rehydrate.

''Doing what, singing together?'' asked Santana as she grabbed a bottle of water for herself and even thought to toss one into Rachel's lap.

''Like it or not, Santana, you have to acknowledge that you and I have a certain sympatico when we're performing together.''

''We work well together in the professional sense sure but as for why it took us so long to get here I can think of a couple reasons. One being you're a bitch.''

Rachel made a sour face.

''Two being I'm a bitch,'' added Santana which put Rachel a little more at ease. ''Hey game recognize game, Rachel, but let's be real, your giant ass personality tends to nag at my giant ass personality. Putting the two of us in a room together sophomore year, even junior year, that was always going to lead to a little bit of drama and mayhem.''

''But now it's senior year,'' Rachel said brightly, as if she thought time had allowed them to turn a new page. ''We've found a way to work beyond the friction, haven't we?''

''To tell you the truth, Berry, as amusing as it once was for me in the past I don't exactly have a lot of time to devote to making your life hell anymore. There's school, glee, cheerios, Brittany, the musical...Breadstix just unveiled this awesome all-you-can-eat buffet option; my time is precious now.''

Rachel laughed. She didn't appear to be put off by Santana downplaying it all. After a few minutes though her smile fell and she turned serious. ''For what it's worth and for everything I've done...I'm sorry.''

''You're sorry?'' Santana asked cautiously.

''I know I haven't always been kind or supportive of your talent, of anyone's talent really, other than my own but now that we're staring senior year down all of that pettiness between us seems so pointless and reductive.''

''Really, from what I remember it was a lot of fun on my end.'' For this Santana was rewarded with a nudge in her side.

''When you get down to it, you and I are a lot alike. Competitive, ambitious, strong-willed. We're both bigger than this place.''

Santana took a swig of her water and shrugged. She still wasn't entirely competent at heart-to-hearts. Brittany and Kurt, well they were special, they were something else. They were squirrel friends. And Rachel, despite becoming a lot less intolerable, hadn't yet penetrated that inner circle. Santana didn't quite know how to respond other than with a tight slightly awkward smile.

''I heard you and Kurt were making plans to go to New York together,'' Rachel carried on in a slightly stuffy manner.

''We are. Brittany too.''

''I don't know why but I always assumed Kurt and I would bosom buddy up by now. I'd make an excellent hag and he'd be my best gay and-''

Santana held a hand up. ''Just a little advice, probably shouldn't refer to anyone as your 'best gay'. For one, it's not witty and for two, Kurt's not an accessory.'' She wasn't being combative or cold as she spoke but she wanted to make sure Rachel knew there was nothing cute about that turn of phrase. ''At least he's not to me.''

Rachel paused and went silent and suddenly solemn, quietly rethinking her words. ''Sorry and you're right. Poor choice of words. He's not.''

Santana nodded at that but instead of continuing on this weirdly open and honest conversation she said their fifteen minutes were up and they needed to get back to rehearsing. She stood up and made her way back towards the middle of the auditorium stage and waited for Rachel to join her.

Santana was thumbing through her script when she heard Rachel's voice behind her, for this first time there was no sense of pride in it.

''I can see it,'' said Rachel.

''See what?'' Santana asked without looking up or behind her.

''You...in New York. I can see it. It almost makes too much sense. Santana Lopez, New York. I can totally see it and however the rest of senior year pans out...I hope you get there.''

Santana swallowed and smiled, except this smile wasn't tight or awkward or forced. It was real. ''I hope you get there too, Rachel.''

They were definitely making some progress, not just with the musical or their characters but with their relationship. Santana still felt compelled to roll her eyes at half the things that flew out of Rachel's mouth but no longer did she feel the urge to throttle the girl. That was what Santana liked to call growth.

Of course no amount of growth could've prepared her when several days after that conversation Rachel began asking her about sex.

They were once again sitting on the edge of the auditorium stage when it came up. Naturally Santana began to dry heave.

''I'm being serious,'' Rachel said.

''So am I!'' Santana shouted, horrified and unsettled by the topic. ''I don't want to hear about you and Finn bumping uglies. Straight sex is an abomination and good god fearing people shouldn't have to hear about it!''

''Santana,'' Rachel said, stressing her name to the point where it sounded like pleading. ''I'm turning to you as a friend with questions. Trust me if I was close to another girl in this way I'd be asking her but I don't exactly have very many options.''

Santana calmed her breathing down and stopped the dramatics. ''Why are you bringing this up, like why now?''

Rachel grimaced. ''Yesterday Blaine and I were running through a song together and Artie remarked to us about our lack of...passion...and well, he questioned our ability to perform the role adequately due to our lack of experience. This of course gave me pause, as you know I take my performance very seriously and now I'm wondering if perhaps I should take that leap with Finn in order to better convey Maria. Artie did in a very not so subtle way suggest it might enhance my portrayal.''

''Wow, that's ten kinds of gross.''

''Is it?''

''Uh yeah.''

Rachel's shoulders sank as she stared down at her hanging feet.

Santana tried not to sound hurt or offended. ''So let me guess you came to me because you think I'm the 'most experienced' when it comes to sex.''

''Well...yes.''

''Right.''

''I didn't mean - not like that,'' Rachel hurriedly began to peddle back. ''Not for the reasons you think, Santana.''

''Then why are you asking me?''

''You haven't made any huge public announcement but it's been abundantly clear to anyone with eyes that you and Brittany are together. Really, really together. I haven't seen either of you with anyone else for months and months. I can tell something is different now. Something has shifted for the better between the two of you and I admire that. The way you look at her and the way she looks at you, there's clearly intimacy there and not just in the physical sense. I thought you would be the one to ask seeing as how you're in a committed relationship like me.''

Santana relaxed with that slightly though she was still slightly weirded out to be talking about sex with Rachel of all people.

''Fine I guess I could answer some questions. I don't know how good I'll be at answering and you'll have to excuse me in advance if I happen to like accidentally vomit or whatever.''

''Understood.''

''So, shoot.''

And so Rachel did. Santana sat there and listened as Rachel prattled on about sexual awakenings and her dedication to her craft and how all she wanted was to give the best, most honest performance as possible as Maria. She used words like copulation and coitus, it was thoroughly disgusting. Not to mention clinical.

''You know what,'' Santana interjected after hearing Rachel utter the phrase 'amorous congress'. ''I think you need to chill, Berry.''

''Chill?''

''Yeah chill. You're thinking about all of this like way to hard. If your main reason for wanting to experience sex is to better your performance and not about wanting to be closer to Finn...then that says it all. Cause if you ask me that's a dumbass reason to do it and I'm not saying that because sex with Finn is like being smothered by a sweaty sack of potatoes that someone soaked in body spray. I'm saying that because _you don't need anything_ to make your performance better.''

''I don't?''

''I don't know what Artie told you but it sounds like messed up bull to me. I've been on stage with you, Berry. We've sang together, we've acted together. You got this. And this is me saying that so you know I'm not comforting or coddling you here. You don't need to have sex to sing better or act better or be better, period.''

Rachel took a deep calming breath and nodded as she silently digested all of this. ''You're right. You're completely right.''

''And hey, even though I think het sex is unholy and all, when you do it, whenever that may be, it should be about you and the person you're with. It's called intimacy for a reason.''

''You know, Brittany is a very lucky girl,'' Rachel said.

''Whatever.''

''You know what I think Santana? I think you like to play the badass but deep down you're probably a romantic at heart.'' Rachel waggled a finger at Santana's form. ''This is adorable.''

''Shut up.''

''No, it is,'' Rachel began laughing, looking more at ease and comfortable than she had been at the beginning of this exchange.

''Call me adorable again and I will set your hair on fire.''

Rachel grinned as if she were talking and humoring a toddler. ''So precious.''

''Enough of this,'' Santana laughed. ''Let's get back to rehearsing before someone gets backhanded.''

''Yeah, yeah, yeah.''

X

''So you're sure you're okay with this?''

''I'm sure, Britt.''

''I'm glad because I really wanted to do this with your blessing.''

''You have it, not that you even needed it to begin with.''

Kurt and Brittany had just arrived at the Lima Bean. Brittany had pulled him aside after school and asked him if he was free for a chat and a walk. As they walked their way to the closest location Brittany broke the news to him.

She was going to run for senior class president alongside him and wanted him to be the first to know. Kurt had been surprised but it was sort of impossible to be angry. It wasn't like he had some kind of monopoly on the thing. Brittany was her own person and while he knew it was definitely going to make his campaign more challenging he put on his brave face and wished her luck.

He even decided to buy them a couple of giant cookies in celebration of her decision to run. He left Brittany busying herself with her phone at their table while he got in line to place their order. It was there in line that he caught sight of Blaine and some weasley looking guy in a Warbler jacket sitting together.

''I just would never want to mess my thing up with him…'' Blaine said all flustered like to the nameless Warbler. ''He's really great.''

''Who's really great?''

Kurt found himself standing at his boyfriend's side. Blaine looked up and sputtered a bit in a nervous, almost guilty manner. ''Y-y-you are!''

This Warbler's name it turned out was Sebastian and he was a lot less charming than the singing lobster in the Disney classic. Kurt studied the guy as he practically showered Blaine with praise that felt very much like flirtation. Kurt linked arms with Blaine in a clear display of affection but it didn't seem to deter Sebastian who continued spewing out words that left Kurt feeling uncomfortable and slimey.

There was nothing wrong with being a bitch, lord knew Kurt had his tendencies and his best friend was Santana but something about Sebastian felt off. He didn't seem like every other Warbler. There was something underneath the surface, underneath the straight teeth and the perfect hair, something smarmy, something almost repulsive.

When Sebastian invited them to join him for a night out the next evening Kurt almost felt like it was a challenge. And maybe all of his time with Santana was beginning to rub off on him to a certain degree because Kurt felt compelled to accept it.

''Let's do it,'' Kurt said.

''What?'' Blaine chuckled at his side.

''Yeah, we have a whole bunch of firsts to start crossing off our list. We're in.''

Sebastian smiled wickedly. ''Great.''

''Now if you'll excuse me I left Brittany at our table and I have a couple of giant cookies to buy…''

Kurt kissed Blaine on the cheek, stood up and made his way once more to the line to place his and Brittany's order. He looked back at Blaine and Sebastian for the briefest of moments and found himself wondering how their conversation would've went had he not made his presence known.

He didn't want to think about it.

X

''So you and Britt have to come with me tonight to Scandals,'' Kurt said in greeting the next night when Santana went to answer her phone.

She was in the middle of cleaning up around her house in preparation for the evening ahead. She had already picked up their dessert from the local bakery and Puck had even pulled through for her and delivered a bottle of something-something to her door at her request. Now she was going from room to room, tucking pillows into place and making sure everything was tidied up. Not that she and Brittany planned to spend a ton of time in the family room or anything but still.

''No can do, Hummel. I'm busy. Brittany and I have my place to ourselves for the night and I promised her we'd have some alone time.''

''Pleaeeeeaase,'' Kurt sang. ''It'll be fun.''

''I already ordered our dinner. The table is set, the candles are lit and my sexy time playlist is queued up, Kurt.''

''Fine, fine.''

''But have fun,'' Santana encouraged. ''And remember to tip your local drag queens generously.''

''Will do. Well it sounds like you're busy over there so I guess I'll let you go. I'll have a Pink Squirrel in your honor tonight.''

''Those things suck.''

''They're pink and tasty!''

''You know what else is pink and tasty?''

''I'm hanging up now.''

Santana laughed and set her phone aside.

As fun as a night out would've been she knew she made the right choice later on when she opened the door to find Brittany on her front stoop. They enjoyed their dinner and dessert and sat in front of a fire for a while just talking before Santana eventually led Brittany upstairs into her bedroom.

And just like she said she would, she gave Brittany everything she wanted, everything she needed. They didn't have to rush or be quiet or careful, they took their time beneath the sheets without worry or caution.

''I love when you hold onto me like you're a baby koala,'' Brittany said later on once they had settled underneath Santana's bedding.

Santana hummed.

''You're very marsupial like after sex,'' Brittany noted.

''That better be a compliment.''

''It is. You're just so cute ugh.''

''I've been getting a lot of that lately.''

''A lot of what?''

''Rachel was calling me adorable and precious the other day.''

''Should I be worried?''

Santana made a silly face, sticking out her tongue at a funny angle and scrunching her eyes up. ''Nah. I don't know. She was asking me about sex and relationship stuff during rehearsal so I was giving her some...advice I guess you could say. Seems Artie told Rachel and Blaine that they were sexless and that they should probably open up that way if they wanted to do Maria and Tony justice.''

''Um ew.''

''That's what I said.''

''I can't stand Rachel as much as the next person but I hope you told her doing it for that reason is insane.''

''I did, and I think she took it to heart. I hope she did anyway.''

Brittany ran her hand lazily through Santana's, sending delightful shivers up Santana's spine. ''Did you tell her about your first time?''

''I've never told anyone about that. About us. I'm sure a lot of people assume a lot of nasty things about me and I'd rather them believe those things than share the truth about that. That's ours.''

''I'm glad my first time was with you. I think I knew even then, ya know. That no one would ever be able to come close to your touch.''

''I'm glad it was you too, even though it took us awhile to get ourselves together I'm glad I can look back and have that memory with you.''

''We're lucky. Not everyone has this…'' Brittany made a nod down to the bed.

''Awesome sex?''

''Well yeah that but also...connection and passion and respect. Not everyone gets that their first time. I'm happy I got that with you.''

''I'm happy I got that with you too, baby.''

They drifted off into each other's arms, satisfied and warm. It was a perfect end to their quiet and romantic night.

Or it would've been had Santana's phone not started blowing up in the middle of the night. She gently wiggled her way out of Brittany's embrace to roll over to her night stand. She squinted in the darkness as she tried to make out the name.

 _Kurt_ , her screen flashed. He'd sent several text messages which she had apparently slept through. Her eyes weren't focused enough to read them so she pushed the notification away and instead flicked her finger at the screen to accept his call.

''What's going on?'' Santana said, her voice somewhere between a groan and a yawn. She squinted at the clock in her room. The tiny red lights told her it was close to 2 a.m. ''Kurt?''

''Hey,'' Kurt said, swallowing thickly on the other side of the line. ''Are you up?''

''Uh I am now.''

She heard Kurt sniffle. ''Right, god I'm sorry. I didn't realize how late it was and-''

''Is everything okay?''

What came through was a sad and loaded silence.

''Where are you?''

''I'm outside,'' he answered, his voice shaking as he did so.

''Outside of where? Scandals?'' She swung her legs over the side of her bed and sat up, trying to shake the sleep off of her.

''No, outside your house.''

''What?'' Santana jumped up and moved to the window in her room that overlooked the front of her house. She peeked through the curtains to see Kurt's SUV. ''What's going on?''

''Can we talk?''


	9. Chapter 9

Santana knew something was wrong the second she saw Kurt.

Even through the fog of sleep she could see it.

He had made plans that night with Blaine and some Warbler acquaintance of theirs to sneak into Scandals but that was as far as she knew. But now, parked in front of her house he looked rattled as he sat behind the wheel of his vehicle. His eyes were red and swollen from tears. He looked fragile. More fragile than she had ever seen. Even more than junior prom which was saying something considering how shaken that event had left him initially.

She had a gut feeling though that whatever had brought him her to her wasn't a silly or small thing so her first instinct wasn't to ask him where Blaine was or question him about what had happened, it was to get him out of his car and in a familiar space, to get him somewhere where he could breathe and relax.

Within a few minutes she was leading a sniffling Kurt towards the rear of her house and into the pool house. The pool house was in essence essentially a guest house, one where she, Kurt and Brittany had spent more than a handful of their summer days lounging about within. There were a couple of couches, a TV and even a small kitchen nook. It was quiet and private. She flicked on the lights and motioned for him to take a seat while she went rummaging around in the tight kitchen. She came back to him with two bottles of water.

''Why'd you bring me this?'' he asked, accepting the bottle but making no move to open it.

Santana cracked hers open and took a sip as she settled on the other side of the sofa, turning herself onto her side to face him fully. ''I don't know if you've noticed this but uh I've been known to cry a lot and from my experience it can dehydrate the hell out of you.''

''Who says I've been crying?''

Even his voice betrayed him. You could hear the heartache in it.

''So you came to my house at, what, 2 a.m. and dragged me out of bed for nothing?'' she asked. She wasn't annoyed so much as drained from her previous activities with Brittany. ''If something happened you can tell me. It's me. I would think by now I've earned that, right?''

He let his shoulders sink. ''It's not about me not trusting you, it's about me not knowing how to say it.''

''Say what?''

Kurt stood up and started to anxiously pace around the small house, going in circles and almost holding himself, wrapping one of his arms across his chest. He looked like he had been broken somehow and was desperately trying to keep himself together before completely shattering. And then like a flood the words came. All of it.

He told her of how he had met the smarmy Sebastian, how he had invited both he and Blaine out for the night and how Kurt wanted to show his boyfriend that he too could be adventurous and had accepted on their behalf. But once they got there, he said, Blaine let loose and began to enjoy himself. He danced the night away with Sebastian while Kurt watched at the bar. Santana was mildly surprised that Blaine even had that in him, but any and all feelings of amusement quickly evaporated when Kurt told her the next part of his evening. Because there was nothing funny or romantic or charming about the next part of the evening.

She felt something roar inside of her chest when Kurt told her about what happened between he and Blaine in the backseat. With his words Kurt painted her a picture and it wasn't remotely pretty.

''I just hate how it made me feel. How he made me feel. I don't know, maybe it's me. Maybe it's my fault. Maybe if I wasn't _such_ a complete and total square I could've-''

''Whoa, whoa, whoa,'' Santana started as she got up from the couch and went to him, placing her arms on each of his shoulders, grounding him. ''You don't have anything to feel sorry for. You don't. If what happened in that backseat happened then you didn't do anything wrong, he did.''

Kurt relaxed with her touch, almost melting into it as if searching for some kind of comfort.

''Where does your dad think you are right now?'' she asked.

Kurt composed himself and wiped the tears away to put on a brave face. ''He didn't know about tonight, at least not the Scandals part of it. I might've let him come under the impression that Blaine and I were going out on one of our usual date nights. After what happened though I sent him a text telling him I was going to spend the night at your place. I just, I don't know...I just didn't want to go home and have to face him right now. I think if I faced him there's no way he wouldn't not know...you know?''

Santana nodded at that. Having spent countless hours at the Hummel home she knew first hand how close Burt and Kurt were. Burt might not have shared very many interests with his son but he was definitely an involved parent. She had a pretty decent relationship with her own folks - when they were around anyhow which was rarely - but if Burt were parent there was no way in hell she would be able to get away with half the stuff she did. Burt was an attentive dad. One look at his son and he would absolutely know something was wrong.

Santana could understand Kurt not being ready to face him.

''We have like three empty guest rooms in the main house,'' she said in offering.

''What? No. You and Brittany were trying to have a night together and me staying would ruin whatever romantic atmosphere for the two of you. Staying here with you is just what I told my dad but I'll figure something out and-''

''Shut up, you're staying. And don't fight me on this, I ain't got the energy.'' She spoke almost casually, trying to make light and put him at ease. ''And if you don't want to stay in the main house then stay here in the pool house,'' she stressed and threw a hand out, motioning to the space. ''No one will bother you.''

''I don't need pity.''

''That's good because I don't do pity. Look if you're gonna be a lil bitch about it you can make me and Brittany breakfast in the morning. Chocolate chip pancakes. I'll be back with some blankets and a pillow for you, alright?''

''Alright,'' he said sounding and looking a little more relieved and almost thankful that she was being so firm about it.

''You want anything from the main kitchen while I'm there?''

''I'm okay.''

Santana started for the door and was about half way through it when he called her name, making her turn and pause in place within the doorway.

''I know like Willam you like to think that _'emotions are for ugly people'_ '' he began tenderly. ''But just so you know...I love you.''

Santana felt her facial features twitch at his words. She was a little stunned and taken back. She had never heard that from anyone other than her parents and Brittany. She wasn't sure how to respond to it. She had never expected to hear that from anyone, she also never expected to feel all weirdly choked up over it.

Her lips moved but she couldn't find the words. She figured it best to just spit something stupid out before she burst into tears just standing there like doof.

Quick on her feet she remembered another familiar Willam quote and so she shrugged all nonchalant like even though she knew her face was giving her away. '' _'I'm just trying to get a window seat on the way to hell'_ Hummel,''she said, downplaying her kindness.

Kurt let out a tiny laugh but left it at that as she made her exit.

Once she was on the other side of the door Santana felt her cheek move, tugging up wanting to form a smile.

Kurt loved her.

She had a friend who loved _her_.

But that realization and the feeling of warmth that came with it was soon overshadowed by some other emotion. A darker emotion.

She had a friend who loved her and that same friend had just been hurt. This of course meant only one thing. She was about to beat some Warbler ass.

X

The next day Santana woke up to the smell of breakfast.

Brittany had nudged her and presented her with a tray of food. It was a pretty sweet spread complete with coffee just the way she liked it. When questioned though Brittany didn't have a clue about where it came from or who made it. Apparently she had smelled it earlier and went downstairs to see who the chef was but once she managed to put clothes on and stumble down there the kitchen was empty and there was no one to be found. The food had been made and laid out very precisely though. She had loaded it up and brought most of it up to Santana. Brittany dug into her stack of chocolate chip pancakes and watched Santana who shot off a text to Kurt who was quick to reply and inform her he had woken up extra early, made them a little something in the kitchen and went home. He thanked her for being a shoulder the night before but said he wanted to take some time for himself, to figure out where things stood with Blaine and what it meant for them.

Santana texted him back telling him to take it easy and to take his time. 'Figure out your feelings before talking to Blaine' she had typed, 'he took off on you because he didn't get his way. Let him stew. If he bothers to call or text don't even answer, leave that ass on read.'

And even though Kurt didn't respond to that specific message she felt confident that he would take her advice. From the way Kurt was rattled the night before she didn't think this was an issue the couple could smooth over. How could they? Blaine had gotten drunk and went over the line. Way the hell over the line.

She wasn't exactly his number one Blaine fan. Of all the things she thought of him, Santana would have never in all her life have imagined him to be so grossly disrespectful. Basic? Yes. Boring? Yes. But physically careless of Kurt? She hadn't expected that. But now she knew. Now she had something, now she had a reason to dislike him, now she had just cause. Now she had Kurt's word.

For the next couple of days she found it a bit of a challenge. She managed to avoid slamming Blaine's head face first into a locker so she was showing some real restraint. She thought about it every time she saw him in the school hallway or glee, but she knew she couldn't just lash out like she normally did. This was different. She wanted to be more careful, more clever in how she handled the matter.

She'd done her fair share of scheming and plotting but this, what happened between Kurt and Blaine in that backseat wasn't fun and games, at least not to her, and because of that her response, her method had to be more serious and thoughtful. Now that she knew what Blaine was made of, now she had ammo and she was going to use it wisely. And so she waited and watched, looking for just the right opportunity to have a very special, very one on one conversation with Blainey Days.

It came the day before West Side Story's opening night. The cast and crew were rehearsing well into the night one final time. A few hours in when the cast broke for break Blaine had excused himself from the others. Santana followed.

It was there in one of Mckinley's darkened hallways that she found him. He was standing at his locker pulling what looked like a notebook out of it. ''Santana,'' he said brightly when he realized he wasn't alone. ''What are you up to?'' His voice wavered slightly and part of Santana hoped it was in fear.

''Just stretching my legs,'' she said. ''You?''

''Grabbing some notes before we dive back into it.'' Blaine swallowed thickly and his eyes shifted around the dark space as if he were contemplating a getaway or possibly looking for a witness. ''We should head back.''

Santana made a show of looking at her watch. ''Nah we still have some time. In fact I was thinking you and I could have a nice little chat.''

''About the musical?''

''I think you know.''

It was then Blaine got real, dropping all subtleness and rushing to speak. ''I'm sure you heard Kurt and I had a bit of a squabble-''

''A squabble?'' she asked and sucked her teeth hard. ''I think what happened was more than a squabble.''

''We had a _disagreement_ ,'' he amended his words. ''But we talked it through and we're okay now. I think it's very sweet that your instinct is to be on his side and want to protect him but rest assured, everything's fine between us.''

''Is it now?''

Santana could tell he was trying very hard to maintain his usually pleasant demeanor. She could see the tiny cracks in it beginning to show. ''Yeah it is. It was just a little tiff-''

''You know, you keep using these words. Squabble, tiff, like you're trying to excuse it away.''

''Excuse what away?''

''The fact that you can't say what you did speaks volumes.''

Before Blaine could reply Santana moved in, grabbed both of his wrists and pushed him backwards until she had him as well as his hands pinned to the lockers. His notebook fell to his feet.

Blaine flinched, loosing his cool. ''What the hell! Get your-get off me!''

''It isn't fun is it, when someone puts their hands on you uninvited,'' she seethed. She let him go within the next second. As much as he probably deserved it she didn't really want to hurt Blaine, she did what she did to prove a point and once that was made she was quick to let go.

''What is your problem?'' Blaine's chest heaved as he tried to gather his nerves.

''My problem is you using words like squabble and tiff to try to downplay what went down, that's my problem.''

''With all due respect Santana I don't think you know what you think you know.''

''Yeah well with all due respect I don't need your fuckin' respect. And you say I don't know anything, but I know this. I know Kurt showed up crying at my front door that night after you left him at Scandals. I know what he told me and I know I believe him.''

''So what,'' he chuckled mirthlessly. ''You're going to 'rough me up' or something?''

''Nah. I mean if I wanted you hurt you'd be crying right now. Here's what's going to happen,'' she said, bending down to retrieve his notebook and handing it back to him with a smile. ''You're going to stay away from Kurt from now on. I don't know how the hell you managed to smooth all of that over, but it's done. Everyone's sorta counting on you as the male lead for West Side Story and lucky for you, we're too close to opening night for anyone else to step in. So I'll give you that. But after the show is done running, you're over. I don't want you anywhere near Kurt, I don't want you anywhere near Brittany, I don't want you anywhere near me.''

''What is it with you?'' Blaine said, flustered. ''Just admit it Santana, you've never liked me, you've never wanted me around. You were just waiting for a reason to come at me this entire time because you're petty and jealous of any relationship or friendship Kurt has outside of your own. Kurt and I have one little tiff and you come at me like I've committed some heinous offense because you think that gives you some high ground.''

''I don't think I have the high ground here, I know I do.''

''And why is that?''

Santana scrunched up her face at the obvious. ''I don't know maybe because unlike you I never tried to push my girlfriend to go further when she said no.''

''I'm not going to hurt Kurt. He's my everything. We had...a misunderstanding...but I showed up the next day and we talked it out and we're putting it behind us. You're talking to me as if I'm some kind of mastermind villain here when to be frank I've heard that role is usually reserved for you around these halls.''

Santana laughed back, unthreatened, unbothered. ''I bet where you come from that probably passes for witty doesn't it? Mm. But for the record I don't see you as some mastermind villain, I mean that's just silly Blaine. For one you don't have the presence of a truly great villain. You're certainly no Phi Phi O'Hara, and you're for sures not a Roxxxy Andrews, now those are some bombass villains. You on the other hand are not a villain, you're smaller than that.''

Blaine narrowed his eyes in confusion.

''What you are is entitled and pretentious and selfish and worst of all, you're full of yourself which I would totally support if you say, had any actual skill to back it up but the truth is, the truth no one tells you is this: _you have no charisma, uniqueness, nerve or talent_.''

''Are you done? Because I think I've had enough of this lovely conversation.''

''After West Side Story you're leaving glee.''

''Yeah I don't think so.''

''Well I do because I don't trust you with Kurt, or Brittany, or any of my friends anymore.''

''I'm not going anywhere.''

''And neither am I.''

A smug confident smile bloomed across his face. ''You know you and Kurt may have bonded over some stupid drag queen reality show but I'm the love of his life. He knows that. He loves me. And if you keep pushing this I highly doubt he's going to choose you over me.''

''To quote my favorite show _may the best woman win_.''

''I'm a man.''

''Girl whatever.''

X

Santana had been proud of herself and her actions.

She had done what was right she told herself. She had stood up for her friend. She had done the gentlewomanly thing she thought.

Kurt however thought differently and he was certain to let her know that the next time she dropped by the Hummel home to waste some time in Kurt's basement bedroom.

Santana was smiling down at her phone as she walked into his space. ''You will not believe what I just found on Youtube. Someone put together a twenty minute compilation of Drag Race queens going off when fans go too far. You have to see this one clip where Raven almost gets shit on, literally, someone shits on themselves while Raven is performing on stage.''

She could barely contain her laughter. It drained from her face though the minute she looked up from her device to see a very somber looking Kurt.

''I think we need to have a talk.''

''Did Rupaul die? Did Michelle Visage die? Please tell me no one died.''

''What? No, no,'' he waved his hand about and gently took her phone from her. He placed it down on his coffee table and gestured for her to sit on the white couch. ''Ru and Michelle are fine.''

''So...what's going on?''

Kurt took a seat on his coffee table to sit directly in front of her.

''Blaine told me you and he had a very heated confrontation.''

Santana nodded once. ''I wouldn't call it a confrontation, more like a conversation.''

''He said you got all crazy, pushed him against a set of lockers and told him to leave glee and me alone.''

Santana raised her shoulders. ''I did, but it wasn't crazy, _I_ wasn't crazy, and I didn't push him exactly. Just his wrists and only for a few seconds to prove a point. What he did was gross.''

''What he did was a mistake but after thinking about it on my own and after listening to him explain himself I don't think it was that bad.''

''Not that bad?''

''I took care of myself, didn't I? I pulled away eventually and he stopped after awhile.''

''Eventually. After awhile.''

''My point is that night I was upset and maybe a little jealous of Sebastian and Blaine was trying to be playful and I...and he...we both misread things. When I went to your house after I may have been a little emotional-''

''A lot emotional,'' she corrected him.

''What I'm saying is I might've given you the wrong impression or I might've made things sound worse than they were. I appreciate you being there, I really, really do but I'm not some delicate flower, Santana. I didn't need you interfering with Blaine. I was handling it on my own. We've worked it out.''

''Worked it out? As in you haven't ditched his ass yet?''

Kurt stood, having made up his mind on the matter. ''He's my boyfriend.''

''Yeah your boyfriend who acted like a total shit to you.''

''It wasn't like that. He was drunk. It was a stupid fight and so not a big deal.''

''Not a big deal? Would you be saying the same thing if Tina told you someone did that to her? Or Mercedes? Or Berry?''

''It's not the same.''

''Why? Because you're a boy?''

''Why are you making it sound like something it's not?'' Kurt asked defensively.

''I don't know, why are you trying to minimize it?'' Santana stood up, riled by where the conversation was going. She was only trying to be the kind of friend she thought he would want and here he was acting as if she had betrayed him somehow. ''I'm not saying Blaine is some rapey creeper here Kurt, but if he acted like that, drunk or not, I think it's safe to say he's at the very least a disrespectful asshole who doesn't deserve you as his boyfriend.''

Kurt rubbed his face in frustration. ''I need you to back off a little. Blaine...Blaine said you made him uncomfortable and hurt his feelings. I know it's coming from a good place inside of you but I don't need you meddling in my love life.''

''You totally meddled in mine last year,'' she reminded him matter of factly.

''I wasn't meddling, I was trying to bring you and Brittany together not tear you apart.''

''I'm not trying to tear you guys apart, I just don't want to see you get hurt.''

''I'm a big boy Santana. I know how to take care of myself.''

''I'm not saying you don't.''

''Then what are you saying? Because I've made the choice to forgive Blaine and I really need you as my friend to respect that.''

''I can't respect that if I don't respect him and I don't respect him because he obviously doesn't respect you.''

''We both have so much on our plates already, I don't want more drama or stress.''

''Neither do I.''

''I love him.''

''So what, I'm supposed to chill and hang with him after all of that, after what you told me?''

''I don't know. I don't want to lose you...and I don't want to lose him either.''

Santana turned stoney. ''Right. So what now?''

''I just want us to all be friends again.''

''I don't think I can do that. Not with him.''

''I'm not choosing.''

''I'm not asking you to.'' Santana stood up, grabbed her phone and started for the stairs, only to pause and say one last piece. ''I'm not checking out of our friendship here but if this is a mistake you need to make, then make it.''

Kurt didn't look angry but he did look exasperated by this back and forth. ''Giving Blaine another chance isn't a mistake.''

''Yeah we'll see about that. Until then I'll be around. Just don't expect me to go on anymore cutesy double dates with him.''

''Noted.''

Santana held herself together until she got outside and in her car. Stupid bitch tears, she thought as she wiped at her face.

She had only been trying to do the right thing. She had only been trying to be the kind of friend she thought Kurt deserved. The kind of friend that was worthy of love.

X

It took Santana a couple more days before she finally decided to tell Brittany about what had been going on.

Part of her didn't want to burst Brittany's bubble, another part of her knew her girlfriend deserved to know what had went down and why even though Kurt and Santana were still speaking and on good terms, there was definitely a shift that had taken place. It was awkward and silently stifling. There were no more surprise or random visits. Santana made sure that if she was going to be seeing Kurt, Blaine would be nowhere in sight. And if he was she just opted out without a fuss.

It gave her a lot more free time with Brittany which was sorta beneficial, what with Brittany gearing up for campaigning. They did a lot of brainstorming and grunt work putting everything in order and up. Being there for her girlfriend, being able to support her was definitely the only good distraction she had especially after West Side Story opened and eventually ended.

She had kicked that stage's ass as Anita. In fact she thought everyone involved had done a damn good job. Most everyone anyway. She hadn't even gotten the chance to give Kurt props afterward either. He and Blaine had decided to skip the cast after party and do their own thing.

She would later learn what exactly that meant. Kurt had confided to Brittany who in turn told Santana. Apparently Kurt and Blaine had decided to take their relationship to the next level that night, a physical level.

And Santana, Santana didn't understand it. She couldn't grasp why Kurt was holding onto a relationship with someone who could be so careless like that. For her it was one strike and you're out. But she knew. Maybe not the next day or next week but she knew it would only be a matter of time before Blaine showed his ass again, somehow, someway.

And when it happened she would be there, not to rub it in Kurt's face but to toss Blaine out where he belonged.

''I can tell you miss him you know,'' Brittany said one afternoon after school.

They had finished cheerios practice and went back to Brittany's place to shower and change. Once they were comfortably in tee shirts and shorty shorts they plopped down into bed. Or rather Santana did anyway while Brittany had went to straddle her legs. Santana had sweet talked her way into getting a massage. After the first twenty minutes on her shoulders Brittany had moved her focus to Santana's ass which was in all seriousness almost always sore after an intense workout.

''Hm?'' Santana murmured and yawned, stretched out like a cat beneath her girlfriend.

''Kurt. I can tell you miss him. You've been carrying a lot of tension.''

''In my butt?'' Santana cracked.

Brittany gave her rear a teasing pinch. ''In general I mean. You need to relax and let things go.''

''I'm trying to.''

''Are you?'' Brittany's hands moved back up to Santana's back and began to knead and apply pressure. ''I care about Kurt just as much as you do but his relationship is just that, his. Kurt believes in Blaine and we're his friends so we have to accept that.''

''It just pisses me off how easy Kurt rolled over to forgive him.''

''We have to let it play out though. It's Kurt's choice.''

''It's the wrong choice.''

''So let him make it and be there for him after," Brittany urged. "That's all you can do right now. Sometimes being a friend means letting them fall down face first and being there when they're ready to take your hand."

"I know, I know," Santana sighed, both because she was incredibly relaxed and because she knew Brittany had a point. "I'm sorry if I've been a sucky girlfriend lately."

''You haven't been, I just hate seeing you all wound up like this."

Santana wiggled a bit beneath Brittany and reached behind her to give her hip a pat, signalling her that she was okay to stop what she was doing. Brittany took the queue, crawled into the space at Santana's side and rested on her belly. Santana smiled as she did her girlfriend duty of returning the favor. She sat up and on the back of Brittany's knees as she started to massage her.

''I just don't want to see him get hurt,'' she explained.

''I don't want to see _you_ get hurt,'' Brittany reasoned back.

''How would I get hurt?'' Santana laughed. That was one thing she knew how to do. Take care of herself. Blaine was a pest and a non-challenge in her eyes.

''I don't mean physically. Your heart though.''

''What about my heart?''

''You have a really soft one whether you want to admit it or not. I don't want you worrying or beating yourself up over any of this. Just because Kurt isn't taking your advice doesn't mean he doesn't care about you.''

''Yeah,'' Santana said, monotonously.

''You're a good friend even if that friend can't see it right now.''

''You're just saying that because you're my girlfriend and I'm rubbing your butt.''

''No,'' Brittany laughed, vibrating underneath Santana. ''I'm saying it because it's true. You're a softy and I'm sorry Kurt can't see how much you care about him right now.''

Santana mumbled a noise in appreciation.

''In faaaact,'' Brittany said in a soft, flirty sing songy voice. ''I hate seeing you so down on everything that I want to cheer you up tonight.''

''Hm? Cheer me up huh? I think you're already doing a pretty good job of that.'' Santana continued to massage Brittany's ass with pleasure, sneakily inching her short shorts down just a tad to get at some bare skin.

''Not that this doesn't feel amazing but I was thinking more along the lines of letting you do whatever you want tonight.''

''Say again?''

Brittany squirmed and twisted herself beneath until Santana adjusted herself to let Brittany turn to lay on her back. ''Whatever you want tonight,'' Brittany repeated herself, stressing the words out slowly and seductively to let her know she was going to let Santana be the boss. For the night anyway.

''What, you mean like anything-anything?'' Santana licked her lips in anticipation.

''I want to make you feel good tonight so yeah. Anything-anything. However many times.''

Now if this were any other time she would've pounced on Brittany but when Santana looked inside of her heart and searched for her most recent, most desperate desire there was only thing she truly wanted.

She grabbed the remote on Brittany's side table, clicked on the TV and fell onto the mattress next to Brittany. ''Can we rewatch last week's episode of Drag Race again?''

Brittany laughed inwardly. ''Drag Race?''

''Kurt and I usually rewatch the latest episode together before the new episode drops and with everything, it's just been weird.''

Brittany wasn't upset. She was tickled though. ''I tell you you can do _anything_ in bed tonight and you want to watch Drag Race?''

''Yeah.''

''Haven't you already rewatched the last one like two times already?''

''Uh yeah,'' Santana scoffed through a chuckle. ''But I need to see it one more time to like emotionally prepare for the new one in a few days.''

Brittany accepted that, having learned that Santana had some very strange but specific Drag Race-related rituals. ''You are too cute, you know that right?''

''Am not.''

''Sure,'' Brittany humored her and hopped up from the bed, giving her a peck on the cheek as she went. ''Tell you what, you get the TV ready and I'll go down to get us some popcorn and sodas and then we'll get our cuddle on while we watch.''

''You're the best.''

''You're my girl,'' Brittany said simply. She just wanted to be there for Santana in which ever way she needed her.

She was out the door and Santana smiled contently once she was alone.

She did miss Kurt. She missed their phone calls and text messages and their sharing spoiler videos and fanning out over queens on social media. It didn't feel the same enjoying the show and the fandom without him but at the same time she realized she couldn't mope around anymore wishing it was like old times.

It wasn't the old times.

She was going to have to sit on her hands and wait this Blaine thing out.

In the meantime she had Drag Race and she had Brittany and she had the rest of senior year to get through. She wasn't going to let some Warbler get to her head and throw her off her game.

''To quote one Bianca Del Rio _'not today satan, not today'_ '' she said to herself.

 **X**

 **A/N: so I've been going through a really rough time in my life with a family issue. It was really bad for a few days there and I felt like I was falling apart. So it would mean a lot to me if you enjoyed this story if you dropped me a line in the reviews or on my tumblr. Those make me smile and they make my day a little brighter.**

 **Brittana and Drag Race are my favorite distractions and I'm honestly so glad to have them. I've been in really dark places before and found myself resorting to really unhealthy distractions to try to mask what was going on. But for me Brittana and especially Drag Race are about joy and comfort and love. All said, I'm really glad I started this story because it gives me something to pour myself into that's positive and in it's own way uplifting.**

 **Anyways, sorry for being a downer. Drop me a message though, I would really love that, even if it's not about Squirrel Friends. Distract me because squirrel friends, I could use some good healthy distractions. Plus I NEED to know everyone's feelings on AS4 and this Christmas Special we're supposed to be getting. Also did anyone watch Alyssa Edwards' Dancing Queen on Netflix? Oh and is anyone excited for Super Drags on Netflix? I can't wait to hear Willam, Shangela, Trixie and Ginger on that! Ru and Raja are also supposed to be on The Simpsons the same month. Plus has anyone been listening to Alaska and Willam's podcast Race Chasers? Oh my god that Tyra drama! Speaking of Willam again, his new album dropped and I'm in LOVE with it, the video for Drugs is GORGEOUS! And how does everyone feel about Trixie and Katya's return to Youtube? Like I know RPDR has its problems but I will always love it because the queens are always doing something and giving us so much. We the fans will never thirst for content because there's always something happening.**


	10. Chapter 10

In the end, it wasn't Blaine who totally and completely ruined Santana's senior year.

In the end, it was Finn.

Finn.

Kurt and Santana's friendship had entered a strange stilted space because of the Blaine matter. She made it known she still cared about him but she also made it clear that she wasn't going to be a cheerleader for their relationship.

It was a slow shift but they started to spend less and less time together, not out of anger but out of awkwardness. Santana used her extra time to focus on glee but even that part of her life hit a snag when for several weeks tension and unrest began to form in the glee club.

It was their final year for many of them and several of the members felt like they weren't getting their dues and the respect. It was true that in the past Rachel had been mega obnoxious about making sure everything was about her, but this time around the root of the problem really stemmed from Mr. Schue and how he chose to run the glee club. Pushing Mercedes instead of encouraging her. Chastising Santana for not having allegiance to a club that considered her dispensable. Together they just felt that if Mr. Schue wasn't going to appreciate them then maybe they were better off just walking away which is exactly what they ended up doing.

They obviously still cared about the glee members they left behind but they had to do what was right for them and what was right for them was to find a way to showcase their voices in their final year at McKinley. And thus the Troubletones were born. Sugar was there in beginning of course funding it, but then came Brittany and with the help of several Cheerios looking for more extracurriculars they were able to assemble some real competition for the New Directions.

But then Finn had to piss all over everything.

He had called her a coward in a hallway and questioned Brittany's ability to love her, questioned Santana's own ability to love herself.

This event of course led to the slap in the auditorium, but more importantly it led to her being outed to all of Ohio via Sue's spiteful running opponent and his campaign ad. Finn's outburst forced her to do something she wasn't entirely ready for, because dancing with Brittany at McKinley's prom was one thing but sitting down with her parents for a one on one talk about Feelings, that was something else entirely. But they were going to find out soon anyways and she knew it was best if it came from her.

The surprising thing was it wasn't as horrific as Santana expected it to be. They sat there in their living room in silence for only a millisecond before telling her that they were still there and that she still had their love. They even seemed remorseful for not picking up on things sooner. Her parents weren't distant but they were always occupied and that was something they took responsibility for then and there. Putting work obligations above spending quality time with their only child.

''I don't ever want you to feel like you have to hide anything from me, from us,'' Maribel said. ''I'm sorry you felt like you had to.''

''It's fine, ma,'' Santana said.

''It's not. I think your mother and I agree we haven't been the most attentive,'' her father Santiago added as he came to sit on the coffee table in front of her. ''We've been so focused on working hard to make sure you have the life we've always wanted for you, but what does any of that matter if we're never here.''

Santana shrugged. ''To be honest, I kinda like that y'all are never here.''

''Hush,'' Maribel shushed her. ''Because that's going to change. You are who you are and I want to _know_ who you are and if that means working less and being around more then that's what I'm gonna do.''

''It's what we're both going to do,'' her father said supportively.

Santana swallowed and looked between her parents. ''So...you guys don't like...hate me?''

Her parents stared at her as if they couldn't compute the possibility of that ever being the case.

''You're our daughter,'' her father said, a nervous laugh bubbling up and out of him. ''That's all I know, Santana. Of course I don't hate you.''

''We love you, we'll always love you.'' Maribel smiled through tears.

Her father looked like he was watering at the eyes too and soon Santana had too weepy but overly affectionate parents sandwiching her in a too tight hug. She squirmed a little in place but then realized there was no escaping and so she gave in, sinking back onto the couch she was sitting on as her parents hugged her from each side.

Her mom and dad were more than okay with it. She just had to tell her grandmother.

Alma Lopez could be a harsh woman but there were moments, flashes of kindness and warmth she had bestowed upon Santana. Santana knew how lucky she was, that she was one of the very few people who could bring forth that glimmer of tenderness from her grandmother. Still, while her grandmother who was loathe to admit she had a soft spot for anyone had indeed deemed Santana to be her most favorite grandchild, Santana knew there was always that risk of losing that favor.

''Are you sure you don't want me to go in with you?'' Brittany asked a few days later.

They were idling in front of the residence of Alma Lopez. Santana had decided it was time to get that conversation over with and Brittany had insisted on driving her to the house.

''No I should do this on my own.'' Santana took a deep breath and peered out of the passenger's side window. ''I'll be fine.''

Brittany turned the engine off. ''I'll be here then.''

''You should go.''

''Why?''

Santana shrugged. ''Because. I don't think this is going to go as smoothly as it did with my parents.''

''What makes you say that?''

''My grandmother is...she just...I don't know. I don't think she's gonna set me on fire or anything crazy but she might not understand at first. She might not _want_ to understand. I'm probably going to have to take my time in there and I don't want you waiting out here for me. Go hang with your little sister or something and I'll call you when I'm done.''

Brittany narrowed her eyes. ''Are you sure?''

''Totally sure. Like I said I'll be fine. I can do this, Britt.''

Brittany exhaled but gave her a single affirmative nod. ''I know you can.''

Santana leaned over to give her a sweet but chaste peck on the cheek and with that she made her exit. She didn't move from the sidewalk until she saw Brittany's vehicle turn the corner.

She started walking forward, her eyes never leaving the small decorative cross posted onto the front porch.

X

Hours later she couldn't really recall how she got home or when she got home. Time sort of ceased to exist as she sat on the floor at the foot of her bed.

She couldn't see beyond her tears. She didn't want to. After everything that had just happened with her grandmother she just wanted to the tears to overtake her, to wash over her until she didn't exist, until she didn't have to feel this.

This terrible _unyielding_ hurt that felt like it was consuming her from the inside out.

She didn't want to see anything or do anything or be anything, she just wanted this, this pain to go away.

''Hey babe. You didn't call me sooo I swung by,'' Brittany said entering the darkened room. She went to turn on the lamp on Santana's desk and halted at what she saw. Her girlfriend in tears with devastation written all over her face. ''Santana…'' she immediately went down to the floor and tried to pull Santana towards her. ''What...what happened?''

Santana's only response was to shake her head and wipe at her face. ''No.''

''What do you mean no?''

Santana struggled to stand and turn away, unwilling to let Brittany see her. Not like this. ''I mean go home, Brittany.''

''What did she say?'' Brittany asked, knowing this reaction couldn't have come out of nowhere. Something had to have gone wrong. Very wrong. ''Your grandmother.''

''It doesn't matter what she said. It's done and I'm over it.''

Brittany stood and tried to once again pull her into a hug, and again Santana brushed her off. Gently of course, but she tried to make the implication clear. She didn't want Brittany near her right now.

''Can you please go?''

''Why?''

''Because. Britt, I'm tired and I've had a fucked up evening and I don't want to talk about it, with you or anyone. I just want to be alone now okay?''

Brittany touched her arm. ''I want to be here though.''

''I know but _what I want_ is to not think right now. I don't want to think about how my grandmother basically threw me out of her house tonight. I don't want to think about how me being honest is some sinful thing to her. I don't want to think about the way she looked at me or the way she talked to me or the way she so easily just walked away from me. I don't want to think about how small she made me feel. I just don't, Brittany. I just want to fucking cry in my goddamn room and not have to think so just...just give me that and go. Please.''

Brittany wiped a tear away on her own face and nodded. Still she went to Santana one more time and tilted her face towards her so their eyes could meet. ''I love you and I want to help you.''

''I know you do and I love you too, but the best way you can help me is to give me some space right now.'' Santana softened as Brittany petted her hair, soothing it down. ''I'm not saying you can't be there for me or help me later on, but I want to be alone tonight.''

''Okay.''

''Okay?''

''Yeah okay. I don't get it but you do what you need to do tonight. I'll go if that's what you want. Can you at least text me before you go to bed? Just so I can know you're taking care of yourself.''

Brittany planted a long but delicate kiss to the middle of Santana's forehead and then with a heartbreaking look began for the door and made her exit.

Santana felt a strange sort of anger inside of her.

 _Why did she have to be the way that she was?_

 _Why couldn't she had just let Brittany stay and be there for her?_

 _Why did she have to be difficult?_

 _Why did she have to be different at all?_

X

The next several days passed in a fog for Santana. She just sort of rolled through the motions from that point.

When the Troubletones lost to the New Directions she knew it was complete and total bull but she barely had the energy to bitch about it. She just didn't care at that point. Even if they had won she found it difficult to believe she would've been able to find joy in their victory to begin with.

She couldn't help it. She couldn't stop carrying the hurt and sorrow of her grandmother's rejection inside of her heart. It seemed to live there now.

Brittany was there at her side the whole time, loving her and supporting her, but there were days Santana could barely stand it. Brittany deserved someone strong, someone who could protect her, someone who was better and Santana felt like a failure. It was hard to hold Brittany's hand because all Santana felt was unworthy.

For the first time in a long time she felt lost again. Lost inside of this constant ache that she was unable to escape.

''Babe, I got you an extra serving of breadsticks,'' Brittany announced as she walked backwards into Santana's bedroom.

It was finally Drag Race night. The first Drag Race night since Santana had spoken to her grandmother and Brittany had really hoped that maybe this would cheer Santana up, even if it was just for an hour or two. But when she tossed the take out bags onto Santana's dresser and turned around all she saw was her girlfriend splayed out starfish style across her bad, staring at her ceiling.

''What are you doing?'' Brittany asked, noting that Santana's TV was turned off.

''Huh? Oh this is just my seven o'clock brooding,'' Santana tried to make light. ''Not to be confused with my four p.m. brooding.''

Brittany looked at her watch and then hopped onto the mattress to curl up alongside Santana. ''I meant, Drag Race is tonight. Usually you're up and doing your pre-show rituals right now. What's wrong?''

''Nothing's wrong,'' Santana answered with a noticeable lack of enthusiasm. ''I guess I'm not in the mood for Drag Race tonight.''

Brittany squinted in confusion. ''Say again?''

''I'm not in the mood for Drag Race.''

''Since when?''

''Since I'm pretty emotionally exhausted lately. I don't know, Brittany, I'm just not. The DVR will catch it. I'll watch it later or whatever. You brought dinner though so why don't we eat, we can make a picnic on the floor or something.''

Brittany opened her mouth to speak but nothing came out.

She didn't know what to make of it. She was pleased that Santana had become warmer and appeared to be eating and taking care of herself for the most part, but Drag Race had become such an important, powerful presence in her girlfriend's life and now Santana couldn't be bothered to muster up any interest for it. It made Brittany sad to think Santana was denying herself something that had once given her joy and a feeling of community.

She let it pass that night, but then as the weeks progressed and Santana all but seemed to have stopped watching the show Brittany knew she had to do something.

X

''I need you and Santana to make up.''

''Good morning to you too, Brittany.''

Kurt was sifting through his locker when Brittany approached him one morning and launched into speech.

''Did you hear what I said?'' she asked, leaning against a locker to have a conversation with him as students strolled by them.

''I did,'' he said, continuing his search for sheet music. ''But I don't think that's possible. We can't make up because we're not fighting. We're just...giving each other space.''

''Right. Call it whatever you want to call it but you need to make things right with her.''

''I don't see why I need to do anything,'' Kurt said. ''She doesn't respect my relationship and frankly I don't need her approval.''

''This isn't about that. Forget the Blaine of it all for a second okay? I'm being serious here, Kurt,'' Brittany stressed and then to hammer home just how serious, she shut his locker, grabbed him by the arm and escorted him into a nearby empty classroom. ''Santana's in bad shape right now. She'd never admit it or let anyone see but she is. What happened with Finn messed everything up, all of her work and all of her progress.''

Kurt's exterior melted as he sank into a seat. ''I know and believe me he got a mouthful from me and Rachel about how stupid and careless he was. It was indefensible.''

''Yeah it was but I'm talking about the aftermath of all of that.''

''What do you mean?''

''I mean because of Finn and that ad she had to get in front of it and tell her parents and her grandmother and her mom and dad were super cool about it. Her grandmother...not so much.''

''What happened?'' Kurt worried.

''She still hasn't exactly told me everything but it was bad. Her grandmother didn't want to hear it. She told her to leave and never ever come back. She said some stuff about Santana and sin and scandal and - it just wasn't good. And Santana, Santana fell apart. She was so wrecked that night that she wouldn't even let me hold her.''

Kurt shook his head in sorrow. ''I'm so sorry, Britt. That's horrible.''

''Santana is putting on a brave face but she's clearly hurting. Her parents are doing the best they can, I'm doing the best they can but it wouldn't exactly hurt if she knew you were still in her corner. After everything.''

''I am. She knows that.''

''Maybe but it wouldn't hurt if she _heard_ it one more time from you. Look if you don't want to do it for her then do it for me. I know you and I are running against each other for president but I need your help on this. As her friend, as my friend, can you just talk to her?''

''Of course, of course.''

Brittany exhaled with relief. She wasn't sure if it would help but what could it hurt. ''Thanks.''

''No thank you necessary.'' Kurt reached over to give her a reassuring squeeze on the hand.

''For what it's worth I miss you and the way things used to be.''

''Me too.''

''Maybe one day we can all work our way back to that.''

Kurt wasn't sure if that was possible but he liked to think it was. He wanted to believe that he and Santana could repair and rebuild what they once had to some degree but even if they couldn't, even if there was no way back from that he still needed to show up for her he decided.

He remembered a vow he had once made to himself and if nothing else he was a man of his word.

No squirrel friend left behind.

X

''Knock-knock,'' Kurt sang, announcing himself as he inched inside Santana's dark bedroom.

She was inside sorting through her closet, tossing things around. Her floor was a mess of clothing and shoes and -

''What is _this_?'' Kurt asked, toeing at a skimpy bra.

''Oh that,'' Santana peeked down. ''That's Brittany's last Christmas gift to me.''

''Hm,'' he hummed thoughtfully, wrinkling up his nose just a tad. ''Didn't think you enjoyed wearing hot pink.''

''Oh it wasn't for me to wear. I mean, it was my present but Brittany was the one wearing it.''

Kurt laughed. ''Should've known.'' He sat himself down on her bed and allowed his hands to sift through the articles she had discarded there. ''So what are you up to?''

''Just doing a little cleaning. I'm gonna donate a bunch of stuff before New York,'' she explained, going back into the closet. ''Once I get there it's going to be a new me, a new chapter.''

''Does that mean no more body-con dresses with giant bows on your ass?''

''Shut up,'' she shouted, though Kurt could hear just the tiniest bit of amusement in her voice. ''What are you doing here anyway? Shouldn't you be off somewhere gelling it up with Blaine?''

''I didn't come here to argue if that's what you're asking. Blaine and I are still together, that hasn't changed but neither have my feelings for you.'' Kurt inhaled deeply and studied a strange but stylish grey fur vest that belonged to her. He held it up to examine it from all sides before hopping up, slipping it on and then modelling it for himself in her dresser mirror. ''I came because I missed you and I missed us. It might not be like it was before but we can still hang out, right?''

Santana walked out and narrowed her eyes at him. ''Why are you wearing my vest?''

'' _I'm feeling my oats, let me feel my oats!''_ Kurt did a little spin in it, enjoying his reflection.

Santana's face twitched into a smile. ''You're a nerd you know that right?''

'' _Absolutely,''_ he said in a nasally tone, reminiscent of one Gia Gunn.

''Oh my god.''

''Don't act like you're not amused! I can see you laughing!'' he said, pointing a finger at her, tickled to have tickled her funny bone.

''Trust me I'm not laughing with you, I'm laughing at you.''

''Whatever. Admit it I do a fierce Gia Gunn.''

''I will do no such thing.''

'' _How is she though? How is she though?''_ Kurt repeated a few times as he modeled the vest even more.

''God damn I love Gia Gunn,'' Santana said, looking up briefly in admiration before returning her gaze back to Kurt being ridiculous in front of her mirror. ''Is this all you came over here to do? Play dress up in front of my mirror?''

''No.'' Kurt pulled the garment off of himself and set it aside carefully.

''Then what gives Hummel?''

''Brittany told me about what happened with your grandmother,'' he admitted.

''Ah I see now,'' Santana sighed.

''I wanted you to know that I'm here for you. Whatever you need.''

''I can tell you what I don't need. I don't need you or Brittany 'saving' me, you hear? Because I'm fine. In fact I'm more than fine, I'm fabulous. I don't need your pity.''

''That's good because I don't do pity,'' he said, paraphrasing her from one of their very last really heartfelt conversations. ''This isn't about pity, Santana. This is about support. We're still friends you and I. Things are weird at the moment but I'm never gonna let that go. You might not need me right now...but you have me.''

''I told you, I'm fine. While I appreciate your concern it's not necessary. I don't need anyone's help or support, I need everyone to stop looking at me like I'm some delicate fragile thing that'll break at any moment.''

''I know you're not. Santana, you can be strong and still let people be there for you. Leaning on people and letting them love you doesn't mean you're weak.''

''Then what does it mean?''

''It means you're family.''

Santana laughed airily in dismissal. ''Right. Family. You know what this whole thing with my grandmother taught me? It's taught me that sometimes you can't even count on your family. Family doesn't mean a thing.''

''Yeah well,'' he said with a sudden flash of inspiration. ''Maybe the family we're born with doesn't always show up for us. But it's like in Season 5 of Drag Race when Roxxxy Andrews talks about the mother that abandoned her and RuPaul says we get to _make_ our own families. I've made my own family, Santana. You're a part of it.''

''What if I don't want to be apart of it?'' she asked with exasperation. ''What if I just want to be left alone? Listen I've had enough of this after school special Kurt. Thanks for dropping by, you can even take the fur vest if you want, but I'm done with this conversation.''

Santana went back to work, pulling hangers from her closet, tossing shoes behind her shoulders. Kurt dodged them before he got the message. She was kicking him out. He left, though not before he left her a little message.

Using a stray tube of lipstick from her counter he found himself writing on her mirror.

'' _Who do you think you are?''_ he wrote elegantly in a bright red shade.

Several minutes later she found it, large and loopy. She didn't get the point of his message, she just figured he was being obnoxious and cryptically preachy. Whatever. She yanked a moist toilette from her makeup tray and started wiping the surface down.

It was a lot harder than it looked like it was on Drag Race that's for sure as she struggled with the streaks it left behind. After awhile she started to put force into her scrubbing, using her frustration to fuel her, grunting and gritting her teeth with each small but firm movement of her arm.

Finally after many aggravating minutes she was able to see her own reflection clearly.

It wasn't pretty. It was sad and heartbroken and empty.

She didn't want to be these things. She didn't want to go back to pushing people away or letting herself suffer in silence. She had come so far from all of that and there was no way now she was going to go back and for what, and for who?

Some old lady who couldn't, wouldn't see beyond herself, who'd rather stay stagnant than grow. Her grandmother was simply content to exist in her own limited world with her limited view, refusing to evolve for herself or anyone else.

And Santana, Santana realized she had to be better than that. She didn't want to ever turn into that. To someone cold or turned off from the world and those who were in it.

Is losing her grandmother was the price she had to pay, then that's what she would do, because after finding herself and knowing herself there was no way Santana would ever be able to go back to before. To before Brittany. Before Kurt. Before she understood what freedom felt like.

She didn't want to look at herself in the mirror in 30 years only to find she had grown into something distant or heartless. In 30 years she wanted to look in the mirror and be able to see something bigger and better and greater and kinder than Alma Lopez could ever hope to be.

That's who Santana wanted to be.

For Kurt.

For Brittany.

But most of all for herself.

X

''So what are we singing?''

It was a few days later and Kurt was at his locker again, this time stuffing books inside of it and struggling a bit under the weight of them. Santana had appeared and taken a few in hand to help him out as she posed the question to him.

''Huh?'' he asked.

''Well as you know after that whack ass competition the Troubletones have been absorbed by the New Directions even though you losers totally don't deserve us,'' Santana began dryly. ''Mr. Schue is making us do another duets assignment this week which is totally whatever but he said we have to pair up with people we've never sang with before. Brittany and Quinn are doing some Taylor Swift bullshit so I thought I'd ask you.''

Kurt raised a brow. This was a far cry from her aloof behavior several days before. He was pleased though a little cautious.

''You want us to sing together?'' he asked, taking his books from her and placing them neatly inside.

''I don't think we ever have so I thought ya know, why not.'' Santana pushed her body off of the metal lockers and began walking the hall.

Intrigued by her offer Kurt followed her, keeping in step with her along the way. ''That sounds like fun actually.''

''Yeah?''

''I do have one condition though.''

''We're not wearing costumes.''

''Who said anything about costumes?''

''I know how your brain works, Hummel, be real.''

''Fine, no costumes. But I get to pick the song.''

Santana squinted as if she were trying to stare him down for a good few seconds before her face cracked into a smile. ''I guess. No Celine Dion. Or Dionne Warwick. Or Patti LuPone. Or-''

''I get it,'' he laughed and threw a hand up to his side, near her face. It was promptly slapped down. ''Don't worry though, I'll pick something good for us. We can work on it tonight.''

''Tonight works for me. Brittany and Quinn are going to get together tonight too. Why don't you come over to my place?''

''You're sure?''

''Yeah. Bring some of that fancy pants bottled ginger ale with you too. It's totally pretentious but like, I love that stuff.''

''Will do.''

''And then maaaaaaybeeee,'' she sang in a strange almost nervous tone. ''If we have the time we could like hang or whatever. I've had a lot going on in my head and I haven't seen the last three episodes of Drag Race so...?''

Kurt smiled. ''You order Breadstix and I'll be there.''

X

Over the next week things seemed to get a little closer to how they used to be.

The Blaine thing was still an issue but for the most part they had found a way to put it aside for the friendship.

And their Drag Race nights. They zoomed through all of the episodes Santana had missed and then tackled Untucked. It was always more fun, bitching and hollering at the TV together they remembered.

And as for their duet they managed to pull it off. Santana was a little hesitant about Kurt's choice but he insisted and they did actually sound pretty good together on the track. She still refused to wear matching costumes but agreed to at least wearing outfits that complimented each other. She also gave in when it came to stage design. He had gotten Mr. Schue to agree to let them perform their number in the auditorium. Kurt didn't want their song to just be a song, he wanted it to be an event.

He wanted fog and flashing lights and a shiny black moving platform and backup dancers and a giant video monitor behind them displaying an array of words. It was elaborate. But once she saw it all pulled together she had to admit it was hella good because Kurt had hella vision.

''Are you sure we just can't do RuPaul's _Sissy That Walk_ together instead?'' Santana asked backstage moments before they were to walk out and perform in front of the glee club in the audience. ''That's like such a bop.''

Kurt put the finishing touches on his hair before turning to address her. ''I love that song too but I highly doubt Mr. Schue would approve of us singing a song that mentions _pussy_.''

''Ugh fine.''

''Besides we have the song we practiced in the bag, Santana. We know that song in and out, plus we already have the flashing lights set up in time with the song and it's too late to change it now. Are you ready?''

''I was born ready.''

It turned out to look and sound pretty damn fabulous. Then again it could've been all the theatrics, but whatever the case the glee club members watching in the audience seemed hyped for it as the clubby, dancy tune took off. While Mike, Tina and Brittany danced on the stage neon lights blinked all around them on and off to the beat. Santana and Kurt meanwhile were, for the most part, stationary on a rotating elevated platform.

Santana knew the butterflies in her stomach were probably from motion sickness or something like that but she wanted to believe her fluttering tummy was just a sense of elation as she and Kurt sang one of their favorite RuPaul tracks.

 _Born Naked_ was the simplest Ru song to work with since it was already in essence a duet between RuPaul and a female vocalist, but Kurt had chosen it for more than just the format.

It was fun and powerful and anthemic and liberating and _gay._

And them.

'' _Who you waiting for, another savior, always looking but ya never find-never find. Waking up from another night gone, always looking but ya never find-never find. Going downtown you know where you going, throw your top down like you know where you're going, tell me one thing do you know where you're going ignoring all of the signs?''_ Kurt sang with his vocals just slightly synthesized. _''I'm telling the truth now, I'm telling the truth now. We're all born naked and the rest is drag? Who-who do you think you are?''_

He pointed at Santana who took the next verse with ease. _''A lonely highway you drove the wrong way, always chasing down a fantasy-fantasy. A sexy muscle car under the radar, always looking but ya never see-ya never see. Going downtown you know where you going, throw your top down like you know where you're going, tell me one thing do you know where you're going ignoring all of the signs?''_

She turned around a bit so she and Kurt were dancing back to back as they both joined in, the song building in emotion. Their hands were thrown up into the sky as they belted with a sense of liberation.

'' _I'm telling the truth now, I'm telling the truth now. We're all born naked and the rest is drag. Who-who do you think you are? I'll say it again it's never been the clothes that make the man, nothing can. Leave all your baggage behind! I'm telling the truth now. We're all born naked and the rest is drag.''_

They moved through the dancy beat until the climax of the song culminated in a huge flash of white. It was pretty entertaining and even though their audience didn't quite know the source of the song they appeared to have appreciated the grandness of it all. Sugar threw out an especially loud ''woot-woot!'' at them. Kurt and Santana smiled and panted from execution once it was all said and done.

But really in the end Santana found she really didn't care about the applause.

It was nice and all but staring at her friend from the side she's pretty sure she would've sang with him even without an audience. Without a reason.

X

Later that day after school and under the setting sun Kurt walked out into the parking lot to find Santana laying across the hood of his car with her back against the windshield.

''What are you doing?''

Santana lifted a shoulder casual like. ''Waiting for you. Brittany took my car. She and Quinn are still putting together their song for the week and I wanted to leave them to it. Thought I'd bum a ride off of you.''

''Mmmhmm,'' he said in his sassy little way. He tossed his book bag on top of the roof of his vehicle but instead of opening the driver's side door and slipping in, he instead climbed up to join Santana on the hood.

They sat in silence for a long moment and simply enjoyed the sunset in front of them in peace.

''Thanks for singing with me,'' Santana said softly and only out of the side of her mouth as if she were embarrassed in front of him.

''It was my pleasure,'' he replied, staring ahead because he knew eye contact would only make her feel weird about it. ''I've always thought that it was a shame that we've never had RuPaul week in the glee club to be honest.''

''Totally. Then again it's probably for the best. I mean can you imagine Rachel singing _Call Me Mother_?''

''Oh god shut up,'' Kurt cackled.

Santana shivered. ''The glee club couldn't handle those songs, and anyway I kind of like the idea that those songs are like, our special thing.''

''I get it,'' he said, quieting his chuckles and turning more sincere. ''I'm glad we got to sing with each other at least once this year in front of everyone. It meant a lot to me, Santana. It's true you know?''

''What?''

''The song. We're born naked and the rest is drag. It's so true. Every day we perform drag if you think about it.''

''And how is that?''

''Each morning we wake up and we go out into the world, a world that already has all of these preconceived notions about who we're supposed to be. Some people put on business suits every day, some people put on ugly sweater vests every day like Mr. Schue, or weird librarian outfits like Rachel or tracksuits like Sue. It's a performance and every day we put these things on ourselves in order to be seen or perceived a certain way. But you have to ask yourself what are you doing this for and who are you doing this for? Is it for an audience? Do I move the way I move and dress the way I dress because I think it's what everyone expects of me or is it because it's who I really am? Like a couple years ago when I tried to be straight by wearing flannel and trucker hats - that was drag. That was performance. Because this...'' he gestured down to his attire, neat and fabulous. ''This is the real me.''

''And what about me? What am I performing?''

''I think you've constructed a mask. A very beautiful mask but a very harsh one as well. You're a high concept character, Santana. You want everyone to believe you're a bitch and perhaps to some degree you are, but you also have a tremendous amount of depth. You're capable of incredible kindness too only...only you hide it because the world's made you think you have to play the part of the heartless asshole in order to survive it.''

Santana shifted a little, his words having hit a little too close to the truth.

''You're a good person though and you should let more people see that. I'm sorry your grandmother can't.''

''Yeah well.''

''It's her loss, Santana. It is. You've been there for me and Brittany and-and to be completely honest with you I don't know what this past year would've been like for me if I didn't have you or your friendship. My life is better for knowing you and if she doesn't want to know you anymore it's not because you're unlovable or unworthy or anything like that, it's because she's small and ignorant and sad.''

Santana made a small thoughtful noise.

''I know it's not the same but just so you know, I'm here and I'm not going anywhere other than New York and even then, it's gonna be with you.''

Santana looked away and sniffled. Kurt spared her from having to hide it by continuing to stare forward. She was still Santana after all. This was still how she operated.

''Now get your ass of my car,'' he said, brightening up and giving her a playful swat in the side. ''We're going shopping.'' He noisily slid off of his vehicle and started opening up the driver's door. ''There's a new Bianca Del Rio t-shirt at one of the shops in the mall with my name on it and you're coming with me.''

''Fuh-ine,'' she huffed as if she were being inconvenienced when in actuality she was more than game for the adventure. ''But you're buying me a giant pretzel and something at Jamba Juice.''

''Deal.''

''And if you do anymore Gia Gunn impressions while you're trying on clothes I have permission to leave your ass behind.''

'' _I'm feeling my oats, let me feel my oats!''_

X

 **A/N: welp, I popped this out in a couple of days so apologies if it feels scattered but I felt like it had to be this way.**

 **I also wonder if anyone has picked up on the use of mirrors in this fic and how it's significant. On Drag Race of course we see the queens talking and preparing in front of mirrors, we also see them wipe off lipstick messages written by eliminated queens. There's three scenes in Squirrel Friends that find Santana in deep contemplation while in front of a mirror inspecting her own reflection. In this chapter Kurt actually writes her a lipstick message on a mirror. I'm always adding little touches like that and I was wondering if anyone had noticed lol I guess I'm a nerd who maybe puts too much thought into things but. I think it's pretty cool how that ties in.**


	11. Chapter 11

''Trixie Mattel is the Beyonce of Drag Race, Santana!''

''Are you trying to get me to punch you? Is that what you want? For me to punch you, Hummel? Trixie Mattel can't be the Beyonce of Drag Race because _Shangela_ is the Beyonce of Drag Race. Trixie Mattel is the Taylor Swift of Drag Race.''

''How dare you!''

''How dare me?! How dare you?''

He tutted. ''I don't think you _get_ Trixie's cerebral comedy like I do.''

''What you're _about to_ _get_ is the back of my hand!''

Brittany sighed as she sat between a squabbling Kurt and Santana.

Season 7 was upon them and tensions were high in the New York loft.

Season 6 was over, and so was high school for that matter.

Over their senior year they had watched Bianca Del Rio get crowned and in a roundabout way having one of their mutual favorite queens win the season had given all of them just enough fuel and enthusiasm to make it through the last several months at Mckinley.

Brittany campaigned with promises of topless Tuesdays and root beer water fountains and as predicted she was voted in as senior class president and began a reign no like no other. She had hooked people in and it was then that she set out to do what she really wanted to do. Kurt had of course lost the race but after the fact Brittany had came to him and in a show of respect had asked if he would be interested in working alongside her during her term. He had agreed and Brittany had deemed him her Chief Gay Advisor.

McKinley was never going to change over night, that they knew, but while they were there they did their best to implement a few directives that could in the future steer the school as well as the community in a new direction. A better direction.

They started and maintained the school's first ever GSA. They pushed Figgins and the school board to implement a zero tolerance policy on bullying. Brittany and Kurt weren't always successful and sometimes they butted heads with people opposed to what they were trying to do - make McKinley a more progressive place - but it was a start and a challenge that they were glad to take on. Kurt felt a sense of pride in what they were doing. When nothing and no one had stood up for him there he was on his own two feet standing up for himself.

It had also given Brittany a burst of confidence. She was doing things, moving things, challenging people and the school as an institution and she wasn't doing it with her body or with silly campaign promises, she was doing it all with her brain, with her heart. She had done something that no one in that school or town had ever expected - she had made an impact.

In a funny way it gave her hope. Enough hope to think that if she really applied herself going forward she too could make it in New York. As class president she had a lot of responsibilities and she had learned that she was just capable and driven and smart as everyone else. Kurt and Santana had always gone on and on about New York and their plans to take the city and Brittany had always sort of felt like she was simply going along for the ride for the most part. But becoming class president during their final year and being the one everyone turned to for opinions and answers, well, it made her believe that she could get stuff done, that she could handle herself. Maybe that meant she could even handle New York she thought.

Of course in between all of that they did take their time to have a bit of fun before they left. For instance for their senior yearbook they all decided that they were going to use iconic Drag Race lines for their senior quotes. Drag Race had in its own way opened up their world and it was a way of honoring the thing that had bonded them together one last time before leaving it all behind.

Brittany had considered a classic Tammie Brown quote simply because she knew that using _'I don't see you walking children in nature'_ as her yearbook quote would stump and confuse her classmates but in the end she decided to use _'don't be jealous of my boogie'_ under her senior photo because she felt it as a phrase and a song perfectly summed up her existence. Santana on the hand was really set on using a Willam Belli quote but it was pretty hard for her to narrow anything down seeing as how Willam's humor wasn't exactly 'family friendly' and wasn't likely to be approved. She eventually decided to go with _'see me with them hands'_ under her photo because she liked that it had multiple meanings. One could read it as wanting applause, wanting to fight or wanting to feel someone up which sort of worked perfectly for Santana. Kurt however had dragged his feet the most, wanting his quote to be especially meaningful and perhaps even use the opportunity to give that school one last 'screw you' before they all departed it. After several nights of contemplation he said it came to him, the one simple short concise sentence spoken by the legendary Shangela in Season 3. _'You'll never be glamour'_. In a way it was like giving the middle finger to McKinley and telling it and the people inside of it who had tried to drag him down through the years that they would never be at his level, they would never be on his level of glamour and fabulousness. It was his special way of saying they would never lead a life as grand as he was going to make for himself one day.

When the time came for them to say goodbye to McKinley and Lima though it wasn't some painful bittersweet thing. None of them shed any tears or shuttered with emotion when it came time to walk away from those hallways, they were all ready to graduate, not just from McKinley, but _into_ adulthood.

And adulthood for them meant New York.

Unfortunately adulthood also meant jobs and school and bills and stress and wonky sleep schedules.

Being an adult was simply, _a lot_.

Brittany's parents knew that she was unique and different and would never be the kind to fall in line. Brittany marched to the beat of her own drum and they had encouraged her to seek out her dream of dance, assisting her financially as she earned a spot at NYADA alongside Kurt. It was there that she found herself and her body being challenged more than it had ever been before which in itself was refreshing. Running for senior class president had been a tiny first step towards using her voice and becoming more independent and now she going a step beyond. She had always been the best dancer in the glee club and often times she could even do their routines in her sleep but NYADA was on a whole other level.

NYADA and New York as a whole were pushing her to evolve and become more independent, more confident. For the first time in her life, Brittany was excited to wake up and go to class because in this class they spoke her language: dance. Her teacher, Cassandra July, was kind of a bitch and within the first several weeks of class she had watched as Ms. July's harsh words had pushed students to quit or break under the pressure but Brittany was able to escape all of that.

Brittany chalked that up to the fact that her own girlfriend was the bitchiest bitch to ever bitch, in comparison she didn't think Cassandra held a candle to Santana in that regard. Cassandra July didn't often chastise Brittany but even when she did Brittany took the criticism, used it and shrugged all the other nasty words off of her. She had years of dance classes under her belt and had known plenty of bold and merciless teachers. Cassandra was tough sure but Brittany had learned a long time ago that you couldn't take that home with you. It wasn't personal, it was dance.

That wasn't to say she hadn't encountered a few speed bumps here and there in adjusting to life in the big city but she was doing it and in her own way, she was proud of herself for taking the chance and making it happen for herself.

As for Kurt, he had busted his ass getting into NYADA and even finessed his way into an internship at Vogue. He had plenty on his plate running between the two but he was insistent that he not close the door on any opportunity. It made for some grueling evenings and bleak mornings as he juggled all of his combined obligations but he was managing it. Work and school were challenging but the hardest part for him about adjusting to his new life in the city was finding the energy and the time to keep things alive with Blaine.

Keeping his relationship afloat was proving to be even more work than his actual work but with frequent Skype chats and phone calls they were making due. He knew Santana still had her reservations about his relationship, and he even suspected Brittany had a few of her own but he still believed in Blaine and their love. He wasn't about to wave a white flag any time soon.

Santana meanwhile didn't have to worry about being away from Brittany since they were taking on New York together, that was one very big positive thing about them moving to the city. Her school load on the other hand was kicking her in the ass.

She had looked into NYADA initially at Kurt's urging but her parents had insisted that she not focus on the arts, they didn't see it as a viable career. The Lopez's were professionals, they were lawyers and doctors and such. To be a Lopez was to be nothing short of remarkable. They told her that they would love and support her no matter what but that they thought she was too strong and too brilliant to waste away her skills and mind on chasing some pop star dreams. She knew they weren't trying to stifle her intentionally but it felt like it all the same.

Eventually she caved under the pressures, reasoning to herself that she was their only child and had a responsibility to carry on the Lopez name and tradition of success and in order to do that she had to become a reasonable proper student at a reasonable proper university so that she may one day have reasonable and proper career. Her parents were appeased when she decided to take some pre law classes, and Santana figured it wouldn't be such a horrible occupation. When you got down to it, she reasoned to herself that practicing law would be like getting paid to argue with people.

While she knew being accepted into Columbia was the dream for so many others, it wasn't particularly hers especially since her time there would be stacked with classes she truly had no interest in. It would be one thing to come home from a long and frustrating day with the knowledge that she was working towards her ultimate goal, but the fact was she was exhausting herself chasing someone else's goal. Someone else's dream.

The three of them were all taking to school and New York in different ways, and it wasn't always smooth for everyone equally.

It didn't help that Drag Race Season 7 was turning out to be more or less a shit show.

They were all in agreement that even the worst season of Drag Race was still better than ninety five percent of what was on television but it still somehow felt like a chore as they made their way through the episodes. Sure there were a few queens they enjoyed. Kurt loved Ginger Minj and Trixie. Santana loved the queen of jush Jasmine Masters and she could even appreciate Violet Chachki on a strictly bitchy level. But on the other hand it was hard not to fall asleep when Pearl was giving a confessional, and every time Miss Fame made chicken noises it would make Lord Tubbington yowl which was super unpleasant for everyone in the loft. Kurt and Santana just didn't find it to be a particularly exciting season of the show.

When it came down to it Brittany was the only one who really looked forward to each episode and that was mostly because she had finally found the queen that spoke to her soul and that queen was the one and only Yekaterina Petrovna Zamolodchikova otherwise known simply as Katya. In Katya Brittany had seen a kindred spirit in that much like herself Katya was a complete and total weirdo. Katya spoke to Brittany's own brand of strange. If Kurt was a Jinkx and Santana was a Willam then Brittany had decided that _she was most definitely a Katya_.

While Kurt and Santana had celebrated the fact that Brittany had finally found _her queen_ there was no denying that overall Season 7 was otherwise a lackluster season. It was perhaps that as well as a mixture of other things that led to Santana and Kurt squabbling over who each of them deemed the Beyonce of the Drag Race universe. Kurt had blurted out Trixie because he was a tiny bit infatuated with her life sized Barbie aesthetic but Santana had taken offense to such a claim.

''I know white twinks are all about Trixie this season okay but in this loft _we stan Shangela!_ '' Santana hollered.

She then stood up, stomped her way to her and Brittany's sleeping quarters and proceeded to ''slam'' the partition curtain behind her. It was meant to be aggressive but it looked and sounded more comical than anything.

Kurt and Brittany exchanged a glance once they were alone together in the sitting area.

''Okay for real, what is going on with her?'' Kurt asked quietly as he muted the TV and turned to her. ''She's been in a mood for weeks. Tonight she's been nothing but snippy.''

''School is stressing her out.''

Kurt softened at that. ''I still don't understand why she's forcing herself to do something just to make her parents happy.''

Brittany sank into the cushions and mirthlessly fed herself a handful of popcorn. ''It's just how Santana is. She wants to be the best at everything. I told her she has to do what's right for her but she has it in her head that she somehow owes it to her family to follow tradition. She's their only daughter so she wants to be _the best daughter_.''

''She's making herself miserable, that's her choice. I wish she didn't feel the need to make everyone around her just as miserable.''

''I know, but it's Santana,'' Brittany reasoned, feeling the need to defend her girlfriend. Santana wasn't just being difficult to be difficult. She was doing her best. She was figuring it out. ''She has to realize all of this for herself in her own time, until then she's not going to hear it. Not from you, not from anyone else, not even me.''

Kurt exhaled. He knew Brittany was right. Santana was having an especially hard time adjusting to her new life in New York and until she got out of her own way that wasn't going to change.

X

''You need to do something nice for Kurt.''

''Why?''

Later that evening Brittany had made the helpful suggestion as they got ready for bed. Brittany was pulling out her clothes for the next day and setting them out for herself while Santana had meanwhile crawled beneath the sheets.

''Because, I don't know if you've noticed this but you've been extra grumpy lately, especially towards him,'' Brittany continued. ''I know you two have a special friendship and everything but that doesn't mean you can just act out and expect him to take it.''

''I'm not, I just-'' Santana immediately went high pitched and defensive before her excuses got caught in her throat. ''Fine. Alright, maybe I have been a shade more bitchy than usual. I'm sorry.''

''I'm not the one you should be saying sorry to, you never bite my head off.''

''I know...I know,'' Santana sighed, frustrated. ''I'll do something okay? I will. I'll make it right with him and I promise to stop being as irritable around the loft.''

''Thank you.''

''So who went home tonight?''

''Huh?''

''On Drag Race,'' Santana clarified.

''Oh Mrs. Kasha Davis. Kurt and I had a cocktail in her honor.''

Santana mumbled noncommittally.

''You know I was thinking…'' Brittany started as she began crawling up to snuggle into Santana's arms. ''We have this big huge loft now. One of these days we should have a proper Drag Race viewing party.''

''How do you mean?''

''Like, we should make it a thing and invite people over to watch. Kurt can invite people from Vogue and I've met some cool people at NYADA and, you know, you can invite some of your classmates too. We can get to meet each other's new friends and it'll give us a chance to have a party here. Could be fun.''

Santana scrunched up her face. ''I dunno.''

"And it would also give me an excuse to wear that tiny black cocktail dress you love my ass in."

"Well when you put it like that…"

''Think about it?''

''Think about it,'' Santana agreed.

Brittany kissed Santana's cheek and pulled the sheets up over their hips.

X

''What is this?''

''A cronut. I've never tried them before but when I asked the guy at the pastry shop what all the dumbass hipsters are ordering these days he told me about 'em. I figured they'd be right up your alley.''

It was the next morning that Kurt woke up to find breakfast waiting for him on their kitchen table. Coffee, juice, fresh fruit, several different kinds of pastries. Santana had went all out and he was a little confused. Santana offered him a plate full of food and then with a flourish of her hand pulled out a chair and motioned for him to sit.

''I'm going to overlook the fact that you basically called me a dumbass hipster and simply ask, why.'' He took a seat, intrigued by her sudden change of attitude from the night before.

Santana went around and sat in the chair on the opposite side to face him. ''Why what? Can't I just do something nice for my roommate?''

''No,'' he laughed.

''Well,'' she began almost mournfully. ''I knew you had your morning free and I guess I wanted to do something to make up for stomping away in the middle of Drag Race. And to also say I'm sorry for being a bitch last night. And the night before that. And like, the entire week before that. I'm still settling in to all of this and my classes have been kicking my ass. I've been taking it out in some super unhealthy, unproductive ways. I'm sorry if I haven't been the best roommate or friend or whatever.''

''You haven't.'' He dipped his head, thankful for apology. ''But I get it.''

''So consider this a gesture.'' She nodded down at the food. ''Brittany already took off for the day so eat up.''

Kurt bit into something glazed and hummed in approval. He couldn't reject her apology when it came with cronuts. Pleased that he was enjoying himself Santana began to eat as well, although she did so with a sullen far away look, joylessly taking a bite out of dry toast.

''I've been a bitch lately because...to be honest...New York is harder than I thought it would be,'' she said eventually, sharing what was really at the root of her crabby mood lately. ''I love the city, I love the vibe and I know this is where I'm supposed to be but-''

''-but you don't want to be a lawyer,'' he said gently, finishing her though.

She nodded. ''I want to be on stage.''

''Then do it.''

''It's not that simple. I can't do that to my parents. I want to be something for them.''

''What about you? Why can't you _be something for you?''_ he asked.

All she gave him in response was a defeated shrug. She didn't have an answer to that. All she could offer him at the moment was an apology breakfast. ''So are we good? Do you accept my apology?''

''Of course I do,'' he assured her. ''But if you ever bad mouth Trixie Mattel again it's gonna be a full on catfight.''

''I'd win.''

''Probably.''

''So how have you been dealing,'' she asked. ''I haven't been the most present lately. What's been going on with you?''

He bounced his head side to side as he tried to find the words while he simultaneously tried to feed himself a slice of banana. ''It's nothing I can't handle. NYADA is different but I'm learning a lot, about myself and performing, and Vogue is exciting. Finding a balance has been tough but I think I got the hang of it now.''

Santana squinted and observed him for a few moments in silence. Kurt on the surface seemed to be fine and in generally good spirits but she knew him well enough to know there was something there, something underneath his weird ass nearly translucent complexion that was itching at him.

''Mmm.''

''What?''

''Nothing.''

''You don't believe me?'' he asked.

''What, I totally believe you. If you say things are great, that's great,'' she said but then pensively spook out of the side of her mouth, ''but you know if something was bothering you...''

He seemed to consider this as he took a sip of juice. ''I don't know if it's something I could talk to you about.''

''Why?'' she laughed. ''Come on, if something's got you twisted up, spill it. You gotta give me something, Kurt. I'm like barely running on fumes nowadays, it would help me to know that I wasn't the only one struggling with something over here.''

''Okay if I tell you, you have to promise not to start in on me,'' he warned. ''I'm not in the mood for an argument.''

''Who says I'd start in on you?'' she scoffed but relented anyhow. ''Fine, whatever, I promise not to judge you. Out loud anyway. Talk.''

''Something is eating at me. If I'm going to be honest it's not Vogue or NYADA that's stressing me out. It's the distance.''

''The distance?''

''Between Blaine and I.'' Kurt looked down and speared off a piece of a cronut.

''Oh.'' Santana still had some very complicated feelings about that relationship.

''You don't have to listen if you don't want to.''

''No, I know. Look I'm not exactly a fan of his but...I'm ears here.''

Kurt looked relieved for the chance to vent. ''You're sure?''

Santana poured herself a cup of coffee and loaded it up with sugar. She was gonna need to be caffeinated for the rest of this conversation she knew. For the next half hour she sat and listened and made a thoughtful noise when she thought it was appropriate.

''...It's like we talk almost every day but five minutes here and ten minutes there isn't nearly enough. I almost want to be angry at someone or something but I can't because there's no one and nothing at fault. Blaine's doing what he needs to do and I'm doing what I need to do and we just have to accept the distance between us.'' He ended his little spiel by sinking his shoulders in sadness and defeat. ''I knew it was going to be difficult being away from each other...I just didn't think it would be this painful. Or lonely.''

Santana didn't really have anything to say in return to that. She didn't like that Kurt was in distress but she didn't have a solution or any handy advice in how to deal. Brittany was here with her and as challenging as New York was proving to be for Santana at least she and Brittany were together. She had a girlfriend to come home to every night, to kiss and hug and comfort. She couldn't imagine doing all of this on her own without the person who mattered most to her.

But here Kurt was, in a huge new city, with a new job and a new school, hundreds of miles apart from the person that was most important to him.

''That sucks,'' she said simply.

''I have so many things going on in my life and a lot of them are turning out to be pretty wonderful but I almost guilty for wanting to talk about them with Blaine. I have my life here and he's still stuck in Lima.''

''You can't feel guilty though, this is where you want to be and you're doing it and…'' she sighed and shifted in her seat. ''If Blaine really loves you he'd want you to be happy and to be the best you that you can possibly be and that means enjoying your new life. He wouldn't want you to hold yourself back.''

''Yeah,'' Kurt said, not sounding entirely convinced but not ready to dwell on the matter he turned the topic of conversation towards her. ''What about you?''

''What about me?''

''If we're talking about holding ourselves back, well then...are you sure you know what you're doing?''

''I've been through this,'' she moaned. ''With you and with Brittany. Is this what I wanted for myself? Not exactly but I'm getting a great education and hopefully one day with a lot of hard work I'll be in a position to have all the power and money I want,'' she finished her thought off with a weak laugh as if to make light. ''Who cares how I get it?''

''But coming to New York was never about chasing power or money,'' he reminded her. ''It was about finding our place. You said it yourself, you want to be on stage.''

''Yeah but that _want_ doesn't come with any guarantees or safety nets. I'm being a realist here. It's a nice dream - singing - but that's all it was ever gonna be. I'm glad you and Brittany are chasing your own, but this is just what I have to do.''

He bowed his head, accepting her words for the time being. There was no point in going in circles with her. Like Brittany said, Santana would have to figure it out for herself in her own time.

''Well regardless, I appreciate the breakfast,'' he said kindly. ''But if you don't mind I think I'm going to take a plate of this into my room. Blaine and I have a little breakfast Skype date in like fifteen minutes.''

She smiled and nodded for him to go on. ''Take your dumbass hipster cronuts with you.''

X

As weeks turned into months things began to smooth themselves out or at the very least be more bearable.

Santana's classes were still draining the life out of her and making her miserable but she was extra careful in how she channeled that frustration. She knew Brittany was right in that she couldn't just bring that home with her and use the laundry or dirty dishes or the cable bill as an excuse to vent out petty snide remarks to her roommates. That wasn't fair to anyone.

She initially formed a routine of coming home before anyone else and punching her pillow into submission while grumbling out expletives. It would usually tire her out within fifteen minutes and then she would take a nice long rage nap, of course she would always wake up from them in the evening feeling and looking like a zombie. She could only keep that up for so long before it messed her sleep schedule up which would then in turn affect her ability to be alert in class which made them all that much harder to get through.

When it was clear she couldn't keep that up she thought maybe she would occupy herself with working out. For awhile every day after she finished with her classes she would take a nice long jog. She would find herself running for hours and while it was a healthier way to cope Kurt and Brittany had gently urged her to take it easy. For one they didn't want her to overexert herself physically and for two, neither of them liked the idea of Santana out jogging alone in the evening. To quiet them Santana joined a gym so she could work out in a safely lit environment. And that actually really worked for a good chunk of time. She would work out after school and get some kind of mental and physical release there so that by the time she went home to the loft all of her frustration and discontent would be worked out, if temporarily. She wouldn't need to snap or bitch over small trivial things.

Yeah she still wasn't happy with her situation, sure she still dreaded waking up every day because she knew she was going to have to sit through several different classes that didn't excite or interest her creatively, and yeah she kind of felt a little dead inside about the fact that she had years of this to look forward to but she was handling it. Mostly.

And then one day she walked into the loft and found Brittany, clad in a sports bra and crazy tight workout leggings, bending over to do some elaborate stretch.

And it was then like some kind of spark went off in Santana's brain.

She had gone to Brittany and in a matter of seconds they were crashing to the floor in a tangle of limbs. Brittany had laughed into the kiss at first, taken by surprise, but the speed and urgency that Santana moved with made it known this wasn't going to be a fun silly playful roll in the hay. No, Santana needed something else. She needed fast and hard and dirty. She needed to smother Brittany in kisses, she needed her hands everywhere, she needed to feel in charge, she needed to feel Brittany fall apart for her. She needed to take Brittany's breath away.

And she did there in the middle of the loft in the late afternoon light. Santana had forgotten all about her planned session at the gym in order to take Brittany. It wasn't just once or twice either, it had turned into a heated little marathon that they only stopped when they heard Kurt on the other side of the sliding door searching for his keys. They had grabbed their clothes and whisked themselves away to their bedroom where they collapsed on top of the mattress.

''What was that?''

''I have no idea,'' Santana answered between pants. ''It wasn't like, too much was it?''

''No that was...you were…'' Brittany struggled to find the words through exhausted laughter. ''You were like one of those cute wind up toys that you crank and let go of, except you kept going and - wow. Wow-wow.''

''I just saw you and had to have you, that's all.''

''I hope you rehydrate after that if you plan to go to the gym tonight.''

Santana shook her head in the negative and propped herself up with one of her arms, hovering slightly over Brittany. ''Nah, no gym for me tonight. I think I rather get my cardio in right here with you.''

''Oh? Again?''

''Mmhm.''

And that was that.

It sort of became a common occurrence, or rather more like a new normal.

Every day Santana would go to class and go through the motions, take notes, pretend to care, do what she had to do, do what was required of her, but then, then she would come home, blood boiling, frustration running through her veins, aggravated beyond words, fired up. It was just a given that if Brittany was home before her (and Kurt was out which he usually was) that sex would take place almost immediately. The second Santana tossed her bag down she would need Brittany.

She needed Brittany on the coffee table and on the couch and against the kitchen sink and Kurt's desk and in the shower. She needed Brittany on her side and on top of her and on her knees.

She needed Brittany every which way.

It wasn't rough sex exactly but it was definitely more intense than their usual lovemaking. Either way however it went down or where ever it went down it was inevitable that they would end up sweaty, sore and sated and gasping for air. And afterwards, Santana would be able to exhale with a kind of relief, with release she found just a little bit of peace, a little bit of comfort, but also a feeling of control. Even if it was just momentary.

Every day she went to class and felt like she was selling her soul but touching Brittany was her way of forgetting all of that. Touching something real was her way of bringing herself back. Everything else about her life was up in the air but this - sex - was something she knew how to do and knew how to do well.

And Brittany, well Brittany certainly didn't have a reason to complain.

On her own end Brittany was more than a little excited by Santana's sudden fixation on their sex life. It had always been lively and interesting between them but now it was like Santana had some laser beam focus on achieving as many orgasms as humanly possible. And Santana certainly gave as good as she got, in fact Brittany often felt that if anything Santana gave even _more_ than she got. It was almost like getting Brittany off in turn got Santana off.

It was like some insatiable switch had been turned on inside of Santana.

It was like Santana couldn't keep her hands off of her and it didn't matter if Brittany was folding laundry or talking to her mom on the phone or trying to make dinner, when Santana gave her that look she just knew headboards would be banging soon. Anything and everything would be dropped in favor of each other.

Brittany became Santana's favorite stress relief after a long day of classes. They would bang their way across the loft until Santana tired herself out and they both collapsed, spent and sleepy.

There were a few times Kurt had caught them in the act but it appeared that he was preoccupied with his own work or love life to make a big stink or scene about it. Nowadays he barely even reacted when he, say, found Santana's bra on the kitchen table or accidentally caught a glance at Brittany's bare bottom as she made a run for it after being caught in the act. Kurt had become downright blase about it.

The sex had always been hot but things had definitely went up a few degrees.

There was one especially steamy night Brittany recalled when weeks later the three of them finally agreed they should have a party at the loft to celebrate surviving their first few months in the city. The plan was for all of them to invite a handful of people they had met through work or school for a little dinner, wine and Drag Race. It was nothing too elaborate, just a small quiet get together where they could all mingle with each other's new friends.

Kurt had brought several stuffy people from Vogue who were polite enough but eyed the loft as if it were some archaic art exhibit with its exposed brick walls and eclectic furniture. They seemed to be treating the excursion as a sort of trip to the zoo to see how the lesser thans lived. All they did was sip their drinks and squawk about fashion and the office and go on and on about how something called 'thong jeans' were going to be the next big trend of the season.

Brittany on the other hand had invited a couple of dancer friends she had made. In comparison to Kurt's coworkers they were a lot more relaxed and friendly and approached Santana with ease once they were ushered inside. Brittany made introductions as she took her classmates coats.

''So this is _the_ Santana huh?'' a statuesque redhead who Brittany had introduced as Alison extended her hand to Santana. ''I've heard so much about you.''

''All horrible things I hope,'' Santana said with a chuckle.

''Are you kidding?'' said another dancer, a wiry yet dark and dashing man named Ezra. ''This one...'' he motioned to Brittany. ''Never stops going on about how wonderful you are.''

''And I wish she would,'' Alison laughed. ''All I ever hear about is how she gets to go home to the best girlfriend in the world, meanwhile I get to go home alone to my cat.''

''Yeah well…'' Santana nodded along at the compliments. ''That's me. It's nice to put some faces to the names though, Brittany's talks about you two whenever I ask her about class.''

''Cassandra July can be a brutal instructor,'' Ezra admitted. ''But it's a little easier to survive her class when you have a couple of other people in your corner. The three of us keep each other sane when Cassie goes on an especially savage tirade.''

''Come to think of it.'' Alison pointed a finger in Brittany's direction. ''It's Brittany here who's kind of become the leader of our little rag tag trio.''

''Has she?'' Santana pulled Brittany into her side affectionately.

''Oh yeah,'' Ezra went on. ''Like, she's definitely the one who calls the shots and gets our head right when Alison and I feel like we've already been pushed to the limit.''

''It also doesn't hurt to be friends with one of the best dancers in that school,'' Alison added. ''Your girlfriend is crazy talented.''

''She is.'' Santana placed a chaste kiss on Brittany's lips before turning to their guests. ''Well I'm glad you could come. Any friend of Brittany's is a friend of mine. The show hasn't started yet so why don't you two make yourselves comfortable in the sitting area while Britt and I get you some drinks?''

''Relax, mingle, help yourselves to the snacks on the coffee table,'' Brittany added to the pair. ''And if someone asks your opinion on thong jeans, just, like, go with it.''

Alison and Ezra nodded and began to drift off towards the seating space to mingle with Kurt and his coworkers. Brittany and Santana went and made themselves busy in the kitchen. Brittany pulled out several wine glasses and a serving tray while Santana decided on a bottle.

''They're nice,'' Santana said kindly.

''They're pretty cool people.'' Brittany beamed, proud of her new friendships. ''Like Alison and I are totally working on this plan to play matchmaker for LT and her cat, Missy, because we both want grandkittens. And Ezra and I have made a pact that when we're both 30 we're each going to get a tattoo that says 'Britney Spears is my Lord & Savior' because other than myself he is the biggest Britney fan I have ever met.''

''They really seem to love you.''

Brittany shrugged in a sort of dismissive way.

Santana wasn't going to let her downplay it. ''They said that you were the leader in your little group.''

''I guess.''

''You're like their own dancing queen bee.''

''Not really.''

''You are and hey, you should be proud of that.'' Santana bumped her hip against Brittany's in playful encouragement. ''Britt, you're shining out there and it makes me happy to see that other people can see that too.''

'' _It is kind of cool_ ,'' Brittany admitted with a bit of reluctance and a grin bloomed on her face. ''They're not ass kissers or anything but, they do look to me in a weird way. It's different.''

''How so?''

''Like in high school Quinn ran the show in the beginning and you and I just kind of followed in her footsteps, then then for awhile it felt like you were the leader...and I guess I got used to that. I got used to looking to you or Quinn to lead the way. But at NYADA and in that class...that person is me now.''

''You deserve it, babe.''

Santana pulled out a bottle opener and Brittany watched as she toyed with the thing uselessly, unsure of how to place it. Santana wasn't very handy when it came to things like this. Brittany smiled at her adorable girlfriend for a few moments before gently taking the bottle and the opener from her and in a swift little move, popping it with finesse. She started to fill glasses and Santana was quick to claim the first one as her own.

''So who did you invite tonight?'' Brittany asked as she continued to pour.

''Hm?'' Santana played dumb with a mouthful of wine.

''Tonight. Who did you invite? You never talk about school or your classmates. I want to meet some of the new people in your life, plus I totally want to know how much you brag about me.''

''I could brag about you all day.''

Brittany glanced at the clock on the kitchen wall. ''Maybe you should call your friends then and make sure they're okay. If they're not here already maybe they got lost on the way or something. I live here and I still totally do sometimes.''

''Yeah I don't think so.''

''Why?''

Santana winced and shirked away from Brittany. She was suddenly fascinated with Kurt's teacup collection. ''Because I didn't ask anyone over tonight.''

''What?'' Brittany stopped pouring and held the wine bottle in both of her hands.

Santana frowned and took a long sip. ''I hate my classes and from the second I walk into each of them I'm counting down the minutes until I can leave. I didn't want to ask anyone over who would just remind me of how much I dread that place. And anyways I'm not even friendly with anyone there. Not like you are with your dance peeps or Kurt is with his fellow Vogue gays.''

''It can't be that horrible. There has to be some cool people there.''

''Maybe. I wouldn't know. I don't really talk to anyone in my classes if I can help it.''

''You're telling me you don't have any friends in any of your classes?''

''There's a girl I sit next to sometimes that wears some serious shoes. Last week I told her I liked her red bottoms.''

''Why were you talking to her about butts?''

''No, Britt. Louboutins have actual red soles painted on. Red bottoms. It's a shoe thing.''

Brittany blinked. ''Okay, so wait. You're telling me that the most meaningful interaction you've had in any of your classes was about, what, shoes?''

''So?'' Santana sounded defensive. ''I'm not interested in any of my classes okay and I sure as hell don't give a crap about the people I take them with. Why should I? I have you and Kurt and…'' She moved back towards Brittany, took the bottle of wine from her and placed it on the table in order to pull Brittany's hands up and around her neck in an embrace. ''Come on. Who cares? We have plenty of people here to have a good time alright? Now let's pour the rest of the glasses and go enjoy ourselves okay?''

Brittany melted when Santana got all up close and cuddly-like like that and she didn't have it in her at the time to explain that it wasn't about needing more bodies for a bigger party. Brittany had wanted Santana to bring people so that she could get a sense of how Santana was taking to school and adjusting to everything. She wanted to meet the people Santana had to work alongside week after week because Santana so seldomly shared anything about that part of her life with Brittany anymore. She had hoped to get a glimpse of it even if it had to be through a third party.

Santana not caring enough to invite anyone when that was the whole point of the evening made Brittany feel like her girlfriend was hiding something.

What, she wasn't sure of.

They eventually walked out of the kitchen with drinks for everyone and began the festivities.

Drag Race Season 7, it turned out, was more enjoyable to watch with a bigger crowd. There was something electric in the air when you had a room full of people focused intently on the outcome, it made every challenge and every critique and every lip sync so much more dramatic. There were shouts and cries and gasps from everyone in the room. It was like watching an opera. Except with tongue pops and occasional twerking.

Everyone looked like they were having a blast though Brittany noticed how Santana was quiet for most of the evening and tended to sink into the background. She mostly sat back and watched Kurt and Brittany hold court during commercial breaks when there were bursts of conversations. It was their group of friends after all. Every so often she would send Brittany a smile or wink when someone seemed especially interested in asking Brittany questions about dancing or her goals after NYADA.

By the end of the show things had gotten lively in the loft. Everyone was feeling good and loose and comfortable, so comfortable that someone had turned on some music to chill to. Everyone was sitting around holding various conversations and a couple of people had even hopped up to sloppy dance in the middle of the room much to the rest of the group's amusement. Brittany was watching Kurt do his one shoulder shimmy dance move when she realized Santana had disappeared somewhere.

While the others continued to entertain themselves Brittany slipped away. Dancing was fun, but dancing with her girlfriend was the best and she wanted to show everyone up with Santana.

She checked the kitchen and bathroom, then their bedroom and even Kurts. She was nowhere and Brittany was stumped for a few moments until she remembered how LT had gotten outside last week when someone left the window to their fire escape open. She circled back to their bedroom and went to the window which was cracked open with a book. She pushed it up and poked her head out and it was there on the fire escape that she saw Santana standing at a railing, her hands dangling over the side as she nursed a mixed drink in a party cup.

''What are you doing out here?'' Brittany pushed the window up and crawled through to join her outside.

''Nothing. Getting air. How's it going inside?''

''Everyone's still having a good time in there. I think I even heard someone say charades-''

Santana laughed and discarded her drink. ''Gross. Then it's a good thing I made my escape when I did.''

''I was missing you.''

''Yeah?''

''I'm sorry if everyone else has monopolized my time tonight. It just sort of happened. Being a host is fun but like, work.''

''No,'' Santana hushed her. ''Don't be. Everyone loves you. As they should. Anyway I liked watching you dazzle everyone.''

''Still I kind of feel like I've been neglecting you.''

Santana rubbed at her chin as if she were a cartoon character in thought. ''Hmmmm, I guess you'll have to find some way to make it up to me.''

''Oh yeah? Hmmm.'' Brittany hummed and played along. ''I wonder how.''

''I'm sure you can think of something.''

Brittany pulled Santana to her and placed a single warm kiss on her lips that left her humming. ''Tell you what then. As soon as everyone leaves I'll take you to bed and make sure to give you _all_ of my undivided attention. How does that sound?''

''Sounds nice, _although_ I don't know…''

''Don't know what?''

''I don't know if I can wait till then.''

Santana tossed a nod to the window, indicating the party still going on inside. Brittany peeked in and could see just beyond the curtains, past the bedroom and straight into the living area. There was movement and laughter taking place inside and it didn't look like it was going to die down any time soon. With all of the extra bodies the loft was buzzing with energy and people.

''I mean who knows when this viewing party will end,'' Santana sighed with mock devastation.

Brittany put two and two together quickly. She knew what Santana was playing at. ''Here?'' she asked and looked around at the sky, not to mention the surrounding buildings several of which had signs of life. ''On the fire escape?''

''Why not?'' Santana gently nudged Brittany backwards until her rear came up against an opposite railing.

Brittany licked her lips. She didn't exactly have a reason to deny her girlfriend, especially since her girlfriend had such a super sexy hungry look in her eyes. Brittany always thought it was so hot when Santana got all take-chargey.

''I love this dress you're wearing.''

''I know.'' Brittany wore it for that fact alone. It was a simple but fashionable little black number that showed off her legs, long and lean and defined. Santana never failed to go nuts for them when they were on display. She had apparently been driving her nuts the entire evening having to watch Brittany from afar. Now that they were alone and away from the guests Santana looked ready to pounce.

''I love how high it is,'' Santana's voice went even more raspy. ''I especially love watching you sit in it. The way you cross your legs. Mm. How it creeps up your thighs.'' The hand on her hip moved and Santana's fingers began to dance up those very thighs until she reached the tiny piece of fabric she was in search of. With a smoothness Santana slid a finger inside, hooking Brittany's panties and gently pulled them down.

Brittany shivered a bit and then almost as if it was a reflex, she parted her legs, inviting Santana to step between them further.

''You're already wet,'' Santana said in that cocky way of hers.

''Shut up.''

Santana started running kisses up and down Brittany's pale neck. ''Now is that any way for a hostess to talk to her dinner guest?''

''If you don't do something in the next two seconds I'm putting my panties back on and going back to the party.''

Santana laughed into Brittany's hair, clearly she didn't buy that for a second. Not with the way Brittany was vibrating with want.

''You're so going to pay for this later,'' Brittany said with a wicked stare.

''Oh I hope so.''

And then with a throaty little groan Santana sank into her. Brittany's breath hitched and she wrapped an arm around Santana's neck to keep herself steady as her girlfriend started working her fingers between their bodies.

''Is this what you needed?''

Brittany nodded and let out a faint squeak of pleasure.

''Uh uh yeah,'' Santana muttered, delighting and marvelling at just how easy it was for her to move in and out. Brittany had been more than ready. ''It's what I needed too.''

Brittany closed her eyes and all she could hear was the city around them and the sounds of Santana's heavy breathing in her ear with each small but focused thrust. Every once and awhile she could make out Santana mumbling sweet nothings but she could never quite hear them clearly. While Brittany couldn't make out the words exactly, she could on the other hand decipher something in Santana's voice. She heard all the usual stuff, the lust and want of course, but there was something else there underneath that. Something that sounded almost desperate.

It was hard to dwell on that though when Brittany came shuttering against Santana who held her as those pleasurable waves rolled through her body. When she opened her eyes Santana was standing there, a look of peace and calm had since washed over her features.

After a few moments Brittany caught her breath and started to gather herself, making sure her hair and dress were presentable. ''...when we go to bed tonight, it's your turn but, we should get back to the party. Everyone's probably wondering where we went off too.''

''Yuh-yeah,'' Santana said and shook her head as if coming out of a daze.

Brittany studied her. ''You okay?''

''Me? What-yeah. I'm more than fine…'' Santana swallowed. ''I just, I wish I could stay inside of you forever, Britt.''

It went on like that for awhile for several weeks. Near constant lovemaking.

Every time Brittany asked what had gotten into her, Santana would chalk it up to being really excited about being together out and open in New York. They were young and they were hot, why shouldn't they be doing it every chance they got Santana would say to her. Brittany didn't really question it too much, Santana made a lot of sense. Plus all the orgasms tended to make her brain a little foggy.

As far as she was concerned they were living the dream together.

X

''Did you get the package I sent?''

It was several days later and Kurt was pacing around his bedroom on the phone, dancing with a sort of delight and eagerness as he spoke to Blaine.

The distance was definitely tough but Kurt was nothing if not determined to make the effort. They had touched base a few times within the past week but were still continually just missing each other here and there with their schedules so out of sync.

Luckily Santana's gesture of giving him a bountiful breakfast had given Kurt an idea.

He was getting so wrapped up in his life here, seeing and exploring so many new things and the person he wanted to share it with was so far away. If Blaine couldn't be in New York just yet then Kurt was going to bring New York to Blaine.

It took him awhile but Kurt had constructed the most perfect care package. In it he had stuffed it with a few fun tiny trinkets, like a Statue of Liberty keychain, a toy Taxi and even one of those I HEART NY t-shirts that he knew Blaine wouldn't be caught dead in but it was the thought that counted Kurt figured. He had also sent along a map of the city and drawn on it, highlighting all of Kurt's favorite places and neighborhoods he had discovered since arriving. He couldn't walk them with Blaine just yet but this was his promise that one day soon, they would. He even sent along a box of cronuts. Overnight shipping be damned. But the best part of the box of course, Kurt thought, was what was inside the single envelope buried at the bottom.

A ticket.

''Yes, I got it,'' Blaine chuckled. ''The cronuts were delicious by the way.''

''Yeah yeah, who cares about the cronuts?'' Kurt squealed. ''Did you find the ticket?''

''I did and Kurt...I don't know what to say.''

''Say you'll come?''

''Of course I'll come. I already talked to my parents and worked it out. It'll be amazing.''

''I want you to know that even though it seems like I'm hardly ever around, you're always on my mind. I've gotten carried away with my life here, but you're still a part of that. A part of me. You know that right?''

''I do,'' Blaine said faintly.

''One day we're going to walk to all of those places I marked on that map together.''

''I miss you so much.''

''Me too. But in three weeks time you'll be here and we'll have three solid days together.''

''Thank you and again, I can't wait.''

Kurt was beaming. A visit wasn't going to solve everything but it was a start, they just needed to touch base with each other again and be reminded of what they had and what they working towards.

''Okay I hate to scram but I have to, I have food in the oven that needs my attention but I'll be thinking of you tonight.''

''Okay, text me later.''

''Will do. Love you.''

''I love you too, Kurt. No matter what.''

Kurt did a happy little hop as he ended the call before twirling himself around and jogging towards the kitchen. He grabbed a glove and popped open the oven to pull out a pizza. It was just the perfect amount of crispy he decided as he placed it on the table top. He picked off a piece of pepperoni and tossed it into his mouth. He had just finished going at it with a pizza slicer when Santana and Brittany arrived home from their respective day.

''That smells delish.'' Brittany was practically drooling at the cheesy goodness. ''I'm gonna hop in the shower. Save me like the biggest slice will you?''

''I got you covered,'' Kurt said as he watched her skip off. Since becoming roommates he'd learned that after especially long dance sessions Brittany could and would eat like a footballer. He was always happy to make her a huge plate that would be ready and waiting for her after she got cleaned up in the bathroom.

Once Brittany had toddled off it was just Santana there standing with him.

''I have a surprise for you,'' he announced grabbing a small basket with a cloth over it from the table and handing it off to her.

Santana took it and peeked underneath the covering. ''Is this what I think it is?''

''Homemade breadstick.''

Santana let out a long throaty moan that Kurt usually only heard from across the loft when Santana and Brittany were having their 'special time' together. ''Ah hell yeah,'' she said, grabbing one and tearing into it with relish.

''Good?''

Santana grunted in approval as if she were a cavewoman. Kurt made to take one himself but Santana just swatted his hand away. He watched her walk away with the basket and fall back onto the couch as she continued to chew. ''So what do you want?'' she asked.

''Who said I want anything?'' he laughed weakly. ''It's Drag Race night and I was heating up pizza for dinner and I thought you'd love a little something that reminded you of home. I know you miss Breadstix.''

''I know your squirrely little face, Kurt. You're not fooling me, mmm, fuck these breadsticks are legit.''

''Okay,'' he said because the matter needed to be dealt with sooner or later. Best to do it while she was distracted by her favorite carby snack. ''So there is something. In a couple weeks Blaine is going to visit and he's going to be staying here and I want to make sure that when he gets here we won't have a situation on our hands.''

''What do you mean by that?'' Santana asked and stuffed another piece of bread into her mouth.

''I mean I'd like it if when he went back to Lima he was still in one piece.''

''What?'' she scoffed with her mouth full.

''I'm just asking you to put your differences aside for one weekend so he and I can actually get some quality time together.''

''Hey I can be on my best behavior. You just tell him to keep his greasy troll ass away from me and to not talk to me unless it's completely necessary.''

''What does that mean exactly?''

''It means I'll sit at a dinner table with him but that doesn't mean I'm gonna talk to him or even look at him.''

Kurt exhaled in defeat. This. But considering it was Santana he was dealing with, he could work with it. ''Fine. That's good enough for me. Just no confrontations please?''

Santana continued to eat and just waved him off so she could munch in peace. She was on her fourth stick when her phone began ringing.

''Hello,'' she said with her mouth half full.

''Santana.''

''Mom, heyyyyyy.''

''I'm not calling you at a bad time am I?''

Santana sat up and dusted herself off, tossing her basket of breadsticks onto the coffee table. She left Kurt to finish up in the kitchen and bypassed him on her way to her and Brittany's bedroom.

''No, no, not at all,'' Santana answered. ''What's going on?''

''Nothing,'' her mother, Maribel, laughed warmly. ''I just wanted to hear my baby's voice and check up on you. Other than your Facebook statuses I haven't really heard much from you in the last few weeks.''

''I….I've just been busy.'' Santana stammered as she walked in short tight circles. ''With school. Some of my classes are really intense.''

Maribel let out a soft sympathetic sound. ''I'm sorry to hear that. You've been taking care of yourself though, yes?''

''Yeah, yeah. I'm sorry I haven't called in awhile. After I finish my classes and drag myself home and get to my homework, most nights I just want to turn my brain off.''

''I know you're working very hard and what you're doing with your life now isn't what you planned but your father and I are very proud of you, and the choices you've made...''

Santana found herself looking at her reflection in the mirror above her and Brittany's dresser. She couldn't say the same, unfortunately. She was making her parents proud but she wasn't exactly feeling any sense of pride in herself or her choices.

Being a Lopez meant being successful, and this was the only way her parents thought that was possible. Going to school and getting a 'real' education was the most logical thing to do but each day Santana couldn't help but feel a little more empty and lost. She didn't give a shit about learning what the hell civil procedure was, or the ins and outs of the constitution, she wasn't interesting in debating legal methods. All of those things existed for a reason and had a purpose in this world. But her purpose, she knew deep inside, wasn't to examine or enforce them. She didn't care about law. It didn't set her soul on fire. It didn't live in her veins, not like song did.

Not like song _had_ more like.

Because as the days had gone on, as the classes and the curriculum began to wear her down she felt like she was losing herself. Her real self.

And worst of all it felt like she couldn't admit defeat. She couldn't tell Brittany or Kurt, and she certainly couldn't tell her parents. So she went through the motions as best she could. Because another thing Lopez's did was suffer in silence.

''Life is great though,'' Santana lied to her mother on the other end of the phone. ''Columbia is great, mommy. You and dad were right, it's where I should be.''

X

''Cassandra July hates me,'' sighed Rachel.

''Cassandra July loves me,'' laughed Brittany.

It was after hours and Brittany and Rachel were sitting around and catching their breath in Ms. July's empty dance studio.

Rachel, who had been accepted into NYADA alongside Kurt and Brittany, had been struggling to keep up in dance and it didn't help that her teacher, Cassandra July, had it out for her. Determined to prove her ability Rachel had asked Brittany for some extra help so for the past month at least a couple times a week Brittany would stay late to help Rachel with her moves.

It was a strange turn of events because Rachel had only ever excelled in the classroom and Brittany had only ever struggled but now the tables had inexplicably turned. Brittany had to admit it took awhile for her to come around to the girl but now that she had, it did feel nice that Rachel was looking to her for help and guidance. It meant that Rachel considered her to be more knowledgeable in the matter. It felt good.

''For real though you need to stop caring about what other people think of you,'' Brittany continued in a more serious tone once the two had finished up and sat down to have a chat. ''Who cares if Cassandra July hates you, okay? All you need to worry about is getting her to respect you.''

''Yeah I don't see her respecting me any time soon,'' Rachel said.

''Yeah well why would she when every time you open your mouth in class is to talk back and challenge her.''

''I challenge her because she has a horrible attitude.''

Brittany rolled her eyes. ''Uh yeah, she's a total mega bitch...and that's coming from me and we all know who my girlfriend is but Cassandra also _knows her stuff_. Look the only way to show her up and get her off your back is to be better, so put in the work and be better.''

Rachel frowned and began to dig in a nearby gym bag. She pulled out a bottle of water and took a weirdly aggressive sip before tossing it back down with force like a petulant child. ''I shouldn't have to be better just for her to respect me. At McKinley when we were in Glee club Mr. Schue would never-''

''Rachel, this isn't McKinley and Cassandra July isn't Mr. Schue, this is New York.''

''I get that.''

''Do you?''

''I certainly didn't come to New York expecting everything to be handed to me but…'' Rachel stammered off into silence as a quiet kind of sadness washed over her features. ''I guess I didn't expect to have to work this hard either.''

Brittany nodded supportively.

Rachel waved a hand around, as if trying to shoo away her own self pity. ''I'm sorry. I shouldn't be telling you this. I asked you for your dancing expertise not for a therapy session.''

''It's fine.''

''No, it's not,'' Rachel said. ''I really appreciate what you're doing. Taking the time to help me and all.''

''It feels good,'' Brittany admitted with a proud glimmer. ''Being the one that's able to help. I'm usually on the other side of it. Besides...I think you and I, like, might be turning into friends.''

Rachel's eyes lit up with mirth. ''Really? You'd call us that.''

''Sort of.''

Rachel made like she was about to hug Brittany but Brittany just chuckled and shut that down, holding a hand up to halt the other girl.

''We're friends, but we need to work up to physical contact,'' Brittany laughed.

Rachel took it on the chin. She still looked pleased and smug that they had at the very least achieved friend status. ''We'll work up to hugs.''

''I know we were never all that close in high school but I'm glad you're here,'' Brittany admitted. ''Like I totally have Santana and Kurt, but it is kind of nice having another familiar face around too.''

''Sometimes I must admit I'm a tad jealous of the three of you. Don't get me wrong I enjoy my space and having my own apartment is a luxury I'm thankful for but it would be comforting to go home to a roommate, a friend. I feel like I'm missing out on the hijinks that come with cohabitation.''

''One of these days you should come hang out with us then,'' Brittany offered. ''We have our weekly Drag Race night which you're always welcome to. Price of admission is a bottle of wine.''

''Really?''

''Sure.''

Rachel beamed, touched. ''I've never watched Drag Race but one of these days I may just take you up on that invitation.''

''Take her up on what invitation?''

Rachel and Brittany turned their attention to the doorway where they found Santana standing confidently. With a smile she started sauntering in their direction. Brittany scrambled up to greet her with a peck on the lips.

''Brittany here just invited me to join you on your next viewing of something called Drag Race,'' Rachel explained.

''Did she now?'' Santana asked.

''Be nice,'' Brittany urged.

''What, I am nice,'' Santana insisted. ''Rachel and I are cool now. We worked our stuff out during senior year. Right Berry?''

''Absolutely.'' Rachel stood up to join them. ''You know what, if anything I should be thanking you, Santana. I've been occupying a lot of Brittany's free time. Your girlfriend has been working really hard making sure I'm keeping up in dance class. Brittany's incredibly talented not to mention bizarrely flexible.''

''Oh believe me I know,'' Santana sassed.

''Right well I think I'm going to head out now.'' Rachel made a show of looking at her wristwatch. ''I need to get home and get cleaned up, I'm exhausted. By bathtub is calling to me. I'll catch you tomorrow, Brittany. Santana.''

Rachel grabbed her bag and wrapped a towel around her neck and then made her exit from the studio. The sun was slowly setting and it left the room dimly lit. It was definitely getting late in the evening.

''So,'' Santana started as she looked up and around, absorbing the space. The large open area, the tall mirrors, the bars, the gorgeous wood. It was an interesting room and the low light added a sort of serene ambiance to it. ''This is where it all happens huh?''

''Yeah.''

''You always talk about this place but this was so far away from what I pictured it to be.'' Santana turned in place, marveling at the chandeliers above them. ''It's huge, it's...beautiful.''

''You think so?''

Santana didn't answer, instead she went to look out and admire the many windows lining the room. She looked taken.

''I'll be ready to go in a minute,'' Brittany said looking around. She had a couple of towels, a hoodie and an extra pair of shoes to pack up before she could leave.

Santana however had other ideas when she stopped studying the room and came up behind Brittany, wrapping her arms around her waist and burying her nose in Brittany's neck, inhaling her.

''I stink,'' Brittany laughed lightly.

''No you don't. You smell like you,'' Santana assured her and placed a kiss against her slightly damp skin.

''What are you doing?'' Brittany laughed again.

''Nothing,'' Santana said. ''You just look really hot that's all.''

''I'm gross right now, baby.''

''No you're not.'' Santana pulled her head back to examine Brittany and her body. She was wearing grey tights that hugged every inch of her bottom half including her crazy cute butt. And on top Brittany wore nothing but a simple black sports bra. On anyone else it might've been typical but on Brittany, it was something else. Santana reached around to run a fingertip across her girlfriend's abs. ''Definitely not.''

''Santana…''

''What?'' Santana asked innocently as her hands started to touch in some not so innocent places.

''People use this studio all the time.''

''So.''

''Someone could walk in.''

Santana looked around. ''The place looks plenty empty to me.''

''We shouldn't,'' Brittany groaned. She was conflicted. One of Santana's roaming hands had found its way underneath her bra and had begun to massage one of her breasts while Santana's other hand rested flat across Brittany's stomach. It felt good, too good.

''When I walked in and saw you looking all tight and toned and sweaty I just wanted to take a bite out of you.'' Santana spoke as she trailed kisses on top of Brittany's exposed shoulder now, almost humming against her skin.

''Yeah?''

''You look so damn yummy.''

With a tiny burst of self restraint Brittany turned around, inadvertently pulling Santana's hand out from her bra.

Brittany bit down on her bottom lip as she weighed her options. On one hand while Cassandra July did not have it out for Brittany the way she had it out for Rachel, Brittany knew Cassandra would not take to kindly if she found out her precious studio had been violated in such a way by one of her students. On the other hand, orgasms.

It was a tough choice and she knew there was tiny bit of risk involved, but maybe that was part of it. Brittany chose orgasms.

It was quick and a little sloppy but it was also wildly hot as Santana took her in front of one of the giant mirrors within the studio. It was a turn on to watch their reflections shutter and grind. In the end they were both a mess and Brittany was at a loss for words as Santana moved in an almost frenzy. When she wasn't drowning Brittany in kisses she was speaking heatedly in her ear about how she wanted Brittany to remember this, to think about this every time she walked into class, every time she danced across the floor, every time she practiced at a bar, she wanted Brittany to remember this here always she said.

After that they had made a blanket of their clothing on the floor and collapsed onto it in a messy heap together. Santana still insisted on being in charge. In being on top. It was like something overtook her and she needed to lose herself or find herself in Brittany and didn't want to stop until she did one or the other.

''Wait,'' Santana whispered after some time, halting her movements. Her voice deep was deep as she pulled back slightly.

''Wuh-don't stop.''

''Don't worry, I'm not. But I want you to put this leg up. Over my shoulder.''

Santana stroked and guided one of Brittany's smooth legs up and hooked it over herself, affording her the most delicious, obscene view.

''Is this okay?'' Santana asked, because as spirited as things got she always made sure Brittany was comfortable and okay with whatever they were doing.

Brittany nodded as Santana wiped a sweaty blond tendril of hair away from her face. ''Keep going.''

''Oh I will.'' Santana resumed touching her girlfriend, first gently and softly before slowly building up in speed and finding her rhythm again. ''I love seeing you like this.''

Brittany could barely speak properly. ''Luh-like wha?''

Santana answered by leaning down and placing a searing kiss against her lips.

And after when they had both finished Brittany was the first to move. Or it was more like Brittany was the first to attempt to move. Santana was gently laying on top of her, essentially trapping her in place.

They couldn't really just lounge around exposed in the middle of the school, what they had done was risky enough. What they needed to do was throw on some clothes and head home but Santana...Santana looked like she was somewhere else. On top of Brittany and still inside of Brittany she had closed her eyes and looked like she was a million miles away.

''Hey,'' Brittany said and brought a hand up to cup her cheek. ''Everything okay?''

''Huh?'' Santana blinked hard once before opening her eyes which were slightly dazed and watery.

''Are you okay?''

Santana forced a satisfied smirk. ''Of course I'm okay. I just came like super hard.''

''No I know but….for a second there you just...you looked…''

''What?''

''You looked sad.''

Santana took a gulp of air and slowly and carefully pulled away from Brittany. ''I'm just tired. That was hot.'' It was then that it looked like Santana shook herself alert. She made to grab for both of their clothes and handed Brittany's off to her. ''We should get dressed and get out of here.''

Brittany studied Santana's face in concern. ''Yeah we should,'' she said absentmindedly.

Brittany knew her girlfriend in and out and it was the first time since they had gotten to New York that Brittany had seen a flash of something that looked like despair.

Maybe it was possible for Santana to hide that throughout her day, over breakfast and during Drag Race, but she couldn't hide it here and now when her face was bare and open and reveling in the aftermath of their lovemaking. Santana couldn't hide that something was definitely wrong when she was in her most exposed, vulnerable state. Maybe it was something to do with the time of day, or perhaps it was something to do with being in that huge open room filled with wonder and dreams.

Brittany didn't know what it was exactly, but she saw that something somewhere was hurting Santana's heart.

''You coming?'' Santana asked. She was fully dressed while Brittany was still sitting, holding her clothes to her front. ''Come on.''

She held her hand out and took it, pulling Brittany up. Santana's perfect mask was back in place, perfectly hidden and whatever sadness Brittany had witnessed was now pushed back and down under the surface. Santana helped Brittany get dressed and then gather her things into her gym bag. Hand in hand they walked out but instead of dwelling on the amazing orgasms they had just had or how passionate her girlfriend had been during their lovemaking, all Brittany could think about was the hollowness she had seen and heard in Santana.

She wasn't sure how but as she tightened her grip and pulled Santana's hand up to kiss the back of her palm, Brittany told herself she was going to figure it out. Even if it was on her own, after all it was the great poet Katya Zamolodchikova who once said _'the key to a swollen vagina is courage_ '.

And Brittany had finally felt like she had found hers in New York.

Courage that is. Not a swollen vagina.

X

X

X

X

 **A/N: okay this is a weird chapter and I hope people don't hate it. We kind of time-jumped a bit but I felt it was needed. I also wanted to go against expectation and not make everyone's transition to NY a happy smooth one. Kurt and Santana are being challenged in different ways. They built NY up in their heads thinking that it would be smooth sailing as soon as they got there. But that's just not how adulthood works. I also thought it would be interesting to in turn show that out of the three of them, Brittany was the one adjusting the best and finding her groove. Again I wanted to go against the grain. I thought it would be different and refreshing to see Brittany bursting with confidence in herself.**

 **As far as Brittany and Santana's relationship, I'm doing something really specific with this storyline here. It makes sense in my head and hopefully as we go further in it will to you the readers as well. If you have a hunch about what I'm trying to convey with their story here I'd love to hear it in a review!**

 **Also before anyone jumps down my throat and calls me a hater I'm a Trixie fan and a Shangela lol. I love Trixie and I'm not trying to like disparage her in any way but Santana's right. Shangela is the Beyonce of Drag Race and Trixie is the Taylor Swift. It's true and Santana should say it!**


	12. Chapter 12

For the next few weeks Brittany simply waited and observed in the hopes that she could figure out why her girlfriend was acting so strange and emotionally distant while at the same time becoming increasingly more sexually needy with her.

It was difficult trying to fit all of the puzzle pieces together but Brittany had to admit all the orgasms they had in the meantime weren't exactly a chore to get through.

Their sex fests had gotten more intense and more frequent. It was hard to find a moment to broach the subject when Santana was taking her up against a wall in a steam filled shower or slipping her hand under Brittany's skirt when they were in the audience watching Kurt perform in some school showcase. It was like every time Brittany even thought about bringing up the matter Santana would choose that moment to pounce. And then there were the instances where it was Brittany's turn and well, when Brittany found herself between Santana's legs she had other things on her mind. Delicious, tasty things.

It was hard to say no when Santana looked at her like that, so hungrily, passionately, as if Brittany was the center of her entire universe.

Whatever was going on with Santana would have to wait a little bit longer though she realized when Blaine came to visit the loft and everything sort of went to hell.

It had all started off pleasantly enough with Blaine arriving, all smiles with a dozen roses in hand. He kissed Kurt in greeting like everything was perfectly normal. Despite Santana's very clear dislike of him, she had done a fairly good job of keeping herself in check. She was able to be in the same room with him, of course she still refused to make small talk or act chummy with him but out of respect for Kurt she wasn't openly hassling him. Really it was later on in the evening when they went to that ridiculous Callbacks place when their evening started to fall apart. Blaine had went up to perform a weirdly emotional and super sweaty cover of Teenage Dream.

It was cringey in like the bad way Brittany thought but she had forgotten about it mostly by the end of the night when they had all filtered out and began to stroll around a park. They had ambled a bit with Kurt and Blaine drifting off further ahead of them. Santana seemed simply happy to walk lazily with their arms linked and swinging between them.

''How come you didn't sing tonight?'' Brittany asked.

''I don't know,'' Santana sighed and looked off into the distance in avoidance. ''Callbacks isn't my scene, it's Kurts. I didn't want to step on any toes. And anyway I sure as hell wasn't going anywhere near that mic after Blaine went up there and covered it in his spittle and sweat.''

''It's been so long since I heard you sing. I miss it.''

''I just didn't have the energy.''

''You had the energy to do me on top of the dining table this morning.''

''Yeah well that's different,'' Santana laughed in defense. ''I'm always going to love singing but that was a pipe dream. I had to get serious about my life and school and my future.''

''So you're just never gonna sing?'' Brittany asked teasingly. ''Not even for fun?''

''Of course I'll sing again. At birthday parties and in the shower and midnight dance parties in the loft. I'm just mature enough to realize that not everyone was meant for superstardom. Besides one day I'm going to have all the power and money I can dream of. Once I have those things in my back pocket I'll sing you every song, okay?''

''Promise?''

Santana twirled Brittany out and then back into her arms. ''Promise,'' she said, sealing her vow with a peck on the lips.

''But listen,'' Brittany said as she and Santana began a half hearted slow dance through their path. ''I do have a surprise for you tonight.''

''Oh? What kind?''

''A romantical one. Kurt's been on and on about Blaine's visit and I know how much he's been missing him so, remember my friend Ezra? The dancer from NYADA I invited to the loft? Well he works at this swanky hotel and long story short he did me a solid and called in a couple of favors from his coworkers and scored us a room for the night.''

''A room?'' Santana asked as she dipped Brittany and pulled her back up.

''Well I figured Kurt and Blaine might appreciate having the loft to themselves, you know? Plus I thought you and I could maybe have a nice night just the two of us, alone.''

''Mm, I do love hotel sex.''

''Well obviously there will be plenty of that but…'' Brittany paused their playful dance. ''I thought we could also like talk and stuff too.''

'' _What the fuck?''_

''It's just that things have been a little weird lately and I want to make sure we're on the same page and-''

'' _No, Brittany, what the fuck?''_

Santana halted everything and nodded up ahead at Blaine and Kurt who looked like they were in the middle of a very emotional exchange. Kurt's eyes were all red and Blaine was well, just standing there. Santana's ''what the fucks'' hadn't been directed at Brittany but rather at the couple before them. Within seconds Santana was storming forward and interjecting herself into their conversation.

''What's going on?'' she asked.

Kurt's only response was to crumble his face up in anguish and turn away. Blaine meanwhile just stood frozen looking like a clueless fish with his mouth opening and shutting but with nothing really escaping his lips.

''Kurt?'' she tried again.

Kurt circled back, though not to answer Santana but to direct his furious words at Blaine. _''You don't think that I've been lonely? That I've had temptations? But I never acted on them because I knew what it meant! It meant something horrible and awful!''_

''I'm so sorry Kurt, I really am.'' Blaine sounded so very soft and yet also, so very hollow.

''You know what? I don't want to hear it,'' Kurt said with a fragile joyless laugh. ''And you're right, it doesn't matter who it was with. I just hope it was worth it.''

''Kurt!'' Blaine cried.

''No!''

With that Kurt gave Blaine a hurt, pitiful, disgusted expression and started walking ahead again. He left a clueless Blaine standing behind with Santana.

''What the hell happened?'' she asked and then realized she really didn't need an answer. At least not one from Blaine. Kurt's outburst made it all pretty evident something nasty had gone down. ''Better yet, no, never mind, why don't you save your bullshit for someone who's more likely to believe it.''

Blaine curled his upper lip up in annoyance. ''I get it, you don't like me. You've made that crystal clear since senior year but this time around I'm going to say to you what I couldn't say then. _Stay out of our goddamn business_.''

Santana laughed just as Brittany walked up to join them. ''Yeah, that's not going to happen.''

''What's going on?'' Brittany asked

''What's going on is Blaine here dipped his dick into some other Warbler, that's what's going on,'' Santana said, almost delighting in making Blaine seeth before her. ''To quote the one and only Jasmine Masters _'just as I thought, trash!'_ ''

The next couple of hours were strange to say the least as they all eventually made their way back to the loft. There was tension once they arrived, especially when it became clear that Blaine was under the impression that he would still be welcome in their space after his confession to Kurt.

It was a weird conversation to have considering that Kurt had opted out of it entirely and locked himself in the bathroom. This of course left Blaine and Santana going back and forth with each other as Brittany tried to referee.

''Yeah hell no, you're not staying here,'' Santana said, taking it upon herself to gather a few items of Blaine's clothing and stuff them into his bag. She zipped it up angrily and even did him a solid of rolling it towards the door for him.

''I'm not leaving, not until Kurt agrees to talk to me,'' Blaine huffed and took the handle of his bag and defiantily rolled it right back into Kurt's bedroom.

''Will you both just stop,'' Brittany hollered.

''No,'' Santana resisted. ''This is our loft, this is _Kurt's_ home and after what he just dropped in Kurt's lap he has no right or business demanding anything from anyone.'' She looked to Blaine with a shake of her head. ''He doesn't want to see you.''

''How do you know that?'' Blaine asked.

''Uhhhhhhh because he just locked himself up in the bathroom to avoid having to see your gross carb face,'' Santana sassed.

''Santana,'' Brittany said in warning.

''What?''

''Go to our bedroom,'' Brittany instructed. ''I get why you're doing what you're doing right now but you're not helping anything.''

''But Britt-''

''Just do it for me, please?'' Brittany's tone was slightly more commanding, which she usually only used during sexy times but.

Santana took a deep breath as she stared hard at Blaine. ''Fine, I'm going to bed. Just to be clear, Anderson, I don't want to see your face in the morning.''

Santana tossed one more stony glare at Blaine before heading back to her and Brittany's bedroom. Brittany waited a few silent moments before she exhaled and looked tiredly at Blaine who seemed relieved that she had gotten Santana to tap out of this argument.

''Thank you,'' he said. ''I appreciate you seeing my side of things. Believe me when I say I'm not here to purposely agitate Santana, I'm here for Kurt.''

''I understand but right now I think it's pretty safe to say that Kurt doesn't want you to be,'' Brittany said, trying her best to sound as neutral as possible.

''He's my boyfriend.''

''That you cheated on.''

Blaine winced at her words. ''It was a mistake, a very stupid and selfish mistake. The only reason I told him was because I want to make it right.''

''And maybe you can but not tonight. If Kurt cheated on you, would you want to share a bed with him right after he told you?'' Brittany asked. Blaine didn't have anything to say. ''That's what I thought. It might be a good idea for you to give him some space tonight and let him be. Forcing a conversation that he clearly doesn't want to continue isn't going to help your cause. I'm not saying you shouldn't fight for your relationship or whatever, but you need to give him time. I'm sure his heart is torn into a million pieces right now. Let him try to piece a few of them together tonight.''

Blaine bit the inside of his lip and nodded in acceptance. ''So what am I supposed to do? I mean where am I supposed to sleep?''

''Maybe if you call your parents they can help you book a hotel?''

''I'd really rather not have to make that phone call,'' Blaine sighed, for the first time that night he actually appeared somewhat ashamed. '' _Hey, mom and dad, I cheated on my boyfriend and got kicked out of his loft, can I have some money for a hotel so I don't have to sleep on the streets?_ ''

''I'd never make you sleep on the street but I do think it would be best if you found somewhere else to crash for the night.''

''I don't have anywhere else.''

Brittany inhaled and exhaled. ''As much as I hate what you did to Kurt, I'm going to help you.''

''You're a good friend.''

''Yeah well...just remember I was Kurt's friend first.''

With Kurt in such a vulnerable state it went without saying that Brittany's plans for a romantic night with Santana would have to be postponed, but that in turn did mean there was an empty hotel room in her name. It's not like they had a lot of other options.

In the end it was Brittany who helped Blaine gather his things and ride with him in the cab to the hotel. She went inside and talked to the front desk and even went up to the room with Blaine to make sure he got settled him. When he opened the door, he marvelled at the room which was done up with flowers and lit candles. Brittany frowned and went around blowing each of them out.

''You must have really been looking forward to this night with Santana,'' he said as he sat down on the very edge of the bed and picked up a single rose that had been placed there.

''We'll have other nights.''

''I'll pay you back for the room.''

''Yeah, just don't order any crazy room service and we're good.''

Blaine let out a stilted chuckle that turned into a sob. His shoulders bobbed up and down as tears finally poured out of him. Brittany stopped what she was doing and went to sit next to him.

''I don't know what I'm going to do if I lose him,'' Blaine cried. ''I can't, Brittany, I can't lose Kurt.''

''So...why did you do it then?'' she asked carefully.

Blaine sniffled. ''You wouldn't understand.''

''Why do you say that?''

''Because you're here in New York with your girlfriend. You have each other, you get to come home to each other, you don't have all of that distance keeping you apart. I felt so alone in Lima and I was scared. Scared that Kurt would get bored of me. He has this cool sophisticated life here in New York with you guys. I didn't see where I fit into all of that back in Lima. I just wanted to feel something.''

Brittany didn't know what to say to that, so she said nothing. They fell into a sad silence together and Brittany began to wonder when it would be an appropriate time to get up and leave. She was totally repulsed by what he had done to Kurt but at the same time she almost felt sorry for Blaine. Here he was with nothing and no one in the middle of the city. Granted it was his own actions that had gotten him there, but she still felt some small obligation to sit and hear him out.

''Could you forgive?'' he asked after a few minutes.

''Forgive you?''

''Santana. I mean...if she ever did what I did...would you ever be able to forgive her for it?''

Brittany digested his question, or tried to anyway. It didn't seem like Blaine was asking her this to be hurtful but rather out of his own genuine curiosity. It was a strange concept for her to consider. In all of the time they had been together, she had never entertained the idea. ''I've never really thought about it. Santana being with someone else. She and I...we're not...it would never...we're so-''

''Different?'' Blaine offered with a sigh.

''Well yeah. We are.''

''I used to think the same thing about Kurt and I. That our love was different. Stronger. Greater. Indestructible. But I guess when you get down to it, we're all just like everyone else.''

''Yeah well I would never have to forgive Santana, because Santana would never cheat on me to begin with.''

Blaine made his brows do a doubtful dance above his eyes. ''How are you so sure?''

''I just am. Maybe it's a cliche for everyone else but we _are_ different and we _are_ special. She would never, ever hurt me like that. If she was unhappy or frustrated or whatever she would tell me.''

''Before all of this I would've said the same thing.''

There was something about Blaine's words that made Brittany's stomach twist.

He had a point, everyone always wanted to believe their love was unlike any other love, but you could never really know for sure when it came down to it.

Brittany didn't have any hidden fears about Santana being unfaithful but the truth was, the truth even Blaine wasn't even aware of, was that there was something there going on with Santana underneath the surface. Something was swallowing all of her girlfriend's passion and joy up. Santana had been denying it of course but Brittany had a sixth sense - a Santana sense - and it had been tingling a lot lately.

Kurt and Blaine's relationship wasn't perfect and as much as it pained her to admit it to herself, neither was her relationship with Santana.

Maybe everyone had things they were hiding. Maybe every relationship had its secrets.

''He's the love of my life,'' Blaine said out of nowhere. ''And I think I just lost him.''

Brittany didn't have any encouragement or words of wisdom to offer, because what he had just said was a very real possibility and Brittany wasn't about to be his cheerleader and convince him otherwise. Instead she stood up. ''Get some rest, Blaine.''

She didn't say goodbye when she left.

X

''Say the word and I'll maim him...or like, shave his head.''

Back at the loft Santana had managed to talk Kurt out of the bathroom. The two of them were in his room. Kurt was still dressed and sprawled out onto his mattress staring dejectedly at the ceiling with glassy eyes as Santana sat nearby trying to think of ways to make him feel better.

''Better yet, I'll hire someone back in Lima to break into his house and shred every damn bow tie he owns,'' she tried again.

''I feel like I'm going to die.''

''Can you please not talk like that,'' she begged and reached out to rub his shoulder in support. ''He did you a favor.''

''A favor?'' Kurt's voice went up almost impossibly higher.

''Yeah a favor.''

Kurt sat up, confused. ''And how is that?''

''He showed you who he was. When someone shows you who they are you should believe them. And who he is, is a piece of trash. I knew it since senior year.''

''You sound awfully pleased with my situation.''

Santana flinched and softened. ''You think seeing you get hurt makes me happy? It doesn't. But at least you found out now instead of ten years down the line.''

''I don't know if I want to cry my eyes out or vomit my guts up. I feel sick.''

''Don't be, he's not worth it. He's never been worth it.''

''Can you not?''

''I'm just saying...it may suck right now but you're better off.''

''I don't feel better off. I mean, it's Blaine. He was...He was supposed to be the one. He was supposed to be it and now…'' Kurt sat up and the tears started up again. ''What if I never find anyone who will love me like that?''

''Love you like what?'' Santana asked. ''Like the time he pulled you into the back of your vehicle and kept _grabbing_ at you even when you said no, or the time he kept being best pals with that Sebastian guy even though all Sebastian ever did was insult you - love you like that?''

Kurt was quiet in response, it was hard to make any kind of defense for that.

''I know you can't see the other side to all of this right now, but you will. Contrary to what you believe I don't hate Blaine...I only hate the way he takes you for granted.''

Santana stood up and made her way over to the window in Kurt's room, she pulled open the curtains to reveal the life, light and movements outside.

''And you know what,'' she started. ''I'm not going to give you some bs about your soul mate being out there or you finding some great once in a lifetime love, because that's not real life. What Britt and I have, that's a rarity and I'm lucky as hell, but not everyone gets that, and that's okay too. Cause there's a world out there filled with friends and art and energy and maybe you'll find someone or maybe you won't, either way, you'll still be a complete person.''

''Yeah?''

''Yeah.'' Santana smiled and turned around and saw Kurt smiling back. Something about him seemed a little lighter. ''Let's be real, Hummel, with your hairline and twink physique you're gonna have pleeeeenty of options okay? But even if none of them work out I'll still be there at the end of the day. I think it goes without saying that Brittany will be too. _Even if you're alone...you'll never be alone, you hear me?_ ''

''...I hear you.''

''Good.''

Kurt composed himself and shook his head, finally feeling a little peace with the help of her words. ''By the way I'm sorry if I ruined your evening.''

''You didn't ruin anything.''

''Are you sure about that? Brittany may have confided in me a few days ago about booking a nice hotel room for the two of you for tonight. I know she was looking forward to it.''

''We can do that any time.'' Santana shrugged it off. ''And anyway she and I can still have a nice quiet romantic night here tonight.''

''Nice and romantic sure, I don't know about quiet,'' Kurt teased. ''You both tend to be noisy.''

She rolled her eyes at his friendly jab. ''Shut up.''

'' _Oh Santana - yes - oh my god - right there! Do it again!''_ Kurt panted in an airy way as he imitated Brittany.

''Stop.''

''Of course you sound way worse,'' he snickered. _''Oh Britt-Britt, uh-uh-uh-uh-uhhhhhh-yesssss!"_

''You're the pervert who listens in.''

Kurt laugh-scoffed. ''You think I want to hear that? Puh.''

''Well you've practically just recited like an entire NC-17 fanfiction about us.''

''Whatever.''

Together they laughed and there seemed to be a sense of hope in the air.

Even if it all fell apart with Blaine, even if he was alone for awhile as he healed from this heartache, Kurt still had this. Still had her.

That's what squirrel friends were for after all.

X

Later on when Brittany came home she and Santana didn't sneak away together to have one off. It was hard to be in the mood after the events of the evening.

Their friend was hurting and that overrode everything else.

It was a relief to them both when Kurt passed out from exhaustion. They made sure he was tucked in and had a glass of water on his nightstand before they slipped off to their own bedroom.

It was silent as they changed out of their outfits and into their sleep clothes. Brittany didn't really know what to say or how to bring it up, she wasn't sure if she even should. Kurt was devastated and Santana was obviously making his comfort a priority. Brittany wasn't sure it was the right moment to pull her girlfriend aside and ask if she was completely happy with herself and their relationship.

''Did he say anything?''

''Huh?''

''Blaine,'' Santana said as she crawled into their bed and sat up against the headboard as she waited for Brittany. ''Did he say anything to you about why he did what he did?''

''A little, I guess.'' Brittany was brushing her teeth in the doorway and slightly foaming at the mouth. ''The jist of it was he was lonely and sad.''

''More like he was horny and desperate.''

''Is it wrong that I almost feel sorry for him?'' Brittany asked.

''Why would you feel sorry for him? He's the one who screwed up.''

''I know and what he did is totally mega gross, but it's like he had a good thing and he screwed himself over and now he might not ever get that good thing - Kurt - back.''

''As far as I'm concerned he's getting what he deserves. He cheated.''

Brittany disappeared into the bathroom to spit her paste out and returned a few seconds later to crawl up into bed to join Santana. ''He asked me if I could ever forgive you,'' she said after she had turned out the light and snuggled into Santana's arms.

''What?''

''You know, if you cheated.''

Santana squinted in suspicion. ''Was he trying to insinuate something about me?''

''Weirdly enough I don't think he was trying to. I think he was asking me if I could forgive you because...I don't know...if I said yes I could forgive you then maybe he thought there was still hope that Kurt would or could forgive him.''

''What did you say?''

Brittany gave her a sad and lazy smile. ''That I wouldn't have to because you would never cheat on me to begin with.''

''I wouldn't you know...ever,'' Santana assured.

''I know. And I would never cheat on you either.''

''I would never do anything to jeopardize what we are or what we have.''

''Never?''

''Never.''

For the first time in possibly ever, Brittany wasn't so sure Santana was telling her the absolute truth. As they settled in and Santana fell into slumber Brittany stared at the ceiling, still wondering what was wrong, why it was wrong and why Santana was still hiding her discontent.

X

''What are you thinking?''

''I'm thinking...I should've believed you the first time.''

The next morning Kurt had felt a weird but relieving clarity wash over him. Sure his eyes felt swollen and sore from all of the crying the night before but it was almost worth it when he got out of bed with a drive and determination to see Blaine and find a way to move beyond all of the pain.

Blaine had sounded elated and hopeful over the phone. He told Kurt that he would do everything in his power to make it right, to make up for it, to save their love, their relationship and their future together.

Kurt wasn't so certain that was possible.

It was a little shattering when a short while later Blaine showed up to meet Kurt on the front stoop of the loft with coffees and a white paper bag of bagels in hand. He was all smiles, practically chipper even. Kurt wondered what Blaine was expecting. Did he really think a few reassuring words and promises would do the trick? That all would be fine with a smile and a bagel? That it was that easy? That Kurt was so desperate and sad that he'd willingly sweep it all under the rug and pretend everything was roses?

But then he thought, of course.

Of course that's what Blaine was expecting because that's what Kurt had allowed each and every time Blaine had hurt him before. Blaine expected Kurt to simply roll over and accept it because that's what Kurt had always did. After that incident in the backseat, after Blaine's insistence on maintaining communication with Sebastion even though Kurt said it made him uncomfortable. Kurt had allowed Blaine to patch things up with kisses and flowery words. He had, inadvertently, allowed Blaine to believe that's all it would ever take, that it was all he ever had to do, and if it was that easy then of course Blaine would think nothing of crossing lines, especially if Kurt made it so easy to cross back.

That's when Kurt knew that he in part was responsible for this. He's the one who let Blaine think that continually taking him for granted was acceptable.

And it was then that Kurt knew it couldn't be on Blaine to make any of this right. Kurt had to take that upon himself.

''I brought you a little something,'' Blaine said as he presented his treats to Kurt who sat on the front steps of the building.

''You still remember my coffee order?''

''Of course I do.''

Kurt had to laugh then, it was a sad nostalgic one, as he recalled a very similar conversation they had once had shortly after they met.

Blaine took his laughter as an invitation to sit down next to him. He pushed Kurt's coffee into his hands and Kurt took it. ''What's so funny?''

''Do you remember that Valentine's Day? The first one after we met?''

''Vaguely yes. You told me you had feelings for me.''

''I did, and you said - what?''

Blaine squinted and set aside his breakfast on the stoop to dust his hands free. ''That I cared about you.''

''Yeah. You told me that you really, really cared about me...but that you were no good at romance. Now all this time later, all I can think is...I should've believed you when you told me that because now I can see more clearly and I have to agree. You don't know a damn thing about romance.''

Blaine flinched in confusion. This obviously wasn't where he thought this conversation was going to head. He had assumed that it would be easily resolved, or swept under the rug, like his behavior and his actions always had been. ''What?''

''Romance. You were right about yourself, you don't know a thing about romance...or loyalty...or trust...or commitment.''

''Kurt, please don't be like this.''

''Like what? Did you really think this was all it would take? Did you really think this would all be over? That I could just...what...forgive you?''

Blaine inhaled deeply. ''I don't know. I was hoping though, I was hoping we could work this out. Just like we've worked everything else out?''

''When have we ever worked anything out?'' Kurt laughed again, gently placing his coffee down beside him. ''It was always you doing something hurtful and me pretending to be fine with it because I was so desperate to not be alone.''

''That's not how it was.''

''Yeah, yeah it was, Blaine. That's exactly how it was, and you know, you're not even entirely to blame because it was me too. I let you think that it was okay to treat me like that, to take me for granted. I let you think that you could always just come back and I would be there and accept it. But I can't accept this.''

''Kurt. No relationship is perfect but you and I, I know we can work through this. What I did was beyond horrible and I take full responsibility-''

''It didn't sound like you did last night. You told me you did it because you needed me and I wasn't there, you put that on me.''

''Wuh I - that wasn't right,'' Blaine stammered. ''I was just talking in the heat of the moment. That just came out.''

''It just came out because that was your first thought. That's how you really feel.''

''No.''

''I wish I could say I'm sorry but the truth is, I'm not. I'm not sorry, Blaine. What you and I had, I still think there was a lot of good there too. It wasn't all heartache. But coming here…'' he lifted his head up, at the surrounding buildings, the neighborhood, the energy of the streets. ''Coming here made me stronger and better and braver and one of the many things I've learned about myself since coming to the city is that I deserve something out of this world. I'm making a place for myself, I'm demanding a place for myself and I can't go back to where I was or who I was. And who I was? He didn't really expect much out of this world..or out of a boyfriend. I expect a lot more now...and I don't think you can give it to me.''

''I can try.''

''Probably. But what's that saying again, when someone shows you who they really are, you should believe them the first time? The first time you ever expected me to settle for scraps...that's who you are, Blaine, and I should have believed you then. I didn't but that's okay, because I believe you now.''

Blaine opened his mouth but stopped himself before anything else came out. He didn't have anything, any words or any gesture that could make this better. There was no song that could make any of this right between them.

''I still love you.''

''And I still love you,'' Kurt admitted. ''Maybe we always will on some level but that doesn't mean we should be together anymore. I think you and I have a lot of growing up to do and I don't think either one of us can do that if we're stuck in this never ending cycle of hurt.''

Blaine wiped his eyes and nodded in acceptance. ''Yeah, yeah.''

''Come here.'' Kurt pulled him in for a hug and Blaine seemed to crumble the minute Kurt's arms were around him.

''I'm sorry,'' Blaine whispered after a few moments. ''Not just for this, for everything.''

''I believe you.''

They held each other tightly until Blaine pulled away with a sigh. ''I know I don't deserve it and I have no right to ask anything of you but-''

''What?''

''I'm heading back to Lima later today and I…'' Blaine swallowed thickly, holding back tears. ''Before I go do you think we can just sit here on this stoop for awhile and drink our coffees together? You know, like we used to do all the time at the Lima Bean before we got together...before all of this?''

A smile tugged at Kurt's lips. ''Yeah. I think...I think I'd like that.''

And so they sat for the next hour, mostly in silence, relishing the quiet and this new calm between them. Blaine seemed to accept that he had to let Kurt go and Kurt was just glad they could have this moment together to say their goodbyes and simply remember the better times between them.

It was over. They were over. And the best way to honor what they had was to make peace with what they could never be.

X

''Just a fair warning, Berry, if you say the word 'hunty' at any point during this evening it is within my right to slap you clear across the face, okay?''

''Okkkay,'' Rachel laughed nervously at Santana's odd threat as she entered the loft.

A week later, it was Drag Race night yet again, this time around the three of them had decided to make it a low key affair and just invite Rachel over. Brittany and Santana both thought it best that it would just be the four of them. Kurt's break up with Blaine pretty much happened on his terms but it didn't mean it didn't hurt. They didn't think they needed to invite a ton of people over, it would just overwhelm Kurt who really just needed the comfort of his close friends.

Rachel came over early with wine and since Brittany was out making a run for their vegan pizza dinner it gave Santana the chance to touch base with her.

''Also,'' Santana continued as she filled a couple of bowls of snacks at the kitchen table, ''if you can not mention _the B word_ when Kurt comes out, that would be awesome too.''

Rachel zipped her mouth closed and threw away an imaginary key. ''How's he doing?''

''As well as anyone can be when they got their heart pissed on.''

''Never in a million years would I ever imagine Blaine being capable of doing that to Kurt.''

''Yeah well, it goes to show you, never judge a book by its cover. Blaine might've looked like a sweet innocent puppy but deep down he was just a selfish little rat.''

''I heard what you had Sugar do to Blaine's bow tie collection.''

Santana smirked rather proudly. She was glad that Kurt had been the one to put the final nail in the coffin of his relationship, but she still thought Blaine deserved a little something for all that he had put her friend through. She had made a phone call to their old classmate Sugar Motta and convinced the girl to do her a favor. The favor entailed breaking into the Anderson residence, finding Blaine's bow ties and leaving them in shreds all around his bedroom.

''Yeah well, that's what friends are for,'' Santana laughed.

''Can't say I wouldn't have done the same,'' Rachel added.

They shared a smile as Kurt came strolling in from his bedroom. He looked surprisingly alert and refreshed.

''Ladies,'' he greeted and went in to hug Rachel when she pulled him into a quick embrace.

''You seem chipper,'' Santana noted his breezy demeanor.

Kurt shrugged and picked up Rachel's bottle of wine to inspect the label. ''Well, I figured I could deal with getting my heart pummeled one of two ways. I could curl up in a corner and feel sorry for myself, which would be the more dramatically fulfilling choice because as you all know _I cry beautifully_. Or, two, I could remind myself that this is the beginning. I'm young and have my whole life ahead of me and...I didn't come all this way and work this hard to give up on myself.''

''I'm really proud of you,'' Rachel said, patting his hair affectionately.

Kurt gently pushed her hands away with a chuckle. ''Besides I couldn't cocoon myself up in my room, not tonight. Not when Santana told me that you were going to join us for Drag Race.''

''Well, Brittany is always going on and on about it to me and I thought it was time to see what the hubbub was about,'' Rachel exclaimed. ''Besides I have a great respect for those who live their lives as theatrically as I do mine.''

Santana raised an eyebrow. ''Just remember, Rachel, Drag Race is more than a show to us. You're allowed to make commentary during commercial breaks but when the show is on, that's your quiet time okay?''

Rachel waved off Santana's instruction. ''Yes, yes, yes. Don't worry, I'm here as your guest and I will be perfectly respectful of your novella.''

''Stop calling it a novella, and who taught you that word?'' Santana asked.

''Pizza's here!'' Brittany sang, walking in with a couple of boxes in hand. ''Where's my wine?''

And just like that, their evening began for the four of them. They stuffed their faces with (vegan) pizza and guzzled it all down with wine, and when that ran out Brittany had the bright idea to move on to mixed drinks. It made the viewing experience more dramatic, especially for Rachel who was gasping and whimpering during every tension filled moment. Rachel was on the edge of her seat during final critiques and of course because she was Rachel she couldn't help but open her huge mouth when it came to the lip sync.

On screen while Katya and Kennedy Davenport strutted and danced across the stage Rachel _would not shut up_ about how she would go about selling the song to the judges. Eventually Santana had to give her shoulder a light warning swat when it became obvious that Katya was going home. This in turn was a bit of an emotional moment for Brittany who had deemed Katya as _her queen_.

''I'm really gonna miss that weirdo,'' Santana said mournfully as she cuddled Brittany into her side.

''Me too,'' Brittany sighed. ''I'm gonna miss her the most.''

Kurt stood up and marched himself into the kitchen only to march right back out with a bottle and some glasses. ''You know what, Brittany, no sad faces okay? Katya made it to the Top 5. She was a fan favorite. She's made her mark and we're gonna toast that tonight. Now everybody stand up.'' He handed out the glasses and gave them each a splash of alcohol. ''To Katya!''

''Our favorite Russian bisexual hooker!'' Santana said, raising her glass in honor.

''To Katya!'' they all repeated and then downed their shots.

They all wiggled and shook as they let it slide down their throats. Together they laughed, the slight burn of it reminded them that they were young and alive and that anything was possible.

For the next several hours it was a blur of shots and dancing and games and dares and selfie sessions. It was a night where they revelled in the ridiculous with each other. They cried tears of laughter as they watched Santana do her best RuPaul impression, complete with weird robotic speech and jerky head movements ( _''Rachel Berry, in the Broadway challenge you channeled Glinda but on the runway you weren't defying gravity, girl. I'm sorry, my dear, but you are up for elimination''_ ) they cackled together when Brittany and Rachel bet each other that they would excel at a design challenge on the show and then proceeded to doctor outfits that were made entirely out of toilet paper (''toilet paper eleganzaaaa!'' Kurt hollered at them as they modelled their creations).

After more drinks and after more goofing around they settled down a bit and Rachel confided in them that she had been seeing someone new, someone she had met at NYADA in her acting class. She described him as being a dark and dashing latin man (she and Brittany later had a very long and semi explicit conversation together in which they agreed that latin lovers were truly _the_ best kind). It was exciting, she said, but she also felt waves of guilt on occasion about moving on from Finn. Kurt told her she had every right to put herself out there and explore the dating world. She couldn't hold herself back because Finn made the best choice possible when he set both of them free.

''What happened between Blaine and I aside, I still wholeheartedly believe in the notion of 'meant to be','' Kurt confessed as he and Rachel sat on the floor and ate bits of cold pizza over the coffee table. ''If you and Finn were meant to work out then you will, until then there's nothing wrong with meeting new people and having a life.''

''I agree,'' Brittany said. She and Santana were nearby cuddling on the couch.

''Yes well that's easy for you to say,'' Rachel tossed a breadstick at Brittany. It limply fell into her lap. Santana picked it up and bite into it with gusto. ''You and Santana don't have to wonder or worry about that great 'what if' because you have each other right now and something tells me you're always going to have each other.''

Santana laid a sloppy kiss on Brittany. ''Santana,'' Brittany whined. ''You have breadstick breath!''

''Don't act like you don't like it!''

Santana went back in for a smooch which only made Brittany playfully squeak out. Kurt and Rachel rolled their eyes at the cutesy, coupley display.

''Are they always this nauseating?'' Rachel asked him.

''Pretty much.''

At the end of this seemingly never ending evening Brittany had went to bed to crash which left Kurt and Santana to entertain a very drowsy, very drunk Rachel who had been going on and on about how her new boyfriend was teaching her Spanish and how by the end of the year she was going to be fluent and how they should all take a vacation to Mexico and get matching tattoos. It was a lot but Kurt and Santana let her go on because they found her slurring about it all semi adorable. Eventually after taking several more tangents Rachel passed out on the floor.

''You know,'' Santana said quietly as she smiled at Rachel's soft snoring. ''Now that she's apparently getting some decent orgasms, Rachel is a lot easier to be around.''

''Thanks for this,'' Kurt said.

Santana waved him off. She didn't think tonight was anything he needed to thank her for.

''Tonight was a very welcome distraction,'' he added. ''It helps to not be alone right now. Don't get me wrong, I'm glad Blaine and I closed that door but it still hurts. Being around friends is the best medicine.''

''Yeah well.''

''You know the night it happened, when he told me he cheated...I was pretty sure I would never laugh again. Like. For those first few hours where all I did was cry I was almost certain the grief was going to swallow me up. In your own way I know you're doing your best to pull me out of that.''

''You would do the same for me. I mean, _you have_ done the same for me.''

''And I'd do it again if needed.''

Santana smiled at that and shifted a bit in her seat. She wasn't always great with sincerity or praise like this. What she was great at was being a hardcore friend however.

''Welllll,'' she sang. ''If laughter is what you need I have a brilliant idea.''

''What?''

''You know how you're always watching Ru girl makeup tutorials on YouTube?''

''Yes.''

''Well what do you say you take a little of that knowledge and apply it to our friend here.'' Santana dipped her head down, indicating Rachel's snoozing form.

''You think?'' Kurt covered his mouth with his hand, intrigued.

''If she's going to take part in our Drag Race nights, I think she should be initiated in as a proper squirrel friend.''

''What exactly do you have in mind?''

Santana shrugged. ''Well what was the last tutorial you watched?''

''Trixie Mattel's.''

At this Santana's eyes widened. ''Perfect. Oh my god.''

''Are we really doing this?''

''Grab my makeup bag and I'll grab a laptop. We are SO doing this.''

''You don't think she'll wake up?''

Rachel snored loudly with an open mouth in front of them.

''This bish is out like a light,'' Santana whispered. ''This is happening.''

Forty-five minutes later they were quietly admiring their work of art.

They had turned Rachel Berry into Trixie Mattel.

Santana was insistent that they be serious about this and actually try to do a good job. They were both very careful with the details and once it was queued up on Kurt's laptop, followed Trixie's tutorial step by agonizingly slow step.

And in the end it was beautiful. In a horrifying sort of way.

''You think she'll be mad?'' Kurt asked once they were done and had taken well over two dozen pictures of Rachel in her sleep, all dolled up in Trixie's face.

''I have no idea, either way, we did a really good job. Like with our gay powers combined, it came out fantastic.''

X

''Brittany...Brittany...hey…''

Brittany groaned as she felt someone gently patting her shoulder. They were obviously trying to rouse her from her sleep. She squinted, slowly letting her eyes adjust to daylight until eventually her vision focused.

''JESUS WHAT THE HELL!'' Brittany shouted, jumping up and scrambling backwards until she was pressed against the headboard of her and Santana's bed.

''Do you have any soy based products I can make breafast with?''

Brittany was still alarmed by what she saw. ''What happened to your face?!''

''What do you mean?''

Moments later Brittany was marching Rachel into the loft bathroom, flicking on the light and guiding her to the mirror above the sink

''I'm going to kill Kurt and Santana,'' Rachel said in a dry and deadpan manner.

Brittany burst out into laughter. ''I meaaaaaan, they did a really good job.''

''I look like a demented life sized Barbie.''

''Well yeah, but that's sort of the point.'' Brittany disappeared for a few seconds and returned, this time with her phone in hand. She pulled up a picture of Trixie Mattel for Rachel to observe. ''She's one of Kurt's favorite queens, this is her signature look.'' She cracked up as Rachel continued to study her mug. ''They must've done this after you fell asleep.''

''...you know, these cheeks aren't bad.'' Rachel noted almost appreciatively. ''The eye work is a little much but I love the drama of it.''

By the time Santana and Kurt woke up Brittany had encouraged Rachel to sit down and watch a YouTube playlist of Trixie videos. Rachel was enthralled by the character. Kurt and Santana weren't sure if that was a good thing or a bad thing, all they knew is that by the time they all sat down for a vegan friendly breakfast at their dining table, Rachel was feeling herself, admiring her reflection in silverware.

''Oh honey, oh honey, oh hoooooooooney,'' Rachel drawled in that Trixie Mattel lilt. ''That sounds like my Friday night honey!''

''We've created a monster,'' Santana sighed.

''Truly,'' Kurt added between laughs.

'' _Winner, winner, chicken...dinner.''_

''Rachel shut up!''

X

X

X

X

 **A/N: an interesting thing about this chapter is I originally planned for it to revolve around Santana and Brittany and their relationship issues but I kept getting sidetracked and eventually I realized I had to put that on the back burner because it was time for me to focus a little bit on Kurt. He needed to close the door on that chapter of his life with Blaine.**

 **I'm not a Blaine fan or a Klaine fan, however I didn't want to portray my Blaine as a straight up Villian, you know? My hope was to portray him as someone young and immature and selfish at times. It doesn't make him a monster, but it does make him flawed, it's something I wish the show had acknowledged more, his flaws. I think if the show had done that and held him accountable for certain things I could've enjoyed his character more. I guess my point is, I didn't want to be petty and I hope it came off evenly and somewhat fair.**

 **I also really loved writing Rachel into this. I hope I did her justice, I always find her so difficult to write because she's soooo specific. I say that if Kurt is a Jinkx, Santana is a Willam and Brittany is a Katya, Rachel is a Valentina. Especially AS4 Valentina, oh my god. But if you have any other suggestions let me hear them :)**


	13. Chapter 13

It had always been easy for Brittany to get lost in Santana. In her skin, in her eyes, in her touch.

Falling in love and lust with Santana was like being intoxicated, a kiss could make her loopy, a stroke of her hand could make her stumble, reducing Brittany into some kind of drunk and dizzy mess. It was wonderful.

It was everything and more. Passion was one thing that had never been lacking between them, but within the past couple of months things had taken a more intense turn. There was something thrilling about the way Santana seemed to be desperate for Brittany day and night, night and day. And Brittany, well, she was all too eager.

In the beginning anyway.

In the beginning it was fun, hot even. When Santana proposed a random lunch time quickie in the middle of the day, of course Brittany was more than happy and willing to drop everything and play hooky from class to give her girlfriend what she needed. When Santana wanted to get some at a dinner party at Rachel's place, Brittany was the one who found the master bedroom and pulled Santana in. When Santana tossed and turned in bed, distraught over an assignment for one of her classes, turned to Brittany, needing something to calm her nerves, well, Brittany did the only thing she could. She gave herself to Santana.

That was what she had always done. It's what always had felt natural and right and real. Whether it was fun and playful or quick and hot, getting off together was never simply about getting off, it was deeper than that. It was love. Intimacy. The ultimate means of communication. It was the language their bodies spoke as they slid against each other.

But over a period of time Brittany also couldn't help but notice that little by little the connection and the heat that had always existed between them felt like it was dimming. It was like something else was taking its place. Something that felt, well, hollow.

Brittany had begun to notice a recent pattern of things. She had realized that when the subject of school or the future came up Santana would change the subject and become suddenly amorous, almost as if she were trying to distract Brittany from asking any questions about her courses. Other times it was obvious that her intense and sudden need to take Brittany off to bed was due to her stress and frustration that she would bring home from her classes.

In those instances it was always rushed and a little sloppy, though Santana was never not tender and always, always careful. Even when it was chaos it was still Santana afterall.

But.

Before when they were together and Santana looked into her eyes, Brittany could always tell that in her deep and dreamy gaze, Santana was searching for Brittany. For that connection, for that spiritual and emotional thread connecting their hearts. Now though, every time Santana looked into her eyes in bed it almost seemed like Santana was searching for something else entirely.

Some kind of answer or release.

However by the end of their lovemaking when Santana moved away Brittany could always tell that whatever it was Santana had been searching for she had failed to find. Before New York and all of the pressures of adulthood happened to them it had been different. Once upon a time Santana used to stare into her eyes like Brittany was the most perfect, most precious thing to ever exist. Once upon a time Santana would insist on holding her and on being held. Once upon a time Santana would spend hours afterwards, tracing invisible shapes on Brittany's skin in a sort of wonderment. Her fingertips would explore Brittany's shoulder blades and arms and sides and every time it felt like Santana was completely and utterly captivated.

It was different now though. Now Brittany would usually just get a simple peck on the cheek or lips before Santana turned away and fell asleep.

It was the loneliest feeling Brittany thought, being six inches away from the love of her life but feeling like they were painfully, desperately drifting apart.

She still wasn't sure how she was going to bring it up. How would she even go about starting that conversation. _''Honey, I think we're having too much sex and it's starting to worry me''._ Yeah she didn't see that going down very well. And even though she knew something somewhere was wrong and that Santana being so sexually needy was surely a sign of something, Brittany still could never bring herself to say no.

How could she. She was Brittany and Santana was Santana.

Of course as steamy as it was, it was getting to the point where Brittany could barely keep up and there had even been one or two occasions where things got a little out of hand and someone got hurt. It was usually something small and insignificant like a bruised elbow or a pulled muscle, until _the event_ that is.

The event being what would become known as _The Bathroom Sink Incident_.

All of the loft's fixtures were creaky, decades old things that rattled and shuddered at the slightest of things. There was always something or other on the fritz or falling apart that required a special touch, like the window that would stick unless you smacked the frame in just the right spot or the toilet handle you had to jiggle a specific way or else the water would run. When you lived in a semi dilapidated building you had to learn to walk and move around the space in a very delicate way. Of course when you were in the heat of the moment it was probably hard for anyone to remember that. At least it was for Santana and Brittany one early morning when they found themselves going at it on the old antique porcelain sink in the bathroom.

They had woken up to get ready for their day and together had taken a very steamy shower, when they stepped out all refreshed and relaxed they decided that instead of wrapping themselves up in towels they would have a little fun. A little fun up on top of the ancient rickety sink.

Santana had wanted it and who was Brittany to deny her girlfriend. She had nudged Santana up, helping her plant her ass on the small sink, almost but not quite sitting her inside of it. They were both still wet and slippery and well, caught up in each other.

Apparently they had been going at it a little too hard for the rickety fixture which had, after one very passionate move from Brittany, came unattached from the wall sending both Santana and Brittany to the ground to land in a messy pile. The porcelain sink had broken and shattered into huge shards beneath them which would've been only mildly irritating had one of the pipes behind it not somehow burst open at the same time, spewing water at them with force. They screamed and shrieked and after a flurry of activity where they both managed to throw some clothes on, they called someone from building maintenance to come turn the water off. The bathroom floor was a mess of broken porcelain and puddles of water - repairing all of it would be costly and time consuming.

The worst damage wasn't to the floor or the wall of the bathroom though. Oh no. The worst damage was sadly and unfortunately to Santana's ass.

While they had been going at it, Santana had been the one seated on the sink with Brittany between her legs. When it all came crumbling down it seemed Santana had the bad luck of landing on a sharp shard of shattered porcelain which resulted in a minor but embarrassing cut to her right butt cheek.

Later that evening when Kurt came home to the disarray and a weeping Santana who was laying on her stomach - ass up - on the couch, he was a little confused when he was informed on how it all went down.

''What do you mean you went to the hospital and got stitches on your ass?'' he asked Santana after she had relayed the events of the day to him.

She punched a pillow beneath her. ''I mean I went to the hospital and got stitches on my ass - how else can you interpret that?''

He smirked to himself as he went about setting his shoulder bag and coat down in a chair. ''I knew it, you know.''

''Knew what?'' Santana barked in irritation.

''That one day you and Brittany would do something to warrant an appearance on TLC's Sex Sent Me To The ER,'' he teased.

Santana squinted and seethed in his direction but made no effort to get up off of her stomach. ''If I wasn't in severe pain right now you'd be getting bitchslapped.''

He clicked his tongue and softened in sympathy. ''How bad is it? Like how many stitches did it require?''

''Two!''

''That's it?''

''Shut up!'' she hollered as tears threatened to spill down her face. ''My ass is disfigured, this is no joking matter, Kurt!''

''Oh come on you have to admit, this is a little funny.''

''My glorious ass is marred for life.''

''It sounds like it's barely anything.''

''You clearly don't understand my trauma.''

''I'm back and I got you something to help with the soreness,'' Brittany announced herself as she walked through the loft doors with a brown grocery bag in hand. She tossed it into the freezer in the kitchen and then made her way over to join them with a single frozen bag of peas which she placed carefully on Santana's injured bottom. ''How's my brave little patient?''

Santana sniffled in response. Kurt rolled his eyes. She could be such a toddler when she was sick or hurt.

''Well,'' he sighed, ''since you two are playing nurse and patient I guess I'll get dinner started for us.''

With that Kurt left them to it. Brittany went to sit on the edge of the couch, placing herself near Santana's bottom half so she could apply some light pressure to the bag of peas.

''You know since he mentioned it…'' Santana started, suddenly less teary, ''we've never done _nurse-patient_ before so-''

''Yeah I don't think so, young lady,'' Brittany shut that idea down with a chuckle. ''No strenuous activity for you for the next couple of days. I don't want you to risk it. Those stitches are in a really tender area.''

''You think my butt is tender huh?''

''Stop.''

''I have you know I was going to ask you to _kiss my owie_ , but I don't think I will anymore,'' Santana playfully sassed.

''Are you in any pain?'' Brittany sidestepped Santana's flirting and petted her dark hair.

''Pain? Not really? Discomfort? Sorta yeah but the frozen peas feel kinda nice.''

''I feel so bad.''

''What? Why? It was an accident.''

''I know but still. I hate seeing you like this,'' Brittany sighed. ''All hurt and helpless.''

''It's not so bad. I mean I'll live to twerk again,'' Santana laughed.

Brittany had to smile at that. ''Well thank god for that.''

X

 _The Bathroom Sink Incident_ was Brittany's wake up call if you will.

Like, yes, in the end it was only a very minor accident and while it was totally embarrassing Santana was fine after a few days, but still. It made Brittany realize it was definitely time to do something drastic.

''I need you to teach me to have bad sex.''

''Say again?''

Brittany and Rachel were having lunch together outside on a bistro patio. Since both of them were at NYADA and Brittany had taken Rachel under her wing as far as dance they had taken to having lunch occasionally, just the two of them.

Over the course of the last few months they had gotten closer. Rachel saw a fuller, more complex Brittany, and Brittany saw a more humble, more vulnerable Rachel. They had turned into friends without even realizing it. Brittany had met some truly wonderful new people since moving to New York but when it came to this sensitive issue, she thought Rachel was the perfect person to confide in.

Who would know more about bad sex than Rachel Barbra Berry?

''I need you to tell me how to have bad sex,'' Brittany repeated herself.

''Why is that?''

''Because,'' Brittany stressed as she continued to crunch loudly on her salad. ''I'm awesome at sex. It's like, my burden or whatever. I need someone who has bad sex to give me tips on how to be bad at it too.''

Rachel squinted, lost and slightly defensive as she sat across from her ''First of all, how do you know I'm bad at sex?''

''You just have that vibe.''

''For your information, my new beau and I do quite well beneath the sheets.'' Rachel reminded her of her boyfriend. He was a dark and dashing actor, a latin heartthrob in the making. Like Rachel, he was all about theatricality but on the other side of it he also knew when it was time to relax, to turn it off and enjoy the scenery. Rachel's life had always been rigid and structured but her new guy had made her appreciate how freeing it was to let loose, to eat and laugh and dance for the fun of it. Unlike Finn, Rachel's new guy had rhythm that translated to the bedroom as well, Rachel had confided to Brittany plenty of times.

''Well sure,'' Brittany continued. ''But you did have bad sex with Finn, right? Like a lot of boring missionary position probably.''

Rachel was not amused. ''It wasn't all bad!''

''Sure.''

''And anyway, why would you even want to know how to have bad sex?''

Brittany paused her chewing and set her utensil down as she suddenly became antsy in her seat, squirming under Rachel's gaze. ''Well...let's just say Santana and I are going through something.''

Rachel laughed inwardly. ''Mm, Kurt might have filled me in on a little something about you and her having an amorous mishap during sexual congress.''

''Congress? This has nothing to do with the legislative branch of the government, Rachel, okay, Santana got hurt while we were screwing.''

''Right, of course.''

''It was nothing, but like it could've been worse. I just think, maybe if I wasn't as good at sex as I am Santana might stop wanting it as much lately. Maybe it wouldn't be on her mind all the time. Maybe if it wasn't on her mind all the time she and I could like, I dunno, talk for a change.''

As if sensing something was seriously troubling her friend, Rachel pressed forward. ''Are you okay?''

''What? Yeah.'' Brittany said, faintly.

''You and Santana aren't like…''

''Breaking up?'' Brittany finished Rachel's thought. ''No. Totally not.''

''Then what's going on? Really.''

''If I tell you can you promise to keep it to yourself? Like, you can't even tell Kurt.''

Rachel sombered up and nodded with vigor, eager to be confided in. ''Cross my heart. You can tell me.''

''Santana and I have been, it's been, it's like...I feel like all she and I ever do is have sex.''

Rachel tried to smile and make light. ''Isn't that like your thing though, you and her and sex.''

Brittany raised a shoulder. ''I mean, yes and no. Sex has always been a part of our relationship but contrary to what everyone assumed about us in high school, it's never been the entire basis of it. It's not all we were or are. We're not rabbits. We're in love.''

''So what's the issue exactly?''

''Sex. It's like all she ever seems to think about or want to do,'' Brittany admitted with defeat in her voice. ''When she wakes up or goes to bed, or especially if she has some big assignment or test in class. I'd be okay with it if I felt like it was about me but it's not, most of the time I feel like...I don't know. Like I'm just some kind of stress relief toy.''

''Interesting. What other changes have you noticed?''

''She's stressed all the time. Mostly about her classes and making her parents proud. She's always getting so worked up and frustrated over them but when I ask her to tell me about it she clams up. She just tells me not to worry about it and kisses me, and then kissing turns into cuddles and cuddles turn into rubbing and rubbing turns into-''

''You can stop there, I get it.''

Brittany exhaled and put a hand to her head in frustration. ''I get that she has a lot on her plate, I can't even begin to understand the pressure she's under with all of her super important classes but I feel like she can be directly on the other side of the bed but not completely there with me, you know?''

Rachel delicately dabbed at the edges of her mouth with her napkin before dropping it in her lap. ''I never understood why Santana decided to give up on her dream to pursue law. She's not as trained as I am but I've always thought she had what it took to make it as a performer.''

''She says being a lawyer is what she has to do.''

''But is it what she _wants_ to do?''

''Probably not but every time Kurt and I try to bring it up she shuts down.''

''Well I have a wild hunch if you'd like to hear it?''

Brittany shrugged. It's not like she had anything to lose by hearing Rachel out.

''Is it possible that without any creative outlet Santana has turned to...well, lovemaking, as a means of expression?''

''I'm not sure what you're getting at.''

''Think of it like this,'' Rachel continued on gently. ''Santana has all of this creativity and drive bubbling up inside of her, only she doesn't have anywhere to put it or direct it because she's not singing or dancing or expressing herself in the way she most needs to. She's forcing herself to go to classes that don't stimulate her so she can work towards a career that doesn't set her soul on fire. In turn she has all of this energy and _passion_ because she's not allowing herself to perform so she puts it to use in the only other way she knows how...in bed, with you.''

''Which explains why having sex is all she ever wants to do,'' Brittany caught on. ''Because it's the only outlet she's letting herself have anymore.''

''Exactly!''

''This makes sense. Like in a really weird twisted Santana kind of way.''

''So what are you going to do about it?''

''I don't know. What do you think I should do?''

''I don't know if I can answer that,'' said Rachel. ''If it is the case I can understand Santana to a degree. I don't know what I would do if I wasn't allowing myself to perform anymore. It'd be devastating.''

Brittany deflated in her seat. ''Yeah.''

''Are you happy? I mean, are you fulfilled with all of this extra...lovemaking?'' Rachel was careful with her words.

''Sometimes. Most of the time.'' Brittany bit her lip and contemplated. ''Santana's really good if you know what I mean. Especially when she-''

Rachel held up a hand to silence her. ''I really don't need you to finish the rest of that sentence.''

''But how can I be fulfilled if Santana isn't fulfilled? If she was fulfilled I don't think she would be using sex as a distraction. It used to be a way for us to express ourselves and feel closer and now, not so much.''

''Then you might want to consider talking to her about it.''

''And if she shuts it down like she always does?''

''Don't let her. Let her know that you're there to be her girlfriend and partner, not to be her squeaky toy when she needs stress relief. You deserve more than that and so does your relationship.''

''I don't know.''

''Think about it like this, Brittany, would you rather have a slightly awkward conversation with her now...or a profoundly more unhappy one five years down the line because you didn't address the issue when you first had the chance to? She's obviously not happy with where she is in life and sex may be a nice little band aid that takes her mind off of it for awhile but how long can that really sustain her? Or you for that matter.''

''Santana's just so sensitive.''

''As all truly great artists are,'' Rachel noted. ''Which is why the world needs her to follow her dreams instead of trying to fulfill everyone else's expectations.''

''This is not going to be fun,'' Brittany said, just thinking about sitting Santana down for a serious conversation about this gave her butterflies. ''But you're right. I just need to sit her down and talk it out.''

Rachel nodded supportively. ''It's the mature, responsible thing to do.''

''But if it doesn't work then you totally have to give me bad sex tips.''

''For the last time I'm not bad at sex!''

X

''Kuuuuuuurt….Kuuuuuuuurt….I need you...hellllllp! Kuuuuuuurt!''

With Brittany out and about with Rachel, Kurt was left to tend to Santana in the loft.

Her injury was minor but Santana - ever the cry baby - was taking every opportunity to milk it for all its worth. She was basically acting as if she had just had major life threatening surgery and needed everyone to wait hand and foot on her. Brittany tended to coddle her during that kind of behavior, Kurt on the other hand was a tad less patient.

Kurt walked away from the lunch he was making towards Santana who was laying on the couch, ass up.

''What do you need?'' he asked monotonously.

''The remote control,'' Santana said almost pathetically. ''It fell off the couch.''

Kurt looked at the floor and indeed the TV remote had fallen from Santana's grasp onto the rug. It was a mere six inches away from her grasp and yet she looked as if it pained her to reach for it.

''Get it for me,'' she requested faintly as if she were ill.

''You got a cut on your ass, Santana, you don't have cancer.''

''You know what? I don't need your judgement or your tone. Now more importantly is my lunch ready?''

Kurt fluttered his eyelashes in comical annoyance. ''I'd be done with it if you weren't calling me every two seconds.''

''Cut the crusts off my sandwich or I won't eat it.''

''You'll eat what I serve you,'' he said like a firm mother would.

''Brittany cuts the crusts off.''

''Well I'm not Brittany. She may find this endearing but I don't. You're a big girl, you can eat your crusts - what are you doing?''

''I'm texting Brittany and telling her you refuse to cut off my crusts in my time of great need.''

''How long are you going to milk this cut on your ass?''

''For as long as possible. Maybe after some quality pity sex from Britt.''

He laughed as he stalked back into the kitchen and returned to her with two plates in hand, one for her and one for him. He served her lunch first before getting comfortable in a nearby chair.

She smiled and looked truly grateful. ''Thanks.''

''You're welcome.''

They sat, or rather Kurt sat and Santana laid on her belly as they dug into their food. They went through several mouthfuls before either of them attempted to speak.

''So I hope this incident of yours,'' Kurt began and made a general wave to Santana's blemished booty. ''Has made you think about being more cautious when it comes to having sex in locations other than your bedroom.''

''Psh.''

''I'm just saying when your sex life causes bodily injury as well as damage to property I think it's time you prioritize,'' he suggested. ''Also it would be nice if I could go a week without the two of you are doing your business in our community space.''

''Uhhhhhhhh me thinks you're just jealous because you haven't gotten any since you and that Warbler carcass broke up.''

''To tell you the truth it wasn't like I was getting a ton of physical intimacy before we broke up. Blaine was all the way in Lima and I was here, I had conditioned myself to go without. I guess it's a blessing now that celibacy is my only option.''

''Celibacy isn't your only option you know? You should get out there and have some fun.''

''I don't think I'm ready for that.''

''I'm not talking about a relationship. The best way to get over someone is to get under someone else, that's what they say right. Get yourself a boy toy and have a fling.''

''I'm not opposed to exploring that possibility but I'm not there yet. I'm using this experience to learn about myself and try new things. I was even thinking about taking up a hobby.''

''Hobbies are for people who aren't having orgasms. I can't imagine having to go without.''

''Well you're lucky. Unfortunately we all can't have your sex life.''

''What can I say? I'm blessed...and I have amazing tits.''

''Well will you and your amazing whatevers,'' Kurt paused for a moment and gestured to her ample chest area. ''Be joining me next weekend? There's a huge Vogue event that I'm working and Isabelle Wright told me I could invite a couple of friends along. For the price of babysitting a celebrity you get to wear and keep a gown from Vogue's legendary vault.''

''Next weekend huh?''

''Yeah, you and Brittany should come with, you can get all glammed up, it'll be fun.''

''While that's tempting I think Britt and I might enjoy having the loft to ourselves for the night instead.''

Kurt furrowed his brows. ''Sure, but don't you think Brittany might get a kick out of an elegant night out on the town. Show her some romance.''

''Hummel I show her plenty of romance. I romance the shit out of her.''

''Gross.''

X

''Excuse me, hello, hi, ummm I was wondering if you could tell me which kind of guitar would be good for a beginner?''

Several days later Kurt stood alone and out of his element in the middle of his neighborhood music shop. He felt more than a little intimidated as he turned in place, eyeing the instruments all around him.

This was something he had egged himself into doing. He had set out that day with one goal and one goal only, to purchase his very first guitar.

His break up with Blaine had been painful but in another way he had begun to see it as a relief. They were both holding themselves back and now that he was free Kurt wanted to explore and learn more about himself.

One of the things the breakup made him want to do was express himself, specifically in song. The thing of it was though, he couldn't find the right song, he couldn't find a song that perfectly conveyed his thoughts and feelings about the end of his relationship. Nothing could articulate his hurt the way he needed it to. So he decided if the perfect song to help him cope with all of his hurt didn't exist then he would write one instead and after he wrote one he wanted to hear it. He wanted to hear it the way he heard it in his head and the way he heard it in his head was on guitar. Unfortunately, he didn't play guitar and all of the guitar players he did know were miles and miles away back in Lima. After a couple of weeks wrestling with the idea he came to the conclusion that his only choice was to start learning. If he wanted to hear his song played on the guitar then he was going to push himself to go out and learn how to play it himself.

So without telling Brittany or Santana he had ventured out for the afternoon to see about buying a starter guitar.

The second he stepped into the guitar shop he was tempted to walk right back out but something was telling him that this was something he had to do for himself. Even if it didn't work out and he was no good at the instrument he at least had to try. His song deserved that.

The first person he spotted was a young guy, probably only a couple years older than Kurt if that. The man was sitting on an amp and jamming on what looked to be a very expensive guitar. He had full, lush hair, a couple of piercings and was sporting some perfectly manicured facial hair. Kurt had approached him for assistance but was met with a peculiar looking smile in return.

''Uhhhh I don't work here,'' the man laughed and halted his playing to look up at Kurt.

''Oh,'' Kurt squeaked. ''I'm sorry, I just assumed you did.''

''And why is that?'' the man asked.

''Your cooler than cool rocker aesthetic.'' Kurt gestured to the man and his trendy rocker threads. ''You look like the kind of person who would work in a place like this.''

The man playfully squinted in his direction. ''I hope that's a compliment.''

''It is.''

The stranger set the guitar that was resting in his lap onto a stand and then stood up to extend his hand to Kurt, introducing himself. ''I'm Elliott.''

''Kurt,'' Kurt said and eagerly accepted the handshake.

''You know I don't exactly work here but if you need an opinion on a good starter guitar I'd be happy to give you my two cents for what they're worth.''

Kurt looked around the shop which felt eerily deserted. There didn't appear to be any other patrons and he only spotted one actual shop employee who appeared to be more interested in his phone than in tending to any potential customers.

''Why not,'' Kurt said.

Elliott grinned and clapped his hands together once, he looked excited at the prospect of spending someone's else's money. He had an almost childlike giddiness about him that Kurt couldn't help but think was cute.

For the next half hour Elliott took it upon himself to give Kurt a little tour of the place, showing him to the more expensive, more professional gear, the warm cozy acoustic room and then eventually to the more moderately priced guitars. As he went he noted how each instrument was different and how each guitar had a soul and its own unique sound. It really depended on what you wanted to get out of a guitar that determined what model was most appropriate he advised Kurt. He spoke with an enthusiasm that was infectious. By the end of the tour Kurt had become a little more confident about his decision to take up the six string. Something about Elliott's smile and encouragement made the task seem less scary.

''So is this what you do in your free time?'' Kurt asked later on. Elliott had talked him into sitting down and testing out a handful of guitars. ''Hang around the guitar store to talk to boys?''

Elliott handed Kurt an instrument cable to plug into a nearby amp. ''Uhhhh no,'' he laughed awkwardly. ''For your information I hang around the guitar shop because I have no life thank you very much. That and it's the only way I can jam out on that Gretsch over there.'' He threw a thumb into the direction of a shiny white and gold thing. ''I can't really afford it but I try to visit it at least once a week.''

Kurt whistled as he zeroed in on the price tag of the instrument. ''Yikes.''

''Yeah. I'm a struggling student at the moment.''

''Same.''

''So what made you want to take up the guitar?''

Kurt gave him a weak half shrug. ''Well to make a really long story short, a bad breakup left my heart in pieces. I've been sorting through some things in my head recently. It sounds silly and cheesy but I've also been writing songs.''

''That's not silly at all.''

''I'm not really ready to share them with the world yet so I wanted to learn to play on my own so I can at least hear them for myself.''

''I get that. Writing can be therapeutic. Playing can be too."

"Yeah?"

"Definitely,'' Elliott affirmed. ''I like to think of the guitar as a piece of armor. When I go out into the world I put it in front of me and I find myself feeling a little braver. It's like if I'm standing behind it...I can do anything."

''I never thought of it like that.''

Elliot smiled warmly. ''With a guitar in front of you, you can survive anything.''

A couple of hours later and with some assistance from Elliott Kurt was the proud owner of a surf green Telecaster. They had played around with a few different ones but the Tele was the one kept going back to. There was just something about the cut of the body and the lines that pleased Kurt aesthetically, it also played really well and gave him the bright, crisp sound he was looking for.

''Thank you for your help.'' Kurt said later on as he zipped his new purchase up into a soft case.

''My pleasure,'' Elliott seemed delighted.

They shared a quite loaded moment as they looked into each other's eyes.

''I like your guyliner,'' Kurt blurted out.

Elliott laughed. ''I like your neckerchief.''

''I hope I'm not being too forward but would you like to get a cup of coffee with me?''

''I'd love that,'' Elliott accepted the invitation eagerly, and then his face froze for a second. ''Wait, by getting coffee together you just mean getting coffee right?''

''I mean, we can have tea if you'd prefer.''

''No I mean, coffee isn't some codeword for hooking up, is it?''

''Oh god no,'' Kurt yelped.

Elliott began to speak in an almost apologetic rush. ''Not that I don't find you attractive, you clearly are, but I'm in a strange place right now. I'm just trying to put all of my energy into my music and work right now.''

''I'm in the exact same place,'' Kurt said, relieved himself that they were getting this out of the way early on so that there were no misunderstandings. ''That's not what this is about. I just want to buy you a coffee to express my gratitude for all of your guitar knowledge. You have no idea how helpful it was to let me pick your brain. Besides the truth is I could stand to make some new friends.''

''Yeah?'' Elliott lit up.

''I don't have many. Between school and trying to work on my music I haven't really made any cool ones.''

''You think I'm cool?''

''Probably the coolest person I've ever met.''

''For what it's worth I think you're pretty cool too''

''So, friends then?''

''Absolutely, friends,'' Elliott agreed.

Over the course of the next week and a half Kurt met with Elliot several more times. There were coffee dates and tea dates and movie dates and bookstore dates. They traded life stories as well as hair care routines. Normal guy stuff.

As much as he loved Santana and Brittany it really did feel nice to go out and about with a male friend. Elliott was new and exciting. There was no weirdness or tension either, they really did get along very well. The artist in Kurt saw and appreciated the artist in Elliott yet at the same time there was a lively contrast between them. Kurt was broadway and Elliott was rock and roll. As friends they shouldn't have made any sense but they did and it was comforting settling into a new and thrilling friendship with someone just as passionate and driven as he was.

Since Brittany and Santana hadn't expressed interest in attending he ended up extending an invitation to Elliott for the benefit party Vogue was throwing a little over a week away. Elliott was hesitant in the beginning because he wasn't sure if it was his scene but with some encouragement Kurt had convinced him. The promise of a really nice suit courtesy of Vogue helped seal the deal. It was a date. Or well, a friend date anyway.

But while Kurt was basking in his new friendship feels Santana was getting some other kind of vibe off of him.

''You did it, didn't you?'' Santana asked on the night of the event.

They were both in the bathroom. Santana was brushing her teeth and getting ready for a relaxing night in while Kurt was primping himself in the mirror for a night out. Thankfully the sink had been replaced with another one, they were all pretty sure their landlord had found it in a dumpster but at least it worked. Kurt banned Santana from putting her ass anywhere near it.

Kurt had been styling his hair when she asked. ''Excuse me?''

''Sexuals, you had some,'' she said knowingly.

''What?''

''D, you got some didn't you?''

''Uhhhhh, no,'' he laughed rapidly, it was like he was half robot, half chipmunk. ''What makes you say that?''

''I have a gift. My psychic mexican third eye is telling me you got some.''

''Puh-cuh-noooooo. I haven't.''

''Why are you're denying it, you should be proud! I hope you bottomed your little heart out.''

''Okay why do you always just assume I'm a bottom?''

''You have bottom energy. And anyway why do you always just assume my tendency to infer that you're a bottom is an insult? I would never. Bottom shaming really needs to end. Untwist your panties and give me details. Was he hot? Who was it? One of your NYADA classmates or one of those flakes at Vogue?''

''If you must know, neither.''

''Ohhhh,'' she sang. ''You got yourself some strange, did ya?''

''Also no. I haven't had sex but I have met someone.''

''I knew it.''

''A friend,'' he said, raising his voice slightly. ''Just a friend. His name's Elliott and it's strictly platonic.''

Santana frowned. There was nothing juicy or titillating about this. ''Platonic? So he's ugly then?''

''Actually no, he's really hot.''

''And you guys haven't banged? What kind of gays are you?''

''Normal ones. Not everything has to be about sex, Santana. Some people can have fulfilling relationships without it.''

''Whatever. So when can I meet him?''

''Not any time soon. I really like hanging out with him and I don't need you scaring him off.''

''Oh come on.''

Brittany walked in at this point to join Santana in her nightly before bedtime rituals.

''Brittany, will you kindly tell your girlfriend to mind her own business?'' Kurt asked.

Santana scoffed. ''Brittany, will you kindly tell Kurt to stop being a pent up granny?''

Brittany responded by rolling her eyes at both of them. ''Do I have to send the two of you into a time out? Because I will.''

''Whatever,'' Kurt said. ''My new friend Elliott is coming to pick me up tonight for the Vogue event. He'll probably only be here for like two seconds but please be on your best behavior.''

''You act like we're zoo animals,'' Santana said and spit out a mouthful of toothpaste foam, only half of which made it into the sink.

''Judging from the sounds that come from your bedroom at night, you sure sound like it,'' Kurt teased before dashing out of the bathroom.

In the end later that evening when Elliott did show up at the loft Santana was only mildly embarrassing.

Brittany and Santana had been the ones to open the door for him. They had given him the once over, eyeing him up as if they were Kurt's over protective parents. He twitched nervously under their stares.

''I expect him home by midnight and if he's not I will be alerting the local authorities,'' Santana warned, half jokingly.

''She's kidding,'' Brittany added, trying to put Kurt's new friend at ease. ''Mostly.''

''Will you two please not frighten my friend?'' Kurt hollered through laughter as he walked out dressed to the nines.

''They're fine,'' Elliott assured him. ''I like your roommates. I wish mine cared about me enough to interrogate everyone I invited over. Introduce us.''

''Right. Elliott,'' Kurt began with a wave of his hand. ''This is the devil herself, Santana, and her better half, Brittany. Ladies this is Elliott.''

Elliott extended his hand, allowing both of them to shake it. ''It's a pleasure to meet you. Kurt's told me so much about you two and don't worry, I'll make sure he gets home safe and sound.''

''Mom, dad,'' Kurt addressed his roommates. ''I'll be home late, don't wait up.''

With that Kurt gave Elliot a pat on the back and began leading him out of the loft.

''Your ass is grounded young man,'' Santana shouted at Kurt's retreating form.

Elliott and Kurt were laughing when they got into the elevator just outside of the loft's doors. Kurt pressed the button for the ground floor and got them moving.

''You look great by the way,'' Kurt said.

''You think?'' Elliott shuffled in place, looking slightly unsure of himself. ''I'm a little nervous. The ballet and the theater world, they're not my usual scene.''

''You'll be fine,'' Kurt said. ''Besides I'll be there with you. If you get a little lost or overwhelmed we can duck out for a few minutes. You're doing me a huge favor giving me a hand.''

''Are you kidding? A paid gig as a seat filler and I get to walk away with a sharp ass suit, I'm happy to help.''

''Well if there's ever a favor you need from me, don't hesitate to ask.''

Elliott bit his lip. ''Well, since you mentioned it, it's not quite a favor but there is something I want to ask you.''

''Anything.''

''Feel free to say no or whatever but about once a week I do this thing with my friends at my place. It's a bit of a tradition in our little group and I was hoping one of these nights you might want to join us?''

''What, for dinner?''

''Sort of, we order pizza, have a few drinks, watch Drag Race and basically act like idiots together,'' Elliott laughed. ''If the show isn't your thing it's no biggie-''

''Are you kidding? The show is my religion!'' Kurt's eyes widened in wonder. ''I'd love to hang out and watch with you some time...only…''

''Only?''

''That's something I usually do with Santana and Brittany, it's one of our things and I wouldn't want to ditch them.''

''Well bring them along, the more the merrier, who cares. Your friends can meet my friends, it'll be a blast.''

Kurt nodded in silence, taken with the idea and the invitation.

This, he thought, was a friendship that he could see growing and deepening. Elliott was cool and kind and exciting but most of all, he was simply inviting and just as open to connection and friendship as Kurt. It wasn't about hooking up and it wasn't about hopping into a new romance, it was about finding common ground and shared passions with someone new, someone who saw and knew him beyond the Blaine of it all.

Santana and Brittany were great and he was thankful for all they had done for him but at the same time he hated feeling like he was a baby bird with a broken wing. Something they had to fix, something that needed mending. But Elliott? Elliott saw him as whole, full, complete already.

Kurt felt fondness bloom in his chest. This is what he moved to New York for, to meet new, exciting and accepting people like this. His love for Brittany and Santana would always be there of course but this is what it was about, expanding one's circle. He had found his footing at NYADA and in the fashion world at Vogue but this was the first time he felt like he had found it outside in the real world.

A real friendship.

A new squirrel friend.

''I can't wait.''

X

''So is it still cute?''

''Let me check.''

Brittany and Santana were in bed on top of the sheets with not a stitch of clothing on between them. Due to Santana's accident she was slightly limited to certain positions for a temporary period of time which she seemed to enjoy because it meant she got to be on top more often. On this evening Brittany was beneath her with her legs spread a bit, just enough to make room for Santana to place herself between them as they kissed and warmed each other up, exploring with their hands and mouths. Brittany briefly pulled away with a pop to take a peek at Santana's exposed ass.

''Yep, it's still cute,'' Brittany laughed.

''Even with the little scar?'' Santana was a little self conscious that her butt wasn't as hot as it used to be before her little mishap.

''It's still perfect and sexy to me,'' Brittany said and playfully cupped the cheek that was unblemished to give it a squeeze.

''Are you saying that because it's true or are you saying that because you're my girlfriend and being supportive?'' Santana turned to look over her shoulder as if she could examine her own rear.

''Both. Baby, your tushy is still super mega cute. You have nothing to worry about.''

''Mmm.'' Santana seemed to be appeased with that and moved on, clearly she was more interested in the naked body underneath her. ''If you say so.''

''I do say so.''

Santana went to place a moist kiss onto Brittany's neck. The way Santana hummed against her skin made Brittany vibrate with want. _Why did she have to be so good at that?_

''So what were you thinking for tonight?'' Santana asked, mumbling against Brittany's skin, almost purring.

''Um. I dunno. Did-did you want to do anything special?''

''I mean, I've totally been fantasizing about going down on you like all day today so...'' Santana glanced down at Brittany's bottom half and bit her lip, ready and eager to get to business. Or more specifically to get into Brittany's business. But before she could Brittany halted her, placing a hand on Santana's shoulder, essentially keeping her in place.

''Actually there is something I want us to do tonight,'' she said.

''Is it that thing with the handcuffs?'' Santana asked.

''No.''

''The thing with the whipped cream?''

''No.''

''The thing with the blindfold?''

''No.''

''The thing with the balloons?''

''What thing with the balloons? Why would we have balloons in bed with us during sex?'' Brittany squinted, confused.

Santana grinned. ''Get into this, I read an article in Cosmo about it. See what you do is you blow it up and then put it-''

''Babe, why don't you tell me about that later,'' Brittany continued, trying to steer the conversation elsewhere. ''I was sorta hoping we could talk?'' Brittany's voice went up at the end, unsure of how to broach the subject.

''We talk all the time.''

''We _used to_ talk all the time,'' Brittany said gently. ''But I feel like we haven't had a really good big serious talk in awhile, you know?''

''Oh.''

''It's not that I don't want to fool around. I just think we've been drifting away, between school and work and all of these new obligations we have it's like...I don't know.''

Santana moved off of her and went to lay on her side of the bed. ''Okay. If you want to talk we can totally talk.''

''First, I need you to promise me something.''

''What?''

''I need you to give me your word that no matter what happens during the course of this conversation you won't like blow up and walk out.''

Santana let out a nervous laugh. ''Alright, now you have me worried. Is there something going on?''

''No...not really...maybe?''

''You know if there's something wrong I'm here.'' She reached across to run a thumb tenderly across Brittany's cheek. ''Whatever it is I'll fix it so we can spend our time together doing much more...interesting things.'' The hand on Brittany's face drifted down, tracing a ling along her neck, down between her breasts until it came to rest on her inner thigh which she squeezed.

With a sigh Brittany reached down to pull Santana's hand away from her.

''Are you okay?'' Santana asked when she realized that Brittany was no longer smiling.

''No. And yes. I'm not sure. Are you?''

''What does that mean?''

''Do you know how many times we had sex last week?''

Santana blinked unevenly. ''Uhhhhh, no.''

''Seventeen times. We had sex _seventeen_ times last week.''

''Okay. I would say that was worthy of celebration but judging by the expression you're making this _isn't_ a good thing?''

''We had sex seventeen times last week and do you know how many of those times you held me after?''

Santana's features twitched as she searched for an answer that clearly wasn't coming.

''Right.'' Brittany sat up against the pillows and headboard and pulled a sheet over herself.

''Wait a second here, are you mad at me?'' Santana was thoroughly lost. She didn't get what Brittany was getting at.

''What makes you think I'm mad at you?''

''You're just being a little weird. Wanting to talk and pulling away from me and asking rando questions.'' The sexy had been sucked out of the room and was now replaced with some strange stilted air between them.

''How come you never talk about school or your classes or why you want to be a lawyer?''

''What? What does that have to do with anything?''

''Can you answer my question?''

''Because.'' Santana answered with a shrug and a hint of combativeness in her tone. ''Just because, Brittany. We've been over this. Those courses, that career path...it's just what I have to do. It's the responsible thing. But that part of my life? It's not something I want to bring home with me. When class is over I want to leave it there. It has nothing to do with who I am here. I hate my curriculum, I don't give a shit about legal methods or the ins and outs of the constitution. The last thing I want to do at the end of the day is relay all of that to you.''

''You should though.''

''I should what?''

Brittany stood up and wrapped a robe around herself as she started walking in short, tight circles in their bedroom. Santana so wasn't getting it and Brittany was growing slightly flustered. How could her girlfriend not see the obvious. ''You should want to share what's supposed to be a huge, meaningful part of your life with me. I mean, when I come home from class I can't wait to talk to you about what happened that day. The good and the bad. Like the other day when I came home to tell you about how Rachel was stretching in front of me and totally farted in front of everyone in the room and how everyone in class now calls her Toot Toot. The good and the bad and everything in between, I always want to share about my day with you.''

Santana wasn't taking this lying down. She bolted up as she felt the need to defend herself. ''That's so totally different.''

''How?''

''Because you're day is filled with dancing and excitement, you actually get to be _creative_ all day Brittany. My classes? Totally not the same thing. Preparing for a career in law? It's hard boring tedious soul sucking work. I'm sitting at a desk for the majority of my day. Most days I just want to pull my hair it because I can't stand burying my nose in another book.''

''Then tell me that,'' Brittany urged. ''I want to know about it. Even the bad, boring, annoying stuff. Like, I would even settle for you complaining to me but you don't even give me that.''

''Because I don't want to bother you.''

''Don't you get it though, that's not bothering me. You telling me about your day and what you're feeling will never bother me. I just want to feel like I'm actually a part of your life because lately…'' she drifted off with a tired, disappointed huff.

''Lately what?''

Brittany exhaled and started to move her hands in front of her as if trying to wave away this conversation. Sure, she was the one who had started it but now she wasn't sure about where it was going.

''Tell me,'' Santana pressed her. ''Lately, what?''

''Lately...lately I feel like I'm just like one of those squeaky stress ball toys that people keep on their desks. The kind you just sort of have and play with and toss aside. You come home from class and I always feel this tension and frustration radiating off of you and you take it out with me. Not by being bitchy or whatever but like...seventeen times in a week Santana? That's not normal.''

''We've always had a lot of sex.''

''Seventeen times in one week isn't just a lot, it's excessive. Rachel told me that too much sex is indicitive of intimacy issues just as much as having too little sex and-''

''Whoa-whoa-whoa, hold up.'' Santana hopped out of bed, suddenly alert and ruffled by the idea that Brittany had went yapping to Rachel of all people about what went on between them. ''You talked to Rachel about something that was bothering you before you even bothered to talk to me?''

''We're friends, yes, and it's not exactly like you've been the most forthcoming.''

''Wow.'' Now Santana's guard went up as she pulled her own robe on, tying the sash up with aggravation. ''You know, you weren't exactly complaining about those seventeen times.''

Brittany scoffed and rolled her eyes. ''Obviously duh it's hot every time we're together, Santana. That's not the point I'm trying to make. I love having sex with you, that's not the issue.''

''Then what is the issue?''

''You're not happy,'' Brittany said pointedly. ''With your life, with school, with where you're going and you say you don't want to bring that home but you do. You might not verbally share that but I can feel all of that unhappiness radiating off of you and whether you've realized this or not you've used me as like a human band-aid.''

''A what?''

''A band aid,'' Brittany repeated firmly. ''I'm the thing you come home to and bury yourself in - no pun intended - in order to forget about school and family and all of these expectations you've placed on yourself. You don't sing anymore, you don't dance anymore, you don't express yourself anymore, at least not in any of the ways that I know make you feel alive. So you come home to me and you touch me because I'm the one thing that still makes you feel alive and I love that. I love that I make you feel alive, but...I can't be the only thing. You have all of this passion inside of you and I love that so much of that is directed at me, but it deserves to be put to use towards the things you love. If your classes are making you miserable, maybe that's a sign you need to rethink your future and figure out a different path to take. Because doing this with you, I mean...it works for us now, babe, but in five years, ten years? I don't want you to wake up one day and realize you didn't follow your dreams. Sex...us being together? That should be about us, about communication and connection, it shouldn't be this thing you numb yourself with because you hate the rest of your day. I deserve better than that...you deserve better than that.''

Santana looked taken aback for a moment. She almost looked on the verge of tears but instead of responding to any of that with anger or rage she turned and stormed into the bathroom, shutting the door loudly.

''You don't know what it's like,'' Santana said through the door.

''What, what is like?''

''Being a Lopez. It's different with you, Brittany, okay? You've always been this sweet, goofy free spirit type just like your parents…'' Santana emerged from the bathroom now fully dressed. She was stone faced as she brushed past Brittany and went to find a pair of shoes on the floor by their closet. ''But I'm different, my family is different. Being a Lopez is different. We have to be better, do better than everyone else. My parents want what's best for me and I can't be out there chasing some-some stupid singing pipedream when I've already let them down so much.''

''How? How have you let them down?''

''I'm a lesbian, Brittany. I already threw them a curveball and forced them to toss out all of these plans they had for me. I'm never going to have a husband or lead a picture perfect heterosexual existence and yeah, they've accepted me and love me, but the truth is all of their plans, all of their expectations...they went out the window when I sat them down and came out to them. I can't give them that so the least I could do is make sure all of their other expectations about my life pan out. I'm never going to bring a husband home or get knocked up and give them grandkids like they imagined, but what I can do is make sure I carry on some kind of-of-of Lopez legacy. I'm never going to be straight so the least I can do for them is be successful. I can't be a struggling artist and let them down so I've decided to work my ass off and make them proud and become a lawyer so they can at least have something...I just want there to be one part of me that makes them proud.''

'' _They are proud of you,'_ ' Brittany said. ''And if you were to change your mind I'm sure they would be worried about you struggling to break out but I know your parents and they would be behind you no matter what.''

''That's the worst part though. I know they would, Brittany. They would make me have a million serious discussions about it but in the end if I told them I wanted to spend the rest of my life singing, they would tell me to go for it but the thing is I don't even want to put that weight on them.''

Realizing that Santana was fully dressed and riled up Brittany was confused. ''Why did you put clothes on?''

''I just….because.'' Santana started moving around the loft in search of her keys. ''You're right. About all of this, about me, about me not being happy, about using sex as a band aid or whatever and I'm sorry. You're the last person I would ever-ever want to hurt and I'm sorry if you're pissed at me.''

''I'm not pissed at you. I just want what's best for you. I want my girlfriend to be happy, I want our time together to be about us, not about you hiding how sad you are.''

''Yeah.''

''Where are you going?''

Santana sighed and raised her shoulders. ''I don't know.''

''Are you mad?'' Brittany asked.

''What? No, never. Britt, this isn't me storming out on you. I'm not angry with you, if anything I'm angry with myself because I didn't see that my unhappiness was making you unhappy-''

''I'm not unhappy though, I'm just worried.''

''Either way. I think I need to get out of the loft for a bit. At least for a couple of hours. I promise I'm not going to go off and do anything stupid.''

Brittany smiled and nodded. Santana needed to work her nervous, anxious energy over this matter out and Brittany understood that. That's just who Santana was, how she was. ''Yeah well. I'm the only stupid thing you're allowed to do.''

Even through her frustration Santana couldn't help the laugh that rolled out of her. ''You're not stupid. In fact you're one of the smartest people I know. Smarter than me anyway. You saw this...felt this...before I could even piece it together or put it into words.''

With a deep inhale Brittany walked over and wrapped her arms around Santana's neck. ''Take a walk, get some air, do what you need to do but come back home soon. You can brood in bed with me.''

Santana gave her a sad smile. ''I never meant to make you feel...unappreciated. Or like sex was all I was in this for. You're more than that to me.''

''I know I am.'' Brittany placed a kiss on Santana's forehead.

X

For the next hour Santana walked around aimlessly as she went through everything in her head and heart.

Yes sex had become her go to stress relief from everything else in life and she hadn't realized it had gotten to the point where it gave Brittany alarm. It made her feel horrible. If Brittany wasn't comfortable then Santana wasn't comfortable. Hurting or making Brittany worry was the last thing she wanted and she had tried so hard to shield her girlfriend from all of the misery that came with giving up her dreams. It didn't matter though because all of it had come out anyway.

And now where was she?

Not only was she still unhappy, she had in a roundabout way made Brittany unhappy. In this situation, it didn't seem like anyone was getting what they wanted or needed.

 _Why did adulting have to suck so much and so hard._ She just wanted to sing, to stand on stage and under a spotlight, to feel and dwell in those perfect moments in between the music notes where her heart stilled and everything in the universe seemed to align and be at peace. But life was more complicated than that. There was no guarantee that chasing her dream would lead to any kind of success or financial stability. Chasing her dream was a risk and she wasn't sure she was strong or brave enough to go after it.

Santana was pissed, at herself, at her situation, at her inability to stand tall in her decision. Walking countless blocks and fuming at it all she finally decided to take a break and get a drink before turning back to head home to Brittany. She wasn't really searching for anything except maybe a way to numb herself, which, substituting alcohol in place of sex probably wasn't a wise habit to form either but, she needed something at least just this once she told herself. This was how she found herself walking into a hole in the wall bar. Thankfully it was still buzzing with people and activity.

She saddled up to the bar and produced her fake ID to the bartender who shrugged and took her drink order. And that's when she heard it, a voice, deep yet raspy, come up from behind her.

'' _Well, well, well, what in the hell is your Muppet Baby ass doing up in here?''_

Santana squinted. She recognized it from somewhere and yet couldn't quite place it, at least not until the owner of that voice came to slide into the stool next to her.

''You don't remember me do you?''

''Oh I remember you alright,'' Santana said with a raised eyebrow as she eyed this person up and down, from hair to heels and back and back again. ''I don't meet a ton of drag queens, at least not with the name Bob.''

Bob the drag queen smiled back at her, pleased to have made such an impression on her.

This was the same queen she had crossed paths with over a year ago near Time Square when the glee club had went to Nationals their junior year. Bob had been out and about doing a marriage equality demonstration which she, Kurt and Brittany had stumbled upon. From there they had struck up a conversation and ended up spending a few hours simply hanging out with Bob and someone called Cracker. Over food and laughter they had talked about life and general gay nonsense, as well as the community in New York and how to hustle to make it in the world.

It was a brief but memorable interaction and in truth, seeing as how glee club had totally bombed at Nationals, it really was the only meaningful thing she took away from her first visit to New York. It made her believe that if New York was a place where someone as big and loud and awesome as Bob could exist, maybe there was room enough for her there too. Meeting Bob and Cracker and their crew made her more hopeful and confident about finding her place in New York.

And now here she was, living in the city just like them, except all of her certainty, all of her confidence, all of her drive to follow her dreams, well all of that was gone and dead now.

Santana gave a faint smile in return. ''I'm surprised you remember _me_ though.''

''To tell you the truth I mostly remember you because of your name. Santana would make an awesome drag name.''

''I'll keep that in mind just in case I need a backup career path.'' The bartender placed a drink in front of her and Santana picked it up and lifted it slightly towards Bob as if to toast. ''So I take it you perform in this dive?''

Bob eyed her and the drink and watched as she tossed it back. ''Not really, I had a show down the block. I just popped in because my friend Monet is performing here tonight.'' Bob made a gesture to the stage behind them where another queen was on the mic. ''What about you?''

''What about me?''

''Well, you're sitting here in front of me so I'm guessing you walked the walk about coming to New York after graduation. Gotta hand it to you, wasn't sure you had that in you but here you are, making it happen.''

''I don't know about that,'' Santana's expression went dark and she signalled the bartender for another drink.

''What's with this Debbie Downer face? Is it Monet's performance back there? I know it's sad. I told her she needs to cool it with wearing those damn crunchy pussycat wigs on stage-''

''No,'' Santana laughed. ''No. I'm just going through it.''

''Ahhhh,'' Bob hummed and made a face. ''Lady problems? You still with that blond piece?''

''She's not a piece, and yes. We're still together.''

The bartender placed Santana's second drink in front of her but before Santana could grab it Bob was curling a hand around it and pushing it off to the side, essentially sliding it in front of another bar patron who didn't question it and simply took it as an offer of a free drink.

''Hey,'' Santana grumbled. ''That was mine.''

''Yeah and if I recall correctly your ass is still underage. Why are you here trying to get white girl drunk?''

''You wouldn't understand.''

''So make me understand.''

''What, like you really want to know?''

''Bitch, I wouldn't have asked if I didn't. 'Sides…'' Bob and looked back over to the stage where Monet was still getting down in front of a small audience who were wooting and whooping about. ''Monet's doing her twenty minute Beyonce medley right now so lord knows I got some time to kill.''

Santana exhaled and turned sideways in her seat to face Bob. ''Fine, but if you're not gonna let me drink you best hook me up with something.''

Bob gave her a playful but snotty face and waved down a server. ''Get this greedy little booger a plate of wings and bring us some waters will you?'' Bob produced a waded bill and slid it into the hand of the server who nodded before going off to fetch the items.

And then like some kind of momma bear, Bob placed a hand on the back of Santana's neck, took ahold of her coat collar and began leading her away from the bar area towards some tables in a mostly empty corner of the establishment. He gestured for her to slide into a nearby booth where he slid in as well, occupying the opposite side. A few moments later a server arrived with a basket of some really sad looking hot wings and two glasses of water. He placed them between Bob and Santana and left them to their conversation.

''These look disgusting,'' Santana said, wrinkling up her nose in disgust.

Bob rolled his eyes and dug in. Even with long, elegant nails Bob went to town on the food. ''Yeah well they're free so eat up and talk. Tell me all about your conflama.''

''My what?''

''Your conflict and drama, conflama.''

''Right.'' With a sigh Santana picked up a pathetic looking chicken wing and went in on it, chewing unenthusiastically. ''Well…''

For the next half hour Bob sat and listened as she let it all out, messily eating and slurping at the sauce on her fingers.

She went through it all. How her initial plans had been to come to New York and work on making her dreams come true but the weight of expectations, the weight of being a Lopez, the weight of her possiby disappointing or bringing shame to her parents came crashing down on her. She spoke about how she had convinced herself that doing the responsible thing and having a 'real' career was the right thing to do. She told Bob all about how she just wanted to make everyone proud and how she knew that studying law was never going to make her happy but there was an end goal to it all, a steady, stable and respectable career. She would spend years working towards this goal and even though she knew it would be mentally and physically taxing there would at least be some worthwhile pay off in the end. Chasing a dream however? She could spend the next three, four, five years of her life working her tail off to try to make it as a performer but there was no guarantee, there was no promise at the end of it all. She could spend years chasing something that was never going to come she explained, and then what would she be left with? Nothing. She'd let down her parents, she'd let down Brittany, she'd let down herself, and that, Santana couldn't live with that. She couldn't live with failure.

She told Bob all of it, laying herself bare. What did she really have to lose here?

''I think I may have a simple solution for you then,'' Bob said once she finished her long and sad spiel.

''Which is?''

''You say you can't live with failure then my advice to you is _just don't fail_.''

''Wow, why didn't I think of that?''

''Hey I'm trying to encourage your ass here.'' Bob went to pull down at the top portion of his outfit. ''Look at this, you see this?'' Bob nodded down to his chest where there in the dim lighting of the bar Santana could just barely make out some ink. ''Read it.''

Santana squinted. _''I get up out of bed, I put on my clothes, cause I've got bills to pay.''_

''Deeper Love. It's an Aretha song and everyone should listen to it on a daily basis. Point is, you're right, going after what you want is a risk but that just means you gotta work that much harder, hustle that much faster than anyone else to make it happen. Get up out of bed, put on your clothes cause you got bills to pay and make the world your bitch. If failure isn't an option for you then don't let it be one, point blank period. Nothing about any of this will be easy, I know it sure as hell ain't easy for me. Drag is barely paying my bills right now which means I work six days a week, sometimes two gigs a night. It's exhausting ass work but when it comes down to it I wouldn't wanna do anything else. Cause this, being on stage and making people laugh? That's what I was made to do. So you want to sing, right?''

Santana nodded wordlessly.

''So sing. Every chance you get, every coffee shop or dive bar or showcase or street corner, take every gig, every audition, every chance and if you even have one lick of talent what you put out there will come back to you cause that's what _you're_ made to do.''

''That's all a lot easier said than done.''

''True. But look at it this way, there are two kinds of people in this world…'' Bob pointed a nail out towards the main area of the bar where one Monet X Change was strutting and dancing her ass off. ''People who have what it takes to be on stage and people who are meant to sit and fill up an audience. Ask yourself which one are you. If you're meant to do something then nothing you do in pursuit of it will ever be a waste or a sign of failure. You say you have some, what, family legacy to live up to? Stop worrying about following someone else's legacy and do what you gotta do to go out there and _make your own_.''

Santana bowed her head in acknowledgement. ''I get that and I know...I guess...I guess I'm just scared.''

''I feel you but hey, life can be a nasty loud mean intimidating bitch...but then so can I and I'm guessing so can you.''

Santana laughed at that. ''Yeah, yeah,'' she said, feeling a sense of comfort.

''Also we're gay so that de facto makes us more powerful anyways, am I right?''

''I can't believe I'm sitting here getting career advice from a drag queen.''

''If you ask me we're the best kind of people to get advice from and listen here, I wouldn't bullshit you just to bullshit you. I wouldn't encourage your ass if I didn't think you could do it.''

''Yeah well I don't know if I'd place any bets on me.''

''I would. You'll never know if you don't try. Walk with the confidence of a mediocre white man and go forth.''

Santana stared in silence for a long while, she was a little confused as to why this person, why this tall and fierce drag queen, this near perfect stranger, was taking time out their life to sit and listen to her bitch and moan.

''Why are you talking to me like this?'' she asked softly. ''I mean, not that I don't appreciate it because I do, it's just...you don't know me.''

''No, I don't, not really, but I know you're lost and who hasn't been there before,'' Bob said and then turned to teasing again.

''I'm still scared as hell but I think I get what you're saying and I think I know what it means I have to do.''

With Bob as her company Santana watched the rest of the show, allowing it to entertain and distract her, taking her away from her thoughts and worries. Bob said it was crunchy but Santana thought this Monet actually looked really great in a pussycat wig as she strutted all over the place.

Monet was pretty damn good and ultimately the show just reminded Santana of what she was missing. The thrill of the spotlight, the applause of the crowd, the ultimate, natural high that came from sharing a part of your heart and soul on stage like that. In some ways for Santana, you were sacrificing a part of yourself each time you performed, but it would always be worth it, because, she thought, each time you sacrificed something that part of yourself would come back to you, healed and renewed. Sometimes if you gave yourself over to song, the song would give you something in return and in that way singing was, apart from being with Brittany, the most fulfilling thing she'd ever known.

There in the bar though, it was like Monet was preaching something to her and her alone. _This, here, entertaining the masses, the broken, the souls in need of relief and laughter and light, taking them away from their troubles and their pain and their worry, even if for only a night, this was her calling, what she was meant to do._

She didn't want to spend the rest of her life behind a desk or in an office or courtroom, pouring over policies and paperwork. Even if it was the safe choice, the respectable choice, the choice that would make her parents proud and happy. She wanted to honor them but more than that, she wanted to honor this thing inside of her, this passion for music and she couldn't do that by holding herself back anymore.

She had to follow her gut and her dreams because otherwise she would remain in this sad, stagnant place and that was no way to live.

''So where you headed from here?'' Bob asked much later.

The show had ended and together she had walked out of the front entrance to stand about on the sidewalk under the street lights. Santana was waiting for her Uber while Bob was waiting for Monet.

''Home,'' she answered. ''To the girlfriend.''

''Cute.''

''You?''

Bob shrugged. ''Probably back to my place with Monet to work on some outfits. Might pick up a pizza on the way there.''

''I guess this is goodbye then huh?''

''You're not gonna cry on me or anything are you?'' Bob smiled but held up a cautious hand. ''Cause this dress is dry clean only and I don't want your snot all over it.''

''Shut up,'' Santana laughed. ''And no I'm not gonna cry on you, get real. I just wanted to say thank you, that's all. For whatever tonight was.''

''Any time, well not any time exactly cause I might be doing a show but if you ever need another pep talk you can buy a meet and greet pass. I'd probably give you a discount.''

''Screw you. Anyways,'' she said with a hopeful twinkle in her eyes now that her confidence had been more or less restored. ''The next time we meet _you'll_ probably be in _my_ meet and greet line, not the other way around.''

''We'll see about that, you never know. I might just 'make it big' before you do.''

''Not that I doubt your talent but nah.''

''Then consider it a deal. You don't give up and I don't give up.'' Bob extended a hand which Santana shook in agreement.

''Deal.''

Bob then turned his head to yell back into the bar. ''Monet, hurry your ass up, I'm hungry as hell out here!''

''Alright, alright, I'm coming, damn,'' Monet hollered and came shuffling out, still in drag but carrying a duffle bag of street clothes. Monet smiled and eyed Santana up and down. ''Who's this?''

''Long story. Her name's Santana,'' said Bob.

''Oh!'' Monet exclaimed. ''That's an amazing drag name.''

''Right, that's what I said. Anyways, Santana, Monet, Monet, Santana.''

''Hey girl.'' Monet shook her hand. As dry and sarcastic as Bob was, Monet, on the other hand, seemed to be quite jovial and sweet. ''Nice to meet you.''

''Nice to meet you too,'' Santana said. ''I enjoyed your show, you were really great. Love the pussycat wig.''

''Ohhh, why thank you.'' Monet did a cute little head bob, showing off the hair.

A car pulled up then, right in front of them on the curb. Santana double checked the licence plate and then looked to both of the queens before her apologetically.

''This is me,'' she said, nodding at the vehicle. ''Gotta get home to the other half. But...I'll see you around?''

''Something tells me you will.'' Bob made to playfully shoo her away and into the waiting car. Santana laughed but did as Bob urged, getting in and buckling herself up into the backseat. She slid the window down a bit and Bob peeked down for one more parting moment. ''You know I kind of have this mentality that says everything works out in the end and if it's not working out, it's not the end. Never forget that you hear?''

''Yeah, yeah,'' Santana said. ''I hear.''

''Good, _now go on get_.''

''You're a jackass.''

''Thank you,'' quipped Bob who gave her a sly wink in return.

And with that her driver began to pull away from the curb leaving Bob and Monet behind. Even at a distance she could hear them begin a playfully bickering back and forth with each other which made her grin.

It was strange how life happened and where it could take you and who it could take you to. In a grody booth in a tiny bar across the way from a drag queen. It was strange how the universe worked and moved in order to bring you comfort and resolution when one needed it the most. For whatever reason on this day, on the night rather the universe felt compelled to have her cross ways with Bob to help set her back on her path.

The world didn't need Santana Lopez the lawyer, the world needed Santana Lopez, the performer and she couldn't keep denying it or herself. She needed to do something with her life that made her feel real and connected to herself.

It was on the drive back that she started making plans. If she was really going to do this and get real about the future she wanted she was going to have to make tough decisions and she was going to have to stand by them. It wasn't going to be easy and she could definitely foresee a lot of struggle ahead but Bob was right, nothing she did in the pursuit of her dream would be a failure or a waste. The only thing that would ever truly be a waste would be suppressing her talent and drive.

If she was going to make it, she needed to hustle fast and hard, if not for herself or Brittany or her parents, then at the very least for Bob. For some strange totally unknown reason she wanted to show him she could make it, that she could do it, not simply just to playfully shove it in his face but in an odd way she found a part of herself wanted to make him proud too.

And that's exactly what she was going to do.

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 **A/N: three things. one, i wrote Santana's injury over a month and a half ago and then as coincidence would have it, i actually did end up injuring my butt in relatively the same manner like roughly two weeks ago. i mean i didn't need stitches but i was on a piece of furniture that came crashing down to the ground, landing me straight up on my ass. so. yeah. two, Bob is one of my favorite queens ever and i could seriously listen to Monet and Bob argue all day long, they crack me up (that video where they make ramen noodles together and Bob is waving the packet of ramen in Monet's face for like 15 straight seconds = comedy gold) but i don't think i captured the essence of them here in their scene. again, RPF makes me uncomfortable but i view this differently. to me, i feel like this is them guest starring in an episode of Glee as themselves so i hoped i approached incorporating them in a respectful way. anyways yeah, please stan Bob and Monet. and three** **, according to google docs this chapter is 42 pages long so please, it would mean a lot to me if you would consider just leaving me a tiny review or bit of feedback. thanks.**


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